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13. In between
The ship is quiet.
It's deathly quiet Kaidan notes, a frown creeping to the edges of the intense numbness he's feeling. The cargo bay is empty and silent but for the steady rummaging coming from Vega's corner. The Lieutenant, probably in a bid for something to do has headed straight to inventory duty after the commander disappeared to talk to Hackett. Kaidan is left staring stupidly at nothing.
He still can't quite grasp what has just happened. It's like a bad dream. He watched his home get ripped to shreds and they just ran? They left Anderson behind, left countless people behind when they should have been fighting. It's happened so fast his brain is rebelling. Kaidan rubs a tired hand across his face and sighs. He needs time to process things but time is not necessarily something they have an abundance of. But until Shepard gets back, he needs to find something to keep him occupied.
She's here. Of all of the things he's finding hard to get a hold of, that's the one fact that he finds himself understanding. It just seems right, no matter how awkward things are or no matter what hurtful words are hanging in the air between them. It's oddly comforting.
Somehow, he finds himself standing with his guide, a stupidly young laboratory engineer named Samantha, staring at the Med Bay doors. The ship looks eerily similar to the SR1 and he can almost see memories in the rooms around him. He can see Joker swing past on his crutches; Garrus smiling at him on his way to the guns; Liara buried in a book sipping at her tea, Tali sitting opposite her tapping away at a datapad; Arianna's green eyes glittering with mirth as she laughs at something he's said, her spoon halfway back to her bowl of ice cream.
He sighs as the doors shut behind him and images of Dr Chakwas fussing over the crew spring into life before his eyes. With her absence, he's the highest-qualified healthcare professional on board. It's probably as good a time as any to go through what little the Alliance have left in the Med Bay during the retrofit. He shakes his head to clear it and picks up a datapad lying to one side on a bed. He'd process things later.
Arianna's head is throbbing. She assumes this has more to do with the fact that her scalp is currently bleeding profusely and less so the conversation she's just had with her superior officer. It hasn't sunk in yet, hasn't hit her that Earth is being overrun. She's never really thought of it as home, but every colonist has some instinctive link to it that they can't describe. Humanity is being decimated and she's stuck out here halfway to Mars, in a tin can.
She knows objectively that what they're doing is vitally important and necessary, and as tin cans go, there are worse places to be stuck than the Normandy. But she can't help but feel like it should have been her left behind to fight, not Anderson. He has so much more influence in intergalactic circles than she does, more knowledge and courage. Why is it that people keep looking to her? Is she forever in the wrong place at the wrong time? Ever since Elysium, she's been shoved into the limelight. Just once it would be nice to be the one taking orders instead of issuing them.
She winces and shifts the wad of towel she has pinched from the bathrooms, having not been up to the captain's cabin since they've been unceremoniously bundled on board and off world. She has no idea what state her ship is in; brief information from Hackett tells her it's halfway through a retrofit, whatever that means. She's seen no one she recognises of the skeleton crew on her way to the Med Bay; too many awed faces for her to be completely comfortable. Once more, she finds herself wishing beyond hope for her old crew from the SR1.
The doors hiss open and she stops dead. Be careful what you wish for, she thinks. Kaidan glances up and his eyes widen slightly in surprise. He's standing behind one of the med bay beds, the contents of a cupboard strewn across the covers in front of him. His fingers hover above the datapad in his hands.
"Hi." She says with a sheepish smile.
"Hey." He doesn't move.
The awkwardness is so thick on the air that Arianna can practically swim through it.
"I ah… just came in to ah…" She trails off.
"Oh I was just counting… stuff… you know… something to do…"
She does know. She understands exactly how he's feeling. How it sucks to be cooped up in a space ship while your people are being slaughtered. It's not the best feeling ever. She sighs and turns to the cupboard that used to hold the bandages, her hand still holding the towel to her head. She can feel it getting sticky beneath her fingers and the gash is beginning to send knife-like jabs into her brain.
A hand closes around her wrist and she jumps, nearly through the ceiling. She hasn't heard him move but he's there, peeling back the makeshift bandage and shaking his head.
"Damn." He mutters, "That looks impressive."
She gently, but firmly, pulls away and continues rummaging through the cupboard. "It's nothing, I just came in for a Band-Aid."
