Because of you

Apov

To say I hated my life was an understatement. I was born into a life of hell. but I had her and she made everything better or at least she tried to. I have to be thankful for what she has done and given up for me in her life. She love me more than anything in this world, I knew that because she tells me every waking moment of the day. she is my mama and I wish I could say more to her to let her know how much I love her and how much I appreciate that she gave me life instead of taking it away. But I cant get my jumble gibberish to sound like the words I say in my head. So I hug her and plants wet kisses all over her face. I scream the word that puts that sparkle in her eye "MAMA" She is my world . My everything . My life she is my Mama and I love her

I wished that I could be the man I'm supposed to grow into now . The man that I' am destined to become. But being six months old and having this little body and not able to express my words to anyone let alone her how could I be the man that takes care of her the way she takes care of me, to love her the way she loves me. to protect her from that douche bag motherfucker, I thank god that I cant say those words yet as much as I want to, she would be disappointed in me. She didn't raise me to be disrespectful So I try to be a good boy. And not cry when he was hitting her. I know she puts herself in front of me so he doesn't hit me. But I cant tell her that he already has.

She left me with him to go get milk and I wanted to go with her .so I cried as soon as she got her purse to leave "mama" I held my hands up to her I wanted to go she bent down and get me but he told her to leave me with him so she kissed me on my forehead instead and said "oh baby don't cry mama will be right back" told me I had to stay with him my so-called daddy but she winced when ever she call him that. I wanted to tell her I knew he wasn't my daddy. I know my daddy's voice and it wasn't his. I felt my daddy's presence and it isn't his. I felt my daddy's love, he doesn't love me.

When I was in mama's belly I would feel her heart race with excitement when he came near her. I heard him tell her he loved her and me when he kissed her belly. When she is asleep I her sigh "Edward" I know he is my daddy. I felt her tears as she cried for him. She told me she loved my daddy. But it isn't him she don't love him. When he's around she is scared, she loses the sparkle in her eye. She whispers. And holds her head down. She doesn't love him she is afraid of him.

I've always known this I felt her heart pound in fear when the faker was around. I am not his son and he knows it. that's why he hits my mama .I felt he knew it, he would come into my room and just stare at me and shake his head, I started to cry for her and he pulled me by my onesie and told me " if you know what's good for you, shut the fuck up" he squeezed my arm until I stopped crying.

I stopped crying not because he was hurting me but because I wouldn't give him the pleasure of making me cry. He was not a man and I not afraid of him. I promised myself that I would be good so he wouldn't hurt my mama. I tried not to cry when she crawled to me broken to soothe my cries that day when he attacked her in the kitchen. But I couldn't stop the tears from falling, watching her sobbing and bloody I was scared he'd kill her and she'd leave me all alone. I could handle anything but losing her. She is my world. I wouldn't exist with out her.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her but all I could say was "Mama" she held me tight as she whispered it was ok now. She cried into my hair when she told me she loved me ..I wanted to scream lets go let get out of here. Please I begged but when I opened my mouth all that came out was "Mama" she hugged me tighter and told me I was her savior it was because of me that she would be strong. How can I be her hero when I cant say a word . I smack both sides of her cheeks and slob kisses all over her face to show her I love her.. Because she is my "Mama"

I realized that day we were screwed if she didn't get out. I have witnessed far to much for my little eyes to see but I knew what he was doing was wrong. She could never understand how I said mama first did she really not know. She was all I needed as for him I would never call him dada of course I could say it . But I was saving that when and if I ever had the chance to be with my daddy again. Him he was a loser and there wasn't a chance in hell that I would waste my words on him. So when he came around I would just scream.

