Athelinda reflects on, and analyses her thoughts, feelings and decisions- everything unravels. Depression alert, and she makes a choice. But in this Rhaegar's wife is introduced! And the new baby!
"I had a short, and really quite catastrophic marriage, and I'm left with this baby and I've got to get this baby back to Britain, and I've got to rebuild us a life…. It was only when I came to rest that it hit me, what a complete mess I had made of my life, and that hit me quite hard."
J.K Rowling
"We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves."
Henry Ward Beecher
13th May 1949…
Rhaegar looked out the window.
"Are you sure he is nowhere to be found?" He asked quietly.
They shook their heads. "Completely gone, sir."
"There's nothing there." Rhaegar gritted his teeth. "Send an escort to my parents." He looked exceptionally grim. "They have a lot to talk about.
And with that, the commander strode off into the night.
Did I love him?
The question was one she kept repeating in her head over, and over again. She never stopped. As if that would make things better- as if that would make amends.
The baby stirred in her belly. She had lain there for three days and three nights. Only getting up to eat and relieve herself. Just lying there, and sleeping.
She had seen her parents and they wept, but she broke apart far too soon. She locked herself in her old room. She sealed the door shut with various spells that could only be open from within. She simply lay there, staring at the ceiling, weeping if she could, or if she had no tears, just staring without seeing the ceiling or anything about her home. Only Surasa was allowed inside.
How could she have done it? Opened her ear, and then allowed her reasoning and mind to be occluded by Tom Riddle? To be tempered and moulded in his hands like clay, to be swayed and manipulated like a puppet on strings, convinced by his honeyed words like no one before him had, to act, to think and even to feel what he wanted her to feel?
And here she was, back in the family home, and the family she had so carelessly and loathsomely discarded like rubbish. The family she told herself meant nothing more to her, the brother she convinced herself she hated- even though she knew she didn't- the sister she neglected and abandoned, the brother she ignored and overlooked. Even the House-elf who had taken care of, nourished and nurtured her as a child, forgotten. Abandoned. Discarded. And apparently hated, though she never actually did.
And here she was. The most loathsome creature and the biggest failure she had ever known or heard of. The hypocrisy- the irony of it- that she would berate and be enraged by the failings of others, to fail and sink even lower than they could ever imagine. To be her.
To be his wife. His unwitting accomplice. To be the biggest fool, and the cruellest, most callous person, both. To be worth less than the dung heap. To be worth so low, and yet to have aimed so arrogantly, so presumably high in the beginning that such a thing happened in the first place. To be the vilest person and traitor to her own kin. To be her. The loathsome, person she was, worth less than dung, traitor, family-disowning, power-hungry, cruel, unloving, heartless, cold, unreasonable, most evil person, and the one who deserved life and love and everything the least of anyone or anything in the universe.
That was Athelinda. Now the veils were gone. The illusion had vanished. No dreams no stupid, arrogant, self-important and conceited person's stupid dream. Now she knew the truth. Now she knew reality- who she truly was and what she was truly worth, all along, the fruits of her labour.
Her worth.
And although Rhaegar had embraced her at first, and then sent her home, and her parents, other siblings and House-elf had embraced her with tears, Athelinda had not seen or heard of Rhaegar since then.
He was gone.
How could she be such a fool? She raged at herself, she almost killed herself in a fit of self-rage, before she remembered she had a baby. Now she could see it, now she could see it all. The fruits of love and care, sprung from her brother's love and protectiveness for her. The love, concern and care she had seen in his eyes, but ignored or overlooked. The love she had convinced herself, in malice, envy, a lust for power, was the insecurity and envy of the thought of having his sister surpass him, when she knew, in fact, that Rhaegar wouldn't give a troll's spit for that.
And she was evil- as cruel, worthless and a heartless, callous and unfeeling yet stupid a person that ever lived- no more.
What made her convince herself that Tom loved her? Or did she even care, and stopped to think whether or not she, let alone he, loved the other?
