Overtones-the added frequencies that sound with a given pitch, creating lingering harmonics

The morning after I lost my virginity, I woke up and tried to remember why I had done it. I liked Mark and I would probably have slept with him at some point, but the previous night, I had just wanted to feel, feel anything besides the numb shock that I was living with since Mom had died and had gotten worse when Dad left. I had thought that feeling something was better than feeling nothing.

And I was back to feeling hollow again anyway. And I really, really, just wanted to talk to my mom about what had happened. I had never wanted to talk with Mom more than I did right now in my life. And that I couldn't hurt like a knife through my heart.

I dressed on auto pilot and went down the stairs to face my judgment. Hotch didn't know what I had done, he just knew that I hadn't been where I was supposed to be, and I had come in past midnight. I had no idea what he would do to me if he did know the details.

The kitchen felt chilly and tense while Hotch and I fixed and ate our respective breakfasts. I kept waiting for the axe to fall just to get it over with, but Hotch remained silent. Finally, after his second cup of coffee, Hotch spoke.

"You and I are going to have a long conversation when you get home from school today. Whatever is going on, whatever you are feeling, it is no excuse for acting recklessly. Understood?"

I didn't respond, but since I didn't argue, Hotch took it as consent. With nothing else to say immediately, I finished my breakfast. Hotch drove me to school and dropped me off, reminding me to come straight home.

And really, I had every intention of doing so, if it weren't for what happened between first and second period. As I headed for study hall, I heard sounds of a fight in the hallway to my left. It wasn't until I recognized both arguing voices that I darted down the hall and pushed my way through the gawking students.

Michael and Mark were going at it, fists swinging, shoving each other into lockers, and kicking out. I saw several teachers coming, alerted by students and the sounds. Before they got there, I pushed my way past the last kid, waited for an opening, and then jumped between the two guys. Mark's elbow caught my cheekbone and Michael's foot connected with my shin before they both realized I was there.

"Rachel!"

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded, fixing both of them in my gaze.

"He just attacked me!" Mark defended himself.

"I heard him talking with his friends," Michael said quietly but vehemently. "I told him to leave you alone and he said to make him."

I looked at Mark, wondering not only what he had been saying about me, what private details he had shared, and also wondering if he had meant to provoke Michael to fight.

Seeing that I wasn't immediately jumping to his defense, Mark scoffed at both of us. "Rachel, I think I've put up with him as your friend long enough. If we're going to keep seeing each other, I don't want you to have anything to do with him. Choose."

"Him," I answered quickly. The decision was so easy that I didn't even have to think about it.

Both of them were shocked. "You'd choose him over me?" Mark demanded. "Why?"

"Because he never asked me to choose," I answered.

"Unbelievable. You're seriously—"

The arriving teachers cut Mark off from whatever he was about to say, and while they were distracted with Mark and everyone else jumping up to say what had happened, I grabbed Michael's hand and started for the closest exit. I was limping, but Michael caught on and helped me walk until we made our escape from school. We kept going until we were well beyond school property and made it to a public park, practically deserted at this time of day.

At first, we just collapsed on a park bench and caught our breath. After awhile, the severity of our actions started to sink in. I was in so much trouble.

"I'm sorry," Michael apologized quietly.

I started in surprise. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I shouldn't have confronted him," he explained. "You didn't tell me what happened, but I heard him talking about—" here Michael stumbled over his words "—about how nice it was that you finally, did it, with him and that it was about time. Then I realized why you had been so upset, and that's when I told him to stay away from you."

I choked back some combination of laughter and tears, holding it all down with visible effort.

"Rachel, did he, did he hurt you?" Michael asked me.

I shook my head. "No, not like that."

Michael sighed in exasperation and disgust. "Damn it. I thought I could claim justification."

I sighed as well. "It sounded like he provoked you, though."

"I'm still sorry that he gave you an ultimatum."

