Author's Note: Thank you so much for your reviews and sparking a discussion (Evincis). This chapter may seem a little too problematic after having a baby
but I like to write when it comes to some little nagging problems that women face. So I hope I don't offend anyone because I just like to write like that. Thank you again and keep it coming.
Chapter 4 – The Elephant in the Room
Two days later, Donna stood in front of the full length mirror gazing at herself in the glass wearing the dark teal green gown that Rachel had chosen for her to wear as matron of honor for her wedding in December. When she originally went shopping for this dress, Donna was four months' pregnant with baby Gordon. So she was pleasantly surprised when the seamstress had to take in the waist and let it out at the bust.
"Mrs. Specter, your breasts are very large."
"Well, that's what happens when you breastfeed. Do you have any children, Letitia?" Donna asked knowing that her girls looked great in that gown. Now if only she could stop leaking milk. She expressed as much as she did while she worked, but she could not take up all the time in the special portion of the ladies lounge specifically made for young mothers or mothers-to-be. The room had been built from a proposal written by Donna herself and seconded by many other expectant mothers in the firm. It did not hurt that you were married to one of the name partners. It was a room very much appreciated by not only Donna but those other young women who proposed it. The idea for the room stemmed from fact that a bathroom is an inappropriate and bacteria filled place to express milk and the kitchens were extremely public; and no one wanted to offend coworkers let alone attract gaping viewers.
"No, I don't. Not yet anyway. However, Mrs. Specter, you are definitely going to need some type of support unless you wear this wrap. I can only sew so much support into this gown," the young seamstress said of the strapless sweetheart neckline chiffon gown. It was beautiful and Donna looked gorgeous in it with her long flowing red tresses. The gown had the sweetheart neckline like Donna's wedding gown had had but this had an empire waist with a rhinestone, ruby, and emerald belt and other assorted bling that Rachel knew Donna loved. It would not outshine the bride, but it sure would make people sit up and take notice of the matron-of-honor.
"Donna, are you almost finished?" Harvey asked from the outer room. He did not know why he had agreed to come on this trip instead of staying home with the kids. He supposed it was that Donna wanted his approval before she gave her approval to any or all necessary alterations. After all, Harvey was Best Man and she wanted to make sure that they both looked their usual fabulous selves. He also knew that she wanted to talk to him about his mother whom he assumed had gone back to her whereabouts before she had surprised them with a visit the other day. He knew Donna was bugged about something. Anyway, his eyes lit up as his wife ventured out to show him what she looked like in the gown and she smiled as she gazed on her husband and their children.
"Mandy, honey, please put that down. Well, thank you," Harvey said as he accepted the white satin shoe that his eighteen-month-old daughter handed him. He held Gordon in his arms and adjusted the pacifier as he had spit it out.
"Daddy, book," Amanda Specter said as she handed her father the shoe catalog. She pointed at different shoes and he said how pretty they would look on his little princess. She had kicked off her shoes and Harvey tickled her little socked feet.
Donna was almost loathe to break up this little domestic scene thinking how some people's opinions would change of Harvey if they could see him surrounded by his children.
"Ahem," Donna said catching Harvey's attention. When he looked at her he smiled wide.
"You are hot," he said quietly and breathlessly. Seeing his wife like that took his breath away.
"You don't think I look too over-the-top in this, do you? " Donna asked as Harvey came closer carrying Gordon in his one arm while Amanda continued to sit in the chair and page through the catalog.
"Yes, you do. That's why I like it," he said as he boldly kissed the crease between her pushed up breasts.
"Harvey," Donna protested quietly.
"What? No one's around."
"Well, last time you closed me like that, we had that little settlement lying in your arms."
"All the more fun," Harvey smirked and kissed Donna on the lips.
"The seamstress is trying to find a way for me not to fall out of this gown and then, I think, Mr. Specter we can get some lunch."
Harvey kissed her again this time he let his lips linger. His mouth opened with play and promises of later in the day. As Harvey walked away for the seamstress to finish up, he bounced little Gordon in his arms has he started to wail, kissed him gently, then resumed his seat helping Amanda play dress up.
"What about straps?" Donna asked the seamstress as she came back with a wrap and a brooch to pin it.
Letitia stood for a minute and examined the gown. She pulled a piece of extra fabric from the floor because the gown believe it or not had to be hemmed about an inch. Donna was five foot seven so the extra length in the gown seemed preposterous. However, Leititia pinned the straps to either side of the gown and tugged and realized that might do the trick.
