Dean had been watching and waiting for the longest time. Again, time seemed to fade into something that was very obscure when he had no clock and no human functions, and no difference outside. He felt like it could have been watching for hours. He decided to not try and watch Earth again, in case he missed something. After hours and hours of keeping watch, Sam's eyelids finally began to fold open. Dean rushed over to crouch by his side.
"Sam. Sammy, wake up." When he looked into his eyes, he noticed that they were wild with a look that he had seen when the devil had been messing with his head. He found this strange if he was supposed to have just escaped his own personal paradise.
"Dean." He growled, standing up and flicking out his blade.
"Whoa! What the hell, Sam?!" He said throwing his hands up in front of him.
"You don't even want to know some of the shit that I just saw. And they all had to do with your big secret," He said, looking around with paranoid eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Dean repeated, genuinely confused.
"I just fought to get out from some of my worst nightmares, and you need to tell me right now what's going on, because I need to know it's not as bad as things I just saw."
Dean realized with a start. He vaguely remembered Calcifer saying it would be your deepest desire 'if you're lucky' before he'd passed out. This must have been the other end.
"I...Sam, I don't know if I can-" Dean started, but was interrupted.
"Why don't you trust me anymore, Dean?" Sam yelled, getting so worked up that there was a rumbling sound and a crack began to form under his feet.
"Why do I have to tell you everything?" Dean said, getting angry himself. He had been watching over Sam for the longest time and this was how he treated him when he woke up?
"Because we're brothers!" Sam bellowed, looking very upset. Dean could tell he stil had some cloudy judgement after getting out of a dream that felt so real, it had to mess with your head.
"I can tell you whatever I want whenever I want, Sam." Dean said, and the cabin's white canvases started to flap without any wind. "I don't need you to tell me what to do!"
"You're planning on killing me, aren't you?" Sam asked, his eyes shining with a crazy light. Dean remembered how hard it was to convince himself that what he had seen was not real. Maybe it was the same for Sam.
"What? No!" Dean barked in defense.
"Then why can't you just tell me?" Sam was extremely irritated now, and snow had begun to swirl outside and was hitting the canvas with dry splatters.
"I'm not ready." Dean said, quietly this time. Sam seemed to get a grip and the snow stopped hitting the tent. He calmed himself down, taking his blade back and looking at Dean with pleading, lucid eyes.
"Dean, please. We're all we've got. We're the only two who are going through this crazy shit together. I don't know what I'll do if I think you can't trust me."
Dean bit his lip. He had promised Castiel before the lockdown. I'm going to tell Sam, he'd told him. It felt like such a huge step to overcome. He took in a sharp breath. How the hell would he even start?
"Okay, Sam. Okay." Dean collapsed into the chair he'd been sitting in, keeping watch. For some reason he felt like he had been defeated.
He took in a deep breath and ran two hands through his hair, one after the other. "Okay. Okay, I'm going to tell you." He closed his eyes and breathed out all the air he could. This was really happening. Oh, god. He'd really have to tell him after all these years.
"Alright, Okay. Sam. Okay, I'm telling you. Sam, I'm... I'm in love with Castiel." He saw Sam's face drop from one of anticipation to one of relief, and he sort of had a look that somewhat said 'that's it?' Dean turned away, feeling instantly embarrassed. This was never supposed to be revealed to Sam, he was never supposed to know.
"Shit, I can't believe I just told you that." He rubbed his face as if he were trying to realize this was real. "I get it if you're embarrassed of me. I get it if you don't feel comfortable around me anymore, I guess I'll just move cabins or something." Dean couldn't even look his brother in the face, he was so shameful.
"Dean," Sam said softly.
"I tried to change, Sam. I really did, but I can't. I'm sorry that your older brother's gay. You don't have to call me your brother around other people if you don't want. If you think differently of me I could-"
"Dean," Sam spoke up again, a little bit louder this time.
"What, Sam? I get it, okay? Yeah, it's embarrassing. But I can't just make it go away. I tried my whole life for that. Sam, I really, really love him. Not like anyone else before."
