Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers or anything Marvel-related. At all.
...
Coulson felt weird driving an Asgardian around. In a car. A normal, human-sized car that looked like Thor had to crouch to get into.
It wasn't Lola—it was Shield-issued—but Lola was back on the Bus, and Coulson didn't want to involve any more agents than he absolutely had to on this one. No one needed to know the Avengers were so . . . adorable. And defenseless.
Thor absently traced the inscription on his hammer, his lips pressed firmly together and his eyebrows knit.
"I do not like this plan," Thor said at last.
Finally. Coulson had been waiting for Thor to say that out loud this whole time. But he'd remained quiet through the entire car ride, and it was only now—now that they were close enough to see Avengers Tower—that he spoke up.
To be honest, Coulson wasn't crazy about the plan, either. It relied too much on the idea that these kids could figure a way out of the Tower on their own. But Coulson was sure there were other, non-kid-related plans. The Director just wanted Thor to know about this one. Not other ones.
"You know the Avengers," Coulson said, putting on a smile. "Even pint-sized, I'm sure they're going to be a pain for the Enchantress."
Thor smiled grimly. "That is precisely what I am afraid of, Son of Coul."
Coulson gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. That definitely didn't make him feel any better.
They drove around the block and parked in a by-the-day parking garage, out of the way and private enough that they didn't draw attention but still public enough that they could get lost in the crowd.
Thor wasn't wearing his armor. They'd decided it might be a better idea just to fall in with the crowd. It wasn't much as cover went, but they didn't want to tip off the Enchantress as they got closer to the Tower.
Besides, there was already a crowd gathering close by. Not the usual crowd of gawkers who were pretty much permanently set up there, hoping to get a glimpse of Stark flying by or Thor on the rooftop summoning his hammer.
It wasn't the fan club that had for some reason decided to follow Bruce around, hoping for pictures of a Hulk-out.
It wasn't even the occasional demonstrators who would every so often show up and shout about how the Avengers were ruining society, how the world had become too dependent on superheroes.
No, this time, Coulson recognized the spark of morbid curiosity.
"People are starting to notice our predicament," Thor said. He looked thoughtful. "Even with your limited knowledge of magic, mortals can often sense when something has gone wrong."
Coulson nodded. He donned his glasses—not much of a disguise, but then, he had one of those faces, the blend-in-anywhere faces—and handed Thor similar ones. Not that they would do much, either, but hey, at least civilians would have to look twice to recognize Thor rather than just the one time.
Thor squinted through the glass lenses. "I like not this silence. Loki is usually much more—"
"Theatrical?"
Thor smiled softly, nodding. "And Amora often wishes to make her presence known. Long has she sought attention—my own especially."
"So what's going on in there?" Coulson asked, mostly to himself, but loud enough that Thor could hear him. Just so the big guy felt included.
Thor pursed his lips and shook his head. "I do not know," he said slowly. "And I find I do not like not knowing. It makes me uneasy."
"You said it," Coulson nodded fervently.
Just then, they heard a loud noise overhead. Coulson looked up, half expecting to see a SHIELD craft of some kind overhead. But the insignia he saw instead? It froze his blood.
HYDRA.
And then the next thing Coulson knew, he felt very large hands lift him up. His feet left the ground, and he realized he was being carried.
Coulson had been carried before. By Stark. But this was different. Less humiliating. Thor carried Coulson as close to side-by-side as possible, like a friend. Being carried by Stark was more or less like letting Stark try to handle a baby at a public relations event.
It was a good thing he'd been on missions before with Barton and Romanoff. Barton, who crashed through things with no regard for himself. Romanoff, who seemed to get some twisted pleasure out of finding only the most dangerous and insane way to do things.
It was a very good thing that had happened, because Coulson knew enough to tuck into a ball to protect his head.
They went crashing through the floor of the HYDRA plane right as the plane jolted as it hit the invisible barrier around the Tower.
"Steady!" said the co-pilot even as the pilot turned to look at their two new passengers.
"Hey!" said one of the five HYDRA goons in the passenger area—right where Thor and Coulson had landed.
Needless to say, the fight that followed was . . . not very long. It started when Thor shouted, "Observe, Son of Coul!" and then went into Asgardian warrior-mode.
It was an impressive sight, every time. Coulson had worked with Asgardians before, most recently Lady Sif, but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy watching these people work. They were amazing—no wonder people used to think they were gods.
Not that Coulson wasn't keeping up on his end of things. Took down several of them with just his sidearm. But Thor did most of the work. Simpler that way, and it looked like Thor needed the excuse to vent a little of his frustration.
As soon as Thor had knocked out the pilot, Coulson slid into the controls, keeping the ship steady, trying to make sure it didn't look like the ship had been infiltrated, though he was quite sure that the time for stealth had long since passed.
"HYDRA craft, just what, precisely, are you doing?"
The voice that crackled over the radio system was crisp and accented. Definitely the Enchantress.
Coulson frowned and coughed to try and deepen his voice. "Keep your pants on, lady, we got held up by some Avengers safeguards. They tripped out their Tower pretty good." Yes, good. That sounded at least half-convincing.
There was silence on the other line for some time before, at last, the Enchantress's voice came through again. "Very well. Proceed forward. We will guide your craft through the spell."
"And you'll have our prize?" Coulson asked, not sure if he should be asking about one or all of the tiny Avengers.
There was a soft left. "Oh, I assure you. Your compensation will be . . . more than adequate."
Coulson really wasn't sure how to read her. "Yes. Of course," he said, because that was what he could think to say.
The landing seemed to go relatively smoothly from there. There was no push back from the spell like before. He maneuvered into the hangar bay and put the craft down, grabbing a HYDRA jacket and helmet on his way.
Thor looked like he might follow.
"Uh," Coulson said, frowning.
Thor, seeming to understand the problem, sighed, his shoulders hunched forward. "Ah," he said simply. "I am conspicuous."
Coulson nodded. He wasn't sure if he was all that convincing, either, but at least he had a better chance of fooling Loki than his own brother.
Thor sighed and sat in the co-pilot's chair. "Yet again I am relegated to the task of waiting."
"Patience is hard, I know," Coulson said with a soft smile.
Thor laughed mirthlessly. "I appreciate your . . . patience with me. In matters such as this, it is difficult for me to restrain myself. I desire action; I like not this waiting."
"I'll bring them back," Coulson promised, though he wasn't sure that was a promise he could make.
He stepped outside, straightened the HYDRA helmet, and walked through the doors.
Everything seemed okay, nice and quiet. He walked down the hall, the only sound the clip clap of his brand new shoes against the floor.
And then, out of nowhere—
"PURPLE KID TO THE RESCUUUEEE!"
...
A/N: My OTPs are as follows: Thor/Intelligence and Coulson/New Shoes.
Also Clint/Being a Tiny Ball of Terror