Epov
I have managed to keep my self busy in the past few weeks and thank god I have been to fucking tired to have any nightmare or thoughts of her. I guess that was the trick I needed to stay focused on my career and I could drown everything else out. I heard from Emmett today seems him and Rose are headed to NYC that modeling shit she was waiting on finally came thru. He was so proud of her to. But it made me wonder if he was just excited that he was dating a model.
Yea it was good for his ego, Jas and Alice finally moved into their own apt this week. After being cooped up with them all these months I finally have the house to my self. But now its to fucking quiet and the silence screams the truth. So I find myself strolling the clubs and bars and ending up with some random chick at my place at the end of the night . Fuck me when did I become such a man whore. Um I think when I decided it was a good idea to fuck Bella out of my system…
I tugged my fingers threw my sex hair as the ladies started calling it and tossed back my double. Ali and Jaz were supposed to meet me here tonight but Alice said something came up, I said more like Jasper dick was up.. I hated drinking alone but by the way these women were checking me out I wouldn't be drinking alone for long. The door opened and it was the first time I noticed her. I had been trying to stay away from any one that remotely reminded me of her .so if your brunette you didn't stand a chance in hell of getting fucked. Blondes or red heads.
Smart or dumb I didn't partially give a shit as long as I could stick my dick in her and she give descent head I'd be alright. I have to admit that she was pretty strawberry blond hair soft curls a bodacious body and luscious red lips ,yea I could definitely see them wrapped around me dick . But I played it cool to many guys were fawning over her and she knew it I don't stress chicks they stress me . I flashed her my killer smile and whispered hello.
And walked toward the rest room I'll let her stew for a minute and if she really interested she'll let me know when I get back. After taking my time I headed back to where I was sitting and glanced up to see her sitting in the seat next to mine.
" hello beautiful" I said giving her another dose of the Masen Cullen charm she smiled back causing a slight twitch in my jeans yea she was good to fuck tonight…..
Bpov
Today Mike said he wanted to go to dinner for Valentines day. I really didn't want to go any fucking where I was ready to pop. I was due in 3 days and I just wanted to stay home. But shit I felt bad he was really trying to make our marriage work and he tried to make me as comfortable as possible, I waddled out to the car and asked him where we were going.
" I just want to take my wife out for dinner for valentines day" he squeezed my hand eww he was just making me all kinds of sick I hated the fucking site of him.
" sure I could eat I'm always starving but I really need to pee first" as he pulled up to the
valet parking we got out of the car when I felt wet
" fuck I think I just peed on my self " I tried to move to go in to the bathroom but I doubled over in pain
" I don't think it was pee I think my water broke and I'm having contractions" I reached for the door of the car as I felt another contraction take me over I had been feeling crampy all day I just assumed it was all that broccoli I had eaten earlier.
" owww Mike we need to go to the hospital" I was starting to panic I needed to focus
I tired to keep my eye on the prize but damn it . I was in pain the nurses offered me a epidural I turned it down I don't want my baby high off the side affects I wanted him awake when he came out, besides itis the least I can do suffer all the pain that I have caused Edward I truly deserved this gut wrenching pain, I looked up at Mike fuck did I want to punch him in his fucking smiling face, yea push motherfucker I'd like to see you try and push a pea out of the head of your dick. I slapped his hand away from me. I didn't want his ass in here, he has no right to be here I started screaming and punching on his arm everyone assumed it was from the pain but it wasn't I wanted him out .
"Mike I cant have you in here" I started pushing him , he looked confused
" its ok babe , I wont look" I started to cry thru the contraction and the doctor came over
" Mr. Newton having her upset at this stage in labor is bad for the baby please wait out side" I looked at him then at the doctor
" Bella babe I want to be here for you but if you are uncomfortable with me in here I'll leave" his head dropped a bit but I couldn't find myself to care , if I couldn't have Edward in here with me I wanted to do this alone.
" please Mike I'm sorry , I don't want you to see me like this, can you call my dad" I gave him something to do so I hoped he would be ok with it. It didn't matter either way I don't want him in here. He kissed my temple
" I'll some calls and I'll be right out side if you need me just call" I nodded my head and smiled knowing fully that I would never call him it didn't matter the fucking pain I was in ..
Epov
My eyes flew open like something shook me awake I was beat and needed to sleep but couldn't go back to sleep for shit, I tossed and turned but nothing I tossed the covers back and headed out for a smoke. As I stand out here in the balcone smoking my cigarette I let my mind wonder, I hear Tanya sigh from the bed. I shake my head and smile yea I just fucked the shit out of her and fully exhausted her ass.
it wasn't a good Valentines day if I had been paying attention to the damn dates I would have planned something more romantic I knew how to treat a lady , but thank god she had no interest in romantic shit because frankly I had been swamped at school and work that I truly forgot what day it was , she said she understood and would be happy with just going out to dinner and that she expected me to make up for it when we came back here. which i have and then some. but thats just me the constant over achiever.. I have stopped seeing Antoinette and have been spending more and more time with Tanya it started out as just sex but I want something more.
I guess I want someone to be there for me. I spoke to Antoinette and she told me that if she felt right then I should try and let go and be with her. That no one ever forgets their first loves. They carry on in our hearts with us no matter where your life takes you, I had a love for Antoinette but she knew she wasn't my love , she'd say Anthony in her heavy accent sometimes you have to let go of the past to embrace your future, if your meant to be with her she'll come back to you.
