They made camp in the dim glow of flowing lava. They needed time to rest, heal, and find an alternative exit. Nathaniel slid Sabinia and Paien to a far corner of the room, laying them side by side, hidden from view by piles of rubble from the platforms. This section of the Deep Roads was nothing but empty rooms of stone. With nothing to burn, a funeral pyre was not possible, and no one wanted to ask Lindise to conjure flames.
When the tents had been struck, Alistair accepted a drink from Fenris' skin, then coughed and sputtered when its contents hit his mouth.
Fenris arched a brow, "Not the best quality, I know."
"No. I was expecting water. That is exactly when I need right now." He wiped his lips and took another swig before handing it back. "Thank you. Give some to Lindise, she could do with a little fuzzying, I'm certain."
The lean elf studied Lindise, who sat beside Vash with her knees to her chest. The kossith sipped at a bottle of healing potion, his massive frame still dotted with pits from the darkspawn arrows. In his low, calm voice, he was telling the woman an old elven legend about lost halla finding their way home.
"Mm. Is life always like this for Wardens?" Fenris glanced back at Alistair curiously.
"No. Usually not. Usually we answer the Calling without-"
"But the rules don't apply to a Tevinter blood mage," Fenris sneered. "Why would your kind recruit such a creature?"
Alistair's mouth hung open while he searched for an answer. "I didn't know her," he said at last. "But Paien did. And he was a good man."
The elf gave the human a dubious look.
"We don't judge," Alistair told him. "Blood mages, thieves, bastards, mercenaries, apostates…" He paused, and then added with a faint smile, "Anyone with the skill and mettle to take up the sword against the darkspawn is welcome among us."
"I can see that policy is working out very well for you," Fenris muttered as he walked away.
Alistair slipped out of the ruined throne room and onto the platform outside. There Elissa sat on the edge, staring at the still glowing rocks on the other side of the narrow stone bridge.
"Will you be all right?" she asked.
Alistair looked at Elissa at her question, brows quirked. He let out a long breath and hung his head. "I've never-…" He grimaced and sat beside her on the edge of the crevasse, their feet hanging over into nothingness. "My mind keeps going back to Duncan," he finally admitted. "The death he chose. And then I feel guilty about mourning Duncan instead of Paien, and then I feel guilty for… doing it."
Elissa slipped her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Do you think we'll end up like them?"
"I don't know," Elissa answered truthfully. "It's not anything I enjoy giving much thought to."
"I suppose I pictured us facing the Void together. Hand in hand, plunging into the Deep Roads. You don't see that often, Wardens answering the Calling in groups. Even those who underwent the Joining together, who lived long enough… it never happens at the same time." He paused. "We don't get happily ever afters."
"No," Elissa answered in a small voice as she hugged his broad arm closer. "No, we do not."
"And," he went on with a sigh, "I know that I should let you go, too."
The words felt like a knife slid between her ribs and into her heart.
"That's what Wynne was on about, right? We are Grey Wardens. Duty will always come first." He managed to keep his voice low and steady somehow, which surprised him. "Losing you is my greatest fear… but I don't want to be a coward for the rest of my life." Alistair turned to look down at her. "I'm… letting you go to choose. Whatever it is you need to do. Whatever your decision is. I love you and I trust you."
Her hands slid up to cup his face, and gingerly she kissed the cuts and bruises on his cheeks, his brow, his chin. "We don't get happily ever afters. All we get is happily right now."
Alistair wrapped her up in his powerful arms and kissed her.
"I love you," she said some time later, breathless and eager for more kisses. "Can you forgive me? For being so foolish and terrified and just so… paralyzed?"
"I forgive you," he answered with a faint smile and his forehead resting against hers. "But we both-"
"Commander."
Elissa blinked a few times and lifted her head to see Nathaniel standing in the small dwarven doorway. She rose, pulling Alistair to his feet. He tried to wave her away to see to her men and her duty, but her grip on his hand remained tight as she pulled him along. Nathaniel Howe was referring to her as Commander. This was Warden business. Alistair was to be included.
Nathaniel nodded to Alistair with a questioning look that asked, are you all right? Or it could have asked are WE all right? When Alistair nodded back, Nathaniel turned his attention to Elissa. "We need to discuss Vashoth."
Elissa frowned and looked over the bowman's shoulder at the kossith. He still sat beside Lindise, who was clutching Fenris' wineskin. He quietly corked an empty healing potion and began digging in his bag for another.
Alistair's brow wrinkled. "He's been drinking those for an hour now, hasn't he?"
Elissa closed her eyes and hung her head once the realization hit her. "He's feeling the effects of the Taint."
Alistair hissed out a curse while Nathaniel nodded.
At length, Elissa asked what they had all been thinking, "Is he Warden material?"
"He can't fight," Nathaniel said in a low voice.
"He can learn," Alistair countered.
"Has there ever been a qunari Warden?" Elissa asked.
Alistair grimaced and shifted from foot to foot, "No. The qunari appeared after the last Blight. And recruiting one means turning him away from the Qun…"
"Which Vash has already done," Elissa said.
"He enjoys living free from purpose," Nathaniel arched a brow.
"He enjoys living," Alistair said as if correcting Nathaniel. "Why are you against the idea? He saved your life."
"I am not against it," Nathaniel answered in his low, calm voice. "I am trying to assure that we don't make a rash decision."
Elissa shook her head and raised her hands, "None of this means anything if we can't make the Joining elixir."
"Neither of you knows how?" Nathaniel asked in surprise. When they both shook their heads, his gaze turned to Lindise.
The slight elf leaned against the massive kossith, in the midst of a quiet conversation, "-to meet him. Well. No one really likes Cruso," she said. "So I suppose I should say that he should like to meet you."
At this, the big man smiled faintly. "Why does no one like him?"
"He isn't fond of being liked."
Nathaniel let out a long breath, "How long do we have?"
"A few days," Alistair said with a frown. "Maker, what a mess this whole thing is."
"We accomplished what we set out to do," Elissa said. She motioned the men to follow with a flick of her fingers, and she walked towards the doomed Vashoth.