Dean set off after the quickly growing mass of angels, dragging his feet and catching up to Sam to stay next to him. He wanted to take comfort in his brother, the one thing that had always been constant in his life.

There had been two rules that were always there within Dean, no matter what the situation was. The first? Protect Sammy. His dad had made sure to ingrain that deep within him, it was almost a part of his personality. The second he had deeply drilled into himself; Protect your secret. These two things were perhaps the only rock solid things in his life. Letting his darkest secret get out rang on the same personal level as letting Sam get ripped apart right in front of him.

Dean glanced over quickly; his stomach dropped when he saw Castiel was coming his way. Dean unconsciously moved to almost hide behind Sam. He only realized how dumb that was after he'd done it. He wasn't a kid anymore, his problems didn't just disappear if he hid from them.

Cas looked at Dean, and his face suddenly illuminated with understanding. He strode up happily to Dean, who in his panic was trying to avoid any eye contact.

"You remember," he said, smiling big like the time he'd seen Dean for the first time since he'd become an angel. Dean contrastingly frowned deeply, and motioned for Cas to follow him, to get out of the crowd and go into the nearby forrest. They could catch up with the group later, but for now they needed to talk. Castiel cocked his head to the side just a little, but followed him all the same.

Dean made sure they were out of all earshot and eyeshot before he continued.

"I want you to erase it. All of it." Dean said with a stony face, pointing rudely at Cas as if he was accusing him of something. Castiel brought his eyebrows together, looking confused. "But, you'd told me-"

"Look. I don't want to remember any of it, okay?" He said angrily, feeling tears burning in his tear ducts. Dean felt his heart stir as he looked at that beautiful face, his blue eyes darting rapidly from side to side as he tried to understand. He hated himself for getting that little flutter.

Cas licked his lips slightly before he continued, keeping his darting eyes downcast. "I was under the impression that-"

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong!" Dean yelled, getting worked up, mostly at himself. "I'm ashamed of you, Cas! I'm ashamed of myself! I never asked to be this way, I don't want to love you, okay?" He couldn't bear that expression on Castiel's face.

"This was never supposed to happen! No one was supposed to find out, Cas. No one. It's unnatural, I'm fucking repulsive for even-" He stopped and shut his eyes tight, looking up to the ceiling. This was his worst nightmare. He never wanted to have this conversation. Cas tried to take a step toward him, and Dean jerked back. Two ripe tears finally dripped from his eyes, just catching at the bottom of his cheeks.

"Stay away from me." Dean threatened in a stone cold voice. Castiel looked heartbroken, standing there with half-opened arms.

"Dean, I-" Dean stepped back again, trying to put as much distance in between them as he could.

"Dean, it's okay." Cas whispered, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Why are you so afraid?" He said it so softly, so sweetly that Dean felt a prickly rush up his nose and in his tear ducts. Castiel came closer, and Dean stiffened but didn't back away this time, darting his green eyes from left to right as he stared at the floor.

"I don't know." He wiped his hands down his face, smearing the tears even more. "Because I hate this part of myself. I just wish it would go away, it's fucking torment. I know I'm damn disgusting-" He sniffed and rubbed his eyes again, blinking as he looked skyward.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Dean." Cas was using that intoxicatingly sweet voice again. He ventured even closer, spreading out his arms in an innocent gesture as if he were approaching a feral animal.

"Yes, there is. Please. Erase it. If you can, cure me, because all my life I've just wanted to be normal-" He couldn't continue. He covered his face with both of his palms. Castiel softly wrapped his arms around him, and instead of Dean lashing out he took his hands off his face and put his arms around Cas, and he had fully intended to keep control, but his chest began to rise with shaky sobs beyond his control. Cas just held on, trying to be something solid in a world that must have felt utterly out of control.

"You are normal," He said calmly, reassuringly. Dean gripped on tighter and tried to stop crying. He didn't feel like he wanted to let go just yet. He was still so afraid, all those years keeping it all stopped up, every single thing he'd ingrained in his system screamed for him to stop, to let go, make excuses, never bring it up again.

