AN: There has been a time jump! So, this is about a month after the last one. It's the only way I can fit her pregnancy into the amount of chapters I have left before the baby is born. Yeah, Thorpe was pretty much exactly like that in Shadow Cabinet. I think he was maybe in shock and didn't tell anyone cause he had to be in charge of the situation. I think he was just trying to keep her safe the best he could and now its done, he's a little bit more able lol. I need book four like air. Honestly, at this point, as long as Rory, Stephen and the others get out alive (touches every bit of wood because I'm a little superstitious lol), I'll be alright. And I feel your pain! I'm 22 in a week and most of my friends from primary school are engaged, married, are pregnant, have babies or are moving in with their partners and I'm just here like 'fanfic...fanfic everywhere.' The struggle is real. And yes, I'm honestly considering Jerome proposing at some point in the next series :D xxx Emily, all of my drabbles are already outlined and planned and there are some Callum perspectives in there ready to write. I update as soon as I have two chapters ready to go and I mostly post at about 9 or 10pm English time and I try to do that every couple of days. Basically, as soon as anything is ready to go. Wow, I've rambled. Happy reading :)

Insecurities

Stephen stood at Rory's vanity table, a wedding gift from her father, as he brushed his hair. He could hardly believe that Rory was already five months pregnant. Her baby bump was starting to show properly now. It wasn't huge but it wasn't small either. She was now visibly pregnant. In four months, that bump would be replaced with a baby. That baby would be his child. His son or his daughter. He smiled at his reflection as he placed the brush down. He placed both hands on the table and looked into the mirror. In four months, he would have a child of his own. And then it dawned on him. He suddenly realised that he didn't really know how to be a father. His hadn't been a shining example. And then the smile left his face and he lowered his head in thought. In four months, a baby would depend on him and Rory for love and care and guidance.

It finally really hit him that he was going to be a father.

A father.

He was going to have a child. And that terrified him. Not because he didn't love Rory. He loved her more than anything. He would give his life for her in an instant and had done so. And it was not because he didn't want the baby. He couldn't wait. It was because he knew very well that some men just weren't meant to be fathers. Like his father.

Edward Dene was no father to Stephen. He never learned from him how to be one. What if he was like his own? What if he couldn't connect and bond with the baby? What if he was distant and cold like his own father was to him. He wanted to be the kind of father that his child would love, not resent. He wanted his son or daughter to be able to come to him to talk about anything, their worries, fears, and concerns.

He didn't want to be the father who pushed his child away, forgot about them and clearly didn't care for them. He didn't want to be the man his father was. But what if that was who he became? What if he became Edward Dene? His fathers coldness was all he knew from him. He was terrified of becoming that man.

He raised his head and looked into the mirror to stare at his reflection. The harder and longer he stared, the more he saw his father in himself and the worse he felt. And then he could stand it no more. He closed his eyes to block out his reflection and tears fell. His face contorted as he sobbed, quietly at first and then, with a cry of anguish, his legs gave way and he crumpled to the ground where he wept openly.

All of his fears, his insecurities, his uncertainties, all of them escaped him as he huddled on the floor, crying so hard that he was sure he would cry no more. He felt alone and lost, destined to repeat his father's mistakes, destined to alienate his child. That was what the Denes did. And he was a Dene. He had been so excited for this baby and now he was scared and that devastated him. He thought about the first time they went for a scan, the first time he'd seen their baby. He was so happy and now all he felt was fear. He felt like he'd been cheated, like the universe had played another cruel trick by making him excited just to steal that away and replace it with terror and the absolute certainty that he would fail his child. He hated the fact that somehow, somehow, his father had managed to get under his skin one last time.

But then, he felt arms around him, pulling him from the ball he had curled himself into and holding him close. He tried to calm himself as he was cradled but his breath was coming in gasps and tears kept falling. He managed to wrap his own arms around her middle, and held on as if she was the only thing in the world, sobbing against her. He loved her so much. She was so strong and she had never let him stay lost. So he held onto her, silently praying that everything would be ok because she was here now. And everything was always ok when he was with her. She stroked his hair and kissed his head. And they stayed like that for ten minutes, maybe more, as he wept. While Stephen worked through his breakdown, Rory held him close to her, not once letting him go.