"I am, too," I agreed honestly. Mark wasn't a bad guy, but I should have known it wouldn't last between us when I realized how much I felt I couldn't confide with him. "But it wasn't a hard question."

Michael blushed. I smiled at him, and then winced at feeling the beginning of what would be a beautiful bruise on my face.

It wasn't too terribly cold outside, and neither of us were in a hurry to go back, so we just sat in the park. We ended up staying there for the rest of the morning until we were discovered. The man who approached us might as well have had "federal agent" tattooed on his forehead. He was early thirties with a short hair cut and wearing sunglasses and a practical suit.

"Rachel Gideon?" he asked once he was within speaking distance.

"FBI, right?" I asked.

It was that moment that I guessed Hotch had been called by the school, he had had Garcia trace my cell phone, and sent out a retriever to get me. And that told me just how upset Hotch was that he didn't even bother trying to call me and that he had sent someone I didn't know.

The nameless agent nodded curtly, giving Michael a penetrating glance before fixing his attention on me. "I have instructions to take you into our offices."

I wasn't completely stupid. "Even if Hotch sent you out as an errand boy, I still want to see some ID before I come with you."

Partly, I wanted to confirm that Hotch was calling the shots. If the agent could do that, I wasn't going to fight him. For my comfort, the agent did reach into his pocket and showed me his badge and ID card, saying, "Agent Hotchner of the BAU sent out the call, yes."

He passed the test, so I left without arguing. I promised to call Michael later to let him know what happened. He was headed back to school to face the music and accept his likely suspension. My case, of course, would be more complicated.

The agent placed me in his back seat so I felt like a criminal driving to the Academy and BAU offices. He even went so far as to hold my upper arm and physically lead me in, up the elevator, and hand delivered me to Hotch's office. I saw Reid, Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ all in the bull pen, each watching me with disbelief on their faces.

Waiting for me, Hotch was another story. He thanked the agent who had fetched me and then firmly closed the door behind him, leaving us in privacy. For a long while, Hotch didn't say anything and just watched me as I felt my energy and resolve drain away, leaving me empty once again.

"The past six months have been difficult, I know," Hotch started. "And I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you right now with your life unsettled as it is. But while I am responsible for you, I will not tolerate this behavior of the past two days."

Hotch waited to see if I would say anything in my defense. When I didn't, he proceeded to list my transgressions.

"You lied about where you were last night. Even though we never discussed a curfew, you were out past midnight which is the county curfew for minors. And then I get a call this morning that not only were you involved in a physical altercation, you played truant by fleeing school grounds."

Yeah, I knew it was bad already, thanks. When I still didn't respond, Hotch huffed out his breath in frustration.

"Rachel, do you even care that I've been worried about you? Anything could have happened to you last night and we wouldn't have known where you were."

Maybe I had had it. Maybe I just couldn't stand the thought of another adult caring about me only to turn me over to someone else as I knew Hotch must at some point.

"You're not my father," I pointed out resentfully. How bad was it that I actually wanted Dad reading me the riot act as long as it meant he was here with me?

"No, I'm not," Hotch agreed tightly. "But I am responsible for you and I do—"

"You're only looking out for me because of my father. Any day now, you'll just put me into the foster care system," I argued. "Why bother with this?"

That stunned him. "What gave you that idea?"

Now I was surprised. "My own family doesn't want me, Hotch. Why on earth would you want to put up with me when you have your own issues? Just do it today and get it over with."

Hotch had been sitting with his desk between us, but when I said that last thing, he leaped to his feet, came around the desk knelt in front me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

"I will not just hand you over to strangers," Hotch swore to me and gave me a little shake for emphasis. I was forced to stare into his eyes, pinned to my seat by his sincerity. "You're feeling betrayed by the people you thought you could trust, but I won't be one of those people, Rachel. If you thought that you would just get shunted off to be someone else's problem, you are mistaken."