He makes an incredulous noise and turns her firmly around to face him. "Ari, sit down, shut up and let me have a look at it." It's hard to argue with him when he's being that decisive and firm about something, she remembers ruefully, sitting down on the edge of the bed and gingerly removing the towel. "You'll have to take your hair down, you might need stitches but I can't be sure."
She sighs and begins unthreading the braids, slipping the pins into her top pocket. Life in the military had been so much easier with short, straight hair. After the Lazarus project had messed with her DNA, it had grown like wildfire. She'd measured it once; almost an inch in a week. She hisses in a breath as a pin catches in the gash, cursing in shock.
"Well done." Kaidan comments dryly, quelled when she shoots him an icy glare.
"Shut up."
This is going well, he thinks. They remain in silence as Kaidan methodically cleans her head, years of training thankfully kicking in and stilling his nerves at being this close to her.
"Your hair's different." He doesn't mean for it to sound as inane as it does and the minute he's said it, he closes his eyes and smothers a groan.
Smooth Alenko, he thinks, smooth.
"Well spotted." She says, dryly, but Kaidan's pretty sure her tone is softening. "It's completely ridiculous." She adds, irritation evident. "I haven't had a chance to get it back to normal yet."
She picks up one unruly, flame red, corkscrew curl and tugs on it idly, watching it straighten. Miranda hadn't been exaggerating when she had said the grey would evaporate overnight. Her hair had seemingly sucked in colour from her surroundings and then sprung upwards into the curls she'd spent years and not a few credits, getting rid of. She lets it go and it jumps back into place; she sighs dramatically. Kaidan chuckles fondly, without thinking; forgetting for a second that he's supposed to be angry with her.
"I like it."
"Sure." She says dryly, "But you're not the one who turns into a clown in humidity."
"Vanity Shepard?" He shakes his head good-naturedly.
"You bet."
Kaidan smiles at the hint of their old camaraderie. It would be nice if it were this easy. Earlier, when he'd seen her in Alliance headquarters he hadn't been looking at her, he realises. He'd been looking at his failure. He knows it's ridiculously old fashioned but he's been brought up to believe that promises are important and binding. She is his wife, for god's sake; he should be able to trust her.
To be fair though, he thinks, there has been at least one fairly hefty misunderstanding involved. He'd thought she'd been alive for the two years she had been missing. Two weeks ago, a message had turned up on his personal Omni-tool with excruciatingly detailed files on the Lazarus project. Now that had been an undeniably horrifying afternoon.
But there is still an undercurrent of stubbornness, refusing to forgive her, and he's not sure he can slog through it. He needs to fix this, but he has absolutely no idea how.
"Ok, I think that's got it." He murmurs, tilting her head to one side and moving the light to get a better look to make sure he's got the dirt cleaned out of it. "Look at me for a second?" He asks, switching on a small torch from the familiar field medic kit he's been using.
"What?" She's startled at the question.
He rolls his eyes a little, "I need to check you don't have concussion Ari."
"Oh."
She blinks at the light he flashes briefly into her eyes, his own regarding her response with a practised and critical look.
"What did Hackett say?" He asks, flicking the light in and out of her face.
"We're heading for Mars apparently. There's a Prothean relic there that we need to see."
He sighs and turns the flashlight off, his face resigned but with a definite undercurrent of frustration. She lays a hand on his arm unconsciously and feels him tense. She knows exactly how he feels. Mars seems like they're running away while the rest of their planet fights.
"Kaidan, we have our orders. Hackett has a reason for sending us there." He's silent, unconvinced, and Shepard sighs. "Just… meet us in the cargo bay in an hour ok?"
"Yes ma'am." He says, slightly woodenly.
Arianna narrows her eyes, trying to make sense of the unreadable wash of emotions he's clearly fighting with. He needs more time to think, she realises. She would have to be patient.
She's not sure that's going to be much of an option.
She slides off the bed and smiles tiredly at him. In an hour, they'd know some more. Perhaps they would find something to help them win against an unbeatable foe.
Perhaps.
The ship is quiet.
So I have most of the rest of the story written now... just need to fill in some gaps and finish editing! Hooray!
Hope you enjoy it!