"I think that will work. Good thinking Mrs. Specter. I will make the markings and sew them in. It'll take about a week so you can make a new appointment with the receptionist."
"Thank you. Harvey, sit tight I'll be out in a minute."
_ Finally, they were in the restaurant. Used to wining and dining clients, Harvey had to lower his expectations when he started to dine with his children. Amanda was in a high chair and Donna had Gordon on her lap. She had packed a bottle and her portable warmer which she had warmed in the car on the way over from the seamstress' shop. Harvey's other motive in accompanying her on this October day was that they had not spent much family time together since Donna had returned to the office.
When she had been on maternity leave, he would leave around 6:00 pm (early for him) to be sure he could play with Amanda or bathe her and kiss her goodnight. He would then be available to give Gordon a bottle, if available, and kiss him goodnight. Then he would pull out his briefcase and Donna would bring him a strong cup of coffee and they would work until either Gordon needed feeding or they both were too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed.
Donna could not wait any longer. She kissed her little's son's turned up nose and looked into his big dark blue eyes-almost brown eyes and placed him back in his seat and laid a restraining hand on him. She had not spoken to Lillian Specter since she had given her the number of the neurosurgeon. She knew Harvey had not spoken to her because he had been in a good mood, and obviously where his mother was involved Harvey's good mood soon evaporated. However, Donna was worried and she was having an awfully hard time keeping her concerns to herself. She never had to be dishonest with Harvey except when it was to protect him. Now she was not sure who or what she was protecting by not being honest with him.
"Well, Donna, I'm going to have me an old fashioned cheeseburger deluxe. I earned it."
"I'm just going to have a salad. I have to make sure they don't have to take the waist back out in that dress for the next two months."
"Speaking of that dress, mmhmmm, I'm almost afraid to let you be matron-of-honor," Harvey said smiling at her.
"Oh, please, I don't have to look that good to get offers. I have to fend them off at the office in nothing but my Victoria Beckham dress," Donna said to see what Harvey's reaction would be.
"Yeah, well, if I ever catch one of them, they are going out the door or window without benefit of an elevator," Harvey said smiling.
"I still got it…" Donna said almost to herself.
The waiter came and took their order. He brought a tiny milk jug for Mandy and the two adults enjoyed a couple of cokes.
"Harvey, I need to tell you something."
"So, tell me," Harvey said as he bit into his burger and wiped some of the ketchup away from his lips.
"Have you seen or heard from your mother?" Donna said as she took a forkful of her salad. She watched Amanda eat her hot dog pieces while she chewed and waited for an answer from Harvey.
"No. Should I have?"
"No. I just thought that perhaps Lillian would have said something to you or attempted to get in touch with you." Donna eyed him as his gaze seemed to encounter the huge cheeseburger he was eating.
"No…did you do something, Donna?" Harvey started to whine. He got whiny when he thought someone was doing something to him, against him, or whatever.
Donna recognized that tone. She heard it often enough in all the years they worked together.
"Not exactly," Donna said keeping her eyes down and then smiling at Gordon.
"What did you do?" Harvey whined again. This time he wiped his mouth with his napkin and pretended to attend to Amanda while he waited impatiently for what his wife's latest escapade had entailed.
When it looked like she was not going to spill the beans, Harvey folded both his hands in front of himself on the table between them and stared hard into her Donna's gentle hazel eyes.
"What are you not telling me?"
"Well, the other day, I had Ray drive your mother to her hotel…"
"You did what?"
"…..then she called me and asked for a good neurologist's phone number." Donna stopped abruptly and started to clean up Amanda who seemed not to be hungry anymore as she wanted to throw a piece of her hot dog across the room. "No,no…" she admonished Amanda awaiting her husband's outrage.
"A neurologist?" Harvey had asked almost calmly and maybe tinged with a little bit of alarm.
"Yes, a neurologist. I asked her why, but she insisted that I don't tell you. This is your mother, Harvey. I know she hurt you, but I told her she ought to let you know if there was a health problem. She just hedged, said thank you, and hung up the phone." Donna finished wiping Amanda's hands.
"I have to admit for the most part I don't care, but at the same time I wonder why Marcus hadn't said anything. I'm sure he knows if something is wrong with mother."
"She probably swore him to secrecy as well, but he's too much of a pussy to tell you what you need to know."