He finally worked up the courage to look Sam in the face, lifting his eyes from his palms.
Sam was smiling. He was wearing that peaceful, neutral little smile. "Dean, I don't think any of those things. I don't care who you love as long as they make you happy." He smiled even wider. "You could date your left foot and I wouldn't give a fuck if it made you happy." Dean couldn't help it. He laughed.
"Really? You're not, like, scared or me or something? You don't think I'm a freak?"
"Of course not," Sam said, coming over and wrapping Dean into his arms. Dean needed that. Dean stood up and they clung to each other, as if Sam knew how hard it had been to admit that to him.
"I'll always love you no matter what you do, Dean. Like you loved me even though I was drinking demon blood, still even when I didn't have a soul..." He laughed at that last word, as if that were so much harder than what was happening now that it was laughable. Dean buried his head into his shoulder, surprised that he thought for one second that he would hate him or shun him. They'd been through so much worse and still loved each other. Neither wanted to end it as they stayed silent for around a minute. Then, Sam spoke up softly again.
"You know, I've been waiting for you to tell me something like this for a long time. I think I've really always known." Sam said into his ear. Dean was astonished. He thought he'd always been good at covering his tracks, he'd only started to get sloppy once Cas had arrived.
Dean hugged him tight one last time before they let go.
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you, Sam." He said, breathing in deeply. "God, I was so scared about what you would think of me. How you'd react." Sam looked at him with a sympathetic look.
"You've really been keeping it all bottled up this whole time?"
Dean nodded. "Shit, it's scary, Sammy." Sam put his hand on his shoulder and was going to say something else, but the door was busted open and Calcifer barged in.
"What the fuck is going on in here? Someone told me you two were getting in a fight, that snow was getting blown up and they heard wood cracking!" He looked surprised that they were calmly sitting there.
"Sam was fighting with me a minute ago, but it's all good now." Dean explained, looking at the crack in the floor that Sam had caused. He hoped the cold air wouldn't get in through it.
"Oh, shit." Calcifer said, looking to see that Castiel was still passed out on his bed. "He's still not up? He hasn't woken up at all yet?"
Dean looked kind of scared. "Well, no-"
"Are you serious? Dean, this is bad. It was supposed to be extremely temporary."
Dean knit his eyebrows together. "What does it mean if he hasn't woken up yet?"
"I mean, I just woke up like fifteen minutes ago." Sam added.
"That's probably why you were so disoriented and hostile, then. It's pretty amazing that you didn't kill anybody." Sam gave Dean a sideways glance as if to say sorry.
Cal got a worried look on his face. "He's pretty far gone. And judging by the looks of it, he's in a nightmare." Castiel's face was frowning as his eyes flicked from side to side under his eyelids.
"We'll need to take him into the ward." Calcifer said, as if it was a decision he really regretted.
"Whoa, hold on. What's that?" Dean said, not liking Calcifer's tone one bit.
"You didn't think Adam's was the only place for wounded angels, did you? The main field hospital is in Melchoir's camp. We need to take him there, and they'll do everything they can to wake him up. But if not..."
Both Dean and Sam's faces fell. "If not what?" Dean piped up, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut. He was just realizing his feelings for him, he couldn't lose him now.
"He could be gone for a long time. Killing the angel that manipulates his dreams might work, but that might not even be enough."
Dean suddenly felt an overwhelming surge of emotion. "He's not going without me." He said, looking at the rockily sleeping Castiel. "I'll go with him."
"Dean, it could be days before he even wakes up. And even after that, recovery could be even longer."
It was clear that Dean was not going to change his mind.
"Suit yourself," Cal said, and took Dean and Cas by the arms, and next thing they knew they were in a large building, with rows and rows of beds filled with angels lining the walls. Each foot of the bed had different signs; Lev bullet, Blade bullet, Blade wound. There were also other signs; Nightmare, along with a number showing how severe.
