It's already been a week since Kenny quit heroin. Time flies by I guess. I still don't like leaving him alone when I need to go to work but... I don't really have a choice. I really don't have to sweat it though, cause he's doing good. He's doing better... Even though he's still struggling, it's going slightly better now.
Kenny says that he doesn't want to be a burden. That he should find his own place to stay, and not just get everything payed for by me. But I want him to stay. I want to have him by my side so I can look after him. And there is nowhere else for him to go anyway.
We still sleep with each other. I'm no longer sure if Kenny does it cause he wants to stop thinking about his addiction or because he just enjoys it. Cause he sure as hell seems to enjoy it... But maybe it's just a little bit of both?
Today I get off work earlier than I expected. When I'm about to leave for the day I come up with a good idea.
When I later get home I find Kenny laying on the couch watching old reruns of Sailor Moon on TV. That show is really fucking lame... But Kenny seems to be having fun so whatever.
"Yo." He greets me and waves, not looking away from the TV for even a second.
"Hey..." I answer. "I bought some booze... And how about we order pizza for dinner?" Kenny abruptly sits up and turns his face towards me. His eyes are wide and sparkling with happiness.
"Yes." He says in a determined voice. "Yes please."
"Awesome." I say and I give him a kind smile.
We soon end up sitting next to each other on the floor, with a huge pizza in between us. We're eating and drinking like there's no tomorrow. I've learnt that Kenny is really good at keeping his liquor. I get pretty fucking wasted, before Kenny is even starting to get tipsy. But he gets there soon too and we're both pretty much completely gone. We lost count on how many beers we've had and there is barely any rum left in the bottle that was full when we started.
"Damn. It's been too long since I've felt this gooooooood!" Kenny exclaims happily while slurring very noticeably. I laugh a little at him, even though nothing's funny. He starts laughing too.
"I feel exactly the same way!" I tell him, probably slurring even more than him. My head is spinning like crazy and I don't even know what's going on anymore. Fuck everything. Let's just have some fun tonight.
Kenny moves the now empty pizza box from in between us and he throws it across the room, almost like a Frisbee. I laugh at that too. Everything seems funny right now... He scoots closer to me and we are now sitting so close to each other that our thighs are pressed together. Kenny swings his arm around my shoulder and he grins happily.
"Stan." The way he says my name is just amazing. Even when he's drunk out of his mind, and slurring like crazy it still sounds like the most beautiful thing in the world to me. "You're the best friend a guy could ever ask for."
"Seriously?" I ask, somewhat surprised.
"Yeah man! You're like... Totally awesome. Always there for me when I need you and stuff... Even though I know that I just hurt you, over and over." Even if we're both insanely drunk I can still feel my heart racing at these compliments and at his gratefulness.
"Kenny... I'd do anything for you dude. I love you..." I don't realize what I'm saying until it's too late. Oops? Whatever. Too drunk to care. So what? I told him that I love him. What's the worst thing that could happen really?
"Stan." Kenny says my name again, with his sweet voice. I look straight at him and our eyes meet. A second later he leans closer and I think he's trying to kiss me... All he accomplishes is roughly bumping his nose into mine. He pulls away a bit and we both giggle a little, before I tilt my head a bit to the side. He now succeeds in pressing our lips together. It starts out soft, and gentle. I don't get it? I just confessed and he kisses me? Doesn't he realize what's going on? I could take this the wrong the way...? Well he is pretty drunk... But I am too so whatever.
Kenny soon deepens the kiss and he shoves his tongue into my mouth roughly. I almost jump at that since I'm not prepared for it. Our kiss soon evolves into a sloppy, drunken make out. It's kinda messy and it'd probably feel kinda bad if I was even slightly sober. But heck. These lips are Kenny's and this tongue is Kenny's and it's perfect. Even if it's still kinda shit, it's perfect.
We break apart for air after a while.
"When are you gonna realize it?" Kenny asks me then.
"Huh?" I'm confused as fuck now. Realize what exactly?
"That I love you too." He tells me with a serious look on his face.
"What?" I ask. The words don't really sink in and I'm just staring out into the empty air, probably with a dumbfounded look on my face.