There is so much I want to tell her but I cant get it out. She needed to know why he was drunk every night, and how he lies when he says he out at practice, she needs to know that he got thrown off the team for using steroids. Yea his stupid ass talks to much when he thinks my mama cant hear him, she needs to know that he is with another woman I hear him call her baby all the time. But when she comes to me I open my mouth and all I can say is "mama" but at least I know with that one word my mama is happy

Bpov

Its finally Monday and thankfully the beatings and abuse has stopped for the time being. Mostly because he had to go to work, and hopefully he would then hang out with his buddies after work, if I was lucky by the time he makes it home he will pass out. The sun was shinning which signaled the start of a beautiful day. I needed to make up this weekend for my baby so I dressed him in his little jeans and aqua shirt to bring out his eyes and topped him off with a fitted Yankees cap my dad would be proud he it was his favorite team.

I put on jeans and a long sleeved shirt yes it was warm out side but I had no choice I needed to cover the bruises that were on both arms. I tried using concealer to hide the remnants of my black eye but it was no use, the corner of pupil was still blood shoot. I looked in the mirror disgusted with my self I put on my dark shades who the fuck am I kidding. I heard Anthony call me "mama" I would never tire of hearing him call my name.

"are you ready my love" I asked him as I bent down to kiss his nose he giggled and started his random babbling I loved when he tried to talk to me

"mama" he replied by grabbing my face and slobbering with his wet soppy kisses on my lips my nose and cheeks , god I loved them even if I needed a towel to clean my face after wards it was so worth it. His kisses made me feel like I did some right in my fucked up life. I now fully under stand what Renee used to say that I was the only thing she did right. A mothers love is unconditional love it last thru all these crazy days in life it doesn't fade.

I felt that with Renee and I just prayed that my son felt the same with me. I hated myself for bringing him into this fucked up life that I am living but I think no I know that if he wasn't here I would have hung myself already. He is what keeps me going, pushing thru hoping and wishing that one day there would be a better place for us.

I strapped him in his stroller, locked up behind me and headed for the park. Stopping of course for my coffee and his biscotti cookies.. He loved them. Made me laugh and wonder how much like his dad was he. I took my usual spot on the bench silently praying that I missed Angela or maybe she went and met her husband already. I sighed sipping my hot coffee when I heard

" hi handsome" Angels chirped as she sat down next to me. It was sunny but not that sunny that I needed the glasses

"a little late for Halloween."

"huh" I was confused Halloween I thought

"um vampire hiding from the daylight" she chuckled

"yea something like that " I shrugged hoping she would drop it. But she didn't she pressed on

" Bella are you ok whats with the dark glasses , it isn't that sunny out" I shrugged drinking my coffee it burnt all the way down my throat.

"I'm fine Angela" I turned my attention to Emily

"hi pretty girl" I tickled her chin and her and Anthony both squealed

"omg Bella what happened to you" I realized that I had marks on my neck as she touched it lightly and she could see the yellowish color peeking out from the sides of my glasses.

"I fell down the stairs" she hugged me and the brave front that I was trying to hold on to tumbled down. I started crying and couldn't stop.

"Bella did your husband do this to you" I nodded my head to choked up to picked my head up took my glasses off and wiped my tears. And hugged me closse to her

" where are friends Bella and I want you to leave or go to the police" I shook my head

" I cant Angela I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out off" I told her everything that has happened to me this past year I even told her about Edward being Anthony's father. I told her about the letter most of all I told her I was scared shitless to leave. I wouldn't be able to get far with no money.

"ok I can get you a job that will help you get some money so you can leave" I looked up at her

" working where. Doing what" I asked I don't have any type of work experience

" I only work when I need extra money Ben doesn't know" I looked at her in surprise I never thought that she had secrets that she kept from her husband .

" I cant pay for a sitter" I put my face in my hands,

" oh that's not a problem, they have a child care center there and you will love my boss he is the greatest" she wrote down her address and told me that she was working tonight and she would bring me there.

"thank you Angela , thank you" she hugged me again and kissed my cheek
"go home and get some rest and be at my place by 7" I nodded ok and set off to my house with the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders

Epov

These past weeks have been a blur I work and work and work then I come home to Tanya and have to listen to her and her sister going over details for the wedding, she wanted some big wedding here in Italy but I wanted something small in my home town where all my family and friends could attend I told her it wasn't an option it was the only thing that I wanted she could handle the rest of the preparations.

