Chapter 3: Hoggywarts
After signing a few pieces of parchment to confirm my enrolment in the school, McGonagall offers to escort me to dinner. Dumbledore said the school my swallow me if I get lost, I don't think he was joking.
"So .. Gryffindor." I say lamely as we walk through the halls.
"I shall take you to the common room after dinner so you may meet your peers." She says.
"Lancelot, sir!" Dobby appears a few metres in front of us and salutes me.
"I told you not to do that." I laugh. He takes the whole squire thing a bit too seriously, or maybe it's all a joke to him.
"I cleaned out the chapel." He says, falling into step beside us. "A few pews and an alter. You could probably make some holy water after Sunday."
"Me? Bless water?" I laugh. "I suppose I can try it after I remind him that the chapel is there." I laugh again. "Me. Making holy water. Mad." I shake my hair, making it a bright red. "What's on the menu?" I ask, looking at the moving portraits we pass.
"I believe the house-elves are putting together a stew." McGonagall says.
"Is there a rule against getting my own food?" I ask.
"No." She says after a moments thought.
"Grab me a kebab, Dobby." I grin at my closest friend. "I assume alcohol is prohibited?"
"Of course." She says. "I never thought I'd tell a holy man not to drink alcohol." Dobby vanishes mid-step with a faint pop. We turn the corner into what appears to be a banquet hall, McGonagall points out the Gryffindor table. I see that Dumbledore is already here somehow. I shrug and slump down onto the bench. A yellow foam box appears before me and I rub my hands together in anticipation. I'll take a nice greasy kebab over a stew any day.
"Forgive me padré for I have sinned." I mutter as I start to eat. I notice a few people staring at the sword or my scar.
"Excusez-moi." A girl opposite me says. Must be from the other school. "Are you finished wiz ze bouillabaisse?" My eyes flick up to see the most beautiful girl ever to grace this good Earth. An angel, surely.
"Have at it." I say in French, prodding the plate towards her. The Church insisted on learning languages. Probably not to sin with though. "Not from Hogwarts, are you?" Her eyes widen, not expecting French, clearly.
"Non, Beauxbatons. I haven't seen you before." She looks at my sword. I push my glasses up my nose.
"I'm the fourth champion apparently." I tap the scar on my forehead. "It's my first day." I grin.
"They said you didn't go to this school." She looks at me more closely. "I guess it makes sense now. Fleur Delacour." She says, extending her hand. I lightly touch my lips to her fingers. Call me a chivalrous fool, but I was raised as a Knight.
"Lancelot the twentieth." I say. "But most know me as Harry Potter." That draws a few eyes, French and English alike.
"I was selected as the Beauxbatons champion." She says. "You caused quite a stir before you were even here." I groan.
"Compete against the Angel." I mumble in English. "Just my luck."
"Harry Potter, you say?" A girl says in French, scooting up the bench towards me, hair flailing wildly. "They say you disappeared after … well you killed You-Know-Who. Hermione Granger, by the way. I'm in Gryffindor too."
"Lanc-"
"-elot the twentieth A.K.A Harry Potter, I heard." She finishes for me.
"At your service." I add with a wink. "So we're in Scotland?" I ask. Hermione nods.
"One of the most well warded structures in Britain." She supplies.
"I think I was up here not a few months ago." I scratch my chin. "Yeah. Had a horde of dementoids in a forest. Nasty pieces of work."
"That was you?" Her hair seems to puff up more, reacting to her moods. "We heard rumours that an army of dementors came to kill Sirius Black and that someone scared them away."
"Oh I definitely scared 'em." I laugh darkly, patting Excalibur's hilt.
"Why do you carry a sword?" Fleur asks.
"I'm Lancelot." I say simply.
"Knight of the Round Table, Lancelot?" Hermione asks.
"The one and only." I tap the rosary. "Finest line of Paladins that ever lived." I say proudly.
"I read that they don't like wizards." Hermione says. I roll my sleeves up, revealing the brands.
"Not one bit." I laugh loudly. "They say I've fallen from grace. I still do a better job than the rest of them combined."
"Do you still go to church, that sort of thing?" Fleur asks. I nod.
"The chapel that resides in Hogwarts hasn't been used for a while, it's more of a symbolic thing, going there each Sunday. Repent for my multiple sins and all that." I wipe the grease off of my fingers. "So. What's the verdict on the fourth champion then? They going to skin me alive?"
"Some people say you cheated your name in." Hermione says. "A lot of people are expecting some great wizard to swoop in and win the whole thing." I laugh at that.
"Great wizard? I'll have to disappoint everyone then. The 11 year olds are probably better than me." I pull out the wand. "No idea how to use this thing. Might as well be firewood."
"So you weren't travelling the world defeating dark lords and saving damsels?" Fleur asks with a smirk.
"No dark lords, but I saved a fair few damsels in the past year. I've given in to temptation many times." I grin as Hermione blushes. "Tell me about the people here then. Anyone that'll try and kill me?" She gives me a quick run down of the prefects of each house and a pair own pranksters in our own. All in fluent French too.
"There's one boy that's a vampire." That one stands out.
"A vampire?" I arch one of my eyebrows and look around the room.
