54

"You Can't Save Them All"

October, 1979:

James Potter had always prided himself on having courage under pressure, like the Gryffindor lion that was the emblem of his House during his schooldays. Since he had become an Auror, he had come to regard his profession as the best kind of role—he got to fight evil wizards and save innocents just like the knight his wife always compared him to. He found hunting down miscreants as the ultimate challenge, and along with his partner, Sirius, had managed to save several families from the Death Eaters purges.

Lately, however, Voldemort's followers had become bolder. Where they used to attack under cover of darkness, cloaked in shadows and mist, they now began to single out targets during the daylight as well. Several shops in Diagon Alley had been trashed, their store fronts broken, windows shattered, roofs blown apart, stock destroyed, and in the case of a few, the proprietors dragged out to experience the "justice" of Lord Voldemort. James and Sirius, accompanied by their mentor, Orion, had gone and invesitigated quite a few of those disturbances, and arrested two dark wizards and helped the injured shopkeepers, taking them to St. Mungos.

Orion claimed their success rate was due to their very good spy network. James wasn't sure about that. To him, the spy network were just invisible information gatherers, but the real work was done by Aurors like him. They were the ones who dueled and made the collars, who fenced with death and came away victorious. In his two months on the force, James had bagged about seven dark wizards, assisted by Orion and Sirius. That was quite a coup for a novice Auror.

Oddly enough, Orion did not act like his juniors were anything special. He simply exhorted them to be careful and to remember that not all dark wizards were stupid or clumsy. "Most of them are canny and sharp, they know how to avoid us, and they also know that, at the moment, we are forbidden to use the truly powerful curses, the ones that can harm irrevocably. They'll use that to their advantage when they can. They have no scruples, and they'll not hesitate to kill anyone in their way, or anyone they feel "deserves" it. So don't get cocky."

Both James and Sirius listened to Orion with half an ear. They respected the older Auror, but thought he was a little too cautious. So, when they entered Headquarters that day, and their head, Bartemius Crouch, Sr, assigned them to help the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office, which was planning raids upon several prominent families, including the Malfoys, the LeStranges, and the Goyles, both Sirius and James jumped at the chance to catch those purebloods out.

"I just know the Malfoys are into something shady," Sirius said grimly to James as they pulled on their official robes. "I've never trusted them. Abraxas Malfoy was a known dealer in Dark Artifacts some years back, but was never convicted because of a technicality."

"In other words, he bought off whoever was going to bring charges against him," James clarified.

"Right. And there's no telling what the LeStrange family is into these days, they've always been a bit mad."

"You would know, since your cousin married one," James said.

Sirius grimaced. "Well, Bella's never been what you'd call a smart witch. She's bloodthirsty and vicious. I never got along with her, we were always hexing each other as kids, especially when she tormented Reg. I wouldn't be surprised that her and her husband weren't hiding some Dark artifacts away somewhere."

"Mmm. Same thing with the Crabbes. They're thick as thieves with the Malfoys. Hopefully, we'll be able to catch them out and make a bust."

"Remember, we have to follow protocol exactly," Orion reminded them as he joined them at the communal fireplace. "Otherwise whatever contraband we find could be deemed inadmissible in court."

"Yes, sir," James sighed.

"We know all that, Dad," Sirius frowned.

"Don't act so smug, boy," Orion scolded. "I've seen plenty of criminals walk because procedure wasn't followed during apprehension. Come on, we'll deal with the Lestranges first."

They Apparated to the LeStrange estate, and Orion insisted upon knocking on the door, which was answered by a house elf. "Oh! How may Sorrow serve the great Masters?" the elf groveled.

"Good morning. I am Auror Black, and these are my two junior partners. We're here to investigate a charge of inappropriate magical artifacts being used on this estate. Would you kindly inform your master that we wish to inspect the premises?"