Dean gripped tightly onto Cas's arm, holding him completely upright as he leaned on him.
"Hello," Calcifer said to the angel nurse behind the check in.
"Let me guess, Nightmare?" She said, scribbling something on a piece of paper. Dean decided right then he was not going to abandon Cas. This place was overcrowded and overworked, and there was no way he was going to get the attention he needed.
"Um, excuse me, but I want to check in with him." Dean said, clearing his throat.
The girl looked up at Dean, and he immediately recognized her.
"Leilias?" He asked, shocked he'd run into her again.
"Dean! How are you?" She asked happily, her amethyst eyes shining as she smiled. "You look like you're adjusting well." Dean nodded, but his mind was on Cas alone.
"Look, is there any way I can stay with him here?" He said, afraid that they would deny him. He did not want to abandon Cas here by himself.
"I think I can do something for you," she said, glancing around. "Hold on just a second."
She left, and every second stretched to be like a year for Dean as he held onto the limp Cas, his fears growing larger and larger with each passing second. What if he lost him? He couldn't even fathom how crushed he'd be. He really, really loved him. He'd never felt that way about anyone else, and the closest thing he could compare it with was his love for Sam, but it was obviously different.
She ushered them in, and led them to the back of the hall where most of the beds were empty. She motioned to a bed, to which Dean put the resting Cas down extremely gently, making sure to hold his head. Leilias smiled at how kindly he was holding him.
"I suppose you could take a bed next to his, but I can't control if we might have to kick you out if we don't have enough beds. But as long as there is enough, you may stay." She said kindly, setting up a card detailing his illness at the posts at the foot of the bed. She walked away, and Dean set to work right away. He took one of the beds that was about three feet away from Cas's and pushed it to that it became one. He climbed onto it and looked into Cas's sleeping face, worry engulfing his whole body.
"So you're really going to stay," Calcifer said, looking at him in a peculiar way.
"I'm not leaving until he walks out of here with me." Dean replied, and Calcifer smiled slightly, finally understanding. He knew now that he loved him more than just as a friend.
"I admire your determination, Dean. I hope he gets well." With that, Calcifer had disappeared with the flapping of wings. Dean reached up and tucked a stray hair out of Cas's clammy, pale face.
"I'm not going to leave you, Cas." He said quietly, wondering if it would get through the nightmare he was having. "But I need you to fight for me, okay?"
He ran a gentle hand through Cas's dark locks. He didn't care who saw them, he didn't feel the least bit shameful or guilty anymore. He just didn't want to lose the man he loved so much. Dean knew that if he stayed with him, he'd be able to pull through. He had to.
Sam felt worried right when Cas and Dean had left his sight. He paced back and forth in the empty cabin a few times before finally giving in and going outside. His nightmare had seemed so real, so plausible. He couldn't believed he'd almost accused Dean of trying to kill him. He needed company, he needed his baby brother in his arms again.
He had wanted to get Samandriel right when Gabriel had returned, but that was when the sirens started firing and Cal had dragged him back to their cabin. He needed him now more than ever, he had a lot on his mind.
He couldn't believe how distressed Dean had been about telling him about Cas and him. And now Cas was very sick, and at the hospital. He hoped Dean wouldn't do anything rash or crazy. Sam realized now; there was nothing Dean wouldn't do for both him and Cas. Sam found that his feet had been leading him and he stood in front of a cabin that he could tell held Samandriel, but also Gabriel and Michael.
He went up to the stairs and opened the flaps. Michael and Gabriel immediately met his gaze.
"Hello, Samuel." Michael said, nodding toward him. He was looking so much better already, and almost all of his feathers had come in. But instead of lifting Sam's spirits, it made him fearful. Michael was definitely more powerful than he was now, and could easily kill him if he wanted to.
"Michael." Sam said back, nodding at him. He noticed that Samandriel was curled up next to him, smiling. They had been talking together.
The air suddenly felt a little bit thicker as they went longer staring at each other. Sam wanted to speak up first, but felt a little intimidated. He finally did speak up, looking at Samandriel the whole time.