The word 'fool', was too soft and too kind for one so vile, as her.
Rhaegar marched back to his room and closed the door.
Thrusting the papers aside, he lay his wand on his bedside table.
There was someone on the bed. His wife. Her back was turned to him. She was asleep, or seemed to be.
Rhaegar sighed. His antagonistic feelings towards, well, everything seemed to ease at that instant. He walked silently to the bed. Unfastening his cloak, he draped it neatly over a chair, on the rug in front of the fire.
He walked silently, and carefully to the bed. My love, he thought suffusing himself completely with her presence, and tenderness.
Love rose in him completely. Rhaegar carefully went beneath the covers, and gently drew himself closer to her, careful not to disturb her.
"I'm not asleep, you might as well save yourself the bother," his wife's sleepy voice sounded amused.
Rhaegar chuckled. "Well, I suppose it's too much to hope for. My love. Oh, how I've missed you."
She turned to him.
"I've gone to rely and depend on you more than I can imagine nor dare to admit," he said. "I needed you- your presence, your reasoning, your way with words- everything, more than ever. And I need you desperately."
She looked at him straight in the eye. "What is it?"
He sighed. "You know, love."
"Your sister." She said tonelessly.
"Yes," Rhaegar admitted.
"She's to become a mother now," his wife mused. "Is she being taken care of? Is she taking good care of herself?"
"I wouldn't know." Rhaegar scoffed. "She's locked herself up in her room, with no one but her snake and her unborn child for company."
Concerned, her brow furrowed and her lips pressed together, as she pulled herself slightly upright to a sitting position.
"Rhaegar, go to her." She ordered. "Convince her to snap out of her state and start a new life- it won't be easy, but she's got a child to think about now. She has to think about the future."
He scoffed. "You make it sound that easy. She's barred the whole room with magic. No one is allowed in or out, except when she allows herself in or out, and even then she's careful to avoid anyone. She's even sound-proofed the whole room."
"And you can break it," his wife insisted. "Why will you not see her? Why are you being so adamant that she will break out of her state by herself?" Her voice became gentler and tender. "Is it because you are still hurt by her?"
Rhaegar didn't respond to that.
"I see," she said. "And yet… you can't tell her, or anyone how you feel, can you? It's not just about hunting him down, it's about avoiding her as much as you can. But you can't say it, can you? You've fortified yourself so much, and you feel you have so much relying on you- and you're too proud to be humiliatingly embracing her and letting her off easy, even if you don't hate or even are still furious with her. Besides, you don't know, or want, her to throw away what you give her to the dirt. You're not sure about her, or what returned to you."
Rhaegar still said nothing.
"So you need time," she continued. "Very well. So does her. But she needs you too, Rhaegar. More than anyone, her infant needs you. He or she will never even know the father's name, I have a feeling on that. And therefore, it is not needed to mention the fact that he or she will never meet the father if we are lucky, and will be in constant danger of meeting him through their entire lives. And who is the one person who can guide the child to the right path, and keep them safe from that? You."
Rhaegar closed his eyes. She was right. And always, she could see right through his heart and soul.
"Everything is up to you," she said quietly. "But you don't have to go with it just yet. You're more important than you know, or have been made to believe, and it isn't just about being a soldier and a commander, or even a leader. Even if others doubt it, don't you ever doubt or question it."
Athelinda stared up at the ceiling still. Surasa curled up next to her underneath the covers, curled protectively near her belly.
Did she love him?
No, how could she have been as vile and stupid as to marry him then?
No, she never loved him. She was intrigued by him and his difference to others, and similarity to herself. She was flattered, and she felt empathy, even sympathy for his character. The poor, but gifted, brilliant and hard-working boy with big dreams and goals, with enough ambition which drove him to excel and dream of building a new world. A dream he allowed her to glimpse a shining peep out of his imagination. So enthralled, so aroused and excited by this vision was, she that Tom practically shone and glittered in her eyes. Flawless. Perfect. Excitingly intriguing, but purposeful. He gave her purpose. And that was what drove her to him- him and his supposed light, which masked great shadow.