"Yes, Great Lord!" Sorrow bowed so low he almost kissed Orion's boot. "Master Rudolphus shall be with you shortly. Please come in and be seated in the front parlor. Woe shall show you where it is. Woe, the Master has important lords to visit!" Then with a crack, the elf disappeared.

An instant later, another house elf, this one a female, appeared and beckoned them into the manor.

Despite their unexpected arrival, the three Aurors did not find anything suspicious on the LeStrange estate. Sirius was sure it was because Orion had announced that they were Aurors, and muttered about being so aboveboard. "James could have used his cloak, Dad, to infiltrate the manor before we came to the door. Then we might have found something."

Orion shook his head. "Sirius, any evidence gained that way is illegal. It's the same as breaking and entering. We have to show warrants and be permitted on the grounds."

"But then that gives the bloody bastards time to hide their dark stuff somewhere," objected his son.

"Not always, son. Come, I'm sure the Crabbes will have something we can confiscate." Orion said.

Sure enough, they found an illegal cursed knife and a Necklace of Strangulation in among Amos and Lucinda Crabbe's possessions. Both of them were hauled in for questioning, but the results were inconclusive, as they both maintained that the items were gifts and they had no idea what they did. So they had to be released.

Seething, James and Sirius and Orion went on to the Malfoy estate. They found Abraxas and Lucius absent, and only Lucius' mother, Ava, was at home. She pretended to be shocked when Orion produced the warrant, and insisted upon running several spells on it—to determine if it was official.

All of them recognized that she was stalling, but there was little they could do but endure it. When Ava finally tired of casting verification charms, she graciously allowed them to search the house and the grounds.

It took them over an hour, Orion was nothing if not thorough, and Ava kept shooting him dark glances, and muttering about the fact that he could suspect a cousin, of all things!

Sadly, they came up with nothing.

"Dammit, they've hidden the evidence," hissed Sirius angrily to James. "I wish we could plant some kind of device in here that would alert us when a Dark artifact was uncovered."

James nodded, wishing that he dared disregard the rules like he had during school. But he dared not flout Crouch's authority that way. His boss was a stickler for regulations and he wouldn't hesitate to dismiss any of his corps who broke rules for whatever reason. And James did not want to be sacked and disgraced, he had worked too hard to get where he was.

Just then, Orion received a message from a post owl. It was from Crouch, telling them there was an emergency situation in Southampton, a family was under attack from Death Eaters.

Orion ordered his two partners to get on their brooms and start flying and quickly informed Ava that they would return another time to complete their investigation. He then mounted his broom and soared away. Ava Malfoy hid a small smile of triumph. Her diversion had worked superbly.

By the time the Aurors reached the Muggleborn house, the reek of Dark magic and death permeated the air. Orion could tell even before he set foot inside the house that they were too late. The door had been kicked in and there was no sound from inside the house.

Sirius frowned. "Dad, what's going on?" He drew his wand and started forward.

"Sirius, wait!" Orion called, but Sirius ignored him and ran through the door. He skidded to a stop so abruptly his boots squeaked on the linoleum. "Bloody hell!" he cried, his voice suddenly rising an octave in horrified disbelief. "Oh, bloody damn hell!"

"Padfoot, what is it?" asked James, and he followed his friend into the house, all set to do battle with any dark wizards in the vicinity.

Except there were no Death Eaters. Only their victims, lying still upon the floor, in sticky pools of blood, their limbs bent at odd angles, their faces frozen in terrible rictus' of terror and agony. There were four of them. A father, mother, and two children. One looked to be about ten, the other was a mere toddler.

The house was a wreck, furniture was overturned and smoking holes burned into the carpet and the walls as testimony to the Death Eaters violence. Blood was splattered all across the den like gory confetti.

"Blessed Merlin!" Orion muttered, though he had known the minute they arrived that something terrible had happened.

Sirius gulped sharply, looking as if he wanted to vomit. "How could . . .miserable bastards! We were too late!" He stared as if transfixed at the dead bodies.

"But how?" James wondered, dazed. "We came as soon as we got the call. It only took fifteen minutes."

