Related episode: 3.2 In Name and Blood

Modulation-a shift in a piece's tonality and harmonic structure, it can be accomplished by many different methods and techniques

Dad pulled up into the Hotchners' driveway and put the car in park. At first, neither of us moved or spoke. Both of us had packed suitcases in the back seat, but where Dad was bound for his woodland cabin, I was expected to get out here.

"It's only for two weeks, Rae," Dad reminded me. "I need the time and you can't miss that much school."

Dad had been saying that for the past day, starting almost as soon as he had arrived home from his first case out in the field. He had only told me this morning before I left for school what he was planning and then allowed me just enough time to pack when I got home after school this same day. And here we were, at my dumping site.

"I don't want to go," I complained quietly. Yelling and shouting with Dad never worked.

"I know, Rae, I'm sorry."

I had nothing against the Hotchners, really. Hotch worked with Dad and treated me like my own person, not just a co-worker's kid. Haley was nice and I baby sit for their son, Jack. I just didn't want to stay with them for two weeks while Dad was getting his head on straight.

"Come on."

We had been sitting out there long enough that Hotch himself came out to the car to help. He and Dad shook hands while I got over the shock of seeing him in jeans and a tee shirt. Hotch had been wearing a suit every other time I'd seen him, so it was really weird.

"All set?" Hotch asked me, taking my suitcase from me while I shouldered my back pack.

I shrugged. Hotch looked sympathetic. He knew what Dad was like, too.

"Aaron, thank you," Dad said.

"Do what you need to do," Hotch responded. "We'll take care of her."

Hotch left for the front door, giving Dad and me a moment alone. We stood there, standing like idiots, until I tried one last time.

"What can you do at the cabin that you can't do here?" I asked.

"Get away," Dad answered simply. "This last case, this situation…I can't put them in perspective unless I'm not here."

I crossed my arms and stared at the ground. No matter what he said, it still felt like he was abandoning me. Dad waited a minute more, then stepped forward to hug me tightly. I remained stiff in his arms, refusing to hug back or relax. Finally, Dad kissed my forehead and stepped back.

"I love you. Promise me you'll remember that."

I didn't respond to that. I just watched as Dad got into his car and drove away, leaving me with other people to look after me. I didn't wait for him to change his mind and turn around. I knew that was impossible. So, I walked up the sidewalk and opened the unlocked front door.

At first, no one was there waiting for me. Then I heard a barely comprehensible cry of, "Chichi!"

The attack hit me at my knees, nearly knocking me over with its impact. Four months ago, I would have swept the attacker up into the air and spun around until we were both breathless. But I wasn't up for that. Instead, I slumped onto the floor and gathered the toddler into my arms for a hug.

"Hey, Jack-Jack," I said.

Jack Hotchner, two years old, grinned at me widely and bounced in my lap. "Hi, Chichi!"

Sometime last year, when Jack had first been learning how to talk, I had tried to teach him my name during a night of babysitting. Jack doesn't have a lisp, but the "r" part of my name was difficult for him to get out. Eventually, he just latched on to the "ch" sound and made up the rest. Since he called me Chichi, I called him Jack-Jack.

"Chichi, play," Jack commanded, as imperious as any toddler.

"Later, Jack, let Rachel get settled first," Haley instructed entering the front hall from the kitchen.

I stood up and gave into Jack's raised arms in a demand to be picked up. Haley approached me, smiling sadly as she always did now whenever she saw me.

"How are you?" she asked kindly.

"I've been better," I answered, the understatement of the year.

"Of course. Aaron took your bag upstairs to the guest room. Would you like to clean up and then we'll have some dinner?"

I nodded. Haley reached for Jack, but I shook my head at that.

"He's fine," I assured her. Having Jack with me meant I had to keep myself together.

I walked upstairs, letting Jack babble in my ear. The guest room was the first door on the right, across from the bathroom. Jack's room was next to that and the master bedroom and bathroom were at the end of the hall. I set Jack down on the floor so he could race into his own room while I entered mine. My suitcase was already next to the closet, so I chucked my back pack on the bed.

