A/N
Honestly their are several parts of this chapter I'm very worried about so I hope you guys enjoy it!
Tadashi was standing in Fred's room, Fred was standing on the other side of the room, glaring at Tadashi.
"After all I've done for you, you can't do this one thing for me?"
"No I can I just-"
"No! We're done Tadashi! I never want to see you again!"
"What? Fred no please!"
"Get out!"
Suddenly Bubbles was standing in front of him and was taking Hiro away. "No! Don't take him please!"
"It's too late," Bubbles growled, driving away with Hiro.
"No! Please don't!"
"You failed," His father said, suddenly standing in front of him. "You lost your brother."
"I'm disgusted with you," his mother whispered, unable to look him in the eye.
"Mom…dad…please," Tadashi begged.
"I'm disgusted to call you my son," His dad whispered.
Tadashi's eyes flew open and he sat up, covered in sweat. Tadashi glanced over at Hiro's bed, surprised to find him their instead of with Tadashi. This was the first night since the crash that Hiro hadn't crawled into Tadashi's bed in the middle of the night. While it was probably good for Hiro to not be sleeping in his brother's bed every night, a part of Tadashi wished Hiro was sleeping next to him.
Tadashi sighed and glanced over at the clock, groaning when he saw it was only three a.m. Tadashi laid down and rolled on his side, trying to get back to sleep, but dark thoughts ran rampant in his mind. He probably ruined his relationship with Fred and jeopardized being able to keep Hiro. How could he have been so stupid? Why couldn't he just do it?
Tadashi eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep. All he could think about was the fear of this costing him his job and the possibility of losing Hiro for good. Around seven a.m. Tadashi realized he wouldn't be getting anymore sleep and silently got up so he wouldn't disturb Hiro. Before he could get very far though Hiro sleepily sat up and asked,
"Dashi? Where you goin'?"
"Sorry if I woke you buddy. I'm just having trouble sleeping is all…." Tadashi mumbled, voice cracking. He needed to pull himself together; he would not let his little brother worry about his problems.
Hiro carefully climbed out of bed and walked over to Tadashi asking, "Why? Do you have dreams about mamma and papa?"
"No," Tadashi assured, carefully sitting down on the ground. "Are you?"
"We're not talkin' about me Dashi!" Hiro countered. "You're the one who's sad."
"I'm not sad," Tadashi lied.
"Then why are you crying?" Hiro asked, reaching up to try and wipe some tears Tadashi hadn't noticed falling. Tadashi sighed and picked up Hiro and set him in his lap saying,
"It's not your job to worry about me buddy."
"But you're my brother. And you said brothers help each other when they're sad," Hiro argued. Tadashi flashed Hiro a weak smile and agreed,
"Yea they are supposed to…"
"So I want to help make you happy." Hiro said. A part of Tadashi wanted to just dump all of his fears and concerns and just have someone tell him it would be okay. But this was his baby brother, and he would never do that to him. So he'd just suck it up and make sure Hiro was happy and not worrying about him.
Tadashi chuckled and assured, "having you here with me makes me happy."
"Really?" Hiro asked, eyes lighting up.
"Yea," Tadashi promised. "Are you happy?"
"Yea..." Hiro said, smile sliding off of his face.
"What is it buddy?"
"Is it bad to be happy?" Hiro asked.
"No, no of course not!" Tadashi assured, quickly realizing what Hiro meant. "Mom and dad would not want you living the rest of your life sad and missing them. They'd want you to be happy."
"How do you know that?" Hiro sheepishly asked.
"Because they loved you," Tadashi said. "And when you love someone they want you to be happy."
"So….it's okay for me to sometimes be happy?" Hiro sheepishly asked.
"Definitely!" Tadashi assured. "And it's also okay to have some sad days."
"Sad days?" Hiro asked.
"Days where you really miss mom and dad more then you normally do," Tadashi explained. "Days where it's really hard to smile…" Tadashi trailed off, frowning. Tadashi never knew when or if he'd have an off day. Sometimes the day would start out okay and then his parents' death would hit him like a ton of bricks. It wasn't easy. Tadashi forced the thoughts out of his mind; Hiro was his priority right now. "Whatever your feeling is okay, after what you've been through…you'll be a little emotional for a while but then you'll get better and go long periods of time without feeling sad when you think about them and that's okay. Soon you'll be able to look back at the good memories and smile instead of feeling sad. Does that make sense?" Hiro nodded his head and asked,
"Where you having a sad day?" Causing Tadashi to sigh. He'd hoped Hiro forgot about that.
