The heaven had been getting colder and colder, and what was peculiar also was the way that the sky also seemed to be changing. It had been so subtle at first that it was almost hard to notice a difference, but soon the light was thinning an going down the spectrum to a yellow-orange as the sun that had usually been right in the middle of the sky slowly inched toward the horizon.
Dean finally understood. Angels were all about having things change around them according to their needs. Heaven must have been thrown off once the split occured, leaving it blind to respond and it nose-dived into vicious weather. As for the sun setting, he didn't know that it was even possible for that to happen. Then again, he still didn't know a lot of things. He hoped it didn't signify that the fluid system was giving up for good. With a sunset there just had to be a sunrise. What if heaven permanently became a pitch black, barren waste because of this damn conflict? He hoped not.
It had become clear that things were really coming to a close as all six of the leaders had called a meeting, and most the angels left had been called to listen. Earlier that day, Calcifer had explained everything to them. He said they'd seize the opportunity to use their network now that it was clear of Michael's pain, they wanted to be highly organized and work like a machine. There wasn't much of a point to attending, as he had already told them. They all went anyway.
All of the army leaders stood on a rough wooden podium, and Dean looked at how very different they all were as he looked up from the crowd. He stood about twenty feet away and craned his neck to see over the sea of heads. Sam stood next to him, and Dean was pressed protectively close to him, his shoulder touching or never being very far away from him. To his left he held Castiel's hand tightly, reassuringly.
The six were standing and waiting for everyone to gather. Dean looked at them; there was Gabriel, Michael, and Calcifer, the three he did know, the ones he could probably call his friends. They stood there looking strong and proud: Dean felt a bit reassured at the two pairs of six stacked wings, knowing that they were extremely powerful. He also felt comforted by the look on Calcifer's face. He looked strong and ready, even more confident from before since this time, he was drawing his energy from a positive place.
The other three, although Dean barely knew them, also gave him hope.
He had briefly seen Antheniel before, but she looked different now. Dean could almost see the intelligence shining in her lucid gray eyes as if it were tangible. She was short and petite, but Dean could tell that her mind was superior to most of the others on stage with her. She stood confidently, close to another man that Dean had never met. Just through the network he could tell the man Antheniel was close to had to be Melchoir. It made sense that the two wisest would stick together. He looked kindly but smart as well, with smooth olive skin, pitch black hair and turquoise eyes. He held his shiny black wing out toward his small female friend almost protectively; Dean could tell they had been good friends for a very long time.
The last person made Dean feel almost intimidated, but it was the sort of feeling that he was relieved that he was on their side.
He looked like he belonged in war, with a daunting face, and he had one eye covered with an eyepatch from a recent injury, his other eye peeked out and was a shining yellow amber. He had a tuft of windblown grayish-blonde hair, and was standing in a confident way, legs shoulder width apart and arms tucked behind his back.
Gabriel was the one who finally spoke up.
"Brothers and sisters, as you can see, night is falling. We must fight against our enemy, who would like to waste the humans, our Father's creation that we have sworn to protect. We must make our society whole again. It is time for a new dawn in heaven." He started, sending shivers down Dean's spine. The time had finally come, everything was going to end. He drew Castiel closer, pulling him in with an arm around his shoulder. Castiel wrapped a gentle arm around his ribcage, and Dean felt his stomach drop when he felt that he was trembling.
He planted a little kiss on his hair and hugged him close, hoping that he could be of some comfort to him. He only half-listened as Melchoir explained the organization process they would be using, choosing troops at random and taking advantage of their newly functioning network to send out the messages to organize them.
Everyone was in a tense mood as the crowd dispersed. Dean held Castiel close with his arm, stepping in sync with him. Castiel hadn't said much to him ever since they'd found out there was going to be a meeting. Dean could see that he was terrified.
Dean turned to look back and saw that Sam hadn't moved to follow them. He had a strange look on his face like he was anxious, like he really had somewhere to be.
"Dean." He called out, clutching at his chest. "Dean, I just got picked. I have to go."
Dean rushed back to his brother. He gripped Sam close and closed his eyes. "This isn't the last time we'll see each other, Sammy. It won't be us." He said, and they stayed like that until Sam's tug to join his assigned troop became so strong that he had to leave. He looked at Dean with, sad puppy eyes. He looked like a little doll with those eyes and those ridiculously wonky tiny moose antlers above his ears.
