Whatever expression I've been wearing on my face up until now shatters at his words. He loves me I gasp.
Natsu laughs out loud, "Don't look so surprised" he says, taking a step back. Even after saying that, I can't convince my mouth to shut after falling open so suddenly. "I'll admit, I've been pretty slow. It was only after I got half way through writing that note, that I noticed something was different. Everything just felt so wrong. It was like there was a weight on my chest", he smiles shyly at me, a completely unfamiliar characteristic for the Natsu of the past. "I kept picturing your face as I left. The way your face lights up when you smile, your cheeks turning pink when you're embarrassed, the way you pout when you sulk, the stern line of your lips when your angry…the fat, salty tears I imagined would be covering your face when you found the letter." He trails off and just as quickly as the shy smile came it's gone, replaced with a frown.
There's a dull ache in my chest that only seems to build the longer I watch him struggle with the battle clearly waging within him. I don't know how to take away the misery that's dug its way inside him but I can't just sit by either so I close the space between us. I can tell the actions caught him off guard because he flinches when I raise my hands, searching my eyes warily until I place them on either side of his face which seems to make him relax. Enough so, that his arms quickly find their way home around my waist.
For a long time we simply stay like this; bodies still in contact but with a comfortable distance put between us. At some point Natsu releases a shaky breath and after looking down for an eternity, his raven eyes focus back on mine with an intensity that could near well unravel me. "When Igneel-" his voice comes out rough; raw with grief, "When Igneel fought Acnologia and- and died something broke inside me." Tears threaten at the corner of his eyes but he brushes them away before they can fall, wiping his face on my shoulder. "I was always chasing after him. Hoping pathetically that one day I'd find him. I thought if I stopped searching, waited for him to come back to me, I'd eventually give up. I was terrified my fears would come true so instead of sitting back, I followed any lead I could find. You know this Luce; you've seen me run off on trails hoping they'd lead me somewhere." His eyes are so wide with desperation at this point that I can't help but nod so he knows I do remember. "After all the years I spent looking for him, for him to suddenly show up in front of me and then die I- how am I supposed to take that? If he was with me all along then why the hell didn't he come back sooner!?"
Natsu sobs into my shirt, his hands curling around my hips shakily. To stop from collapsing? Hold me in place? Keep me from pulling him closer? I barely know the reason but I don't stop him because I can't bear the thought of him pulling away if I try to move. My thoughts are interrupted by his cracked voice. "Was everything I did for nothing? I had to leave Fairy Tail to figure that out for myself. I decided to prevent all the pain I felt when I lost Igneel from happening again, I had to become stronger. Because if he was just going to disappear from my life for good after all the crap I went through to see him again I-I shouldn't have gone after him to begin with. That's what I thought-"
"You're a fool" I whisper, twisting my fingers in his hair. "You're a damned fool Natsu Dragneel" I repeat more loudly this time, stooping low so that I can press my lips against his. At first he tries to pull away but I just continue kissing him until he responds. It's hard to speak with his breath hefting into my mouth. "You loved him. Be angry. Cry. Scream. But don't say it was all for nothing. He loved you too. He gave you the strength to keep going when the rest of us said it was pointless. You wouldn't be who you are today if not for him and the whole he left in your heart." I have to stop to catch my breath, leaning my head away from Natsu's in the process. I relinquish hold of his pink locks, tracing a path from his neck to his jawline, pausing over his lips.
A tear slips down my cheek. Then another. "You didn't join Fairy Tail until after Igneel disappeared right?" He nods, unsure of the questions purpose, but that's ok. He'll understand soon enough. My mouth is a delicate smile, a foal wobbling onto new legs. "I'm glad for everything that's happened. Even if it meant you lost Igneel. Because that loss brought you to Fairy Tail. Brought you to me. And I don't care if it's selfish because I've already had to face a possible future where you're not in my life and I simply won't go through that again. So don't you dare say it was all for nothing. Because to me, you're everything."
Natsu's eyes soften. "Yeah" he says simply.
I feel so exposed, but that's ok. "Do you mind," I start shakily; glancing down at his solid grip on my waist. "You're going to leave a mark" I scold.
His eyes light up with a mischievous glint, the first real semblance of the Natsu I know. "Good. Anyways, I thought you liked it rough" he says.
"Up until now, you and I were just friends. How would you know what I like?" I ask.
"It's because we were friends that I know" he answers huskily. "Or am I wrong?" he adds, pressing the full length of his body against mine.
I take in a shaky breath. "Why don't we find out?"