Hotch pointed out the window of his office down to the bull pen. "Reid considers you as his sister. Garcia is ready to destroy your brothers' reputations in their respective fields. Both Morgan and Prentiss care for you as if you were a member of our team. Yes, we knew you initially as Jason's daughter, but this is because of you, for yourself."

I had felt abandoned by the adults in my life. In that absence, I had only wanted to know that there were still people out there who cared about what happened to me. The BAU was stepping in to be my family. But I had to let them in.

Staring at Hotch's face and listening to his tirade broke the last resolve and ice I had. I burst out crying. I couldn't help it or stop it any longer and just sobbed like I hadn't just spent the past half year doing just that at periodic intervals. I collapsed into myself, hunching over and hiding my face in my hands. I was aware of Hotch rubbing my back, comforting and encouraging at the same time.

When I had quieted down somewhat, Hotch asked, "Are you ready to talk about it?"

Even with my little revelation, I drew the line at talking to Hotch about having sex for the first time. I shook my head.

"Do you want some time to yourself?"

I shook my head again. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

Hotch frowned in confusion. "Just tell me what you need."

"I want to talk," I choked out. "I just can't with you."

If I had been thinking clearly, I wouldn't have said it like that. By the flash of hurt on Hotch's face, I might as well have rejected everything he had just said to me.

"Should I ask Reid to come up here?"

God, that would be even more mortifying. "I really want to talk with my mom right now," I confessed. "I wouldn't even want to talk to Dad about this part."

Hotch's expression softened with sympathy, and finally, he seemed to understand what I wasn't saying. "You need to talk with a woman, not a man."

I nodded. I kept crying, feeling a little embarrassed that Hotch must have guessed what had happened. Luckily, Hotch didn't even try to tackle that subject and instead went to the phone on his desk.

"Garcia, I have Rachel in my office right now… I need you to come up here and bring Prentiss with you."

In less time than I expected, Garcia was bustling through the door, Prentiss right on her heels. Garcia took one look at me and leveled a glare at Hotch.

"What have you been doing to her?" she demanded.

Hotch weathered her wrath and calmly explained, "Garcia, I haven't done anything other than what we discussed needed to be said. I'm going to leave you ladies alone so that Rachel can speak with you. Take all the time you need."

Hotch left swiftly, closing the door behind him. Garcia pulled me from my chair only to transplant me on the couch where she could sit next to me on one side and Prentiss on the other. Garcia had her arm around my shoulders and Prentiss placed a hand on my knee, both waiting for me to speak.

"Oh, chickadee, what have you been thinking lately?" Garcia asked me. No one else could get away with asking that question the way she did. "We have been going out of our minds worrying."

"I'm sorry," I apologized thickly.

Prentiss got up and found tissues in Hotch's desk, bringing them back and wiping my face. I flinched when she touched my cheek.

"Now," Prentiss said somewhat briskly, but still sounding concerned. "Let's take this from the top."

I started with the previous night and then I couldn't stop. I told them about having sex with Mark for the first time (ever), I told them about Mark and Michael fighting. With fresh tears streaming down my cheeks, I shared my theory that I was bound for foster care and wondered how there couldn't possibly be another adult who cared about me or wanted me.

I was hiccupping by the end and Prentiss had used up almost the whole box of tissues to keep up with my tears. For a moment, the only sound was my heavy breathing as I tried to get my composure back to salvage what little was left of my dignity. When it seemed I had sniffed my last attempt of control, Garcia spoke.

"Sweetie, no one here is going to just walk away from you and never come back."

Mentally, I scoffed. If my own father could do it, what was stopping the rest of them? Prentiss must have read the thought on my face.

"Rachel, I can't speak for your father, but I know the rest of the team isn't going anywhere. If the rest of your family has decided not to act like family, then we'll just have to be your new family."

"Exactly," Garcia agreed, pulling me in for a tight hug. "We look out for each other and we'll look out for you from now on. And we'll be there for each other, always."

"You're not going any where," Prentiss promised me. "Okay?"