Haley had decorated the room in pink, white, and black, from the flouncy bedspread to the floral wall paper. The guest room was larger than my room at Dad's apartment, with a queen sized bed, a long dresser and matching mirror, nightstands on each side of the bed and a comfy arm chair in one corner. The closet was large enough that I could take six steps inside before reaching the back wall.

With a sigh, I began to unpack, knowing the next two weeks would be long. I had school still, but part of the fall out from this recent case that had Dad running for the woods was that Hotch had been suspended for these two weeks as well. Dad hadn't said why and I didn't ask.

I was setting my reading glasses on top of one of the nightstands when Hotch cleared his throat behind me. I turned around, still feeling weird to see him dressed so casually.

"Is everything all right here?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "It's fine."

Hotch quirked a single eyebrow, clearly not believing me and not letting me slide with platitudes.

"Profilers," I complained, rolling my eyes. "It's bad enough getting it from Dad, but now you and Reid are doing it, too."

"Force of habit," Hotch explained. "And only because we worry."

Luckily, Jack burst in at that moment, running past both his father and I to try to leap onto the bed. Stalling, I flopped onto the bed and pulled Jack with me to land on my stomach for just a moment before I lifted him into the air.

Jack shrieked his delight. "Flying! I flying!"

"Super Jack!" I proclaimed, smiling up at him. "Saving the day, one lonely teenaged girl at a time."

While Jack was still giggling, Hotch plucked him out of my hands and began to "fly" him around the room. I sat up and watched.

"Don't get him all riled up!" Haley called from downstairs. "You need to get him cleaned up for dinner!"

Hotch and I shared a glance. "Busted," I said as Hotch came to an immediate stop, making a sound effect like screeching brakes, and headed for the door. He turned back and looked at me.

"I know it seems like you're all alone right now, but you're not," he said to me.

I watched him turn back to his son and then walk out. I sat on the bed for another minute, just attempting to clear my head with little success. I knew Hotch was right, I did. But a part of me wondered if it was too much to ask to have my father around to be with me. I understood that he needed time for himself, too. I knew I had mentally checked out on a lot of days over the summer—okay, close to one out of every three days for at least two months and then one in every five, or once a week right before school started again.

We were both hurting still, I knew this. Maybe Dad and Mom hadn't been traditionally, or even officially, a couple, but I know they had cared for each other. Maybe still loved each other, I don't know for sure. But to have Dad tell me all the time that I needed to talk with someone in order to feel better when he refused was much too hypocritical. And if I wasn't allowed to run away, he shouldn't be either.

Yet there I was, walking downstairs to join the Hotchners for dinner while Dad was off to his cabin.

Haley had made salad, pork chops and mashed potatoes for dinner, with fish fingers for Jack and me. Dad, or more likely Garcia, had told Hotch about my new diet restrictions. Most of the conversation was from Hotch and Haley, planning out the next two weeks to take advantage of Hotch's time off. Jack, thrilled with my presence, made faces at me, showing off open mouthfuls of half-eaten food to me whenever his mother was distracted.

I helped to clean up the dishes even when Haley told me it was unnecessary. Jack got some TV time after dinner, so I took advantage of the time to play my flute before his bed time. Toward the end of my practice, I realized I had an audience.

"Pretty, Chichi."

Jack had come upstairs and sat on the floor behind me. I smiled at him and crooked my finger for him to come closer. After stressing the importance of a gentle touch, I let him finger the tabs on my flute and also had him hold his hand at the end while I blew.

"Bed time, Jack," Haley said from the door.

"Pretty," Jack repeated, reaching up to touch my cheek.

I smiled a watery smile and kissed him on the nose. "Good night, Jack-Jack. Sweet dreams."

"G'night."