He pulled away from the hug slowly, looking into that familiar, lovely face. Cas was smiling that goofy, somewhat sideways smile that he used when he tried to reassure someone, to make them feel better. Wow, he loved him so much. He still felt deep squeezes of guilt just thinking that.

Dean sighed in a watery voice, drinking in that face before he finally took his hands off of Cas's shoulders. He looked into his eyes; those burning blue eyes he knew so well. There was a moment of silence as he felt a familiar seizure of fear deep in his gut. No, this was wrong. It was all wrong.

He got a hand to cover his eyes and he twisted away. Maybe if he didn't look at him it would make it easier. "Cas-" he started, and that deep seated fear overwhelmed him. "I just. I can't, I can't, not right now. I need time, I need space. I can't do this."

"It's okay, Dean. I've waited before. I will wait for you."

Dean felt those words just reach down and not only pull at his heartstrings, but pretty much rip them out. He turned all the way around and couldn't restrain himself from sprinting away. With every step he felt like more and more of a dumbass, but he couldn't stop. This was all happening so fast, he couldn't even comprehend it. He was still scared, which was a pretty hard thing to get him to feel after everything he'd been though. But he just kept running, he needed to get back to the rest of the troop. He wanted to be distracted, he didn't want to look his fear straight in the face for one more second. He wished he could just be brave enough to admit everything to himself.

Calcifer was still rounding up everyone in the camp to join him. Dean had almost forgotten how many had joined them when Antheniel had arrived. He looked around the sea of heads and wings, he had to guess there were around eighty people, and it was growing. They'd probably end up with around a hundred.

"There you are. Where'd you go?" Sam asked when Dean slunk back to his side. If he noticed tears in his eyes, he didn't say anything.

"Oh, kind of got swept away from the crowd," He lied through his teeth. "I didn't know we had this many people."

"Me neither," Sam replied, scanning the crowd like Dean had done. He looked like he was about to say more, but quickly shut his mouth when he saw that Calcifer had begun to speak.

"We need to meet and cut off Tirael's army before they can merge with Raphael. We have to cover this distance in two or three days, hopefully the lesser. Estimated angels that we're taking on is fifty. We have this, brothers and sisters. So let's go take it!" He rallied, and the mass of angels cheered and began moving swiftly, forward or darting quickly in and out of tents to collect all the weapons and supplies they could think of.

Dean for some reason felt the urge to reach out and grab Sam's hand, to protect him like he'd done for his whole childhood. He felt his whole world spinning; he was leading Sam into battle, and he had no idea what would happen. And, his secret was beginning to surface after his whole life keeping it in check. Dean was surprised he was even functioning when his two absolute rules, his personal northern stars, were completely falling apart.

...

They'd gone miles and miles, maybe close to a full day, before they finally took their first rest stop. Other angels had gone to work straight away, collecting branches and creating a few different fire pits. Angels crowded around the fires and around each other. It was so damn cold, the collective warmth of their graces couldn't even begin to cover it anymore. They tried to engage in lighthearted conversations, not wanting the topics to lead back to war, at least for a little while.

Dean needed to get away right when they'd stopped. They probably wouldn't miss him anyway. He distanced himself to the edge and sunk down into the snow, hugging his knees to his chest. He was staring straight ahead into the black trees, watching as snowflakes floated down slowly. He sighed and just stared straight ahead, keeping his eyes completely still, not looking at anything in particular. It was something he had done whenever he had been upset when he was little. When he grew up things changed and he couldn't run and hide anymore. He didn't want to move for a while, he just wanted to sit there and watch.

He straightened up when he felt that Sam was looking for him, walking out to meet him. Great. Perfect.

"What's wrong?" Sam said softly, and he came and sat next to him, touching his knee to his.

"Nothing. I'm just tired," Dean tried to say, but Sam saw through it right away.

"Dean, you haven't run away and hid like this since we were kids. Remember that night that Dad had to drag you out from under those motel stairs? You'd been waiting there for hours."

