The Deep Roads didn't have any concept of day or night. Nathaniel had traveled the Deep Roads with Sigrun and Oghren, and they always seemed to know the exact hour. Oghren called it stone sense. If he had to guess, Nathaniel would say it was currently close to midnight, judging only from his own weariness. The Commander had decided not to take the first watch, so he had volunteered.

A trying day. A trying journey, all put together. He was eager to get back to the surface, to put as much distance between himself and this place as possible. Distancing himself from his feelings for Elissa Cousland would also be recommended.

He tested the stretch of his arm with an empty bow, making sure all his feeling and ability had returned when he heard Alistair say, "Were you ever going to wake me up to change shifts?"

Nathaniel relaxed his arm and glanced over at the younger man. The pair of them stood at the narrow stone bridge over the endless chasm, and led to a path that no longer offered a way out. "I didn't feel it was necessary yet."

Alistair shrugged a little, "Paien wouldn't ever wake me up, either. He wasn't eager to go back to sleep. Nightmares, I think."

Nathaniel arched a brow, "I am not having nightmares."

"No, I didn't mean to imply-..." he trailed off and sighed before shifting topics with a faint grin, "Vashoth is still out like a light. Not looking forward to when he wakes up and gets hungry. If I thought I ate a lot the first breakfast after my Joining, I don't want to see what a man that size can put away. I doubt we brought enough rations." He turned a crooked smile on Nathaniel and was met with stony silence. After an awkward pause, he pushed forward with still more forced conversation. "Did yours go all right? Your Joining? It's odd, but I think that's become my favorite part, helping the new Wardens through it all. I suppose with Elissa-"

"What are you doing?" Nathaniel asked with a small shake of his head.

Without missing a beat, Alistair answered, "Fumbling my way towards an apology for giving you that shiner. And being a general ass. It was entirely uncalled for. Our Commander trusts you, and I should have as well, without question."

Nathaniel's dark gaze flitted to their shared tent. "Did she ask you to do this?"

"No," Alistair said, looking mildly offended. "I'm trying to be mature about this, if you hadn't noticed. Humor me."

The corner of Nathaniel's mouth tugged up as he looked back at Alistair. "All right."

"Right," he said with a slight nod. "So. I'm sorry for punching you. Many many times. And... you're... sorry for trying to steal what was mine?"

"Your razor."

"My razor."

Nathaniel studied the man a long, quiet moment. There was no threat in his tone. No posturing, no marking of territory, no bravado. It appeared to be an honest attempt to make peace, and to understand where they stood. "I am sorry for trying to steal your razor."

His face split into a boyish grin, and he swept his hands in front of him as if wiping a table clean. "Excellent. I still can't find it, though; I think you dropped it when I hit you in the mouth. Which I am sorry for. But, you know, I'm over it. No grudge."

Nathaniel nodded slowly. "Right."

Alistair sat on the edge of the bridge and drummed his hands on his knees, "Say, do you mind if I asked you something? Without any sort of offense meant?"

"Hard to say without knowing the question."

"Right. Well. Your father."

Nathaniel's brows arched up near his hairline.

"I'm genuinely curious to know what he was like. All I've got in my head is this villainous caricature, you know? Never met the man before… that one time we met him."

Nathaniel smirked and nudged at a pebble with the end of his bow, "She's good at picking up colleagues with daddy issues, isn't she?"

Alistair's eyes widened, "I was going to say the same exact thing!"

"Did you ever meet your father?"

Alistair's mouth twisted up as he squinted at the wall. "Ah, well. I don't know. I don't really recall. A few times. I guess." A beat of pause before he confessed, "Three times. Three times exactly."

Nathaniel slipped his bow onto his back and leaned against a pillar with crossed arms. "And?"

