Only in stasis.
The man who had brought him to his knees had been allowed to live. Preserved in an ice coated netherland.
Kirk leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. He had to be preserved, in order to save him. The other man's superior cellular structure had given him a second chance at life.
But at what cost? he thought, with a stab of bitterness. All the others saw was a man who had been reborn. Fleetingly, he wondered if they should have simply left him. He would have been free from the constant ache of guilt.
He'd let Khan kill Marcus. He'd let him threaten the lives of his crew. He'd let them watch as he was taken down.
Kirk swallowed. Remove Khan from stasis...and finally...
He shook his head, as though frightened of his own thoughts. Thoughts he could not reveal to the others. But neither, he surmised, could he remain on this ship. He bit his lip, his thoughts starting to whirl.
Suddenly, he heard a soft knocking on the door. Standing up, he pulled his robe tighter, and pressed the button. The slid open smoothlessly, soundlessly.
Montgomery Scott was standing on the other side. "Right, I can see yer up," he commented wryly, taking in the dishevelled appearance of the Captain. "But are you awake? Or are you just mopin' around over her?!"
Jim blinked. "Moping? Over-" he shook his head. "Scotty, you've lost me."
"Dr Marcus was concerned about ye," the Scotsman replied, bluntly. "I told her you were probably havin' girl trouble." He gave the other man a shrewd look. "And let's face it, there've been plenty of 'em!"
Kirk was annoyed. "Maybe there were, Scotty. But I never forced anyone into doing anything that she-"
"Ack, Jimbo, what's wrong? It was a harmless little joke, man." The engineer's face was shifting from light hearted to a more serious, searching look. "I don't think the doctor was too impressed."
"Really?" Kirk smiled tiredly. "She did tell me my reputation proceeded me."
"Indeed, you should have heard some of the stories I have." Scotty smiled warmly at him. "But, that aside, I did wannae speak to you."
"What about?"
"The core, Sir." Scotty swallowed. "I need you to come to it. But you might wannae get dressed first...?"
Kirk looked down at himself. "Of course," he said, his tone slightly curt. "I'll meet you there."
"There is no point in speaking to that man. Trust me."
Uhura swallowed, suddenly more annoyed with herself than she was with McCoy. Coming to the sick bay repeatedly - she was beginning to feel as though she were pathetic for worrying. And McCoy's blunt riposte was not helping.
"I know." Her tone was sharp. "And he's floating around like a ghost, barricading himself in his quarters - and you're saying there is no point in speaking to him."
"I'm saying he will come to us in his own time." McCoy shrugged. "Now, as the captain is indisposed, I'm sure you and Spock are running this place." He looked at her. "And you're doing a fantastic job."
Uhura did not even feel cheered by McCoy's confidence. "Thanks," she said tonelessly. Turning, she left the bay.
As Kirk descended to the core of the Enterprise, he realised he had left his pad in his room. Disregarding the opportunity to return and get it, he kept walking. Montgomery Scott was almost dancing with excitement.
"I think I found one, Sir!"
"Found what?" Kirk sounded nonchalent.
"Its a-" Scott blinked. "Sir?"
"What?"
"Are you even listening?"
Kirk blinked. "I need to get off this ship."
"What?!" Scotty looked at him as though he'd suddenly grown another head. "You leave the ship?! What on earth for-?!"
"Because," Kirk said, trying to control his heightened breathing, "I need to get back to the Headquarters. I need you to put the Enterprise into warp. I need you to do this, without alerting anyone on the bridge."
"Are you crazy?!"
"No," Kirk said, shaking his head. "I'm completely sure. Now, will you do this for me or not?"
"Don't try and bully me Jim," Scott warned, his brogue becoming thicker. "Last time you tried, I resigned - remember?"
"Yes!" Kirk glared at the other man. "Of course I do! You resigned, because I was stupid, and wouldn't listen to you! And its because I wouldn't listen, that I'm now-" he paused, ignoring the other man's open mouthed expression. "Just - help me now, and put the ship into warp-"
"Have you gone insane, man?" Scotty asked. "Is it those cells you were given - have you -"
"Have I what?" Kirk demanded.
The engineering chief shook his head. "Sir. I'm sorry, I can't sabotage this ship, even for you."
"Lieutenant, would you request the Captain come to the bridge, please?"
"Of course Commander," Uhura replied, crisply professional. She quickly keyed in the communication code, only for a bleep of an incoming message. "Yes?"
"Engineering to bridge, Lieutenant Uhura."
"Mr Scott?" Uhura frowned. "What is it?"
"Lieutenant, Mr Spock and yourself had better get down here."
"What?"
"The captain's here, Lieutenant. He's out cold."
"What?!" Uhura couldn't make sense of what she was hearing. "Why is he-Mr Scott?"
The engineer's voice came through, low, and apologetic.
"Because I hit him with a wrench."
Thank you for reading - please review if you wish!