"I love you Stanley." Kenny says, and just this once he doesn't slur whatsoever. I stare at him blankly.
"You do?" I ask, feeling really surprised.
"Yes I do, you asshat." He says and he's back to slurring. Suddenly I'm overjoyed. He loves me. He fucking loves me. Kenny fucking McCormick, the person I've been desperately in love with for over 6 years loves me back. I feel like screaming. This is amazing. Everything is perfect.
Kenny leans closer again and we kiss some more. I swear that I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks now, even though I don't really register that I'm crying. Kenny loves me. Nothing in the world matters anymore except for Kenny. Nothing matters. We pull apart from our kiss and he removes his shirt. He then pulls mine off too.
Kenny then pushes me down onto the floor and lays on top of me. He grins happily before his sloppy hands start to roam around my body. My head is spinning and it feels like I'm intoxicated. Wait... I am!
It all feels too good. Even if the touches themselves aren't that great, since he's pretty drunk and doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, it's still perfect. I get hard, just by the though of that I'm doing this with the person that I love, who also loves me. I think I'm already starting to sober up a little though... My head doesn't spin as much and I'm more aware of what's going on now.
All clothes are soon removed from our bodies and Kenny still lays there on top of me, his hand now reaching down to grab both of our members, while pressing them together. He moves his hand up and down roughly and it feels amazing like this. I soon moan loudly and I come, before Kenny has the chance to do so himself. He shrugs a little and silently looks at the mess I've made on both of our stomachs and on his hand.
Kenny stands up, not bothering to finish himself off and he offers me a hand, his clean one that is. He wipes off the sticky white liquid on his hand onto his already messy stomach, like he doesn't really care. I grab Kenny's hand and he pulls me to my feet.
We move to the bed before he pushes me back down on it, and lays on top of me again. Another make out then happens.
After a few more minutes of messy kissing and sloppy foreplay Kenny moves back a little and our lips disconnect. In place of his lips he shoves three fingers into my mouth. I moan a little when his other hand starts to slowly jerk me off while he makes me suck on his fingers.
"You okay with this?" Kenny asks gently when he removes his fingers from my mouth and starts leading them to my lower regions. I nod.
"I've never really bottomed before." I admit. "But if it's with you I'll be alright." I must really be sobering up cause I'm not even slurring anymore.
"I'll be as gentle as possible." Kenny tells me with a small smile, before he carefully inserts a first finger into my rectum. I gasp a little at the strange feeling. "You okay?" He asks.
"I'm fine. Just feels a little strange." I answer. "Keep going." And he does so. His finger slowly starts to move out again and then back in, while trying to stretch me enough to fit a second finger soon. Just the first finger doesn't hurt, but when he adds the second one it does hurt. I grimace a little at that.
"I'm sorry." Kenny says sadly. "You're really tight. It'll probably hurt quite a bit at first... Do you want to stop instead?" I shake my head. No I don't want to stop. But it's sweet of Kenny. Even when he's this drunk he's still so kind and caring.
"Keep going. I can handle it." I tell him and I smile.
He leans forward and he pecks my lips slightly, before he starts to move the two fingers again. Soon the pain from the second finger disappears and all that's left is the strange feeling of someone fingering my ass... Kenny then adds the third finger and he does his best to stretch me, with as little pain as possible. It's strange. Just moments ago he was just touching me in a messy way, but now it's like he knows exactly what to do... I don't really understand. But I guess I don't have to.
I love him. I love him so much and this moment right here just makes me feel so happy. I don't care about the pain in my butt. I can handle that. Because I'm doing this with Kenny. I'm giving him a part of me that I've never given to anyone before I guess. And that's all that really matters.
His fingers are soon done stretching me and he withdraws them. I whimper a little as they exit me.
"It'll be the worst in the beginning." He tells me. "Just try and relax and get used to the feeling a little... Not to scare you or anything but... It's gonna hurt like a motherfucker." Kenny explains. I nod and he then starts to position himself.
My legs end up being thrown over his shoulders. I can feel the tip of his member against my entrance and it's a little scary. But it'll be okay, cause I trust Kenny. He's not gonna cause me any extra pain on purpose.
