It had been six whole weeks since that night and seven since Shizuo had last seen Izaya at Russia Sushi. The days had passed by slowly and painfully. The blonde was always waiting for the raven to appear in front of him, wearing that sneer of his. Every time he turned a corner, he expected the flea to be there waiting for him, ready to eye him down judgmentally as Vorona held his arm against her as they walked.

It was night time in the city, and Shizuo was trudging through the rain with Vorona by his side. They were soaked, but the brute was unfazed. He stared off at the dark gray clouds concealing the moon and night sky.

"I don't get why we left so early. Your friend seemed really disappointed that we didn't stay long."

Shizuo grunted a bit at the sound of her voice. He shifted his eyes in her direction. "Shinra gets disappointed way too easily. He's just in shock I actually have a girlfriend."

The russian girl's brows furrowed slightly. "Maybe he'd been looking forward to meeting me. We've been dating for almost two months now and we just then had been formally introduced."

Shizuo turned his head away and rolled his eyes. "We're here."

They stopped in front of a tall, dark gray apartment complex. Vorona let go of her boyfriend's arm and pulled him under the awning with her and hugged him tightly.

"I should be going now," he said, turning away as he usually would.

"Wait, Shizuo," Vorona said urgently. Shizuo stopped mid-stride and turned back to face her. He stared expectantly.

"Your apartment's pretty far, and the weather's going to get worse."

He lifted his brow. "And?"

She rolled her eyes, amused. "Just stay the night with me."

~...~

Shizuo was standing in Vorona's living room, scanning his surroundings as she shuffled about in her bedroom. Her apartment was much nicer than his. The walls were a cream color and the furniture matched. He started to regret his agreement to join her for the night, even though the thunder from outside rolled across the sky, loud enough to shake the 24th floor of the apartment complex where Shizuo stood. The spy exited her bedroom, wearing a white, satin nightgown that stopped at her knees. Her cleavage was showing just enough to reveal the x-shaped scar on her left breast, which was the only reason Shizuo stared.

Although he realized he had been staring, he hadn't registered how it could have been taken until he felt a cool, soft hand cup his. He stared at the passionate blue orbs that searched for any kind of emotion in his face. Although they seemed full of affection, Shizuo could sense anguish deep within them. Somehow she sensed something.

"Shizuo, why don't you sleep in my room... with me?"

When Shizuo didn't reply, the grief became more apparent, and guilt suddenly struck him. He squeezed her hand back, feeling his heart seize. "Okay, Vorona," he said, attempting to reassure her with a softer tone than usual. "I will."

They walked there together and she pulled down the red comforter, followed by the matching red sheets. Shizuo froze for a moment, knees locked. A bed other than his own.

Vorona seemed to notice the tension and guided him down gently. The feather mattress dipped under their weight. Shizuo rested his head on one pillow and she did the same on the other. There was silence. Shizuo took in the scent. It was Vorona completely. The bed was warm and inviting to him, and he relaxed a bit.

He finally looked across to Vorona, who stared back at him with a look he couldn't place a finger on. As he examined it, trying desperately to interpret her emotions while keeping his hidden at the same time, he failed to notice that very face coming closer, closer... until...

Her soft pink lips melded against his dry ones, and his heart stopped. He remained rigid, staring back at her with an unchanged face. Her eyes were closed. Her face looked relieved but somehow desperate at the same time.

It was their first kiss. It was Shizuo, the 25 year old man's, first kiss.

He wanted to be happy about it, but all he felt was fear creeping up his throat and forming a lump within it. She pulled away to look at his face, and he told himself he couldn't break Vorona's heart even if he wanted to. He went in to kiss her back, hoping he would know what he was doing, and hoping he wouldn't throw up.

He felt her lips upturn into a smile as he returned the kiss. Her hands shot to his hair and brought their faces closer than Shizuo thought possible. Her fingers felt nice combing his blonde locks and rubbing his scalp, so he closed his eyes and focused on the feeling as they kissed.

What happened next felt like a blur. Vorona nudged Shizuo and he obeyed, getting up despite being confused. She pulled him over her. His arms rested on either side of her head and his lower body rested between her long legs. Her short nightgown rode up to her hips. She took Shizuo's hand and put it on her thigh. Out of instinct, he ran it down to her center and tensed upon the realization that she wasn't wearing underwear.

He wanted to stop. God, he wanted to stop.

Her hand was shaking a bit as it held his wrist. He looked at her.

God damnit, she wanted to keep going.

Just give her what she wants. It's what you always did with dad.

He knew she wasn't the same. If she knew, Shizuo told himself, she would never do this. She'd never pressure him. She wasn't meaning to make him feel this way.

It's not her fault. It's always yours. Just give her what she wants and be done with it.

His middle and pointer finger touched her wet, hot flesh right on her core, eliciting a gasp from her mouth. He looked up at her and she looked back to him, mouth twitching weakly into a smile.

"Don't tease, Shizuo."

But he did anyway. He was stalling, rubbing her clit and her silky wet folds back and forth. He knew she was questioning him in her mind. But in his pants, he was completely flaccid.

"Shizuo, you don't have to wait. I'm so ready for you... I've always been," she whispered. He gulped and unzipped himself. He willed his soft flesh to come alive before she noticed.

"Shizuo..." she said, sitting up. Her hands cupped his face. "Shizuo, look at me."

His eyes were clenched shut. His heart was beating fast, and yet none of it brought his member to life. He knew there was no way she couldn't have noticed.

"Shizuo! Damnit, look at me!"

He obeyed. Her confused eyes were growing moist and glassy. "Shizuo... I love you."

Time froze for him then. He stared at her, desperation coming from her face, clawing at his heart. He remained silent and watched her as she broke. He cursed himself to hell.

"Shizuo, do you not love me? Was this all a waste?"

He saw the first tear fall and he slid off of her and stood. He readjusted her trousers and turned.

"Shizuo!" Vorona yelled. He heard her choke on a sob. "What is it? Why can't you love me? I can't ever tell how you feel!"

He hurried towards the door, closing his eyes. Her questions stung.

You're such a piece of shit.

He paused at the door to listen to her cries from the next room for a while, then quietly opened it and left.

He was standing in the rain, letting it soak his clothing. He watched the empty streets and the cars as they whizzed by, splashing the puddles of water onto Shizuo as they went.

Where left is there for me to go now?

Shizuo thought of the balcony of his apartment. He thought the fan and the neck tie and the dining chair he could kick out from under him. He thought about his full bottle medication in his top drawer that would be easy to swallow whole. Then he thought about Shinra and Celty. He thought about his foster parents and Kasuka. He thought about all the people who cared for him over the years.

Then he thought about Izaya Orihara. The first person that had ever reached out to him to offer friendship.

The only way to go is forward.