"Sanguini." She says, looking over to the green table. I spot the guy immediately and give him a thumbs up. "You're not going to kill him, are you?"
"What?" I look at her. "Of course not. He's just a kid. Probably hasn't drank human blood before. Paladins are supposed to kill all demons. This counts wizards and witches for some reason. They think you house a demon inside you. Vampires are supposedly the descendants of demons, have to be put down. 'All demons are evil' they used to say."
"But you don't believe that?" Fleur asks.
"When I was 10, I met a girl called Diane. I was sent to kill her as she was a succubus, evil. After meeting her I could tell she was the least evil person in the room."
"Who else was there?"
"Just me." I laugh. "I let her go, she said that if we ever met again when I was older that she'd reward me properly."
"What happened?" Hermione asks.
"I met her this summer." I grin. "Let's say I added another sin of lust to my list."
"If I could have your attention please." Dumbledore calls out to the room. "Thank you. As you all know, a fourth Tri-Wizard champion was chosen last night. We have since come into contact with Mister Potter and he will be joining us at Hogwarts this year." He motions to me. "As with our visitors, please make him feel welcome." He starts off a round of applause for me before sitting back down.
"So much for subtly." I laugh. "Who are the other champions?"
"There's Cedric Diggory." Hermione says, pointing to the yellow table. "He's a seventh year Hufflepuff. Top grades, plays Quidditch, that sort of thing."
"Not a fan?" I smirk. She shrugs.
"I've barely spoke 2 words to him, He's supposed to be nice."
"The Durmstrang champion is Viktor Krum." Fleur says, craning her neck to point him out. "International Quidditch star. Athletic and rumoured to be a fair duellist."
"Again with the cribbage-"
"Quidditch."
"Right. Seems like it's all people talk about." I say.
"There was the world cup in the summer." Fleur says. "Once every four years, people don't let it slip away."
"So this Crumb guy, he played?" They nod. "He win?"
"Well he got the snitch." Hermione says. "But his team lost." I suck air between my teeth.
"And everyone talk about it with him. Poor guy." I laugh. "McGonagall mentioned three tasks, any idea what those are?" They both shake their heads. "A secret then. This'll be fun."
"So you've never used a wand before?" Hermione asks me.
"I set fire to my sofa once." I say. "I think I lost it under some lingerie for a while before Dobby found it again. I like to keep it on me, symbolic or something."
"Who's Dobby?" Hermione asks.
"My room-mate when we're not working, my squire when we are and my best friend throughout." I say. "He got me this kebab." Seeing her confusion I elaborate. "He's a house-elf."
"Your best friend is a house-elf?" Fleur asks.
"He helped me out of some shackles and I helped him out of his ownership contract."
"Mister Potter." McGonagall somehow sneaked up on us. "I trust you can find your own way to the common room?" She looks at Hermione with an almost-smile.
"I figure Booky here can teach me to be a wizard." I throw an arm around her shoulders.
"Hey! Don't call me Booky!" She scowls.
"Sure thing Bookster." I stand up and sling my bag over my shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow then Fleur." I lean closer. "Can't be seen fraternising with the enemy." I wink. I turn back to Hermione and we leave the hall.
"Your room-mates will be Ron Weasley, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas and Neville Longbottom." She tell me as we walk.
"How big is this room?" I ask. She shrugs.
"If it's the same as the girls dorms, then it's big enough for your beds and desks." She says.
"Alright lads? No bullies?" I'd hate to have to share a room with a Gawain analogue.
"You'll have to judge that for yourself." She doesn't look back at me.
"Judge? Was that a joke?" She shoots me a smile.
"Lions den." She says to a large painting, the fat woman nods and swings open like a large door. "Come on." At least it's not hidden behind a bookshelf or something ridiculous like that. I shake my head and walk through the archway.
Red curtains. Red carpet. Red sofas. Red chairs. It's clear that I'm part of the red house. "This'd be Sanguini's wet dream." I laugh. Hermione wrinkles her nose.
"The boys dorms are on the left, girls on the right." She says, motioning to the stairs. "You can't go into our dorms, but we can go into yours."
"Seems a bit unfair." I say, looking around the common room. "I suppose it's better than both being blocked." A smile plays on my lips.
"Aren't you supposed to practice celibacy or something?" She asks. I'd practice celibacy with her … wait what?
"Supposed to, yes. I sort of made my own rules. A code of conduct. I'd never break those." I unclasp Excalibur from my belt and hold the scabbard. "Although in my head I've worded them so I can circumvent them if needed." I laugh.
"Such as?"
"The needs of the client sometimes outweigh the needs of the Paladin." I grin. "Probably something about damsels being saved from distress in one of them too. I don't really have it all figured out yet."
"'I do what I want' kind of thing?" She looks fit to laugh.
"It gets the job done and nobody's been hurt because of it. The others would leave the second the demon was gone, I'd stay to make sure nobody was bleeding out, that kind of thing."
"How noble." She says sarcastically.
A/N: Let me know if you like this. I've never read anything like this nor am i religious, so i've got no idea what's going on. Just that Harry isn't an orthodox Paladin. Enjoy.