"Sort of…though it wasn't mom and dad…"
"Then what was it?" Hiro asked.
"It's grown up stuff…" Tadashi said, running a hand through Hiro's hair. "Don't worry about it."
"But you're sad!" Hiro exclaimed.
"You can't fix this one buddy." Tadashi said.
"Can it be fixed?" Hiro worriedly asked.
"I don't know…" Tadashi admitted.
Tadashi knew he probably should go find Fred and try talking to him again, but he was terrified of what might happen when he did. Would Fred end things with him? Was Tadashi's emotional rollercoaster ride getting to be too much for Fred?
Looking back, Tadashi realized he was being ridiculous. Fred had said they could stop, but Tadashi didn't believe him. Why couldn't Tadashi believe him? Why did he suddenly feel like he was walking on eggshells around his boyfriend? They had been friends since they were in middle school; they'd seen each other and their lowest and had been dating for three years. They loved each other and had never had problems in their relationship before, where was all of this coming from?
"Can I help?" Hiro asked, nuzzling against Tadashi.
"No buddy, I need to do this on my own." Tadashi informed him. "But…maybe after I take care of this…do you want to go to the park?"
"Okay!" Hiro said, grinning. "Then we can finish out Lego city with Fred!" Tadashi forced himself to keep the smile on his face at the mention of his boyfriend, well current boyfriend at least.
"Yea, definitely." Tadashi said, not wanting to upset his brother over nothing. Maybe it would be okay. Sighing, Tadashi decided it was probably best to just get this over with. Whatever Fred would say had to be better than this waiting. He carefully set Hiro down at got dressed, trying to keep himself calm. Once he was ready he walked over to Fred's room, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before raising his fist to knock on the door as the door opened.
"Tadashi!" Fred exclaimed, staring at Tadashi's raised fist as Tadashi lowered it, feeling embarrassed. If he had been a half a second quicker he would have punched Fred's face.
"I uh….I-I thought w-we…er…" Tadashi stammered, unable to form the words he needed to say.
"Um, we should talk…" Fred mumbled, glancing at the floor. "That's uh…that's what you wanted to do right?" He added, timidly looking up at Tadashi who nodded. Fred stepped aside and gestured for Tadashi to come in, which he did, Fred shutting the door behind him. They stood several feet apart, unable to look at each other or speak for several tense minutes before both said,
"I'm sorry!" Causing both to laugh weakly.
"You ca-" Tadashi said as Fred said,
"No, no you should…" causing them both to let out another awkward laugh.
"Okay I need to say this," Fred finally said, "I'm so sorry Tadashi. I just got so caught up in the moment I-I just started going for it without even asking if you were okay with it."
"But you stopped before anything happened," Tadashi argued.
"Yea when I finally noticed you were getting uncomfortable," Fred sighed. "We-I should have stopped and talked before things went that far. I'm so sorry I put you in that position."
"You still stopped, even when I said yes…you didn't just keep going like anyone else probably would have done. You actually cared to make sure I really wanted it. So thank you."
"I just don't want anyone to feel pressured to have sex when they don't want to. It's wrong." Fred said. "I-I…Tadashi…did you feel like you needed to sleep with me because you were worried we'd break up and…and you'd lose Hiro?" Fred reluctantly asked, making Tadashi stiffen.
"Yes…" Tadashi whispered, bracing himself for the inevitable. "I-I…I'm sorry….all I could think about was Hiro and…and…" Tadashi wrapped his arms around himself, looking anywhere but Fred. "Fred I-I swear I…I didn't start dating you for your money or anything but…but ever since I started working here…I've been terrified of upsetting you and causing us to break up but I was more worried about losing Hiro then you…I-I'm sorry…I'm a terrible boyfriend…m-maybe…we should end it…you deserve better a-"
"Tadashi stop," Fred said, placing his hands on Tadashi's shoulders. "Just slow down for a minute. I called my dad this morning and…well we realized we should have known something like this might happen. I mean we're dating and you need to live here and keep this job to keep Hiro and…and I'm scared I might be tempted to take advantage of the situation…of you…"
"You wouldn't!" Tadashi argued.
"You say that now but last night says you think differently," Fred argued.
"And for that you should hate me," Tadashi sighed.
"No I don't. Maybe I should but I don't, it doesn't feel right to" Fred declared. "I know how you feel about me, we started dating before you know I had money and you never asked for me to help you. This whole situation is fucked up and don't say anything I know I cursed but it's true. It's a fucked up situation with no good answer. My dad and I just dove in without thinking the repercussions through. We didn't really have a choice though, it was either act or see you lose Hiro and we thought just doing this was better."
