"It was a Tuesday morning, and upon waking I found that my refrigerator had been emptied and the blinds were pulled off forcefully and now lay on the floor. Next to them were about ten cans of cheap beer and my virginity."
"You might as well begin it with ' this story begins where all good stories begin: in my pants.'"
"That bad?"
"You can do better." I stretched out my left leg, wondering whether I should just get up and leave, or indulge my partner in a little work shopping. I followed the point of my toes up the extended, russet leg to the place where it finally met the navy cotton sheets. I gave into the stretch, luxuriating in the pull of my muscles, allowing the arms to join in.
He was pacing back and forth on my grimy shag carpet and I sunk deeper into my pillow. Everyone once and a while he paused, opening his mouth and pushing his thick glasses back up his nose to get a better look at me. I waited for him to speak, but inevitably he would just stare a while at my bare leg or shoulders and begin retracing his steps once more.
"If I'm making you uncomfortable you can always leave for a moment while I get dressed. Not that it should matter, all of your stories have naked people anyway. " I raised an eyebrow. "Think of this as… inspiration." A slow blush crept across his pale, ruddy cheeks as I began stretching out my body once more, revealing more of my bare skin.
He had caught me at a bad time. After last night I was in no mood for discussing lost chastity and timid virgins and I figured if couldn't be blunt, I might as well make him so damn uncomfortable he would just choose to leave on his own. Besides, the fact that he was wearing jeans so skinny that not even I could fit into them and it seemed as though he hadn't washed his hair in a week in order to obtain perfectly mussed blond tendrils didn't make him anymore welcome.
He always wrote about sex and he wasn't very good at it. Well, perhaps I was just bitter. He was part of a new wave of recently published novels containing detached men and the troubled, self-conscious women who crave their dicks. I remembered the first time they we met, the way he leaned over to speak to me, clearly invading the unwritten laws of personal space. There was nothing particularly sexy about what he had whispered in my ear. I don't even remember what he said, just that it reeked of sincerity and made me want to gag a little.