Dean closed his eyes. He did remember. He'd curled up under beds, hid in closests. He almost forgot that had been his coping mechanism for a long time.

"It's just too much. I don't want to lose you, Sam. I don't want to lose anyone." Sam silently put his arm over Dean's shoulder. They sat there for a while. Dean felt his stomach grow sour.

"What's up with you and Cas? You guys haven't talked for days."

"We're in a fight right now," Dean quickly answered, wanting the subject to change immediately . Sam looked behind him to see the rest of the angels in their little clusters, laughter floated up from one of them. He spotted him relatively quickly; Castiel was in a group, recieving several holy oil bombs that he slipped into his coat as he chatted with the other angels around the fire. He looked up to see the brothers, and his expression was innocent and slightly worried.

"He doesn't look very angry." Sam said, nodding to acknowledge Castiel's glance.

"Yeah, well. You know how he is," Dean tried to avoid the situation.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Sam asked, and Dean couldn't help but look right into those wide puppy eyes. Dean pressed his lips together.

"I'm sorry, Sam." He said quietly, quickly avoiding his glance. It didn't help much; he could picture Sam's hurt expression perfectly in his mind's eye.

"I'll be here when you want to talk, alright?" He said, taking his hand off of his shoulder and giving him a little pat. Great. Now Dean felt even worse than when he'd first separated himself from the group.

Gabriel sat with Michael, extending his leg onto a chair opposite from him. He was slowly but surely getting better, but healing was delayed just a bit from all the energy he was expending on helping Michael.

He felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders when he'd finally been forgiven by Samandriel. It was amazing how guilty he'd felt about one tiny little angel. Now, he only needed to recharge before...well, he didn't want to think about that now. Right now was a time to rest.

He put another rich German chocolate into his mouth. Wow, he hadn't had the time for sweets in a while. As the flavor melted into his mouth he felt more like himself. He'd been forced to be so serious and was faced with such heavy situations, he missed being able to play practical jokes and enjoy sweets.

He reached a hand out to give Michael another burst of energy. He was slowly getting better, and his wounds were turning to scars quickly and his wings were getting a tiny bit healthier. Gabriel could tell he was bogged down still, Sam and Dean hadn't exactly accepted his apology with open arms. And he had yet to even talk to Adam.

The camp was extremely empty, with the two of them, Samandriel, and just four or five weak angels who were unable to battle. Samandriel had climbed onto Michael's bed, trying to be a comfort to him just like he had been for Dean. Gabriel smiled at how pure of good emotion the little boy was. He had tried to imitate what Gabriel had been doing, reaching out periodically and giving Michael bursts of energy, but he was so small and not powerful at all compared to Gabriel that it really made no difference, but Gabe thought it was sweet that he was trying to help.

Michael had gotten on the boy's good side right away as they talked quietly. Gabriel looked at the two of them-literally the oldest and youngest of all the angels, together. Michael had softly tousled the kid's hair, as he looked at him with admiration after seeing everything the kid had done. Michael was able to review through all of his memory in a matter of seconds; his life was so short compared to the millions of years he'd experienced.

"You've seen so much, haven't you?"

Samandriel closed his eyes and nodded slowly.

"It will get easier, I promise. I remember a time when angels lives were very boring. Must seem kind of strange to you, huh?" Samandriel nodded, trying to shoot of a tiny bit of energy again. Michael grinned at the gesture, but then looked to Gabriel.

"Aren't you worried?"

"About what?" Gabriel answered, lifting an eyebrow.

"You know. Calcifer."

Gabriel pressed his lips together. "No. I trust him."

"Even I could tell he wasn't right. Him and Isiah used to be attached at the hip." Michael shuffled his wings anxiously. "We need as many people as we can in the final battle. You know that." Was Michael really suggesting Calcifer would end up wasting many of those who followed him?

"I trust him to make the right decisions." He said again, unmoving. Was it really the best choice, though? He had been acting extremely rash lately. Gabriel shook his head. No. He would be fine. He couldn't stress out right now, he needed to rest.