"Stay safe, Sam." Dean called out almost in a whisper. He didn't want to cry right now, even though Sam was leaving and it was very dangerous. He didn't know if he really was sending him to his death this time. He didn't want that last memory of his face to be that sad, sad look.
The sky had changed much since that morning. The usual middle of the day light was dimming, and now the skies were filled with a orangish yellow light that stretched the barren tree's shadows and their shadows as they walked. Dean and Castiel came back to their cabin, not saying much as they went inside with fallen faces.
Dean sat on the couch and pulled the distressed Castiel closer to him, hugging him to his chest and resting his chin on his head.
They both waited in fearful silence as they waited together for their own callings. Cas had his head on Dean's shoulder, and had his legs tucked into his chest as he lay on his side. Dean rested his head on Castiel's, closing his eyes and just breathing in his scent. He couldn't believe it had taken him so long to admit that he was in love with him. Now, he couldn't imagine not wanting him in his arms. He felt so happy at how it had fallen into place. For years they'd been like this, self-sacrificing for one another, doing anything for each other. But they just hadn't labeled it as love until now. Dean felt content as he thought this, his newly acquired tail had the very tip curling and straightening, ungulating rythmically like a pleased housecat's. A few minutes went by as they just sat with each other, trying to avoid thinking of what lay ahead.
"Dean." Castiel spoke up softly, fearfully. Dean thought for a second he might tell him he'd received his assignment, but he said something else instead.
"I need to confess something to you," He said quietly into his shoulder.
"What is it?" Dean asked, stroking the top of his hair slowly, looking at his face with a somber expression.
"My mental attack. Dean, I didn't have a nightmare." He said, averting his eyes as he brought his hand up to Dean's chest. Dean was surprised at first, but he realized it made much more sense. He hadn't been paranoid or hostile like Sam had been. He had woken up and he'd almost seemed empty, Dean must have only been giving him a fraction of the things his mind had drawn up. Even waking up to a small kiss might not have been enough. Castiel curled in closer, needing to feel him next to him. He sighed and contined.
"I didn't even fight that hard to leave. I only woke up because the one controlling me was killed," He admitted, dropping his gaze to the floor. "It was so wonderful, and I was so stupid and weak for falling for it. I heard you, everything you were saying to me. But I still didn't try that hard." He bit his lips and tears started coming to his eyes.
"I stayed because...because I thought the real you didn't love me." He said, pulling closer to Dean's chest. Dean was absolutely shocked.
"Of course I do, Cas. Of course I love you." He emphasized, feeling his chest pinch tightly. He lightly held Cas's head in his palm, and he softly ran his thumb over the hand he was holding. Tears had started to roll down Castiel's cheeks, and Dean finally understood why he had seemed so distanced and numb after he'd woken up.
Dean pulled him closer and kissed him softly, pulling away and looking into his tear-filled eyes. Cas continued, hugging into Dean.
"Then you told me about your dream, and I felt so guilty that I had really believed that. I know that it was hard for you at first. My dream was just too powerful." He said, looking shamefully away. "I just couldn't bring myself to escape from a world where I was certain you loved me back."
Dean felt his heart break at these words. God, he was such an idiot. He was such a huge, fucking idiot. He had loved him so much more than he had really expressed. He never wanted Cas to think he didn't. He just wasn't the kind of guy to be overly affectionate and all over anyone. He showed his love in other ways, sometimes they were very subtle, and he didn't realize that it might have come across differently.
"I love you, Cas. I have for a long time," Dean said comfortingly. He felt horrible that Castiel had even felt that way about him.
"I know that now. I've always known, especially when you told me about your dream. But we'd just gotten over a rough patch, and this angel kept playing games with me. I started to be convinced," Castiel's chest did a little hiccup and he gripped tighter to Dean. Dean had no idea he'd felt that way.
"Cas, I love you. I'd do anything for you," He repeated, stressing his point so much. He felt tears spilling from his own eyes. He believed every single syllable of that sentence.
"When you kissed me when I woke up, that was only the second time, wasn't it?" Castiel asked, still looking shameful. Dean nodded, trying to comfort him by stroking his hair. "And when I told you I loved you, the first?" Dean nodded again, biting his lip.