"You look much better than before." He said with downcast eyes.
"Thanks. I've been getting better, thanks to these two." Samandriel beamed.
Sam felt overwhelmed. He was afraid of the things Michael could do to him for pulling him into hell.
"Look. I'm sorry I pulled you into hell, okay? I was trying to end everything that you were planning to do. I didn't think that they'd do this to you," Sam started to say, and still felt like it wasn't enough to cover what he had done. Michael had been tortured so badly, he could have turned into another devil. Sam didn't even want to picture what he had gone through.
"Ah. I see." Michael replied, looking peaceful as he dropped his head back onto the pillows. "You should not apologize to me, Samuel. I thought you were angry at me because of your fate."
Sam realized that they had both been afraid of what the other thought. "Thank you for protecting me when we were down there." He added, remembering that he had been a shield to both him and Adam many times.
"Come in, Sam. Stop hanging around the doorway like a dog that's been kicked," Gabriel joked from the other side of the room. Sam came further into the cabin, and Samandriel scooted off the bed and ran to Sam, clinging to one of his legs, but not showing that he wanted to be picked up like he usually did. Sam felt a lot more confident with him by his side than he had been before.
"Did Andy get hit by the other angels?" Sam asked, seeing that the kid seemed perfectly fine.
"No. Not all of us were. I heard about Cas, though." Michael replied, sounding genuinely sorry. Maybe Michael wasn't that bad of a guy.
Sam averted his eyes. He was afraid about what might happen to Cas, and even more worried about how it would affect Dean.
"He'll pull through. Castiel has always had a strong will." Michael spoke up, trying to reassure Sam.
"Is there anything you can do for him?" Sam asked, and he realized that question was subconciously the main reason he'd come here.
"I'm afraid not." Michael answered him, looking at him with those marvelous emerald eyes. "It's up to him at this point."
Sam looked at Michael and suddenly didn't feel so afraid of him anymore. He reminded him a lot of Dean; maybe he could be a bit rough around the edges, but he had a kind heart. It must be a tough job being the oldest to a family of thousands, too. He didn't seem like too bad of a guy.
"If Dean's with him, he'll be okay. Castiel will try harder if he knows Dean's there." Michael said, smiling. Sam thought he'd hate Cas after Cas had fought him back after trying to get Dean to say yes. "I've never seen an angel fall that hard for a human before. And now that they're the same, Cas will pull through because of him." Sam felt a little bit reassured.
"Thank you, Michael." He said, reaching down to take Samandriel's little hand to leave.
"I meant the things I said. Don't worry so much, Samuel. Your brother and Cas will be fine." Sam smiled and turned to head out the door. The wind blasted in his hair, scrubbing his cheeks and tip of his nose. Was it just him, or had it gotten so much colder since the first day they'd arrived? He closed the door quickly, and started down the steps.
"Michael tells the best stories. You should ask him sometime," Andy piped up, smiling. "And I was helping him get better."
Sam stroked the little boy's hair, glad to have him for company. He'd probably rip his hair out if he was alone waiting for Dean and Cas to get back.
"Great job, Samandriel." Sam said, leading him by the hand to their cabin. Samandriel was quiet for a moment, a worried look on his face.
"What happened to Cas?" He asked quietly, looking like he feared for the worst. Sam pressed his lips together, not sure how to make it seem less bad.
"He's in the hospital. He's going to be okay, though." Sam kneeled down to pick up Andy and hold him to his chest like he usually did, as the kid was getting through the thick snow very slowly with his short and tiny legs, and Sam wanted to hold him for some extra comfort.
Right when Sam started to lift him, Samandriel let out a squeak and his eyes grew wide with fear and pain. He pushed the hands away and stumbled backward, tripping backwards and landing on his back on the thick snow.
"Samandriel!" Sam called, surprised and he rushed to help the little boy. "What's wrong? What hurts?"
The little kid sat up and rubbed a tear that popped into his eye. He pressed his lips together and shook his head quickly, wiping his other eye and rubbed his nose.