Dean had gotten up very grudgingly when he heard hundreds of footsteps and knew that they were going to be on the move again. He stood up and stretched. It was strange how perfectly still he could sit when he wasn't bogged down with humanly qualities, like needing to sleep or eat or go to the bathroom. His limbs were stiff from the cold and his unmoving position, and he scanned to find Sam and march beside him again. He saw a quick glimpse of Cas in the quickly moving crowd before he was out of sight.

Was it possible for the person you wanted to see the most and least to be the same? Cas was doing exactly what Dean had asked him to do, which was stay away from him until Dean figured himself out. But Dean wished at the same time that he would break his wishes and just come back and act normal. Dean tried to shove the thought from his head as he followed his tall brother through the sea of people.

His was lost in his thoughts as he marched on rhythmically, and he couldn't even feel his feet with each step as they, as well as his hands and tip of nose, had gone completely numb. He was thinking about everything, how strange his world was now. He wasn't even human anymore. With his two rules being ripped from him, he wondered if he was even Dean still. He certainly wouldn't consider himself a hunter any longer. He hadn't had a beer in so long, he was surprised he was even functioning. Maybe he had changed some, but he was still him, right?

He barely noticed when they came to a stop, and that's why he was so shocked when he finally spotted the other army doing the same thing they had done a while ago, camp out with several bonfires. He wasn't sure how long they had been walking this time, it could have been close to a day, he couldn't even tell anymore. His damn brain wouldn't shut up. Calcifer had put himself in the very front, bringing his finger to his lips to show that they had to be as quiet and sneaky as possible. Dean felt very out of it as everyone else around him was tense and at the ready, and he was still trying to clear his head of the clouds.

No, he wasn't ready. He wouldn't lead his brother to his death. He was able to summon his blade even before his heart began to pump, but he was too focused to even notice that he'd finally learned that aspect. The fire pits glowed orange, a nice change of color to all this damn black and white. Black and white, everywhere he looked. He was getting sick of it.

Everything suddenly became so real, he felt every muscle in his body tense up and was suddenly aware of every aspect of his body. He saw his breath swirl away in the cold, and he felt ready to sprint and fight and tear out their throats. He wanted to end this, he wanted Sam to be with Jess. He wanted to finally have the time to see his mom and dad again, he wanted to visit Bobby and Ellen and Jo. He wanted to have time to figure out what the hell was becoming of his life, and what he was supposed to do about Cas.

They sneaked among the trees, and Dean wasn't even sure when the line had blurred from staying hidden to a full on attack. But suddenly, he was right in the middle of everything, bullets whizzed, there were shouts and screams and booms. He felt that same drive to finish this damn thing, and he felt strength come into his legs as he pumped them faster and faster, sprinting head on as members of his family rushed and fought and slashed all around him.

Calcifer was the fastest of all of them, launching himself and slicing at throats as if he didn't have a drop of fear in his whole body. He was absolutely vicious, sprinting and tumbling and throwing his whole body weight into his weapon like an animal. He set an amazing example; just watching him gave Dean an ounce of courage.

Dean slammed into one of the enemy angels that had his back to him, who was occupied with someone in the front. He jammed his blade right into its middle and ripped it out harshly, seeing shatters of cold, steely grace rip and fade into the air like embers. He saw a pit in the snow in his peripherals, and dove for cover. He rolled in just in time as a bone-rattling bomb exploded nearby. He brushed off his hair from the thick snowflakes and shuffled his wings to get ring of the clinging white. Finally seeing that he was somewhat safe, he noticed someone was in the same pit with him, the one who had been fighting the angel he'd run through. The man turned around quickly, and Dean's eyes widened when they met a pair of deep blue ones. Cas. They both looked at each other, fear in the depths of their eyes as they quaked slightly from the fear, cold and adrenaline combined. Their noses were only a few inches apart as they finally were seeing each other for the first time in days.