"The call came too late," Orion said heavily. "Still, let's see if there were any survivors. You two go and search, I'll make a report to headquarters."

"Right." James said, feeling suddenly nauseous. He had to force himself to walk past the bodies.

The toddler, a child wearing a little romper, stared up at him sightlessly from the floor, her golden curls sticky with blood. It seemed she reproached him and she shuddered, feeling sick. Poor kid! No one should have to die this way. Especially not a child. He quickly left and went into the kitchen, finding something still baking in the oven.

When he opened it, he found a pie, the crust oozing red juice. It was probably just strawberries or cherries, but the sight of it made James' gorge rise and he bolted over to the sink and threw up.

"Prongs, you okay?" Sirius called.

"No." James replied, his voice shaking. "I'm not okay, Padfoot. How can I be? They're all dead. And it's our fault."

He wiped his mouth upon a towel and then turned off the oven. He left the pie where it was.

Then he went to check the rest of the house.

As Orion had feared, there was no one else living in the house. They did find pictures of a boy in Hogwarts robes hanging on the wall. According to Headquarters, this had been the home of a boy named Arthur Stephens. Art was currently at Hogwarts, as a first year, as yet he was unaware of the tragedy that had befallen his family.

"All the time we were mucking about looking for Dark artifacts, they were being tortured and killed," James cried savagely. "We could have saved them if we only knew what was going on."

"James, calm down," Orion laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down? How can you say that? They were murdered! We were had!" James snapped. "It was all a diversion."

"James, you don't know that," Orion began. "This is war, Potter, and sometimes we can't be everywhere at once. We do the best we can, but sometimes . . .you can't save them all. Don't feel guilty."

"What about our spy network, Dad?" Sirius demanded, wiping his eyes. "If they're so good, why the hell didn't they know about this sooner?"

"Sirius, they're only human. They aren't privy to every move the Death Eaters make."

"Then what good are they?"

Orion scowled. "Don't blame them, Sirius, because they're not omniscient. I warned you that this wouldn't be the grand adventure you thought it would be. This isn't some fairy tale, where good always triumphs over evil. This real life, and sometimes . . .hell, a lot of the time . . .the innocents are killed and there's nothing we can do except bury the bodies." He looked down at the family and shook his head sadly. Then he pointed his wand and a black sheet wound itself about each body, shrouding them from view.

"Who's going to inform the other kid about this?" asked James.

"I'm sure Crouch will contact Dumbledore and he'll break the news to the boy," Orion said heavily. "Someone from the coroners will be along soon to take away the bodies and do an autopsy. Not that there's much doubt about what killed them, but it's routine."

After the coroners arrived to pronounce the time of death and remove the bodies and also any evidence that there had been a murder done, so Muggle authorities would not be suspicious, Orion headed back to Headquarters with James and Sirius, both of whom were very subdued and miserable. Orion tried again to alleviate their guilt and shame, but he knew there was little he could say, and they would have to work through it themselves. The first death was always the hardest.

Once they had given in their reports to Crouch, he reassigned them to some routine patrol work, stating that he would send an owl to Hogwarts immediately, informing the Headmaster what had occurred. He too was livid, and vowed that he would go to the Minister and insist he authorize the use of Unforgivable Curses, because the enemy had an unfair advantage and such an outrage could not be permitted to continue.

Orion looked disapproving, but Sirius was all for it. "Let's give the bastards a taste of their own medicine."

James was unsure of the wisdom of that ruling. If they started using the same tactics as their enemies, how then were they any better than the Death Eaters? Besides, he was too heartsick to contemplate revenge. He kept seeing the accusing eyes of the little girl in his mind, asking him why he had not come in time to save her. I'm sorry. So very sorry. How many others like you will die before this war is over?

Petunia knew there was something wrong the moment James arrived home that night. He didn't come through the Floo with his usual hail-and-well-met attitude, calling out, "Tuney, love, I'm home!"