"Marcus is not a pussy," Harvey said looking Donna straight in the eye. He loved his younger brother although he only saw Marcus and his family maybe twice a year at best.
"Ok, he's not. But you know your little brother, he doesn't think his mother hurt him so directly so he doesn't hold a grudge for your mother's imperfections like you do. However, he knows you do and he doesn't like to be told that he's wrong. Something that runs in both Specter brothers, if you ask me."
"Are you done now?" Harvey asked between clenching teeth. "Because I really need to go home and do some work."
"Yes, I'm finished, but Harvey I really think you need to find out about your mother first" Donna said as she strapped baby Gordon into his carry seat while Harvey attended to put Amanda's jacket on.
"That's what I said. I am calling Marcus when I get home."
"Good because I left a voice mail on his phone. He'll be expecting your call in about 30 minutes."
Harvey smirked and then smiled. "This is why I married you. You always know what I need to do before I do."
"Why do you think your name is on the wall at the firm?"
Harvey just smiled and lifted Amanda out from the high chair.
When they arrived home at the house in West Chester, Harvey looked at his watch as he carried his daughter who had fallen asleep during the ride into her Disney Princess decorated bedroom and put her gently on the bed. He removed her jacket and shoes and placed a blanket over her. Making sure her restraint was tight against the bed, so she would not fall out, he kissed her on the forehead and smiled. It was amazing how much she resembled Donna although she had Harvey's big brown eyes. She was very perceptive just like her mother, too, and sometimes Harvey would be caught off guard at the things that would come out of her mouth.
As he came out of Amanda's room he crossed paths with his wife who was cleaning their son who apparently had spit up all over his little overalls and had a wet diaper besides.
"Too bad we couldn't get them both to sleep for a little bit," Harvey said as he followed Donna into the nursery.
"Didn't I tell you that your brother is expecting you to call?" Donna said offhandedly. Secretly she wanted nothing more than to lay on the couch with Harvey and just vegetate.
"Well, about that, I don't think I will be calling him," Harvey said as he kissed Donna's ear.
"Well, about that, Mr. Specter, you should. He may help tell you why your mother insisted on a neurologist the other day."
Harvey walked away and said in a raised whisper, "I don't care what my mother wanted with a neurologist. For all I know she decided to be an MD groupie instead of following musicians around."
Donna smiled and smothered a laugh. The woman she met could hardly be called a "groupie" now. She was sophisticatedly dressed in a Pravda suit with her long blonde hair coiffed so a single piece would not fall out. Donna's imagination could hardly draw comparison with a hippie type woman smoking a joint and painting graffiti peace signs outside of jazz clubs. Wherever she had landed after leaving Harvey's father was unfathomable.
"Come on, Harvey, aren't you the least bit curious?"
"No," he answered emphatically.
Donna looked at her watch as she finished baby Gordon. He was still a little sleepy after his last feeding so she quietly put him in his bassinet and took the baby monitor with her has she and Harvey departed the nursery.
Harvey walked back to the den and picked up the phone. Normally not a landline type of guy but his cell was in the charger and Donna's…well who knows where Donna's phone was. It was like her diary. Only she knew what it contained and where she secretly hid it.
Suddenly, a young boy's voice was on the other end of the line,
"Hello, Specter house," the little five-year-old voice of Harvey's nephew answered.
"Markie? It's Uncle Harvey. How you doing, big guy?"
"Hi, Uncle Harvey. I'm good. I guess you want to talk to daddy?"
"Well, sure, if I can, but I'm always happy to talk with you. Your pee wee team's in the playoffs I hear?" Harvey said recounting the last conversation he had with his brother earlier in the month when Marcus was seeking some free legal advice for a financial client.
"Yep. Are you coming to one of my games?" Marcus Specter, Jr. was a favorite with Uncle Harvey and Aunt Donna. They had started to come to his baseball games last year when he started T-ball and now that he was in football they definitely were not going to miss them until their children were old enough to participate in extracurricular activities.
"Wouldn't miss it buddy. Can you get your dad for me?" Harvey said smiling. He loved talking to his nephew. He reminded him of his younger brother from long ago days when they were both at home and too young to know or care who or what their mother was.
"Hey big bro…Donna said you were going to call me. What can I do for you?"
"Did Donna tell you why I would be calling?"
"No. She just said and I quote "Harvey is going to call you after 3:00 pm. You know as efficient a wife as a secretary."