"For me, it felt like the hundreth. And things in my dream were so sharp, so detailed...I began to get so confused. I didn't know what was real anymore. Everything was so confusing as my dream started to become my new reality. And you were opening up to me when I woke up, too. I wasn't even sure if I had woken up."
Dean blinked and a tear ran down his face. "I'm sorry if I made it seem like that, Cas. I've just never done anything like this before. I don't know what the hell I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do."
"Me neither," Cas agreed under his breath, sighing shakily.
"So let's just be new learning idiots together?" Dean asked, feeling his chest stir. For him, just holding Cas's hand had been affectionate enough. He hadn't given any thought about how that might seem like he didn't care. Then again, he'd never done anything like this before; he'd never had a relationship that had been so meaningful before. Even with Lisa, his longest lasting relationship, it had been a lie as he forced himself to stay with her.
"Okay," Castiel said quietly, nodding like a little kid.
"Okay? We can make this work, Cas." Dean said, liking the way that sounded. It had been a little rough at first, but that was normal. And they were both more than willing to try their hardest to make it work.
Castiel kissed him this time, and he was so gentle and sweet.
"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry." He said, wiping away one of his tears. "I'm sorry I did that to you, staying so long in my dream. You never left me. You never have left me, for anything."
They hugged together tightly, and stayed like that. Dean curled his wings halfway around both of them. Dean couldn't believe how much he loved him. He felt like maybe he would burst at any second. But still, he was scared. They'd just smoothed everything out, and now they'd have to be separated again. Dean almost felt like someone was playing games with him- giving him something nice, no, something wonderful, and then just ripping it out right from under him.
They stayed in silence, only the sounds of their soft breathing filling the silence. Dean suddenly felt a fierce tug in his chest, directing him. Castiel looked up at him too. Dean felt hope jump in his stomach, hoping they'd wound up in the same troop.
Dean pressed him tightly against his body, holding his head right over his heart for just one second. "We'll be okay, Cas. It's all going to be okay."
They walked slowly, somberly, hand in hand to where their troops were going to leave. The sky was a darker blue now, and things were getting harder to see.
Suddenly, their hands jerked against each other as they were lead separate directions. Dean felt his stomach drop. So they weren't going together.
They both immediately clasped into a hug, not saying anything. It had taken them so long to finally realize everything. Now, it almost felt like it had been too late. Dean was finally happy with this one thing in his life, there was no way the universe was cruel enough to rip that from him.
"It's going to be okay." Dean whispered. They pulled apart, their hands were the last to go. He felt like maybe he should try and start expressing how he felt more. "I love you." He called out, feeling his heart give a little squeeze.
"More than anything." Castiel replied, tears shining in his eyes.
Then Dean was alone, forced to follow that unpleasent tug.
He felt it right away when he'd reached his division. He felt an extremely strong bond to the people that he could sense were part of his troop, it was so fierce it felt almost artificial. He sensed the sharp lines separating those in his group to the ones who weren't. There were exactly forty of them, and he knew exactly which people they were even though he'd never met any of them. He felt that tug quickly disappear as he was exactly where he was supposed to be. With that nuisance gone, his thoughts returned back to worrying. He didn't care what happened to him as long as he could know that Sam and Castiel would be okay.
"I see everyone's here." There came a low voice, their leader. Dean lifted his eyes to look. It was one of the six leaders he'd seen before, Velias. He somehow reminded him of his dad; he looked rough, toughened by hardship. He realized he had sort of been like that too. Dean wondered if he would get along with this man.
"We'll set out now. Once we get there, we will be the second wave. I, as well as the other commanders, will begin to create a few places of shelter. Not everyone here is going to make it back." This sent shivers down Dean's spine.
"Stick together. Fight together. And if the troop's bond breaks, still fight together." Velias stared them down with his one shining yellow-amber eye. Dean could tell he didn't want the embarrassment of a bad batch of soldiers. He also could tell that he knew what he was talking about.
He turned and motioned for them to all follow. And like that, Dean was leaving, each step taking him closer and closer towards the unknown, towards life or death. His stomach was churning, an he felt out to sense Cas and Sam. They were both fine, but neither was close by. Dean found himself thinking he would trade himself for them, if he could.
"Are you alright?" One of the people in his troops piped up next to him. It was an angel who looked about nineteen, and he was smiling gawkily at him.
"Not exactly." Dean said gruffly, wanting this kid to stop talking to him immediately. He wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone, especially a kid like this.
