"And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, 'This is the problem I want to have.' I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Let our scars fall in love."

- Galway Kinnell

26

A week later, we were lying in the same position in his bed. We reluctantly pulled apart and came to rest facing each other, limbs entangled still, and eyes absorbing the image of bliss. Gradually words that didn't involve moaning or swearing found us again, and we were talking about the next couple of days. There was a lull in the conversation where Edward started playing with a lock of my hair, stroking it away from my eyes.

"I want to tell you something."

"Okay…" I was hesitant. The tone in his voice was a little different, not one I'd heard before. He paused again, and I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed his apprehension.

"I had a sister. Her name was Charlotte and she was two years older than me."

"Was?" I said quietly.

"My parents struggled to get pregnant, so they adopted her. Then of course when they stopped trying, they became pregnant with me. The adoption was never anything we thought about, of course. She was as much one of the family as I was, despite not sharing the same blood. When she was eighteen and I was sixteen, she died from leukemia. There was only a year between her diagnosis and…the end."

I realized my mouth was agape and a tear was trickling down my cheek.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The words were breathy and marred by the confusion as to why he would keep this to himself.

"Because I didn't want you to think you should be grieving differently or feeling a certain way or doing certain things. I didn't want you to think that I should say 'I know how you feel' because I don't. I might know what it's like to lose someone, but seriously, everyone's experiences of this are different. You can't dictate it or judge it. It depends on so many things…the hows, the whys, the whos. I want to help you with the loss, but I don't want to tell you how to fix yourself. You didn't lose Charlotte. You lost Rose. I can't tell you what it should feel like to lose Rose. That's why I didn't tell you about my sister. I didn't want it to influence the way you felt or the way you felt toward me."

"I don't know what to say." I shook my head in shock.

"You don't have to say anything." He looked a little worried for the first time.

"I do…I do have to say something. It's just that I don't know if this is the right thing, but it's all that my mind is letting me think."

He was waiting for me to let my thoughts and my mouth connect.

"Holy shit," I said. He smiled carefully at me, thinking that was it. "I love you."

That was it.

His eyes searched mine before we came together in a truth-sealing kiss. It was an I love you kiss. It was a thank you kiss. It was a how could you be so selfless kiss. It was a could you be any more right for me kiss. We couldn't get any closer as his hands held desperately to the sides of my face, his forehead on mine, our breaths ragged as he peeled his lips away and said, "I love you more."