"I'm okay. I just lost my balance." Sam gave him a look. Dammit, he should spend a little less time around people who lied about things like that, like Dean and Michael. It was rubbing off on him.
"Don't lie to me, Andy. Tell me what's wrong," Sam scolded, helping the kid to stand up, extending a hand that he gripped onto.
"My...my back really hurts. My spine and my tailbone." He sniffed, gripping tightly to Sam's hand.
"How did this happen?" Sam asked, feeling like he knew exactly who the culprit was. Samandriel didn't say anything, and Sam mistook this as him being afraid to say who. In reality, Samandriel didn't know. One minute he'd been fine, and the next his whole spine had been throbbing like someone had taken a hammer to it. Especailly his tail bone, which felt like it had just exploded on its own accord and it throbbed with sharp pains. It had been hard to sit down. He'd felt okay when he went to lay next to Michael on the bed, but he had been too afraid to tell anyone about it.
"Come here," Sam said angrily, clenching his jaw tightly. He scooped up Samandriel quickly, making sure to avoid hurting his back, and made a B-line for the tent he'd just came from. Samandriel noticed and pounded on Sam's back. "It wasn't him! Sam, it wasn't him!"
Sam ripped the flaps aside, striding angrily up to Gabriel with an extremely angry expression. He pointed a finger accusingly in his face.
"What did you do to him?" He demanded, fire behind his eyes.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Gabriel responded, meeting him with an equally fierce gaze. "I haven't done anything to him."
"Why does he say his back hurts? I tried to pick him out and he was in a lot of pain, Gabe. So I'm going to ask you again, what the fuck did you do to him?" Sam said, narrowing his eyes even more. Just when he had begun to trust him, and he goes and hurts his baby brother again.
To Sam's astonishment, Gabriel started laughing. Sam was too shocked to do anything when he took Samandriel from his arms and held him, smiling at Sam.
"Why the fuck are you laughing?" Sam said, feeling anger building in his chest. Gabriel stroked his hair, and Samandriel looked up at him, confused.
"Sam, nothing's wrong with him. He's perfectly fine. In fact, this is a good thing." Gabriel smiled at the little boy and stroked his hair again. "I've missed having a little brother. I almost forgot that it happens right about now."
"Samuel, why don't you sit down? I assure you everything is fine." Michael said, getting up himself and stiffly, his wings still drooped but he was looking a lot better, as he walked over to where Gabriel sat. Sam was somewhat reassured by the eldest angel. He dragged another chair over, offering Sam a chair. There was no mistaking that brotherly look in Michael's face as he sat down and gazed at Samandriel.
The little boy blushed when he noticed that all eyes where on him. "I...I didn't think I needed to tell anyone." He tried to say, and Sam felt a little bitter stir in his chest. He was just like Dean in that way.
"You'll be fine, Andy. It's just your First Addition coming in." Gabriel said, looking at him with smiling eyes. Both Sam and Samandriel looked extremely confused.
"What's that?" Samandriel asked, leaning his head to the side. Gabriel looked a little bit sad all of the sudden. Sam could tell that he was grieving over all of Samandriel's brothers and sisters who had been lost.
"I forgot that your childhood was not like most angels. They learn about these things right away. The same goes for you, Sam." Gabriel started, stroking Samandriel's white wing tips gently. He was so proud of this little boy, what a good kid.
"As you both know, before this war started, angels were much different. We looked different. The animal parts you see on angels from the other side were what everyone looked like. We grew into beautifully complex beings, our additions adding embellishment and showing our age, power and greater showing what our personalities were like. All the angels you see looking like humans shed these grows down to our core forms, which is mostly human, except for the wings. Well, it's not like we turned like that overnight. There's a first for everything, right?"
Sam and Samandriel suddenly understood. Samandriel was going to be getting some sort of animal part added onto his body soon. They both looked a little bit freaked out.