"Pray tell," The kid said, looking up with expectant eyes. Dean rolled his. Suddenly, he was just spilling it angrily.
"Look, two people that I love more than anything, including my brother, are out there and there's nothing I can do to protect them, because I was forced into this stupid group of people with annoying people like you. There, now you know, so you can shut the hell up." Dean wasn't sure why he'd reacted so harshly, why he'd had such an outburst. He realized without kind, sweet people in his life like Sam and Castiel to keep him in check, he'd be a pretty damn bitter, unlikeable person. This thought made him feel even worse.
"We're all your brothers, mate." The kid said, looking like he'd been struck down. A split second passed before he realized. "Oh." He'd been to the ceremony. The Dean he'd seen there seemed so much more different than the one here; he'd been jubilant, smiling and looking like a very good-natured person. Now, he seemed so bitter.
"Sorry for asking." He said, looking down at his feet. It was getting so dim, it was getting harder and harder to see. Dean felt sort of bad; he realized this kid was only trying to help. He sort of reminded him of Adam: they seemed about the same age, and they both had that nice-kid look to them. The kid had soft, strawberry blonde hair and pale violet eyes. He had long legs and arms and light brown, sparrow-like wings, and a sad little expression on his face. He was probably worried too.
"My first addition was a tiger too. But I got the ears," He cupped his hands and brought them to the sides of his head as if to demonstrate. He smiled smally, uneasily. Dean was surprised the kid was still talking. Why should he care if he sulked around?
"Nasty headache, that was. I'm not too much older than you. Probably had mine come in around sixty years ago. By the way, in angel time that doesn't resort to much. I'm saying that because I heard you used to be human. It's probably a strange concept, huh? What was it like, being human? I'll bet it was scary. You can literally die at any second! Just eating food wrong could kill a guy. It's crazy, isn't it? And what about food? They eat so much, but I just don't get where it all goes. And how does something taste better then another? I'll bet-"
"Hold on. What's your name?" Dean asked, anything to get this kid to stop running his mouth for two seconds.
He smiled lopsidedly. "I'm Ivanael." He said, extending a hand. Dean ignored it and kept following those in front of him. The kid shook it off and stumbled after him.
"Well, Ivan. Would you do me a favor and stop talking?" Dean said somewhat rudely again.
"Sorry. I just thought thought you'd like something to take your mind off of things. It helped me when a sister I was really close with got killed. Sometimes it's nice to talk to someone, or at least listen." He looked down, his hair falling into his eyes and he kicked a bit of snow. Dean was too worried to really feel bad. But he realized the kid talking had taken his mind off of it, however temporary.
"You're probably thinking about them again, aren't you? I say don't try to not think about them, because you'll always fail. My friend told me that instead of worrying and being sad, remember all the good things, the happy things. That way they're still on your mind, but you don't feel so bad anymore. Tell me about your blood brother, Samuel."
Dean pressed his lips together, skeptical. But if he said it would make him feel better...
"You don't have to call him that. You can just call him Sam," Dean started, surprised that he didn't lash out this time. He sort of did want to have someone to talk to, although he'd never admit it.
Suddenly he found himself telling this new kid everything. How he'd practically raised Sam since he was five years old. He told him everything about how different they were, how Sam was really such a puppy and how he always ate those stupid salad mixes. He told him about how funny it was that he was deathly afraid of clowns, and how they always poked fun at each other. He told him about how Sam loved Jess and that Dean was fighting so he could get back to her. He found himself smiling as he reminisced at all the good times they'd had, why he loved him. It actually had helped.
Ivanael was looking at him with wonder. "It must be strange having only one brother," He said, looking up at him with interested eyes.
"It was pretty nice." Dean said, still smiling. He wasn't back to worrying just yet.
"Who is your other friend?" Ivanael asked, looking like he wanted to listen again, looking up with wide, reflective light purple irises.
"Cas," Dean said, looking to the side and off into the distance. Where could he even start? He started slowly from the beginning, not sure if he wanted to reveal everything. He started by telling how Castiel had pulled him from hell, how he'd rebelled for them an worked by their side to stop the apocalypse. He told of how scary it had been with the Leviathans. Then, how they'd somehow found each other again. He found himself smiling sadly as he recalled how Castiel had saved Sam from his madness. He was an amazing, kind man. He hadn't realized as a few others had started to listen in to his crazy tales, not only Ivanael. He was so absorbed in his story he almost failed to notice that it was extremely dark now.
