There Is Hope After All Chapter 6, a walking dead fanfic

Chapter 6. Hope you enjoy it!

-6-

A day had passed since Bob had passed away, and I lay back on the pew as I contemplated ONCE AGAIN if staying had been the right choice after all. Now, it wasn't only about my bite or Rick's apparent hatred of me or the group brushing me off, but it was about my survival expectancy.

After all, I had the feeling I was about to be dragged into another shitstorm, and I was only on day 2 with these people.

As I thought about yesterday the familiar panging of grief settled on my already heavy chest and I flinched, like I flinched whenever the shovel had scraped across the earth as we buried Bob. He had died, as we all knew he would, but it obviously didn't make it any easier. As each member of the group took a shovel of soil and poured it into the grave in goodbye, I remember his last advice was floating around in my head the whole time.

Stay close, watch their backs, tell someone about the bite.

I came back to the present as I sighed, still lost in my thoughts. I wasn't one to ignore someone's dying wish, it was just…I didn't know WHO to tell. I couldn't tell Rick, or Abraham, or Sasha or Michonne, after seeing what they did to those people in the church the previous night. I didn't trust the others enough to tell them ANYTHING let alone a secret that could get me killed if revealed to the wrong people. The only one I was sort of on-par with was Carl, and even then we had had ONE conversation to get me back into the church (which I didn't know whether to regret or not) and we hadn't spoken since. And even if I told him, he would just run off to tell his dad and then I'd be in trouble anyway. Maybe…maybe the big guy, Tyreese, was my best option. He seemed kind enough and he would understand, hopefully, if I told him about the bite. It might even help if I told him that Bob told me to tell someone.

Bob.

As the thought crossed my mind, I knew it wasn't the best plan. Tyreese was mourning his death, like all the others were, but since it seemed his sister Sasha had a relationship with Bob he would be in deeper, and having this knowledge dumped on him and being told to keep it a secret was unfair to him. I shook my head inconspicuously. No, that wasn't the right option.

I rubbed my head and sighed again through my nose. Why did this have to be so damn DIFFICULT?

I also recalled from yesterday how this group had split. Abraham, his girlfriend Rosita and Eugene, along with Glenn, Maggie and Tara left ahead of time to get to DC. I still had no idea why they were so dead-set on getting there, but I didn't bother to ask. The rest of us stayed behind, waiting for Daryl and Carol who still hadn't shown up after tipping out the church doors the other night. It wasn't until later that night that Daryl, the man with the vest and crossbow, had finally come back but with a new face and no Carol. He had brought with him a skinny African American man who looked to be in his early twenties called Noah, and that night all night there was no sleeping as they planned to recover some girl called Beth from people who were holding her hostage somewhere. Or so I gathered. I remembered when Daryl had caught sight on me, sitting on my pew (I was now referring to it as mine) and petting Liesel while trying to figure out what was happening from murmurs of conversation.

'Who are you?'

I had matched his gaze – a trait I was getting good at with these people – and answered in a neutral tone.

'Katrina.'

He had glanced me up and down and gave a little 'uh huh' which I will admit pissed me off for a good while afterwards. With that comment, I could see he how would be right at home here.

I came back to the present as the sun JUST managed to make it over the trees, spilling dusty golden sunlight through the windows and I cracked my back. It had been ANOTHER night with minimal sleep, and right now the only thing I wished for was a good bed with a pillow and a LONG rest. People were starting to get moving, and I figured if I was staying here I might as well be useful somehow. Several people started filing out of the church doors and I made to follow them, leaving my pack and katana in a corner where I hoped they wouldn't be noticed. It was a risky move, I knew that, but I couldn't help all that much if I was weighed down at the back. And I promised Bob I would stay and protect them: I couldn't do that if they kicked me out for being lazy.

After a quick breakfast of two cereal bars dipped in peanut butter (with a breakfast of beef jerky for Liesel), I stretched my back and headed outside, seeing the group putting boards across the shutters and hammering them with posts. I took my cue and picked up a board and a post, miraculously managing to keep it up and hammer a nail into it at the same time. Out of the corner of my eye I could see several members of the group looking at me and sharing looks, but I ignored them. They didn't know what I'd promised to do.

I continued on this way for a while, going around the church with the others and nailing boards to the windows, Liesel stood at my feet in her stance that I liked to think as her 'keeping watch' stance. When I was on my third board, still working by myself as the others probably didn't know what to make of me helping out, Rick came up to me and spoke in an authoritative voice.