"But you think it's not…" Tadashi said, heart pounding in his chest, fearing where this was going. Fred sighed and admitted,
"Tadashi I love you but if there was a way for you to get a different job I would say you should do it…because this is really dangerous for our relationship but I also know losing Hiro is not an option so we need to do the best we can with what we've got."
"Which means what?" Tadashi asked, heart clenching.
"My dad and I talked to Heathcliff as we thought it best that when it comes to pay and firing Heathcliff would be the only one involved so that if something happens, which I really hope it doesn't, it won't affect you….I mean as long as you aren't cheating or anything like that."
"But couldn't you threaten Heathcliff's job if he doesn't fire me if we break up?" Tadashi asked, hating that he was now putting Heathcliff's job in danger.
"No well my dad and Heathcliff don't think so," Fred said, shrugging. "Heathcliff has been working for my dad since before I was born. Heathcliff knows my dad wouldn't fire him for something like that so…don't worry about it okay?"
"I don't know…" Tadashi mumbled.
"Tadashi I know you're nervous but I promise nothing will happen to Heathcliff," Fred assured. Tadashi wasn't sure he could just not worry about it, but he'd try.
"All right…I trust you." Tadashi assured, causing Fred to momentarily start beaming before frowning.
"Tadashi…you don't have to answer but…why di-….I mean is there a-…." Fred stammered before pausing for a moment. "Never mind…"
"What?" Tadashi asked.
"It's…no it's better that I don't ask."
"Please?" Tadashi begged. Fred nervously bit his bottom lip before reluctantly asking,
"Was there an um….reason you didn't want to…you know…I mean…is…are we not-"
"There are a lot of reason's…and it's not because I don't love you" Tadashi admitted, "I know it sounds old fashioned but I feel like sex is something really special that should be saved for marriage….like something you only give to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And I am I Christian so-"
"You're still a Christian?" Fred asked eyes wide.
"Yea…should I have stopped? Did you stop?" Tadashi asked.
"Yea I mean….church made it very clear we're not welcome…" Fred mumbled.
"Your church kicked you out for being gay?" Tadashi asked, heart clenching.
"Yea why wouldn't they? They're always saying being gay is a sin so-"
"Even if it is, which I wonder if it really is, God won't just send all the gays to Hell. It doesn't work like that."
"The church seems to think it does," Fred grumbled.
"I'm sorry but no," Tadashi firmly said. "Any church that's like that has no right to call themselves a Christian organization. We're supposed spread love and compassion, not hate and rejection. God loves you and-…why don't you come with me to church and see for yourself?"
"Huh?" Fred asked.
"If you want," Tadashi quickly added. "I won't force you but I really would love it if you came and saw what a real church should act like."
"I-I don't know…" Fred mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, refusing to meet Tadashi's gaze.
"You don't have to but I'd love it if you did," Tadashi hopefully added. Fred stared at the floor for a minute before slowly looking up at Tadashi, nervously rocking himself for a moment before saying,
"Okay. I'll come with you."
"Really?" Tadashi asked, a wide grin spreading across his face.
A small smile on his face, Fred assured, "Yea. I should give the church another chance…" Tadashi grinned and pulled Fred into a tight hug saying,
"Thanks you!" Before kissing him. Blushing, Tadashi pulled back saying, "Sorry I should hav-" Fred quickly silenced him with a peck to his lips and said,
"You don't need to ask to kiss me," and kissed him again. Fred reluctantly pulled back asking, "So um….did you have any plans for the day…?"
"Um I was planning on taking Hiro to the park and then he really wanted to work more on the Lego city with you. You're more than welcome to come to the park with us!" Fred looked like he really wanted to say yes, but after a moment he said,
"No….you and Hiro haven't had any big bro little bro time in a while. You two have fun."
"You sure?" Tadashi asked.
"Yea, you two have a blast okay?" Fred asked. "We can hang out and work on rebuilding Lego city after the horrific monster attack."
"Okay," Tadashi agreed, kissing Fred's cheek. "Love you."
"Love you too," Fred said. "Now go! I'll see you tonight okay?"
"Okay," Tadashi agreed, unable to resist leaning over to kiss him one last time before going to get Hiro, a wide grin on his face. He had been worried for nothing. He was fine, they were fine and Tadashi was sure this day couldn't get any better.