"Yes, that's my wife and my secretary. Discretion at all costs. Anyway, I wanted you to know that mother paid me a visit at the office the other day. She tried to get by me, but I encountered her in the lobby of the building and told her I never wanted to see her again."
"Wasn't that a little harsh? Don't you think it's about time you work out your grievances?
I mean, Harvey, what she did, she did against dad not you, logically, speaking."
"No, she made me keep secrets from dad until I could not any longer. You know her infidelities aren't all I have against her."
"Harvey, that was a long time ago. She's never been that way with anyone except you."
"Marcus, she beat me for seeing things I should never have seen and threatened me on more than one occasion that she would be sure to make dad see things her way. I lived with that fear until I was 16 years old when I realized that she didn't have that kind of power with dad."
"What can I say, Harvey? What does Donna say?" Marcus sighed on the other end of the phone. He was tired of being between his brother and their mother. When dad was alive it was a little different. He understood the problem, but Dad could curb Harvey's temper and outrage at his own vulnerability and penchant for being abusive in return to their mother.
Listening to his brother on the other end of the line, Harvey felt all the humiliation for both he and his father. Harvey had never wanted to feel that way again. It was not until he started to see the outside world that he realized that just sometimes it was okay to feel. That's why it took him so long to settle and why it took someone as strong as hurt as himself to know that it was okay to be loved.
"Donna thinks we should reconcile our differences. Especially now," Harvey remarked.
"Why is that?"
"When mom called the other day she asked Donna for a good neurologist. She wouldn't tell Donna why she just said thank you and hung up. Do you know anything about that?" Harvey wondered as he inquired of his brother.
There was a long silence on the other end. Just when Harvey was about to coerce Marcus into talking again, Marcus opened his mouth.
"She didn't want you to know. She was afraid that you would feel sorry for her rather than want to mend things with her out of the kindness of your heart."
Harvey started to panic. He was hoping that his brother was not about to say what he knew he was going to say.
"Harvey, mom is dying. She has a brain cancer. She has been to numerous surgeons and doctors and some offer hope and some don't."
"Why didn't she put that in her letter to me or tell Donna that she had a problem?"
"Because she knew that two things would happen: either you would take over and feel sorry for her and take care of her out of pity. Or you would just write her off as dead. "
Donna came to the door of the den at that moment and signaled that there was a call on his cell.
Harvey smirked at the phone. As he spotted Donna, he told his brother goodbye and that he would think about what he was going to do about their mother.
Harvey hung up his phone and walked over to the door. The den was spacious but it was a short walk to the door from where his desk was situated.
"It's Dr. Jeffrey Tulane. He says your mother is in the hospital," Donna said as she handed him his cell. She sniffed as she walked away allowing Harvey some privacy. She returned to Amanda's room where the little girl was getting up from her nap. Donna kept an ear out for Harvey's conversation. Too bad we don't have an intercom in the house, Donna thought to herself. She had never missed too many personal conversations in the office because of the intercom. He did not usually mind, but when Harvey really did not want her to hear he simply hit the off switch. However, since they had become husband and wife, Harvey did that a lot less often. As Harvey had remarked to Marcus, Donna was the soul of discretion.
Suddenly, Harvey hurried into Amanda's bedroom. Amanda seeing her daddy immediately walked up to him to be picked up. As he picked her up and kissed her on the nose, he said to Donna:
"I'm going into the city. Mom has been admitted. Dr. Tulane says he thinks I should be there."
"What about Marcus?"
"Well, she's asking for me," Harvey said with difficulty. He really thought his brother should be with him if this was it for their mother but the doctor did not seem to indicate that she was on her deathbed only that she kept asking to see her son Harvey Specter.
After telling Donna the doctor did not indicate it was near Lillian Specter's end, he made sure that Donna be on standby to call Marcus if things were to develop. Harvey would have Ray pick him up at the airport if necessary. From Boston to Manhattan was an hour's flight so he could be here in a hurry if necessary. Also Harvey could call in some favors with clients with leer jets in case the regular airlines were not fast enough. Donna had all the numbers in her phone, in her computer, and at the office, so he knew he could depend on her-as always.
"I'm taking the Aston Martin," said Harvey handing Amanda back to his wife and kissing them both goodbye.
"Don't have an accident, Harvey. I don't need to lug two babies to see their father," Donna said worried for Harvey's state of mind. She knew he was feeling torn. She knew he was a good driver, a fast driver, but a good driver just the same. God keep him safe, and God help his mother Donna thought as she watched Harvey drive away.