His mouth kept running, he told of how Castiel had basically single-handedly acquired everything to seal hell, how he'd attacked a hellhound and how Dean had pulled him from the flames. And how he'd tried to save him from the explosion, how his human life had ended that day. Ivanael was enraptured. Dean hesitated, but he instantly felt bad for that. He wasn't ashamed anymore. He'd denied who he really was for far too long. Now, he was really, truly happy with the person he loved. He kept going, telling of how Castiel had waited until he was dying for their first kiss. He said how he and Sam woke up as angels and how big of a shock it was.
He found himself even going in depth as to why him and Cas had had a rough start, but he felt optimistic and he felt happiness climb into his heart as he listed all the reasons he loved him. The way he cocked his head to the side when he was confused, the way he got confused at jokes and references. He loved the way he leaned his head on his shoulder, always in the same spot, his favorite place to be. How he always reached for his hand. He loved how kind he was, how good he always was to him. He loved how he balanced out Dean's sometimes rash personality and fiery temper with that aspect. He loved the way he looked at him sometimes, those blue eyes looking like he believed Dean was his whole universe. He felt his eyes tearing up as he said these things. Just saying them aloud, finally telling someone else, his thoughts returned to couldn't live with himself if he lost him. If he lost either one of them.
"I'd die for either of them. No hesitation," Dean said to Ivanael, the happy feeling had passed and he was worried sick again.
"It seems like he have such a laser focus on just these two. You love them both with all your heart, don't you?" Ivanael spoke up, smiling at Dean. Now that he knew more about this mysterious human-to-angel, he decided that he really liked and respected him.
"I do. I think it's just them, because every single other person I've ever gotten close to is dead. They're the only two that I can never lose. They're the only ones who have ever been constant. So, it seems that's why I care about them only and with that much intensity. They're the only investments that have actually been able to grow," Dean admitted sadly. Sam and Cas were his whole heart, no one else.
"You can't only have two friends, Dean. Friends can make you very happy, look around, if you give them a chance anyone here can be your friend. Hey, me! I'll be your friend." The kid smiled widely up at him. "You won't be so lonely if you just open up."
"Thanks, kid. You were right. I feel a little better after that," Dean admitted. Maybe he shouldn't exclude himself and only let Sam and Castiel into his heart. It would be hard, after his heart had been broken far too many times as everyone except them left him.
Dean suddenly realized how dark it had really become. He couldn't see beyond two people in front of him.
"When did this happen? How the hell are we supposed to fight in this?" Dean asked, feeling his chest seize with panic. They'd never win if they were practically blind.
Ivanael ran his hand through his light ginger-blonde hair. "I don't know. I've never been to earth, I've never seen the sun go down before or been in nighttime. It's kind of scary," He admitted. Dean had no idea how a kid like him, friendly as a puppy and scared as a rabbit could possibly have a tiger as his first addition.
"If you think this is scary, you're in for one hell of a ride, kid." Dean heard a low voice and saw that Velias had appeared out of nowhere, putting a hand on Ivanael's shoulder.
"I-I didn't mean it," Ivan quickly mumbled, his wings puffing with air as he looked terrified of Velias.
"Take it easy, kid." Velias said, smirking at his flustered reaction. "You've got to learn how to keep a calm head if you want to survive this war."
He moved away to speak up and address their troop. They'd arrived finally at the outskirts of the battlefield. Ivanael looked to Dean with a wide-eyed, confused expression. Dean couldn't help but guffaw at the look on his face. He liked this kid. Maybe it was time to start opening his heart to others, not reserving and pointing his love all fiercely on just two people.
"As I said before, we are the second wave. The first has not begun yet. So now, we wait."
Dean obsessively checked in on Sam and Castiel again, and no surprise, they were still nowhere close to him. He felt his stomach twist in knots as the gravity of the situation bore down on him even stronger than before. He and his troop were the second wave. He wasn't ready to see the ones in the first get torn to bits and know he had to follow them, maybe follow their fate. Second.
"It'll be okay, Dean." Ivanael spoke up, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder, seeing he'd started to worry again. Dean heard the words he'd recited over and over to Cas and Sam finally said to him. They weren't as reassuring as he had hoped.