'You're gonna stay here at the church with Michonne and Gabriel.'

I stopped mid-hammer, though I used my hand to keep the board in place as I turned to look at him. He had his hands on his hips, a Colt Python holstered on his right hip and a red handled machete on his left. His beard and long hair gave him a wild look, making him seem just a little less human. His eyes were what caught me though. The blue was muddy from trauma and heartbreak, but I could see the strength in them. I couldn't find any trace of evil or sadistic intent. Maybe Carl was right when he said he would've let me go. Maybe under all the walls he put up and layers of things he had had to go through, there was a good man underneath it all.

I guess I would have to wait and see.

'Alright.'

I turned back to the board and continued hammering, seeing him nod once out of the corner of my eye and go off to talk to someone. I internally smirked as I thought he must be happy he didn't need to have an argument with me like when we first met. I grabbed another board.

As we moved around Carl came to help me, probably figuring we would be faster if we were working together, and I didn't complain. We didn't speak, but it seemed we didn't need to. We worked in tandem, making a surprisingly good team. When we were done I gave him a nod of gratitude which he returned, still no words spoken between us, and we split as most of us headed back inside the church.

Upon entering I now knew where all the boards came from. Out of the twelve or so pews that were there originally, perhaps five remained. All that was left of the others were shards and splinters. I quickly looked at the corner where I left my sword and backpack and saw it looking untouched. Well, at least they'd learned not to touch my stuff.

I stood back, away from the crowd as the group said their goodbyes. I saw Rick hug Carl and Judith, who was being carried in Michonne's arms. I crossed my arms over myself and watched, feeling my homesickness envelope me like it usually did. Seeing the interaction between these people – between FAMILY – made me miss mine all the more.

I missed my mother in London, I missed my father in Edinburgh, and I missed all the friends in between.

Maybe that was what made me go over to my pack, rummaging through it carefully until I found what I was looking for. I turned to see Rick just starting to head towards the doors, starting to be closed after him.

'Rick!'

He looked over at me, not really expecting me to say anything. And it gave a little sense of smugness to see the shock on his bearded face when I offered my hand, and gift, out to him. He took the grenade carefully, looking at me with some confusion that I was even giving this to him at all. All I offered him in a way of explanation was…

'You never know.'

He nodded, and pocketed it before turning to leave. I stepped back as the doors fully shut, feeling eyes on me which were most likely from Carl, and I tried to block out Judith's crying as Carl and I once again worked to barricade the doors. I could tell Michonne was trying to calm her, but it obviously wasn't doing much good. It took us a little while to barricade it enough to satisfaction, and when I turned I still saw Michonne trying to calm baby Judith, while Carl went off to do something or other and Gabriel was crouched on the floor, trying to clean up the traces of blood that had been left from the death of the cannibals.

My bite twinged and I knew I would have to take a look at it. What better time than now, with most of the people gone and everyone else distracted? Well, I wasn't one to pass on opportunity, and I went into the back room where Bob had been and where we had hid from the cannibals, seeing it look strangely empty without Bob's presence here. I quickly steered off that train of thought and made sure the door was shut, waiting to see if any of them came knocking before I gave myself the all-clear.

Carefully, I stripped out of my jacket and top, pulling at my skin and trying to twist my head around to get a good look at the bite. The movement dulled the itchy feeling and I did it over and over, trying to relieve the irritating sensation. Eventually I clenched my jaw as the relief wore off and I debated with myself whether I should scratch inside the wound. I could end up pulling the scabs off, slowing down the healing process. I could reactivate the roamer virus if it was still on my skin and it entered the open would, finally turning me once and for all. Was it worth the risk?

Eventually I settled for rubbing the inside of the wound, on the scabs and healing flesh. That way I wouldn't tear any scabs off and it relieved the itching that was driving me insane. I gave a sigh of pleasure as the tingling faded away, knowing it wouldn't last and making the most of it before it returned in full force. Eventually I ended up just sat on the couch, staring into space dressed in nothing but my bra and shorts.

I didn't think anything would make me forget the way I met these people: they dragged me in out of the night, interrogated me, took my possessions off me, ignored me and ordered me about. And now I was planning on staying with them for the foreseeable future. On paper, it looked absolutely crazy. I gave a sigh and put my head in my hands.