"Hey," Dean said lamely. Cas's expression didn't change from one of extreme concern as he slipped something out of his coat and handed it out for Dean. It was a holy oil bomb. Dean reached up his hand out, and Cas placed it in his open palm, dragging his finger softly to linger just a second longer.

They didn't say anything to each other as the only stared at each other, their faces inches away. Their misty breath started to mingle together, and Dean suddenly had an overwhelming desire to kiss him. He didn't want Cas to avoid him anymore. He wanted his friend back, he didn't want to feel so damn conflicted anymore. Either he loved Cas, or he didn't. He wanted things to be that clear, and he felt he was leaning more toward the first one. But how the hell would he tell Sam? Or his mom and dad? He felt butterflies in his stomach.

Cas's blue eyes darted down to Dean's lips, then back up to his eyes. Their cold breaths were now on time, curling away together in a little cloud. Cas pulled his face away, and broke eye contact. "Stay safe," He finally said in his recognizable gravelly voice, before he extended his blade in hand.

Dean caught a glimpse of a sparkle from the blade, and the last thing he saw was the dark black of his wings slipping away. He wanted to call out and tell him to wait, but it was like his vocal chords weren't working as he looked over the bunker of snow. Castiel was nowhere to be seen.

Dean did look up just in time to see Calcifer lying flat on his back, an enemy angel just about to really end him forever with his blade ready to plunge right into his chest. Dean felt that same strong protective urge, and somehow an invisble force seemed to shove the enemy back and get Calcifer just out of the way.

The angel stumbled, confused, and went right in the path of a pack of four others of his kind. It quickly regained its composure and swiftly went to join them. This was probably Dean's perfect shot. He wound his arm up and pitched the bomb Cas had given him as hard as he could. His heart lept when his aim had been perfect; the bomb exploded once it hit the ground, incinerating the group in seconds.

"Cal!" He cried out, but got no response. He scanned the field quickly: he could get him if he took just a few seconds. Dean leapt from the pit he'd been hiding in and hit the ground running. He reached Calcifer and started to drag him as quickly as he could to safety. A bullet zipped by his head, dangerously close.

Dean dragged him into the pit, and began shaking him, rolling his head, lightly slapping his cheeks with a cupped hand. "Cal, wake up. Come on, buddy. Please."

Calcifer came to and screwed his face up right away. "Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed, reaching up to grip his shoulder. Dean looked and quickly saw why; the exact same spot he'd had the bullet zip right through before now had a Leviathan bullet lodged right in the tear.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He spat again, and Dean was caught off guard by that wild look in his gold eyes.

"I'm going to get you help, alright?" Dean said, and he wondered if he really should take him back to Adam's. Calcifer's face dropped to one with no emotion whatsoever as Dean gripped one of his arms tightly, shook his wings of snow, and flew quickly to Adam's.

The teen quickly ushered the injured angel in, digging around for the tools he needed. Dean disappeared with the sound of flapping wings, and Adam led the stony-faced man to the nearest bed, taking out the tweezers and wooden bit.

"I don't need that," Calcifer said in a low, monotone voice, looking down and out as he looked at nothing in particular. Adam found it a bit strange, but he continued anyway. The man didn't even flinch as Adam reached in to pull out the bullet, but Cal's face drooped into an expression even sadder than that of a frown.

"You're Calcifer, right? I've heard a lot about you." Adam said, trying to break some of the strange tension in the air.

"I'm sure you have," The man replied on exhale, implying that the things were negative. Adam lifted his eyebrows, starting to think this was extremely strange. Cal wasn't acting at all like anyone else he had tried to help.

"Hold still," Adam said again, biting his lips in concentration as he began to try and clean out as much of the poison as he could. Calcifer did the exact opposite, and it was as if something in him just snapped. His eyes burned with a cold fire, as he stood up tall and clenched his fists to his side.

"Stop, I'm not finished-"

With his expression unchanging from that rock-bottom grief, he threw Adam easily across the room. Adam curled up and tried to sit up, the wind had been knocked out of him, hard. He sat up, touching his head lightly, which had split open a tiny bit and begun to bleed. He had an astonished look on his face. Calcifer made swiftly for the bathroom, as Adam struggled to stand up and run after him.