His charisma and persuasive intelligence led her to convince her to believe in him, in his vision- without even sharing the whole picture. She also felt sympathy, not just empathy, amazement and awe directed at him. She felt he needed her. And that in turn, gave her feelings towards him. But not love. She was attracted to him because of that. That was his winning quality which ensnared her. She felt he needed her, and that they could be happy together.
And why not? He was attractive, intelligent, knowing, not unambitious- anything anyone could ask for, except for genuine.
That he never had.
And so, Athelinda, realised just how duped she was, and more and more what kind of person she was, slowly becoming aware of the effects, her life and decisions had for everyone.
Her family. Her father and mother who both loved for and cared for her more than anything, like all their children. The brother who loved, taught and strove to shelter her from harm, no matter what, and would have taken the any blow for her, even the worst, and died for her ever since she was small. the other brother who soothed her and kept the peace, and strove to be a voice of reason and guidance for her own sake rather than his, whose love and care were overlooked to the point of being completely unnoticed by everyone, whose selflessness, concern and loyalty was unknown. That was the two of them in fact- well, all of them. Her sister who worshipped and looked up to her in awe, and trusted her to teach her, to guide and show her to the right path. The sister that would have gone across the whole world to fetch her any blade of grass she wanted. The House-elf who adored, cared for, nurtured, and raised her, as if she were her own child.
They expected nothing in return. And what did she do?
What if she lost her child? That was the last thing she wanted. Now she saw, this child was the one good thing about her life, the one thing she had not messed up- or had yet to mess up- yet it was nothing less than she deserved. This child deserved better than her. And look what she had done to his own life and future!
Brought him into a world with such a sire whom he will never even know, decided upon impulse his own future, and brought the burden of destiny crashing down upon his shoulders before he was even born. She did not have the right! She would have been incensed if her parents did the same thing- her son did not ask for this! And yet she, hypocritically, and on impulse, brought it down onto him, just to prove her point!
If he hated her, she would understand. If he loathed and shunned her from his life, it was no less than she deserved. Even if he was the one good thing she had done. The one thing she had had left.
She had gambled. And she had truly lost everything.
Rhaegar steeled himself. He needed to go.
It was time.
Holding out his hand, he uttered an incantation within his mind, and the door blasted open.
It wasn't that violent or loud a blast- he couldn't forget she was with child.
But he needed to speak to her. And to speak to her now.
Athelinda stirred feebly on the bed. Surasa reared and hissed, menacingly but was confused when she saw him.
"Athelinda," his eyes narrowed, and his voice was like steel.
"Get up!"
His sister slowly stirred.
"You can lie and vanish into oblivion, and forsake your own offspring who needs you even more now, or you can get up and face the problems and solve them."
"Nothing can solve them," Athelinda mumbled.
Rhaegar gave a harsh laugh. "Your state of mind is not an improvement, I see. I won't lie to you- but after what you have done, I would feel it was your responsibility to do something about this mess and protect your child, rather than vanish and allow your mistakes to fester and worsen. You do nothing for yourself, or for the child who needs you, and he needs you now. Do you want your child to grow up like his father?" He demanded.
Athelinda jolted upright. "Of course not!"
"Then get up!" He barked. "Or else he would be as motherless and fatherless as his sire. You wish to give up, Athelinda? Maybe you have to explain to your child what you have done later on, but at least you won't have to explain why you so pathetically gave up and did not even attempt to make things right! You owe him an explanation- and a life, Athelinda. Forget us. You owe it to him or her, to build a good life. A happy childhood. You owe it to the child, and you owe your own child a responsibility, just as we had to you. If you want to redeem yourself, you had better start there, and now. Or else there is no hope- not for you- but for him or her. And he or she will wander into the path of the forsaken father."
Rhaegar strode away. He mended the door, but left it open. "The choice is yours- to build him or her a good life, as good a life as you can- remember, no matter what you said, it hasn't even started yet- or to allow the child to fall into the same fate as the father. Now get on with it." He strode away.