I nodded, exhausted from the morning. I understood now that the team would take care of me, I wasn't just left out in the cold on my own or thrust into a group of strangers. I suddenly didn't even care who exactly I would be staying with, I just knew it was one of them. And that was all that mattered. With that hurdle taken care of, Garcia brought up the next concern.

"About last night," she started. She and Prentiss exchanged a look above my head from where I was slumped against Garcia's shoulder. "Hotch will probably lay out rules for you later about answering your phone and being where you say you're going to be, stuff like that. The sex…"

"We're not saying it was wrong," Prentiss took over. "You're old enough to make those decisions, just, you did use protection, right?"

"Yeah," I answered. I was my mother's daughter enough to have insisted on that even when the rest of my thoughts could have been summed up with 'to hell with it.'

Both women sighed in relief. "Okay," Prentiss said. "One thing Hotch won't think of that I'll do with you is make an appointment with an OB/GYN."

I shuddered at the thought of even talking about that kind of thing with Hotch.

"As far as the fight this morning goes," Garcia brought up. "Both Hotch and I talked with Principal Finley. Both boys are suspended for three days, but because you only got in the way to stop the fight, you were only suspended for the rest of today. But, Principal Finley is insisting that you start therapy for your own sake."

Here, I objected. "Do I really have to go to some stranger and spill my guts? I doubt the school counselor can handle 'my mom was murdered by a serial killer and my dad couldn't handle it and left me.'"

Garcia fought down a smile. "That's why I convinced her to agree that you can come with me to my weekly counseling sessions for grieving families. There will be other people there going through their own problems, and I'll be there every time. You won't even have to talk at every one."

That I thought I could do, so I agreed. Eventually, Garcia called Hotch back to talk with me. He did lay down the letter of the law but also told me that he would be applying for legal guardian status. Yeah, it could get complicated with things between him and Haley, but it was still more permanent than what I had been expecting. He was surprised when I flung myself at him, hugging him tightly, but not so surprised that he didn't hug me back.

I shared a late lunch with the whole team in their round table room. Sitting around the table while Morgan teased Reid for not being able to use chopsticks, I realized that calling them a family was not a stretch. Reid, Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ all treated each other like siblings. Garcia was the hippie aunt who guarded all her darlings as much as she could. Hotch, the obvious parent, stern but supportive.

And I saw the hole where Dad should have been. He had been the de facto leader of the team alongside Hotch. Sure, Reid and I were the ones who had gotten letters (and I still didn't know exactly what Dad had said to Reid) but we weren't the only ones left hurting. I wasn't the only one who had felt betrayed by his leaving without warning.

The other thing that happened that day: Garcia and I went to the vet's office to pick up Hannah. I had been missing my cat so much, I hugged her close to me as soon as I got her out of the travel cage. We couldn't bring her to Hotch's house just in case Haley came back, but Hannah would stay in Garcia's apartment and I was given her spare key so I could go in the afternoons or evenings.

I went to sleep that night feeling better than I had for weeks.

Notes:

All right folks, this is the last you'll hear from me in awhile. I do have the next three chapters written and I'm plotting out the rest, so they are in the works. But I wanted to take break here (the pre-Rossi chapters) so that I don't end up leaving you guys in a worse spot. I'm hoping to start posting again in mid-November or early December either with the rest of the movement or with another set of chapters that complete a small story arc like I've done here.

Thank you all so much for your continued support and commentary. I've been having a rough few weeks and coming to this site and reading your reviews has helped me a great deal. I appreciate it so much.

Advertising: There is a forum for Criminal Minds called Chit Chat on Author's Corner and they are having the third (I think) annual Profiler's Choice Awards. I think nominations are due in October sometime and voting sometime after that. If you've been wanting recommendations for other good stories to read, this is a great opportunity. Visit the forum, or I know frequent reviewer hxchick is one of the forum moderators. If I'm incorrect about any of this, apologies.

Thanks again and keep an eye out for more chapters in the fall!

Cantoris