Thrilled with a no limit expense she agreed , I spoke to Alice I had hoped that she would design my wedding party attire but she refused saying she would only do my tux and the rest was on her she wanted no party of that tragic mess she was bound to create. She wouldn't even be in the wedding well not that Tanya wanted her any way. I ended up with two best mans since I couldn't choose between Emmett and Jasper. Emmett is my brother but shit I have known Jasper since preschool.

So they both agreed. Seemed like everything was in order. We would be heading to Forks in a month to have the wedding and my bachelor party. These fuck faces wouldn't telling me what we were doing . Just to let Tanya know that we wouldn't be back early. God only knows what they were up to.

Bpov

After cooking and feeding Anthony I decided I would walk over to Angela's house she didn't live far from my house, and I knew that Mike wouldn't be home anytime soon so I just left. When I got to Angela's her husband was leaving for his second job

" have fun tonight babe , I love you" he kissed her and headed for the door

"hi Bella nice to see you again you girls have fun tonight" I smiled I wasn't sure what she had told him and I didn't want to get her in any sort of trouble

"thanks Ben have a good night" I waved bye then followed her inside where she went to her closet and pulled out her work bag she called it . After putting on Emily's pajamas and I changed Anthony into his we loaded them into the car. It was easy to let loose with her she is a great person and I was blessed to have her as a friend .

we had so much in common she I told her I was originally from Phoenix then moved to Forks when my mom died, she told me that her parents just recently moved there seems her parents followed her dad congregation there. They were very religious people and weren't happy when she had Emily but they adore her now and are happy that Angela and Ben had gotten married We sang to music and chatted softly

" do you like to dance Bella" I shook my head

" yea I love it I haven't been clubbing in a while"

" we need to have a girls night , I think it would be fun" we pulled up to a exquisite building. Victorian style building but I didn't know where we where. I looked up at her and just nodded

" this is where the daycare is" she said as she reached for Emily I followed and un strapped Anthony and walked behind her as we entered the building . It had security in the front and several rooms off to the side with sleeping kids she signed us in and made way to the office

" Mrs. Cooper this is my friend Bella and her son Anthony she is going to work with us" the old women took Anthony from me and squeezed my hand

" such a beautiful boy" she kissed him atop his head and he giggled causing her to smile more she then grabbed Emily kissing her cheek and stepped in the room closing the door behind her. I looked at Angela nervously

" don't worry they will be fine besides you can see them from the nanny cam in my room"

" your room" I questioned what the fuck I thought as I followed her thru several hallways we stopped at a door that read private and she entered her pass code when we entered my jaw dropped .

" Angela I cant do this" she squeezed my hand pulling me forward

" yes you can, your going to get your money to leave that bastard here, now come on Jacob is expecting us"

"Jacob"

"yea our boss and the owner of this fine establishment the Wolf Den" she laughed as she said the title

" but this is a go-go joint" she shook her head

"oh no Bella this is a gentlemen's club , quite the difference" I shrugged my shoulders sure I thought we walked up another flight of stairs to yet another office where he was sitting behind a desk talking on the phone he waved us to sit down he would be another minute I sat there bouncing my knees nervously he looked so familiar like I had seen him before but I couldn't place where. He replaced the receiver and stood up to shake my hand

"Jacob Black " I did know him his father was friends with my dad

" Jacob Black" I repeated

"yes do I know you" I smiled

" yea you should we only used to make mud pies together when we were little" his grin widened

" Isabella Swan" he came around the desk and pulled me in for a hug

" how are you, it been what like forever"

"yes it has been really long"

" Angela said your looking for work , but I don't know if I could hire you"

" why" I asked confused

" because your dad would kill me if he found out" I smiled

" our secret then, I need the money" he nodded

" ok you start tonight," he looked at Angela

" get her some clothes" he turned to look at me

" its great to see you again Bella just wish it was under different circumstances" I nodded then followed Angela out the door to her dressing room she showed me the monitor where the babies where. She opened a cabinet and pull out a bottle of Patron and two shot glasses