Kenny leans forward and he pecks my lips again. He moves away a little and he smiles at me gently. I smile back. I give him a small nod to indicate that I'm ready.
Kenny carefully thrusts forward slowly and I feel a sharp pain right away. I make a hissing sound at that.
"I'm sorry." He apologizes, as he continues to push inside. He stops and stays still when he's completely inside. I can feel my eyes watering at the pain. Damn. I didn't know that anything could hurt this bad. It's almost unbearable... But no. It's too late to stop now. This'll feel good later right? I mean... Kenny usually really seems to enjoy taking it up the ass... I haven't been stretched enough yet is all. And Kenny hasn't found that spot that feels really good yet either so...
"Are you alright?" Kenny asks with such concern in his voice. "Do you want to stop?"
"No I'm fine." I tell him and I smile through the tears. "You can start moving now actually." I answer, even though I kinda don't want him to move. It hurts.
"You sure?"
"Yes I'm sure..." I say with a sigh. Kenny pecks my forehead and then he slowly and carefully starts to pull out, and then he thrusts back in.
It still hurts insanely much, it's like my ass is being ripped apart. But as he moves it starts to get a little bit better. Just a little. This pain is bearable, only because it's with Kenny.
Kenny reaches for my now almost limp dick and he strokes it in sync with his gentle thrusting. I can tell that Kenny is really trying to hold back, for the sake of me not hurting...
"Go faster!" I tell him, trying to fake a bit of pleasure. "Harder!" I say, even though it's not actually what I want. But it's what he wants. He doesn't really notice that I'm faking and he starts to move faster and his thrusts become rougher. It hurts, god it hurts. I pretend that I like it, cause I want to at least make Kenny feel good.
After a while of painful thrusting, Kenny suddenly hits something inside me. I moan loudly. He found the spot... He grins at me, before he starts slamming inside, hitting the spot with every single thrust. It still hurts like hell, but when he hits that spot it feels good too.
I can't handle it. The stimulation on my prostate, and the rough jerking of my dick. I'm soon pushed over the edge, and I come hard, once again on Kenny's hand and all over our stomachs... Kenny keeps on moving and a short moment later he comes as well. I can feel the strange fluid starting to fill up my ass...
Kenny then collapses on top of me and we lay like that for a while. I wrap my arms around his back and I hold him protectively.
"Was it good?" I ask him carefully.
"It was fucking amazing Stan." He says, and he sounds like he's pretty out of breath. "What about you?" I smile at him.
"It felt strange, and it hurt a lot but in the end I enjoyed it." I tell him with a smile on my lips. The main reason why I enjoyed it was because Kenny told me he loved me first though... The only reason I didn't quit, the only reason I didn't make him stop when it hurt so much is because he loves me. Because this meant something for him too.
"I'm glad." Kenny tells me.
He then carefully pulls out and moves off me. We lay on the bed side by side for a while, before I pull the sheets over the both of us. Even though we're both covered in sweat and semen. I'll change the sheets tomorrow. I've had to change them very often lately...
Kenny rolls over so he's on his side and he's looking away from me. I move closer and I decide to spoon with him. We lay like that for a few minutes before Kenny shakes me away a little. I move without questioning it. Kenny isn't much of a cuddler after sex...
A few minutes pass before either of us does anything.
"I love you, Kenny." I tell him now again. The blond, who is still laying on his side, facing away from me then gives me a strange answer...
"Oh, yeah? That's great..." He mumbles tiredly.
Then I get quiet. He didn't say it back... That's a little odd... He told me earlier that he loved me... Why couldn't he repeat it?
It kinda hurts... I feel used. I gave him a part of me that I'd never give to anyone else... And he doesn't even seem to appreciate it much. I thought it'd mean something...?
Kenny quickly falls asleep. I can hear him snoring next to me now. I bury my face in my pillow and I feel like crying. But I don't, cause my eyes are completely dry. I must've cried out all of my tears earlier when I was in pain earlier... A few dry sobs still escape me, though I don't cry.
I thought... I thought for a moment that Kenny and I could be something more than what we are... But maybe not... Because, does Kenny really love me? I don't know... Did he lie? I'll just have to ask him in the morning, when he's actually sober.