Instead he came in quietly, not even letting anyone know he was there. Except Bilbo, who always seemed to know when one of the family had entered the house.

"Master James, welcome home!" the elf greeted him. "Would you like a cold drink? Or some apple tarts?"

"No, thank you, Bilbo." James replied dispiritedly. "I just need a hot shower and a firewhiskey."

Bilbo raised an eyebrow, but made no comment. "I shall have it in your room, Master."

Petunia came out of her room, dressed for dinner in a simple yet elegant deep blue robe with white phoenixes embroidered upon it. She ran into James on the stairs, he was coming up as she was walking down. "James! You're home early!" She exclaimed. She would have hugged him, but then she noticed that something was . . .off about him. He looked worn and haggard, and the normal sparkle in his eyes when he saw her was dimmed. "James, what is it? A bad day at work?"

"You could say that. Excuse me, I need to go and clean up. Get the stench out of my nostrils." His mouth tight, he climbed the stairs to his room and went to take a shower.

But even fifteen minutes of scrubbing failed to wash away the stain of failure and the guilt he felt every time he thought about the bodies of the slain, and the young boy who was now an orphan. Orion had tried to talk to him again before his shift ended, but James had told him he was fine and had left. It had been a lie. He wasn't fine at all.

He was convinced that there had to have been something he could have done, all evidence to the contrary. He was also convinced that the raids on the three Death Eater suspects had been a diversion, while they had been searching Malfoy Manor, Abraxas and Lucius could have been having sport with the Stephens family. Once more, the silent face of the golden-haired toddler rose in his mind. You didn't save me. Why? Why didn't you save me?

James shut his eyes and stuck his head under the spray, trying to pretend that tears were not mingling with the hot water down his cheeks.

Upon emerging from his bathroom, he found a glass of Firkins upon the bedside table, as requested. After dressing again, he gulped it down. The alcohol made a pleasant burn in the back of his throat. He thought about drinking another one. But he knew his parents and his wife expected him for dinner, and he couldn't seek the oblivion of alcohol like he wanted to.

At dinner, he barely ate, and told the family only about the unsatisfactory raids. "I'm tired, I think I'll go and lie down for a bit," he told Liana and Petunia when they asked if he wanted dessert.

He returned to his room, and summoned Bilbo to get him another glass of firewhiskey. Then he sat in the wing chair and looked out of the window, across the grounds of the estate, slowly sipping the liquor and wondering how he could have ever thought himself a good Auror. What a fool he had been! When it mattered most, he had not been there, and lives had been lost.

Down in the dining room, Charles, Liana, and Petunia were exchanging worried glances and Liana suggested to Petunia that she go and try and talk to her husband, since something was obviously bothering him. "He almost never misses dessert, except when he's suffering from a stomach ailment. And he seemed so . . . distant tonight."

"I noticed that too." Petunia agreed. "Well, I'd better go and talk with him."

She found James sprawled in the wing chair, his shirt half-undone, his hair tousled, finishing off what remained in his glass and then snapping his fingers for Bilbo. "Bring me another, Bilbo!"

"James! What on earth are you doing?"

"Getting drunk. What's it look like?"

Petunia shut the door behind her and stared at him. She had never seen her confident devil-may-care husband in such a state and it frightened her. She had few experiences with drunken men, and none of them were good. Images of Vernon and Tobias Snape flashed through her head. Then she banished the images. James rarely indulged in alcohol, that he did so now must mean something terrible had happened.

She came forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, just as Bilbo popped back in the room and refilled his glass. When would have picked it up, she said softly, "Wait. Talk to me, please. What happened today?"

Her husband looked at her, stricken. "You don't want to know, Tuney."

"Yes, I do. You're upset, I want to help."

"You can't."

"I can listen."

He sighed. He had never kept anything from her before. "I . . .all right. After we had searched Malfoy Manor, Orion got a call from headquarters . . ."

