"'Not enough,' he said, letting her hair slip through his fingers. 'If I kiss you all day, everyday, for the rest of my life, it won't be enough.'"

― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

43

Summer in Seattle was good to us. Especially given we could make use of Edward's pool, which was heated just enough to still be refreshing. We had a few weekend barbeques when my whole family invaded his house at Edward's insistence, and others when Carlisle and Esme visited. Those times were loud, happy and relaxed which was basically the ideal combination.

Some of my favorite moments were when it was just the two of us. I let myself into his house late one afternoon with my newly acquired key, knowing from his text he was out the back in a sun-lounger. I went to the bathroom and changed into the black string bikini I kept there. As I tiptoed through the house I could see his closed eyes and a medical journal flopped lazily against his chest. I grinned at the opportunity, already warmed by the sight of the 'v' of his waist where it disappeared into his low-slung board shorts.

As quietly as possible, I straddled the lounger and put my hands on the armrests, watching as he sensed my presence and opened his eyes. Like the gentleman he was, he noticed my face with pleasure first, before his eyes settled on my boobs. The gentlemanly nature could only go so far, and the slip could certainly be forgiven. They were right at eye-level after all.

"I wish this happened every time I opened my eyes." His face radiated with a boyish glee. A finger came up and pulled at the fabric, spilling a little more cleavage out for him.

I'd always thought of what we'd done so far as leaning more toward making love than fucking. I knew that Edward probably thought the same as I had – that "fucking" seemed like an act that went against the grain of grieving, whatever that may be. But it was yet another "normal" that I needed like air. I needed him to let loose with me, to remind me on a whole other level how alive I was. I wanted to give him a nudge in that direction, so he'd know it was okay.

I figured he would take me straddling him wearing next to nothing as somewhat of an invitation, but I thought I should make my intentions and desires as clear as possible. Miscommunication didn't get anyone anywhere. It didn't take long for our languid kisses to transform into making out like sex-starved teenagers. I took his moans and the pressure of his hands against my bare skin as my cue.

"You should fuck me, Edward. Let yourself go…fuck me like I know you want to. I want you to…" I breathed against his ear lobe.

A sound that seemed to be a garbled version of multiple expletives tumbled from him. He pulled back to look at me.

"You're a goddess, I swear," he said before pulling my face down to his.

With one hand forked in my hair at the nape of my neck, the other made easy work of each of the ties that were bowed loosely on my bikini. My boobs fell out of the fabric as his mouth found my nipples, and he pulled my bottoms away to discard them on the ground. His fingers instantly found their way between my legs, the sound of a large inhale against my chest resonated as he discovered how primed I already was for him.

I made quick work of his shorts, sliding my body down his legs so my mouth could make sure he was just as ready as I pushed them the rest of the way off with my foot. I swirled my tongue around his tip and drew his length in a few times, the power that came from pleasuring him making my anticipation even greater.

"Fucking you. I want to come from fucking you," he panted as he reached for me to come back up to him.

There were no more words as he pulled me onto his lap. The way he filled me so promptly was almost aggressive if it wasn't for the care littering his eyes as he succumbed to our desires. He started driving up into me, working my hips against him to increase the force. He shifted so that one hand was guiding me and the other was generously fondling my breasts, his mouth against a nipple. I felt wanton and fantastic, and so, so grateful for it.

Shifting his hands again, he held me to him as he carefully stood up and took a few steps over to his outdoor table. He partially rested my butt against it while supporting my weight with his arms to lever me up and down. I used my legs around his waist to grind against him further, and the closeness and control of the angle pushed me toward my release. His speed increased as he really started working himself and getting what he needed from me. I had taken so much from him; I'd give him anything he wanted. His legs quaked with his orgasm and his forehead fell against my shoulder. After a few moments, he found the ability and kissed me fervently, recognition of what we had just shared. When his legs stabilized, he carried me back to the lounger and sat down with me still around him.

"Consider it your boyfriendly right to take me like this whenever you please," I whispered.

"The perks of this job are immense." He nuzzled against my neck. Nuzzled. Things felt so dreamy almost, maybe, finally. Dreamy.

"Job? Dr. Cullen…I know you're fucking with me."

"Fucking with you…fucking you…" His voice was lazy as he tweaked my nipple lightly as I brought my arms up to defend myself.

"I've created a monster," I said stoically.

"Ugh, you're too beautiful sitting there all pouty. I can't fuck with you when I just wanna fuck you again."

"You've said 'fuck' more times in this conversation than you have in the entire time I've known you."

"You're right. Just because we let ourselves go a little doesn't mean I should let my verbal standards slip." He shook his head in disgust at himself.

"I'm with you for your verbal standards."

"Trouble, you are." He tapped my lip accusingly with a finger, eyeing my mouth up with intent. "Maybe more of a siren than a goddess." He lifted me off him and shifted as if to stand up. "Let's wash my mouth out with soap and re-clothe your little…sorcerous thing you've got going on here and go back to being grown-ups."

"I'm sure there's a balance?"

"There is. That's why I'm going to do this first…" He scooped me up with him and tossed me into the pool, following behind me to pop up conveniently in front of my naked chest.

Sometimes being a grown-up was completely overrated and genuinely horrible, but parts of it certainly had their perks.