He was so close to me. I could almost touch him. I kind of wanted to reach out and touch him, but I don't think that I really trust him enough for that. He's kind of an enigma, really.
I wonder at times like these how he could possible see, but I never get the courage to just ask him! No, that would be symbolical to signing my death warrant. Perhaps, though, if I got close enough to him, he would tell me about himself. I was still afraid of him, and I could bet that he could sense it, for it wasn't difficult to do so.
I just didn't understand why I happened to feel this way about him. It's just that… he's not usually my first choice of a partner. He is terrifying, to say the least; however, for some reason, I am unable to keep myself sheltered from the almost unbearable pull that attracts me to him. It was nearly futile to struggle against the waves crashing against the thin threads that held my sanity together.
I was splitting at the seams.
I suppose all those years of leaving my mind untouched and unchallenged was a foolish mistake, for now my brain was functioning too much, and I don't know how I can stop it.
I sigh, what's wrong with me?
Jack looks at me. He seems to be curious for some reason. I think he may have heard me sigh. I can feel him rustle beside me and scoot a bit closer to me. I really don't want him anywhere near me, because it's dangerous for someone- something- like him to be so close to a fucked up idiot such as me.
"Is there something wrong?" He asks me. He feels so warm… I can feel the waves of heat emanating off of him. I'm so cold…. Maybe I could just….
No.
No.
No.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
I am a fool. He would never permit such personal displays of any sort of affection. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's planning 50 ways to kill me with the glass of water he's holding right now.
"N-no. Nothing. There's nothing wrong," I failed to say without completely messing up the idea that I wasn't afraid of him, or anxious around him. He obviously knew that I didn't feel comfortable with him. Maybe that's why I just couldn't manage to convince him that there was truly nothing wrong.
If only I had a reason to lie when I was younger… Then I'd be able to lie to this- this thing without a problem.
"I know that you're lying to me, child," his voice was harsh. I suspected that he didn't like it when people lied to him.
"I don't wish to talk about this right now," I tell him, scooting away from him, only to have him scoot closer to me. So, I scooted further away, only to have the process repeated.
Eventually, there wasn't enough room to keep scooting away from him, so I just turned away from him, and promptly ignored him. He didn't take that too well, either.
Jack grabbed me by the arms and tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling my head back. I winced (it really, really hurt) and slowly raised my eyes to meet the gaping, black holes seemingly staring back at me. I shivered a bit and very carefully moved his hands away from me. He noticed, though, and pulled me towards him. He truly scared me more than anything.
I sometimes wish that I could go back to the mundane life I used to exist in, but then, it's times like these when I think that I must have been crazy.
Right now, I was sitting next to Jack, he was petting my hair, and although I felt like a dog, I still refused to admit that it felt goo-
Somehow, Jack had a place with a television that worked, as well as a DVD player. He had a thing for horror movies, which is why I'm suffering through a round of the Grudge series. Next, it was the Saw movies. I had a feeling I'd be sitting here for a while.
But… it was fun in a twisted way.
Just sitting here, without a care in the world, and watching movies as though he wasn't a psycho, and I wasn't a person he'd taken into the middle of nowhere and kept as if I were an object.
Now, it was as if everything in the world was okay. It was as thought we were all living in perfect harmony. It was nice, almost. I really liked it….
I knew the happiness would have to end, as it always would, but for now, I was content to simply stay here in Jack's arms and lie here happily.
For now, I was okay with pretending that this thing hadn't ruined my world.
In a way… he sort of saved my life somehow.
Stockholm Syndrome. They said that it was one of the most difficult psychiatric issues to deal with. They said that the victim felt as though their kidnapper was doing them a kindness by letting them live, but with Jack, he really was doing me a kindness by keeping me alive.
Does that mean that I have issues, though? What does it mean? I'm a surgeon, not a psychologist, though I have dabbled a bit in the area.
I don't think that I have Stockholm Syndrome. It just doesn't make sense. I don't care for Jack the way a Stockholm Syndrome person would. I feel as though he cares for me to some extent, though.
I sighed.
I don't know what to think anymore.
I'm sick of thinking. I just want to lie down someplace quiet and sleep forever and ever…
and ever.
And hopefully, no one will ever wake me up.
They all made it out to seem as though Sleeping Beauty had it bad when she fell into her eternal slumber. I doubt that she had any problem with it.
After all, she would have been able to escape the stress and pressure being a princess put on her, and everything would be okay for her.
I wish I could sleep forever.
I don't want a prince having to fight to wake me up.
I want to be that Sleeping Beauty.