He drew in a deep breath with palms on his knees. "Once in Denerim. Twice at Redcliff. He used to stay there when he went hunting, you know? I was always so excited when he came. And first and foremost there was the fascination that he was king. But… to know who I was to him?" He smirked and lifted a shoulder, "And I was this stupid little boy, hardly more than a servant, really. Desperately hoping he'd notice me and say something, but he never did. So I convinced myself, well! He must not know I'm his son. But as soon as he does, he'll rescue me from all this and I'll live like a prince and we'll go hunting together and do all that father and son rubbish." Alistair rubbed a bit of dirt from his boot, "As I said, stupid little boy."

"What happened?"

"I met Cailan." Alistair looked up at him. "He was the king's son, not me. And the more I thought about that, the angrier I got. I decided that I was tired of waiting for him to see me, to acknowledge me. So I wrote out this incredibly juvenile letter telling Maric exactly who I was. I might have thrown in a few insults."

"Stupid little boy."

"Exactly. Thank the Maker I was idiotic enough to give it to Arl Eamon to pass along for me." He tilted his head, "It was only a matter of time before I was out of the kennel and off to the Chantry."

"And from there you joined the Wardens."

"Mmhm. And I just noticed you did a bang up job of avoiding my question about your own father. Well done! I nearly forgot that I even asked!"

Nathaniel smirked and stared out over the canyon. "My father," he said. "I think the most accurate thing anyone has said about Rendon Howe is that he was two-faced. He was one way with us, and another way with his political allies. He was a certain way with my brother, and a completely different way with me." He shook his head and rolled his eyes, "I was not the favored son."

"That can't have been easy."

"You know he wanted Highever. Before Loghain came to him, he was trying to arrange a marriage between my brother and Elissa. What his plans were beyond that, I don't like to imagine."

Alistair grimaced but said nothing.

"Anyhow," Nathaniel said with a shake of his head. "It took me some time to come around to the fact that I don't need to try and impress him anymore. First off, he's dead. Second off, he was a murderer and a traitor."

"But he was still your father," Alistair said delicately.

"And I am my own man. Hanging onto the dead weight of an idealized and fallacious memory of him will only drown me like an anchor."

"And the only way to go is forward." Alistair cracked a grin. "Easier said than done, of course."

"That's putting it mildly," Nathaniel said with a chuckle.

Alistair's smile only widened at Nathaniel's small laugh. "I'm glad to have another brother Warden, I really am. We-... I honestly mean that."

"You're certain this isn't just some new tactic?" Nathaniel crossed his arms and arched a brow. "Trying to get my guard down? Killing me with kindness?"

"If you knew anything about me, you'd know I'm not a schemer. At all. The last time I attempted a nefarious plot, it involved a larder of shortcake and a very cross Chantry sister who caught me in the act before I even had the biscuits in my mouth. No." He shook his head. "No tactics. Complete and utter earnestness and honesty, I swear."

"Just like that? We're chums?"

Alistair sighed and shifted uncomfortably where he sat. "I was... holding a grudge for something you didn't do. But you pulled me out of that pool. We've fought, side by side. Spilled blood together. Lost a friend together, gained a brother. You watched out for Elissa when I couldn't. Kept her safe. She means the world to me, and.. and these are all things I should be thanking you for. In fact, I am. Thank you."

Nathaniel's brow knitted up. "You really mean all that, don't you?"

"I miss the Warden camaraderie back when I was a fresh recruit. More than anything. And this? This is our fate," Alistair said, motioning to the shadows about them, to the darkspawn blood that stained the floor, to the pile of stone and rubble that still concealed the bodies of Paien and Sabinia. "I don't want to be the jerk that makes the time we have now miserable. Do you?"

Nathaniel blinked at him, at a momentary loss for words. This was the man Elissa had chosen, it would seem. "I do not."

"Then again, it could be that the lack of sleep is making me loopy and sentimental," Alistair added with a grin. "I could very well go back to hating you once I've had a full forty winks."

Nathaniel bowed his head, "In that case, I shall make my retreat now before you come to your senses."

Elissa was well and truly lost to him, wasn't she? To try and pursue her now, after all this… Yes, he still felt for her, and that familiar ache returned as he slid into his bedroll. An ache that might never fade, truth be told. It was destined be more pain that he simply had to learn to live with. Another anchor to cut loose.