Yes, she had told him. She told him about the awful fate she had given her son, and that ultimately made her go into despair. She had wrecked his future, just as she had destroyed hers. But what if he could survive? She wondered. Survive because she taught him to, not become like his heartless father and go the same way?
But who was she to teach anyone anything? Hadn't she forfeited that right?
And yet… There was no going back now. She couldn't revert the destiny she had decided. But she could try to make amends and her son would be better off than without nothing. As Rhaegar said, she owed it to her boy. To them all.
And to give up would be the worse decision she had yet to make. Even worse than following Tom Riddle.
Her responsibility. Her choice. His life. A happy childhood.
Yes, she owed him that. She owed them all that.
Athelinda pulled herself up, and walked out of the room, followed by Surasa, trailing after her.
November 8th 1949…
"It's too early!" Katerina snapped at the midwife. "No, it's time." Athelinda groaned rubbing her belly.
Her mother hauled her to the room, and stroked her back. Ordering pain-relieving potion, Blood-replenishing potion and what else, she also asked for pumpkin juice. Groaning Athelinda, leaned against the wall. The contractions were coming harder than ever.
"It's coming," she said. And like the force of a great river, or a great storm, nothing could stop it. To stop him from making his entrance and his mark on the world.
Her mother pulled her upright, and Winny helped.
"Philomena, get out of here!" Her mother barked. "This is not something you should see."
Sulking, her sister stormed off. Athelinda did not even notice it, her vision shone red but there was a powerful force at work here, she knew it now.
She pulled herself together and made it to the room.
It was only when she put her mind to it that it truly began.
A baby's cry resounded throughout the room. A roar, more like, or a howl. Her mother lifted a howling infant boy from Athelinda, and then with a shining face, went to cut the cord, bathe, clout and swaddle her new grandson before blessing him and giving him to her daughter.
This was the most awesome thing she had ever seen. The most precious gift she had ever been given. Nothing else. She needed nothing else. Only this one pure, shining light in the universe- her beacon. Her shining light.
Her hopes and dreams. He shone, he truly did, with all the awe, riches and wonders of the universe. Nothing else seemed to matter or exist, save for him. This most amazing miracle, was the most wonderful, the best and greatest piece of magic she had ever created. She needed nothing more, and she will do nothing more, save for him. And for him alone.
Now she knew. The amount of love one can have for a child. The amount of love, and joy she had for him, was what her parents had for her. Now she knew.
This was what love was. True love. She did not need Tom Riddle. She never needed him, and neither did this boy.
Rhaegar entered the room. She handed him to her mother. Athelinda's face was flushed from the labour, but she was fresh and radiant. The infant cooed.
Her mother went to show and hand him the boy.
"A successful delivery," she said. "A strong, healthy boy."
Rhaegar took him gently and carefully. "What will you call him?"
"His name is Sigurd," his mother said. Rhaegar looked up.
"A fine name," he said. "And he will be remembered as Sigurd Snake-in-the-Eye," she said.
Her mother laughed. "Snake-in-the-Eye? Why would he be called-" She then broke off and gave a loud gasp.
The baby, pale as milk, with a mop of black hair, but when his eyes opened, instead of the black of his mother- and father- they were silvery-green. The left had an ordinary pupil, but within the right eye, curled a snake, black as pitch.
This boy would leave his mark on the world.
His mark on the pages of destiny.
A short chapter compared to the rest I've done! And as for the baby's name and eye, yes I took inspiration from Viking Sagas and from the History Channel series, but this one is different- and besides in the Harry Potter series, in the books and other canonical stuff, there are various names of famous persons, like Dzou Yen- the Chinese Mystic- Nicolas Flamel- a famous alchemist who really lived- and other historical characters- with similarities, names or based on real-life persons who became witches and wizards (or squibs). But don't get me wrong! I don't own anything- everything is all J.K Rowling, save for my canon family, and a few friends!