When he had finished the whole sorry tale, the bitter taste of failure was back on his tongue. "Three people dead and one orphaned. What the hell kind of Auror does that make me?"

Petunia hugged him, her heart aching for his pain. "Oh, James. I'm so sorry. I wish this bloody war were over. That poor child! Those poor people!"

"That little girl . . .her face . . ." James muttered hoarsely. "I'll never forget it. Orion says you can't save them all, that it's impossible."

"He's right. You might be a wizard, love, but for all that you're still a human being," she said, stroking his hair. "All you can do is your best. You shouldn't blame yourself."

He shook his head irritably. "We should have known. Why didn't we? Why did the damn dispatcher wait to contact us? If we'd gotten there ten minutes sooner, they might still be alive!"

"Maybe. You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. They were still warm."

She wrapped her arms about him and held him. "Hindsight's always twenty-twenty. What happened was a terrible tragedy, and I hope you catch the ones that did such an unspeakable act and put them away for life. Or even kill them."

"I intend to. If I ever find out who did this . . ." He swallowed a mouthful of firewhiskey. "Some knight in shining armor I am."

She put a finger to his lips. "Don't. You failed, but not because of lack of trying. Orion doesn't blame you, does he? Or Mr. Crouch?"

"No."

"If you had done something wrong, they would have told you. But you didn't. Like Orion said, it's war and in war innocents die. Even children."

James leaned his head against her shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent of apples and vowing to bring the killers to justice somehow. He allowed Petunia to hold him, drawing strength from her presence. Merlin, but I hope that kid has somebody left to hold him like this.

In his flat on Half Moon Street in London, Sirius sat alone in the dark, drinking his last bottle of firewhiskey and trying to forget the sights that haunted him. His father had offered him dinner and said he was available to talk about it, but Sirius had declined the offer. He didn't want to discuss his feelings, he wanted to break and tear things, he wanted to track the bastards down and rip out their throats.

But by the time they had arrived on the scene, the trail was cold. Sirius suspected both Malfoys had a hand in the murders, but without proof they could make no arrest. Sirius wished they could force feed those slimy Malfoys Veritaserum. He gulped down the remainder of the firewhiskey, then tossed the bottle into the fireplace. God, but he was disgusted with himself.

Suddenly, he couldn't stand being inside four walls any longer. He needed air, the darkness was smothering, like a tomb. He shifted into his dog form and opened the door with one quick smack of his forepaw, he had long ago mastered the trick of turning doorknobs.

Then he padded out into the night, moving swiftly into the shadows. Behind the apartment complex was a small park. The black dog headed there and after crossing the dimly lit street, sat down and howled at the moon, releasing his grief and anger in long drawn out wails that sent chills down the spines of all who heard him.

At Hogwarts, Headmaster Dumbledore rubbed his eyes and stared down at the parchment before him, sorrow intermingled with apprehension in his blue gaze. He dreaded telling his student of the tragedy that had overtaken his family, but such things had to be done. There was a knot in his stomach as he summoned one of his three personal house elves.

"Winken," he said quietly. "Please fetch Arthur Stephens for me and tell him I would like to talk to him."

"At once, sir." The elf bowed, he was wearing a bit of an old curtain, then he vanished.

Only to return some three minutes later. "Master Dumbledore sir, Winken regrets to inform you that Mr. Stephens is not in the castle."

"What do you mean, Winken?"

"Professor McGongall has said that Stephens is paying a visit to a friend in St. Mungos."

"Alone?"

"Oh no, Headmaster Dumbledore honored sir! Professor Snape is with him."

"Oh. I see. Well then, go to St. Mungos and fetch the boy back here at once. Tell Severus to come too."

"Right away, sir."

The elf disappeared and Dumbledore prepared himself for the unpleasant task ahead of him. He did so dislike being the bearer of bad news.

Well, here's another chapter for you.

Next one will feature Severus comforting his student plus Regulus making an important discovery, as well as Remus and Peter paying an unexpected visit to Sirius.