So many problems and thoughts pressed down on my mind that I now had to sift through them all, trying to figure out what to do about…well, about everything. First of all there was the problem of my bite, and all it entailed. Clearly since I hadn't turned after all this time there was something inside my body that the others didn't have, something that was mutating it or nullifying it, but I didn't know what it could be or how it could be unlocked to develop a cure. I was only a 15 year old girl; I didn't have the first clue about developing vaccines like this. And with THAT pushed aside, the fact that I was bitten was also dangerous.

My conversation with Bob ran through my head, and I agreed with him. He had said if the reaction was just delayed, I could turn next to anyone, at any time, with zero warning. It was a very real possibility, meaning that I had to let at least one person here know about my situation. I just didn't know who to tell, who to trust with this. There was also a possibility that if I told this group that I was bitten, they might not believe that I hadn't turned and either kill me to cut their losses or leave me behind. I figured it would most likely be the latter, but I made a promise to Bob that I would stay with this group and watch out for them. If they DID kick me out to die, I could just follow along behind them and protect them that way, but…it wasn't the best case scenario. And what of others? If another group found out somehow that I hadn't turned they could do all sorts of things with that knowledge: they could end up going to war with this group over me, they could capture me, experiment on me…kill me… I shook the thoughts away.

I also didn't have a choice about whether to leave this group anymore. I realize that my one and only window to leave was that night, when Carl talked me into coming back to the church. Now that I had promised Bob that I would stay with this group that ship had sailed. Whether that was a good thing or not, I didn't know. Images flashed through my mind of the massacre and a swirl of fear rose within me. These people may be tightknit, but there was a dark, brutal, bloodthirsty side to all of them that couldn't have been then before. They were very slowly devolving, each thing flung at them causing them to harden themselves, which I usually didn't have a problem with, but it seemed to be hardening them in a bad way.

All of this was giving me a headache.

I ran my hands through my hair and inhaled deeply. I could almost hear my mother's voice whispering to me what she always said when I got stressed and worried about something: 'whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.' Just hearing that sentence in my head caused my chest to tighten and I gave a sigh that sounded more like a whimper than anything. God, I missed her so much. I missed it all so much it hurt.

I gave a little shake like a cat would, and brought myself back to the present. Dreaming of my parents would not help anything and would just make me upset. I had work to do here, and I had problems to fix. If I wasn't going to turn – if I wasn't going to just die – then I would face the future and try to lead this group to safety and to hope, like I had promised Bob. I nodded to myself. Yes, that's what I would do.

I gave my bite one last rub to get rid of the returning tickling and slipped my tee back on. I had no idea how long I had been in here for and I could just use the excuse that I was trying to take a nap and gave up or something. Stepping back out into the main room I saw that everyone had moved: Gabriel was still on the floor but he now had a bucket and sponge, still trying to clean away the bloodstains on the wooden floors, Michonne seemed to be taking inventory of something and Carl now had Judith, who was still screaming her lungs out. Well, that was something that I could fix. I sauntered over to Carl who didn't even glance up at me as he tried to shush her.

'Has she been crying this whole time?'

He nodded, still not looking at me. Judith's face was twisted as she cried and the sound of her little voice pounded into my eardrums, bringing on the first throbbing of the headache I was fighting against. Nope. This wouldn't do at all. I held my arms out expectantly, a movement that caused him to finally look up at me.

'Can I try?'

He blinked after a while, and I waited patiently as he deliberated in his head whether that was a good idea or not. I could almost see the thoughts behind his eyes, and I realized that I was getting better at reading these people. Eventually though, as Judith's crying didn't let up, he hesitantly handed her to me and I rearranged my arms to accommodate. She was warm, a soft heat against my chest, and I began to wander around the church with Michonne and Carl's eyes on me warily in the hopes that the movement would sooth her.

'Hush lass, shh…'

I started to rock her back and forth gently, murmuring soothing nothings to her. It quieted her crying only a little, but I could still hear an improvement. Involuntarily, my eyes rose to a window that looked out to the east and I allowed my memories to fill my up. They were sweet but heavy, like clotted cream, and the words came unbidden to my lips.

'Upon one summer's morning
I carefully did stray
Down by the walls of Wapping
Where I met a sailor gay

Conversing with a young lass
Who seemed to be in pain
Saying, 'William when you go I fear
You'll ne'er return again.'