She offered no words because she knew that all he needed was someone to hold onto. Instead, she offered him her presence, her strength and, most of all, the love of her and the child she carried. She offered whatever feelings of comfort and safety her arms could bring to him. Countless times he had cradled her thus. Countless times he would again. But this time, it was he that needed the comfort of loving arms. She knew not the reason but at this moment it didn't matter. He needed her now and she would stay here, on the floor of their bedroom, until whatever troubled him had passed and she could assuage any fears that he was burdened with.

As she held him close, he spoke against her, his voice broken and heavy. His speech was pierced with sobs. "I...I can't...I'm so afraid...I'm going... going to turn into my father."

She sighed quietly and kissed his head. She truly, with every ounce of her being, hated his parents. She had only met them once, long ago in Harrods, but that meeting and the stories she knew of them were more than enough. His father was no father. And Stephen would not be like his father. She knew it. To the very bottom of her soul, she knew it. But Stephen didn't and it broke her heart as much as it had broken his. So that is what had caused this? Even now, his father was hurting him. His own failure as a parent had made Stephen sure that he would fail his child too. That was not possible and she had to make him see that.

"You're not going to turn into your father."

"But..but..," He was struggling, his body heaving violently from the sobs. "I have no idea how to be a father...I..I didn't have anyone to learn from. I don't...I don't know if I can do this...he never..." He gave in as he wept more.

Rory's breath caught in her chest and her heart skipped a beat, and she desperately fought to keep the tears from her own eyes. She was sad for Stephen. She was sad that he was clearly so afraid. She was angry. She was angry at his parents for never showing him or Regina love. She was angry at the world for taking someone as kind, compassionate and loving as Stephen and breaking him over and over again. And she was scared. Did Stephen not want to be a father after all?

"Please," she began, her voice small, unsure and afraid. "Please tell me you still want this baby."

He inhaled sharply and the sobs stopped abruptly as he sucked air back into his lungs. Surely, she couldn't think that he didn't? But perhaps he had scared her. He pulled back slowly and looked at her through red eyes. His vision was blurry with tears but he could still see the small amount of fear in her eyes. "Oh, sweetheart," he took her hands in his, his voice almost inaudible. "Of course I want this baby. I'm not afraid of being a father. I'm afraid of being my father."

He swallowed hard and she disentangled her hands from his and placed them on his face. His eyes were downcast. "Look at me Stephen."

He looked up at her. Her voice was determined and strong. "You are not going to be your father. Your father cared for nothing but himself. You care for everyone around you. You have so much love to give and he had none."

"But... But how am I supposed to be a father when he is my only example?"

She smiled. Really smiled. "By using him as an example. An example of what not to do. You know he treated you and your sister awfully. So you know not to do that. And you don't have it in you to do that Stephen. You're such a good person and I know that you will be a loving, caring father to our child just as you have been a loving, caring friend and husband to me."

He sobbed gently and smiled. It was a small smile but a smile nonetheless. Rory would take anything right now. She placed her forehead against his, hands still on his face. "I know you can do this and you can do it right," she whispered. "I believe in you."

She dropped one of her hands to his and took ahold of it, placing it on the bump that was their baby and holding it there. "We both do."

They sat there silently holding each other as Stephens sadness ebbed away. He was not his father. He was not Edward Dene. He was Stephen Dene. A little boy who had been lost and alone but was now home. He would not repeat his father's mistakes. He silently swore that to Rory, the love of his life, to their child and to the aunt their baby would never meet. I swear, Regina. I will not be our father. I will not fail my baby as our parents failed us.

He knew it was only in his mind, or at least he thought it was. Either way, it no less real than if she had been standing there, watching from the doorway, bangles halfway up her arms, smile on her face. He heard her voice in his head and he decided that yes, it was real. I know Stephen. You're gonna be fab. This baby is so lucky to have a father like you. You're so good. I'm so proud of you, my wonderful baby brother.

And maybe, just maybe, her voice wasn't imagined. Maybe she was actually telling him that. Maybe she was somewhere watching over him. Maybe she really was always there for him and always would be.