Haley and I nodded our good nights to each other and then she closed my door. With Jack about to be asleep, I turned to my other homework, spreading out my books on the bed. Over two hours later, I heard Hotch and Haley getting ready for bed in their room. Hotch must have been taking me seriously earlier because neither of them checked up on me again that night.

One day down, thirteen to go.

.

One night, I woke up after sleeping for a single hour and then couldn't fall back asleep. Around midnight, I headed downstairs, looking for a glass of milk. I would have preferred hot chocolate, but I didn't want to wake Hotch or Haley with a whistling tea kettle.

I sat at the counter, thought, what the heck, and reached for the cookie jar while I was at it. Haley had wheedled my favorite, guilty-pleasure cookie out of me, coming back from her grocery shopping with E.L. Fudge's Double Stuffed fudge cookies. Over my protests, she told me it was for staying home with Jack while she had gone out on errands and Hotch had been at the shooting range to blow off steam.

Sitting in the dark, I munched my cookies, trying not to think about Dad. During the day, I was typically fine, or at least busy enough with school, homework, and practice that I could ignore it. But after a week and a half, I hadn't heard from him at all. Cell reception was spotty, I knew, but I had never in my life gone this long without talking with my father. Even as a small child, living on the opposite side of the country, we had talked at least once a week.

Peevishly, I refused to call him. When someone went off for alone time, it was his job to initiate contact, right?

I was contemplating another handful of cookies when the kitchen light suddenly flipped on, blinding me for a moment. Blinking away dark and light spots, I saw Hotch, wearing a bathrobe over his undershirt and flannel pants.

"I'm sorry," I immediately apologized. "I didn't mean to wake anyone up."

"I wasn't sleeping well, either," Hotch admitted.

Watching me still blink, he turned the light back off. My night vision came back quickly and I saw him retrieve his own glass of milk. I slid the cookie jar over, ducking my head to hide my grin when he dipped his cookies into his milk as eagerly as his son.

"Trouble sleeping?" he asked.

I nodded my head. "Some nights are worse than others, and I miss my cat."

Haley was allergic to cats, so Hannah was currently at the overnight kennel connected to her vet's office. I've had her for eight years and her absence was hitting me hard.

"Not sleeping in your own room can't be helping that," Hotch commented. "Just a few more nights to tough out."

I shrugged. "My room at the apartment still doesn't feel like home," I confessed. "Going back won't make much of a difference."

Hotch didn't say anything to that.

"What about you?" I asked, trying to turn his attention off of me.

At first, Hotch didn't answer. After a bit, he sighed. "There are a lot of things on my mind."

I rolled my eyes. It was such a Dad answer. Anyone could guess there would be a lot of things on Hotch's mind. I would put money down on Hotch worrying about me because he was just like that. Maybe he was worried about Dad, too, like I was. And since he was the unit chief of the BAU, currently suspended, I was fairly sure he was worried about the team.

"Have you heard from him?" Hotch asked. I didn't need to guess who he meant.

"Nope," I answered, trying to sound casual. "I didn't really expect to." Unfortunately, that was the absolute truth.

Hotch nonetheless frowned, his eyes staring at me as if he could see right through me. He was a profiler, so he probably could.

"This last case was difficult for him," Hotch pointed out.

"Is there such a thing as an easy case?" I asked sarcastically.

Hotch smiled his grim smile. "No, not really."

I looked at the clock on the stove top. It was past one in the morning.

"I should try to get some sleep. I have a physics test tomorrow. Well, today, now."

Hotch took our milk glasses and rinsed them out while I put the cookie jar back in its place on the counter.

"You normally have Reid help you with your math and science studying, don't you?" Hotch asked.

"Not because I need him to pass," I objected, slightly sensitive to the topic because of Alicia and her griping.

Hotch raised a hand in defense. "I didn't mean it that way. I was just thinking that you haven't seen him in awhile."

It was true. I used to see Reid about once every two weeks. When he had first joined the team about three years ago, Dad had brought him over to meet Mom and me because the guy didn't know any one else besides Dad himself. I was closer to Reid in a lot of ways than my own brothers.