Gabriel sighed, shaking his head. "I can get why you don't like the idea, the only other angels that look like that are our enemy. I wish it weren't like that, because additions can be a wonderful thing. The First one especially. Angels don't have many celebrations, but this is the only one we hold on a personal level. First Additions represent the difference between angel and human, and that is when they are officially welcomed into the family. It's very ceremonious, almost like...hm, what can I compare it to for you, Sam. It's like a bar mitzvah, representing a transition in an angel's life from looking mostly human to angel. In fact, you and Dean should be getting yours coming in soon as well. Samandriel is only about a month older than you two."
"We'll what?" Sam exclaimed, feeling shock rush through his whole body. This was going to happen to him and Dean too?
Gabriel smirked. "Sam, this is a good thing. It means we can officially bring you into the angel family, and you'll meet almost all of your brothers and sisters. Doesn't that sound good?" He looked to the side, rubbing his chin as he thought. "We'll have to change the name, though." He said under his breath.
Sam crossed his arms and sat back into his chair. "I'm not changing my name," He said, stubbornly. "I wasn't talking about you, relax. Samuel is a fine name." Gabriel rolled his eyes in a joking manner. "I was talking about Dean. An angel named Dean." He chuckled under his breath.
"So what exactly happens? I can get rid of whatever happens to me, right?" Sam said, feeling anxiety growing down in the pit of his stomach. Wings he could deal with. But other stuff? Just random crap actually growing off of his body? He shuddered.
"I suppose, but I don't see why you'd want to. It's an extension of your body, it's one hundred percent you and it even represents your personality. You wouldn't get rid of those wings, would you?"
Sam shuffled his brown wings, realizing that they had grown to feel very natural, like they were a part of him. "I guess not. But how do I know what's going to happen? Does it hurt?"
"Only a little. It doesn't hurt anymore after the first one." He said, looking to the little kid on his lap again. The little boy seemed very worried. "Don't worry your little head, kiddo. You'll be fine." He slid him gently off of his lap so that he could stand on his two feet.
"Come on back when you start seeing changes. We have a whole ritual that we have to go through for the First Additions. Typically archangels are the ones who introduce the young ones to the family. Then, we give them a few days to get the family's blessings." Gabriel roughed the kid's hair one more time.
"Some of my siblings can be a huge pain in the ass. But whenever I get to do this, it pays off." He smiled, and Sam stood up roughly. Great, just one more thing on his plate. Just what he needed.
"Relax, Sam. You'll be fine. See you later," Gabriel bid them farewell, whipping a lollipop out of nowhere and popping it into his mouth. Sam gently touched Samandriel's back and led him from the cabin without a word.
He walked back slowly with his little brother, not minding how slow he had to walk for him to keep pace. He stared straight ahead, still trying to absorb what had been said. Samandriel trotted up to his side and grabbed his hand.
"It's not that bad," He tried to reassure him. "I already feel better."
Sam still was lost in thought. Sure, he'd been told what was going on and he was still freaked out. But what about Dean? If he started feeling any pain, it was extremely unlikely that he would tell anyone. What would happen to him if he didn't get back before things started happening? Samandriel was thinking the same thing.
"Is Dean with Cas?" He asked, clearly thinking as well. "Yeah. I don't think he's coming back without him, so he might be there for a while." Sam replied. He wondered how his brother was holding up at the moment.
"We should go and visit them." Samandriel said, lifting his tiny legs up high to clear the deep snow. "I want to see if they're okay."
"Me too, bud. We'll go soon, okay?" Sam promised, helping his little brother get over the deep pile of snow by the first step of their cabin, a big drift from when the snow had been kicked up when he'd gotten angry earlier. He wondered how he was doing, how they both were doing. Even with his little brother, he felt alone and scared. He shot off a silent prayer for Dean and Cas to return soon.
Hello readers! I hope you liked the new chapter. Try and guess what Sam & Dean's First Additions will be and you'll find out if you're right in the next chapter! Also, thanks to FireChildSlytherin5 for the suggestion about changing names, it helped lead to my idea! Please review :)