Chapter 8

January 1970

Ennis and Jack met up in the week following New Year's. Once again, they had somehow managed to get through the holidays without each other, but it hadn't gotten any easier. Both tried to focus on their kids and making it special for them, and it worked until night fell and they were the only ones awake. When that occurred, they would stare out of a window and think of each other, wondering how the other was.

When they met up at the Big Horns earlier that day, they had been very glad to see each other. Jack was certain that they were meant to be together, but he just didn't know how to broach the subject without causing an argument. The last thing he wanted was to fight with Ennis; it was a waste of precious time.

He came back to camp after relieving himself and found Ennis relaxing on the ground, staring up at the sky and lost in thought. Jack smiled to himself and decided to join him. He lay down next to Ennis and they exchanged a smile. "What're you thinkin' on over here?" Jack asked. Ennis shrugged.

"Nothin' much. Just...rememberin' what you used to say about the sky. How it's so big...an' someone far away can look up right now an' see what we're seein'. Amazin', huh?"

"Sure is," Jack replied, nodding as he lifted his eyes to the sky. "Ennis...can I ask you somethin'?" At Ennis's nod, he continued hesitantly. "D'you...d'you believe in heaven an' hell?"

Ennis was silent for a moment. "Dunno. Growin' up, I was taught that there was, an' that sinnin' sent you to hell. Church in Riverton says so too. I dunno, really. Ain't seen nothin' to prove it, or to not prove it."

"Right...I reckon there is. Wanna know why?" Jack asked him, and Ennis sensed that Jack was about to say something profound. His heart skipped a beat as Jack looked at him. "I wanna believe in heaven 'cos...at least then, we might be together when we die."

Ennis rolled onto his side, facing Jack and touching his cheek. "Darlin'...I'd do it if we could, but...we can't. Too dangerous."

"I know. An' I don't wanna start a fight, Ennis. I was just sayin'...even if it never happens down here, I'd like to think it could up there, where nobody could hurt us for it."

"If things was different...if people wouldn't wanna kill us for it...I'd do it. But...it can't happen, Jack." Ennis looked at him sadly. "Sure am sorry."

"It's okay," Jack replied softly, covering Ennis's hand with his own. "Don't worry 'bout it." He rolled onto his side too and leaned in, drawing their lips together. As they kissed, they tried to tell each other without words how they felt, and their wish that they could be together for real. Both of them knew it could be a sweet life, but Jack begrudgingly admitted that Ennis had a point about the danger.

Ennis rolled on top of Jack as they made out, his hands travelling down to the rodeo buckle. He undid it and started tugging Jack's jeans down. Jack did the same to him until their groins were exposed; it was too cold to fully undress out here.

"Fuck me," Jack breathed against Ennis's lips, and he was deftly flipped over. He rose onto his knees as he heard Ennis fumbling for the lube, and he shook in anticipation. This was what he needed more than anything else right now, and he was very glad that Ennis was more than willing to participate.

Ennis pushed into him and he groaned, head hanging low. "Oh, fuck..."

"This okay?" Ennis gasped behind him, Jack's hot tightness taking him in. This feeling was unlike any other in the world, and he wished he could have more time with Jack. But his fear of losing this man was too great, and he was unwilling to put Jack at risk. This was the only way they could be safe.

"Yeah," Jack replied, and they started moving together quickly. Neither would last long, but that was okay. They had several more days before having to separate again. "God, Ennis...so fuckin' good at this..."

"You...you feel good," Ennis told him, wrapping an arm around Jack's stomach and pulling him close. Jack's fingers laced through his and he gritted his teeth, wave after wave of pleasure washing over him as they fucked. Their knees would be sore after this, but it was well worth it. Jack would and could endure anything if it meant they could do this together. "Oh God, darlin'..."

"Ennis...touch me...please!" Jack ground out, and Ennis's hand slid down to take hold of him. He gave a few strokes as he continued to thrust, and Jack shot right across the camp with a groan. Ennis followed suit soon after, coming hard inside his lover and growling into his ear as his orgasm ripped through him.

They collapsed together in a heap, panting hard as their senses caught up to them. Jack could barely think straight right now, but he was very happy with Ennis's warm weight on top of him. His lover was still inside him, and Jack wished he could stay there forever. He knew it could be incredible if they lived together; they could make love every night and maybe during the day too if the mood struck them. They could go to sleep together every night and wake up together every morning. He wished that people wouldn't hate them for loving each other; if that obstacle wasn't there, then maybe they would have a chance. It certainly wasn't love tying them to their wives. And they could still be in touch with their children if they were together.

But this was the reality, and he didn't know how to change it. This was beyond their control, and all he could do was hope that one day soon, a love like theirs would be accepted. He really couldn't do much else but try to wait it out.