"He likes homework," I explained. "Half the time, he would just do my work on his own for the fun of it. It was really only with some math that I would specifically ask for help."

Geometry and chemistry were not my friends, so Reid had been a big help with them. I was doing all right on my own for Statistics and Physics so far. But Hotch was right; I hadn't seen him all that much lately. At first, I think he had kept his distance so that Dad and I could have time to grieve. Then maybe he had just been busy with his own work since Dad had been out of the field for so long.

I did miss him. Reid was a super-geek to the extreme and sometimes, I just wanted him to shut up. But he never rambled on about something without reason, it just might take a while to understand the connection. He never got tired of explaining something to me when I didn't get it. He introduced me to some cool, classic TV shows like original series Star Trek and classic Doctor Who.

"You're good for him, too," Hotch told me.

I looked at him in surprise and confusion.

"Reid never had a normal childhood," Hotch continued. "Or normal friends for many years. Spending time with you, it gives him a chance at that."

Even in the dark, I hoped Hotch couldn't see my blush. I didn't have a response for that.

"Good night, Rachel," Hotch said, letting me off the hook. "Sleep well."

I managed to say my own good night, then waited for Hotch to go upstairs first. In my guest bed, I stretched out under the covers, falling asleep and dreaming about playing chess in a park. Sometimes, my opponent was Dad, other times, Reid. But where my game with Reid seemed to never end, for the first time in my life, or dream-life, Dad knocked over his king, conceding the game to me.

.

For my last night with the Hotchners, I insisted on making dinner on my own, to thank them for their generosity. I had helped Haley out with past dinners, but this night, I shooed her out of the kitchen so that she and Hotch could both play with Jack. The toddler was bouncing off the walls, having the attention of both his parents.

For a salad, I put baby spinach, red onion, and slices of orange together and drizzled it all with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I made an eggplant and mushroom lasagna with almost a mountain of mozzarella cheese. For dessert, there were cupcakes with chocolate frosting.

Both Hotch and Haley praised the meal and shared a bottle of wine while I drank iced tea and Jack milk. I snapped a picture on my cell phone of Jack with marinara sauce smeared all over his face. And then I shot another when he got covered in the chocolate frosting.

After dinner, Hotch and Haley did the dishes, talking in hushed tones that I couldn't hear over the sound of the faucet. I took it upon myself to give Jack a bath, trying not to chuckle and encourage him when he wiped a dollop of frosting on my cheek as we walked up the stairs. His parents hadn't come upstairs by the time I was toweling him off, so I helped Jack change into pajamas and pick out a book to read before bedtime.

It took three times reading through Dr. Seuss' One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish before Jack fell asleep. I tucked him in and then entered my guest room to pack up my things.

"Thank you."

I turned around and saw Haley standing in the doorway.

"No problem," I answered. "Thanks for letting me stay with you."

Haley smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. I had seen it on Dad's face often enough to recognize it on others. "Now, your dad will be picking you up after school tomorrow and take you home."

"That's the plan," I agreed before we both said good night to each other.

I didn't mention how I hadn't heard from Dad at all in the past two weeks that he'd been gone. Not a single call, text, or email. I closed my door tightly and then pulled out my phone, pressing the speed dial for Dad's cell.

"Dad, it's Rachel and it's Sunday night. Just calling to make sure you haven't died out there with no one knowing. I'm packed and ready to go, so I guess I'll see you after school tomorrow. I hope you got whatever you wanted out this trip."

I got in bed and pulled out the latest Tamora Pierce novel I had and began to read. It wasn't until after ten that I heard Hotch come up the stairs. I figured he still had a lot on his mind.

The next morning, I woke up, got dressed in the clothes I had saved out, got ready for school and packed up my toiletries. I was the last one to the table as Jack had already woken his parents an hour earlier. Haley and Jack were still in night clothes, but Hotch was already dressed in his usual suit and tie. Haley offered me a waffle and a glass of milk which I ate as Hotch finished his second cup of coffee and Jack worked on his own waffle.

