Standard Disclaimer, I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Chapter 2: Jealousy
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Esme was standing out on the front porch leaning over the railing and staring out into the woods. They were finally about to leave Forks and in her opinion they couldn't get out of here fast enough. Too much had a happened here and she just needed a fresh start.
She was so out of it that she hadn't even noticed Rosalie sliding up next to her until the blond vampire had taken one of her hands in her own. Esme looks up slightly surprised but then gives her a warm smile. The only person more excited to leave Forks than her was Rosalie.
They stay like that for a while, just enjoying the silence and each other's company before Rosalie speaks. Both of them staring out into the woods.
"It's okay that you're angry, I know I am."
Esme shakes her head, she should have known that her Rose would have seen through her. It was easier to hide since Bella almost always had her shield up for Edward now, but she guessed that something must have slipped through and caught Rosalie's attention.
"I'm not angry."
"You can repeat it to yourself and to whomever you want to over and over again, but I know you so much better than that. You're angry and I'm here to tell you that it's okay."
Esme shakes her head. "No, it's not. He is my son, she is now my daughter and I should feel nothing but joy for the both of them."
"Why?"
Esme shakes her head again. "Because that is what I do, I am the mother in this family, the compassionate one, I have to be happy for everyone. I don't get to be angry or jealous."
"True, you are those things, but first and foremost to me, you are my best friend. The one person in this family that I can talk to about anything, and I know I'm yours. You can tell me because I'll tell you. I am, I am so angry and I am so jealous. Don't get me wrong, I love Nessie, but the fact is that while she is a gorgeous child and I love her, she will never be mine and she will never be yours, and Bella who never wanted it got our happy ending. She gets eternity with her true love, she gets to keep her human family, and she has the child that you and I never will. I've come to care for her and I am happy for her, it doesn't change the fact that I had to sit back and watch someone else get my dream."
"It's not fair…" Esme whispers softly. "I… only got to hold my baby for… for… it felt like a second and then he was gone… and I can never… I'll never be a mother again, I'll never have that feeling of holding a little child close to me and knowing that it's mine, my baby."
"You've made due with us, but it's not the same is it? I mean I've dreamed about motherhood for as long as I can remember. I've only ever wanted a little baby to hold and call my own and to grow old with the man I love and watch our child grow. I can dream all I want but I'll never experience that… but you, you had it. It was for only a second, but you still had it and then it was ripped from you.
I've never envied you that. I can only dream of what it's like, but you've actually experienced it and you will never know it again… I can only imagine how much harder all this is for you. To see someone who didn't even want it, get the dream that you and I crave with our entire beings."
"I should be happy for her…" Esme wishes that she could cry. "I should be thrilled, and I am… but…"
"You don't have to say it if you don't want to, I just don't want you to think that you can't or that you are alone."
The two women finally turn to look at each other, "I can't say it." Esme says, a quiet desperation in her voice. "If I do I won't ever be able to hold it back. I look at them and…" God how she wished she could cry.
"You look at them and it's a knife to the heart. The pain is worse that even the transformation, and you are so jealous of them. And you hate yourself for it too, you feel sick inside, because you do love and care about them, you want them to have a happy ending. But you feel how you feel and you feel cheated, like God is showing you what you will never have. And every time you look at her you feel like the universe is rubbing it in your face that somehow someone else beat the odds or destiny or fate or whatever and you didn't. Like what did she do to be so blessed and not me?" Rosalie says all this softly and gently, giving voice to Esme's own deepest and darkest feelings. Rosalie pulls her into a hug and Esme doesn't fight it and she lets herself get lost in the other girl's arms.
"It's not fair." She whimpers.
"No… it's not."
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So I might actually turn this into a series of one shots, I'm not quite certain yet. If I do they will all be interconnected and in no particular order. I do it with another story of mine and it's done fairly well so we'll see. The problem with that format is that unless inspiration hits, updates are few and far between. If I do it I would try to cover all of the Cullen's but it would definitely be a very Rosalie and then Esme heavy centric story. Like I said I'm undecided right now. But I do hope you all enjoyed this little chapter no matter what I decide to do.