Chapter 27
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He sat there, wide eyed, heart pounding in his ears. Why the hell hadn't he thought about the Nikki Heat books? Of course Beckett would have those in her apartment. Damn it! Why did they have to create such an amazing, yet extremely meta, world for their fans. He had often laughed at the "book signings" at the people who were fans of the books, but had never seen the show, who believed that they were actually meeting the "real" Richard Castle. If those people were so easily convinced, what was this going to do to her recovery? How was she supposed to be convinced that the world of Castle and Beckett isn't real, when she's holding tangible proof, right there in her hand, and with his own damn picture on the back none the less. He made a mental note to himself to text Dr Burke about it later.
"Everything ok, Castle?"
Wow, how long had he been staring at her with his mouth hanging open like an idiot?
"Yeah, just surprised by your choice is all." She gave him a curious look. "I mean, you've read it enough times, I thought you probably had it memorized by now." He gave her a slight smile.
"That's one of the reasons that I read it. It seemed familiar, and I figured since you based Nikki on me, maybe it would help me remember something."
"And did it?" He croaked past the lump in his throat.
She came and curled up next to him on the couch.
"Not really," she sighed. "Although," she ran her finger acros his chest seductively. "I did have some strong feelings around page 105."
He sat there, holding his breath, staring down into her bedroom eyes. She gave him a peck on the cheek as she pulled away. "But that could just have been the amazing writing." She gave him a teasing smile and patted his chest as she jumped off the couch and headed for the kitchen.
He released a breath. God, this woman was going to be the death of him. He would never sleep with her, of that he was sure. He cared for her and respected her too much to ever let that happen. But why did she have to make it so damn hard? He was only a man after all.
He sat quietly for a moment, "what was the other one?" He asked.
She closed the refrigerator and walked back towards him carrying two bottles of water and some grapes. She handed one of the bottles to him and sat the plate of grapes between them on the couch.
"The other one what?" She asked, popping a grape into her mouth.
"You said it was one of the reasons you had chosen it. What was the other one?"
She looked down at her lap and started to play with the hem of her shirt. "Promise not to laugh?"
"Promise." He smiled at her, waiting for her to continue.
"It's just," she sighed, "everything has been so weird between us since the accident, and my session with Dr Burke just left me more scared and confused, and I just..."
"Just what, Kate?" He placed a finger to her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. "You just what?"
"I just," she looked deep into his eyes. "I just needed to feel safe." She blinked back a tear. "Ever since my mom died, I have always found comfort in your books. The way justice always prevails, and all is right in the end. I just need everything to be alright in the end, Castle." The tears started flowing faster. He reached out and pulled her to him.
"You are safe, Kate. I'm not going to let anything happen to you and things will be alright. I promise. I'll do everything in my power to make sure that everything turns out ok."
She sat quietly for a moment, tears streaming down her face. "What if I never remember, Castle? What if I stay like this forever?"
"That's not going to happen, you will remember. You'll be ok."
He sat there, rubbing comforting circles on her back, praying that he was right. What would happen if she didn't remember? What would they do if she was stuck as Kate forever?