When it was time to leave, I got a hug from Haley and a sticky kiss from Jack.

"Bye, Chichi, bye!"

Hotch drove me to school, on his way to work for the first time in two weeks. Not like he was exactly talkative, but something seemed off in his silence that morning.

"Dad never said," I started hesitantly. "Why it was you got suspended and he took time off."

It's not like I was asking an actual question. And really, it wouldn't be the first time I had ever asked him a question that he didn't answer for whatever reason. I knew he thought it was always for my own good, like Dad, but I thought he stretched a little too often.

"Our superior thought I mishandled our last case," Hotch eventually told me. "Your father felt I was being punished for what he thinks is his mistake."

"Was it?" I asked curiously.

Hotch's lips thinned out on his face. "It was a joint decision."

"Then why is this superior only blaming you?"

"Because she sees what she wants to see," Hotch said grimly.

"Scotoma," I summed up.

Hotch looked over at me in surprise, his eyebrows raised in a silent demand for an explanation.

"It's very educational to listen to Reid when he really gets going," I explained.

Hotch smiled wryly. We drove for another five minutes before I voiced the worry I'd had since I woke up that morning.

"I called Dad last night," I said. "He hasn't called me back."

"I'm sure he just hasn't checked his voice mail yet," Hotch assured me.

"I haven't heard from him at all," I added. "Nothing."

"I haven't heard from him either, but I wasn't expecting to."

Hotch was only reminding me of what Dad could be like. When he didn't want to be disturbed, he made sure that he was unreachable. I knew that. But I couldn't quite believe that he would do this to me now.

"I'll make sure I see him today and tell him to call you back."

I looked over sharply. "Why wouldn't you see him today?"

Hotch sighed and grimaced, like I'd caught him out on some secret. It kind of reminded me of a much sterner version of Hagrid's "I shouldn't've said that," from the movie.

"Hotch," I demanded when he didn't answer me.

"I'm leaving the unit," Hotch said quietly.

I stared, grateful I wasn't driving. "Why?"

"If I don't leave voluntarily, transferring to another unit, then I'll be fired."

"Just because of one mistake?" I asked incredulously.

Hotch shook his head. "No. There's still some fall out from, from the case with your mother and other considerations."

If my heart hadn't stopped already, it certainly had now. I stopped asking questions and just sat in silence until Hotch pulled up to my school. I was scared of what else I would find out. I knew I wasn't stable enough yet to dig for answers like I used to. I couldn't handle it and I definitely didn't want to talk about Mom still.

"I'll make sure your father calls you and you'll see him when he picks you up," Hotch assured me one last time as I opened the door, taking out my back pack and suitcase. I nodded at Hotch, unsure if I should just pretend we hadn't said half of what we'd said to each other or if I should apologize for probing. In the end, Hotch nodded back, reading what I was thinking in my face.

"It will all work out."

"Yeah. Thanks again."

I walked into school—Mr. Rose had said I could keep my suitcase in his office during the day—thinking about how more changes were happening. Dad and Reid and Garcia would be affected by Hotch's absence on the team. And whatever affected Dad affected me. Even when I needed stability the most, there wasn't anything solid.

Notes:

I was setting up a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter and laying a foundation for the next chapter in Rachel's life. Everything is changing and not very much will remain the same, but I happen to like the changes that I'm writing for her. She might not agree at first, but she, and hopefully all of you, will like the new normal as it settles.

Thanks so much for my reviews! I was over the moon to see 4 already and I sincerely hope that the trend continues. (P.S. Antigona, yes, the oil and water metaphor translates into English). There's still lots of drama ahead of us which I hope will elicit a lot of commentary.

My new update day for this story is Saturday as you may have guessed, so the third chapter will be posted one week from today, next Saturday. Happy reading and can't wait to hear from you all!

Cantoris