She kissed me on both cheeks and said our lessons were over and its time I gave life a chance I hugged her kissed her cheeks and bide her farewell. I glanced at the clock 2:19 am fuck I needed to get back to sleep I flicked my butt off the rail walked my naked ass back thru the French doors , dusted my feet off and slipped back in next to Tanya. Hopefully if I were I would succumb to a deep slumber.
Bpov
After pushing for an eternity I heard doctor George say his shoulders were almost out. I was completely spent I didn't have any more energy left . I wish she was here I wish he was here but they aren't I'm in this shit alone
" come on Bella one more big push" the nurse helped me lift my chin to my chest I grabbed hold of my knees anchored down and pushed like my life depended on it , I pushed to give my Anthony life and it felt as if the world stopped all was quiet until I heard the most loveliest sound in the world. I heard him cry.
My Anthony, my love, my life. His cries was music to my ears I did it, he did, it was me and him against the world. I looked up at the clock 8:19 pm he loved his love for his parents by being born on the biggest day of love. Valentines day. They cleaned him up and laid him on my chest I looked down at him with tears in my eyes .
"hi Anthony , I'm your mama" I choked back the sobs as he wrapped his tiny finger tightly around mine and sucked in his bottom lip, just like his father I thought .
"Anthony Masen Swan
2/14/09
8 lbs 12oz
21.5 inches
8:19 pm
I sat upright with Anthony in my arms and fully inspected him his hair was brown like mine his eyes had that bluish tint around the iris , who knows maybe he'd have blue eyes Carlisle had blue eyes, he had ten perfect little toes and ten perfect little fingers, just like his daddy, even his little penis was quite large for a newborn I smiled that to would be like his daddy's
" Bella he can be circumcised tomorrow if you chose" I nodded my head oh yes I definitely wanted him to have a pretty one. The future harem of girls would thank me for that , there was nothing more disgusting than having to look at a dick with foreskin covering it.
" thank you Dr. George that will be fine" the nurses came to take him for his first bath while I was cleaned up and prepared to be taken to my room…
I have to say that being a new mom was stressful at first not knowing what to do or why your baby is crying is frustrating, but Anthony hardly ever cried except when he was hungry or had a dirty diaper and it was such a soft cry if I hadn't timed his feedings I wouldn't have heard it. No I take that back after he had that infection at his circumcision site he screamed like somebody was trying to murder him. But fuck who could blame him the tip of his penis was raw.
I asked Dr. George why he got an infection but he assured me that it wasn't anything that I did but an allergic reaction to brand of baby powder I was using. Once that cleared up his was a good baby But when ever Mike tries to hold him or goes near him he starts wailing. I tell him that Anthony sense his fear and he cries because of it. I couldn't explain why Anthony cried when he was around but I really didn't want to get into it either.
Mike was great to me my whole entire pregnancy but these past few weeks he has been distant and has even started coming home late not that I mind but he has been coming home drunk. He looks at me like he wants to start something but thankfully he just passes out on the couch on in the bed.
I put school on the back burner for now just until Anthony is a bit bigger and can go into the school day care center. My days go by relatively quick, being a stay home mom is a full time job plus keeping the house clean and cooking , I never thought I be a house wife but I kinda like it , ok well maybe not the wife part but I'm loving being a mom.
I look at Anthony and I truly am amazed by the simple things he does. He grabbing his toes and making gurggly noise and when he flashed me his million dollar smile my heart melted on the spot. his smile is absofriggnlutely beautiful, He is so gorgeous, yes granted every mother believes their child is beautiful but even for a little baby the looks he gets from other woman is unreal everyone stops to see him and his eyes sparkle up every time some one would say how beautiful he is.
His hair is brown like mine but in the sunlight you can see highlights almost a bronze color like Edwards , he bares the crooked smile like his father ,has a tiny dimple in his cheek like his Uncle Emmett. He has his Auntie Alice undying energy, I smile at him " you really are a Cullen aren't you love" I kiss his cheeks blow raspberries on his belly and toss him up in the air " that's mama's boy" he goos back at me like he so in love with me. He only has eyes for me.
I'll cherish that now because I wont always be the woman in his life. It saddened me to think that one day I'll have to share his love and affection with another woman. No woman would ever be good enough for my baby. Well I guess its true what people say. . A man's first love is his mom . I strapped him back into his stroller we had a great day at the park.
We came to the park everyday that's where I met Angela Cheney and her daughter Emily who was about Anthony age , we'd meet everyday at the park and drink our coffees together and talk about the milestones of our babies, she was a young mother like my self who had gotten pregnant right after high school and married her high school sweetheart Ben her eyes sparkled whenever she talked about him, after our visit she would meet him for lunch.
" same time tomorrow" she asked as she hugged me goodbye and ruffled Anthony's hair
"bye gorgeous" he flashed her his two pearly white teeth I blew a kiss to Emily
" oh I see already I'm going to have to keep him away from her. He going to be a lady killer " she laughed as she headed in the direction of the campus for her daily lunch date with her husband I was so jealous of the fact she loved her husband where as I loathed mine, she is a great friend I really enjoy talking with her and have found that we share a lot of the same interests.
I waved to them as we rounded the opposite corner in the direction of home Today was a starting off to be a good day I just hoped that it stayed that way Time to head home and start dinner and pray Mike wasn't in a nasty mood .
My baby turned 6 months today he was already sitting up and trying to say words the over achiever like Edward. I went to lay him down for his nap when I looked into to his half closed lids and gasped when I noticed that all to familiar shade of green appearing in his eyes. Fuck I'm fucked now..