Natsu's hands graze my face, holding me in place. He doesn't need to though because I don't think I can bring myself to pull away even if I know I should. If my mouth moulding to his isn't proof enough, then the mm sound I make while trying to get us closer is.
My hands find their way around his neck and quickly into his hair; the pink, wild, mess that I love so much.
I just want to bask in this moment and not have to worry or think about what should be- what needs to be- said and done. I almost allow myself to forget it all; the past. Until Natsu's tongue runs over my bottom lip, his hands linger down to my hips and he grinds his body lustfully against mine.
I'm still kissing him but now I'm keenly aware of my back pressed up against the wall. It's cold against my skin, a shiver wants to work its way up my back in the chilly space, but the growing heat between our bodies is confusing the natural instinct.
I feel everything and nothing all at once when he mumbles my name into my mouth.
"No!" I groan, forcing my hands to cease their hold of his hair and bringing them to rest against his chest. When he doesn't step back I use my arms to create the distance I need.
"Luce, I-" Natsu starts, but I shake my head and his confusion.
"This isn't us" I scold. "The Natsu I know wouldn't even know what this", I gesture to the millimetre of space between us, "is. And frankly I don't even know what just happened. You think if you kiss me it will all go away?You left me on my own for three years Natsu! The "one year" you promised in that stupid letter of yours was longer than I thought I could take. But oh no", I throw my arms in the air dramatically and then jab him in the chest; "You decided you needed two more for this so called "training" of yours." I stop for a minute to breath and by this point the Salamander is watching me with guilty, hard eyes.
"Lucy, listen-"
"I'm not finished" I hiss which makes him frown even more. I can't help but feel slightly guilty for the harsh lines that now decorate his face. "Do you remember the 50,000 jewel job we went on? The one with the burglars raiding a small town outside of Fiore?" Confused, he searches my eyes for something unknowing, and then eventually nods when he doesn't find it. I give him a sad, knowing smile. "Before we left for that mission I asked you if you were sure you wanted me to go", his eyes widen slightly but I keep going, "because I felt guilty that after every job you'd give me the money we earned. Of course we didn't earn much, because you always left a bigger mess than there was." I grin quickly before settling back to small hint of a smile. "When I said that, you told me it was inevitable that I come. Because if I didn't pay my rent I'd have no place to go and you said we couldn't have that because the team had to be together always. Our team had to be together." I don't stop the tears this time. "After I left home I always regretted leaving things the way they were with my father but I was too scared to go back because I didn't think I belonged there anymore. I didn't think I had any place to call home after that. But Natsu, you gave Fairy Tail to me. I'd have been lost without you I think."
"Lucy please, I-"
"I loved you. So much after that moment." Natsu blanches at the confession, staring at me like a wide-eyed fish. I try not to laugh in spite of myself. "It was really easy fooling you too. I was kind of glad you didn't realise. I was afraid things would get weird between us. But I also couldn't help wishing one day you'd find out. Of course you never had the chance to because then you left." Deep breathes I tell myself. "I tried to find you after I found your letter. I looked everywhere. I remember screaming out your name on the streets hoping you'd hear me and come back-" I hesitate at the hurt in his black eyes, the sad line of his mouth. "It wasn't until my throat was hoarse and it was painful to breathe, that I realised you weren't coming back."
Natsu looks down, unable to hold my gaze. "I'm so sorry Luce" he whispers.
"I blamed myself" I say.
"What are you talking about?" he demands.
"I knew you were somewhere, alone. Mourning Igneel", he flinches at the mention of his dragon father's name. "I wanted to comfort you but I didn't know how, so I stayed away. I kept wondering after you disappeared, that maybe if I had talked to you sooner, you would have stayed. That things wouldn't have turned out like they had if I had."
"No. It's not your fault Luce. I made the choice to leave, on my own. I couldn't leave Happy on his own, but I believed you'd be fine. You've always been the smartest one in our team. I didn't consider your feelings. I'm so sorry. I should have talked to you. But I was confused about everything. My whole life, I've been searching for Igneel. My only family disappeared when I was a kid and I had so many questions. I was so angry at him. Why did he leave? How could he be so selfish? Those were the only things I could think about. And then suddenly, there he was." Natsu's staring behind me at the wall as he says this. He's somewhere far away from here and I don't want to interrupt him just yet. "It all happened so fast. He was back and then he was gone. But this time he was gone for good. I couldn't believe it. I felt numb when we got back to the guild. Like everything I'd done, all the sacrifices I'd made were for nothing. And then there was you. I don't really know where to start just yet about why I left, but I can honestly say it didn't dawn on me until I'd been gone a three months, that I'd done exactly what Igneel had done. I'd left you without saying goodbye. When I realised that I was so angry at myself that I almost came straight back. But I couldn't bring myself to. Partly because I was scared of how you'd react, that you'd hate. And also because I had made the decision to leave and I knew I couldn't just back out then and there over the guilt I felt over hurting you. I know its selfish and awful to say that, but you don't-"
"I do" I interrupt sadly. "I wish I didn't. I want to stay angry at you. But I can't because I understand."
The corner of his mouth twitches. "Yeah. That's why I love you too."