Calcifer knocked into the door, bumping clumsily into the bathroom as his light grey and white wings knocked over medicine bottles and perfumes and shampoos, which clattered and shattered on the tile floor. He stood up unsteadily, and slammed the door shut without touching it. He slid out his silver blade-bullet gun, looking at the shiny and beautiful object with exhausted, sad eyes as he turned and tilted it slightly to see the light play off of it.

Adam stood up laboriously and ran, unbalanced, sliding on the wood flooring in front of the bathroom as he gripped onto the doorknob for support. He straightened up and pounded as hard as he could with his fist onto the door. "Calcifer! Please, come out!" He didn't know exactly what he was going to do, but he'd seen that look in his eyes. He was going to do something bad, and Adam was just a powerless human to stop it.

Calcifer slowly raised his eyes to meet his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He felt his eyes fill with tears as they dropped out without even blinking. He looked at every aspect of himself; his hair, the way his cheeks sloped to meet his jaw, his chin, the slope of his nose and his eyes. Especially his eyes. There were dark rings around them, and they shone with a crazy kind of light, spinning slowly in and out of dialation. He blinked slowly with realization. That wasn't him in the mirror looking back at him. That was Isiah.

"Calcifer!" Adam called out, tears coming to his own eyes. He knew what it was like to lose someone he loved. His mom was the only family he'd ever known. If the angel even heard it, he didn't acknowledge it. He brought the silver gun up slowly, centering it in the middle of his chest. He was such a failure, death didn't even come to him when he wanted it to. With two close calls, it was almost as if it were mocking him. He wouldn't fail this time, he was sure. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling every nerve in his body, especially the ones in his finger on the trigger. He opened his eyes to see Isiah one last time. It was a good thing he did. He saw something that changed his mindset completely. The fierce fire in his eyes suddenly was snuffed out completely, and he watched as they returned to normal, his face dropping with realization. The gun slipped out of his hand, clattering harmlessly to the floor.

He slowly twisted the doorknob, the door opened with a creak, and met Adam's extremely worried face. A small trickle of blood had slid down his forehead, where the skin had split. It looked like his lower lip had been busted as well. They stood there, just staring at each other for a short moment, Calcifer gripping tightly to the doorknob. What had he almost just done?

Calcifer didn't say anything as he fell into the kid, giving him a crushing hug, at the same time releasing enough energy to heal the teenager. Adam hugged right back, not sure what else he was supposed to do. From working with angels, he'd learned that they were powerful, social and quite dangerous to a frail human like him. But it was moments like these that he felt paid off all his hard work.

...

When Dean returned, he was surprised to find that the battlefield was eerily quiet. It was over, and they'd absolutely crushed this one troop. They owed it all to Calcifer, without his leadership skills and careful manevuering, who knows what could have happened? Dean reached out to find Sam right away, and felt his glow close by. He sprinted toward it, and found him still in one of the pits. He was holding a girl angel, and it was easy to see she was dying. She had a deep gash across her chest from one of the blades, and her breathing was labored.

"It will all be okay. I promise. It won't be too bad," Sam was comforting her, and just seconds later she took in her last breath, and Sam flinched as black wings appeared around him. He looked up at Dean with tired eyes and stood shakily up from the pit. Dean wrapped his arms around him right away, and said nothing as he helped him to climb out.

"We're supposed to go join Velias's camp and wait there," Sam said, stepping in time with Dean. Dean was suprised when he slung his arm over his shoulder, and Dean felt that Sam was extremely upset and shaken up, but also relieved that nothing had happened to Dean.

The went like this for a while, not talking at all, as they followed the stream of angels to go back to the other camp.

This one was much nicer than the tiny white tents that they'd had back with Gabriel. These buildings were small, wood-framed cabins, with a few steps up to each one. Sam and Dean wanted nothing else but to crash in one of these and rest for a while.

Dean spotted Calcifer sitting on one of the bottom steps, taking long drags from a cigarette. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, and he leaned back on his good arm, his body position was so relaxed and casual as he tilted his head back to blow smoke from his mouth. He looked so at peace, Dean found it strange that this was the same man he'd seen fighting himself to the ground. Calcifer saw Dean looking and motioned for them to join him.

He was silent for a second when they'd come over, as he looked both of their faces over for a little. He snuffed the cigarette out and finally spoke up.

"Come inside, you're bunking with me." He said, motioning for them to follow him up the three or four steps to get inside.

He collapsed into a chair and closed his eyes, but it was clear he wanted to tell them something. "Honestly? I'm suprised I'm even alive right now." He said with a big puff of breath. Dean and Sam exchanged a quick glance.

"Didn't you know what I was doing? Couldn't you tell? I was trying to be killed. I wanted to go out fighting, I wanted to go out for a good cause. Assisted suicide, right? But I failed at that too. Two fucking times I failed at that."

"It was like death was playing some sick cat-and-mouse game with me. So at Adam's house, I wanted him to mess up or something, but when it clear he was doing a perfect job, I just snapped." Dean noticed he was talking about it almost as if he were disconnected, and he actually kept somewhat of a mild tone.

"So, I snuck into his bathroom and pulled out my gun. I looked in the mirror, and all I could see was Him. His face, not mine. No one needed me anymore. I knew I wasn't going to fail this time. So there I was, looking at Him, I had the gun to my chest, and godammit I would have done it. But then I saw the tiniest glimpse of something." Calcifer paused, and he smiled. An actual, wide, real smile. Tears had started to shine in his eyes, happy tears.

"There were just right there, inches away from where the bullet would have ended me. So I put my gun down, and I just stared. Then, I came back here, just thinking and thinking about what an idiot I've been. He would have wanted me to live. And I realized I have a reason to live."

Sam and Dean were shocked that he was telling them this. They had seen that he had been in pain, but they had no idea it had been that bad. But Calcifer showed them his reason, and Sam felt his eyes get a little moist and Dean felt a little tug on his heart.

Right there, stationary in Calcifer's grace, right under his collarbone. One tiny little star that was pulling into two, looking like a bright little eight. Twins.

"They say it's one in a million. It's probably even less than that." Calcifer looked down at his chest and covered the splitting star up affectionately with his palm. "Sometimes the universe surprises me." He said happily, looking up into their faces.

"I wanted to thank you for saving me, Dean. And I just wanted to let someone know that I'm not going to give up anymore. I have a reason now."

Sam barreled into Calcifer and gave him a giant hug. "I'm glad you chose to stay, Cal. I would have really missed you."

"I know." He said in a low voice. "I can't believe how close I came. But I'm never going back to that, okay? I'm here to stay, and I'm going to fight." Sam smiled a huge smile and pulled out of the hug.

"Thanks to you, we only have one more." Sam continued, and Cal smiled slightly, running a hand through his hair. He paused, looking at the two of them with his crinkly, smily eyes.

"I'm glad Cas did what he did for you two. And I'm glad to call you both my brothers." Calcifer looked away, thinking deeply again. He had been so close. But now, it was as if all his despair had vanished. He just knew that they were going to win, he was so sure of it. Maybe his little twins wouldn't ever have to live in a world like this, these time would only become scary bedtime stories.

He closed his eyes, happy to just be alive, feeling his ribcage move in and out as he breathed. He finally felt happy about what his future might hold. And he would fight still, not to burn out, not to die or to avenge, but to make a better world for the two little things that had saved him from himself.

Hello! Wow, I didn't realize how often I've been updating! It is winter break, after all. So, just saying I'm probably going to slow down the updates soon. I hope you liked this chapter, please tell me what you think! I still am happy to hear any suggestions as to what you'd like to see, or if you have any questions! Thanks for the reviews, favorites and follows everyone! It makes me so happy to see my story getting read :)