CBloom2, I couldn't let Ethan be in that position without telling Cal he loved him! Now I've just got to decide if I can bear to kill Cal off... to be honest, I'm not sure I could do that to Ethan or to myself! Thank you for your review!
ETWentHome, thank you for your review. I wasn't going to kill anyone at first - I just wanted to write four or five chapters to fill in the gap between episodes, after which everything would continue as it did in the series. But this story has taken on a life of its own and nothing will be the same!
20BlueRoses, I don't know how I do it! My brain is fried! I'm so relieved you don't think the standard's dropped. I decided to kill Rita because I wanted it to be a bit unexpected - and of course, she isn't in the best ED in Holby. There will be brotherly scenes - I won't be able to help myself! Thank you for your review.
Tato Potato, I love Cal and Ethan too (as I'm sure you know) so I need to keep them together! Cal needs Ethan, and Ethan couldn't cope with being away from Cal, which is how we like it! Thank you for your review.
Tanith Panic, thank you for your review. Honey is very useful when a bit of light relief is needed. Lofty's comforting ways make him not so much useful as essential - he's in this chapter quite a lot! I never enjoy sad scenes either, so I know what you mean - but I wouldn't want to be without them!
The door opened, but Ethan kept staring at Cal, tears streaming down his face.
"Ethan!" Honey put her arms tightly around him. "Don't cry! He's going to be fine. Lily said."
Ethan sniffled. "We don't know that. No-one knows that." He felt Honey trying to push his head into her shoulder, but he didn't want to take his eyes off Cal. "It was my fault, Honey."
"Of course it wasn't!" Honey sounded upset too. "Why would you say that? You didn't give that guy the bomb, did you?"
"It was my fault Cal went in there," sobbed Ethan. He wiped his nose on a tissue the nurse had given him. "And if anything happens to him…"
Honey caught Ethan's face in her hands and turned his head away from Cal. "Nothing's going to happen to him. I've got a feeling."
Ethan wished he could believe her. He wanted so much for something to hold on to. A bit of hope. But he knew that even if Cal survived, he could be brain damaged. If so, he wouldn't be able to work as a doctor anymore. He might not even be able to go to the loo without Ethan's help.
Cal needed a miracle, but Ethan didn't believe in them.
He didn't object this time when Honey held his head against his shoulder, though he didn't let go of Cal's hand.
"I'll be here for you, Cal," he sobbed. "Always. Forever."
Then he felt something.
The tiniest pressure from Cal's hand.
Robyn looked up anxiously as the door opened. "How is he?"
"Zoe's with him now," said Louise.
"I don't see why she gets to see him first!" Robyn's eyes filled again. "You don't know what she did, Louise. She's got no right to call herself his wife."
Louise sat beside Robyn. "I'm not going to lie. Everyone's noticed there's something going on with Max and Zoe. But they're back together now, and if Max can forget about what she did…"
"Then I'm never going to forgive him!" Robyn cried hysterically.
Louise hugged her. "Maybe this doesn't help, but when a crisis like this happens, sometimes it helps people to realise what's really important?"
"But… but she cheated on him!" wailed Robyn. "On her hen night."
"Oh my God!" said Louise. "I'm not saying it never crossed my mind, but seriously… are you sure?"
Robyn glared at her. "That's what Max said and I hardly think he'd make it up!"
Louise still looked stunned. "But if Max has decided to forgive her… well, it's his choice, isn't it?"
Robyn's voice was hard. "And if I don't forgive her – or him – that's my choice too."
Connie was visibly trembling. Jacob slid an arm around her waist. "Come on, Connie. Let's sit down."
The fact she did what he said instantly, without question, showed how deeply the news had affected her. Jacob was determined not to show it, but he was upset too. He hadn't known Rita for very long, but he liked and admired her.
"If you'd like to see her…" said the nurse awkwardly.
Connie said nothing, her eyes fixed on her hands.
"Maybe give us a minute?" said Jacob. He moved his hand up and down Connie's back. She didn't shake him off. "It's been a shock."
The nurse's face became still more sympathetic. "Of course," she said in a gentle voice. "I'll come back in ten minutes. Shall I make you some tea before I go?"
Connie's head moved jerkily from side to side. Jacob hesitated, knowing Connie would hate to have her wishes discounted. "Maybe later.. Thank you."
When the nurse withdrew, he turned back to his clinical lead.
Not that she seemed much like a clinical lead now.
She turned tortured eyes to his face. "If I'd gone for help…" Connie's voice trembled.
"You couldn't walk," said Jacob. He took one of Connie's cold hands in his. "And you know how stubborn Rita is. She wouldn't stay where she was just because you told her to."
"I should have made her stay," said Connie, her eyes full of tears.
Jacob tried not to think about how beautiful and how vulnerable she looked. "I'm sure you did everything you could. Don't forget you're injured too and it's tough being in charge when something like this happened. You were magnificent as always, but it's going to affect even you."
A tear started to run down Connie's cheek. She dashed it quickly away. "Even me? Do you think I'm so heartless, Jacob?"
"You wouldn't be so upset if you were heartless," said Jacob. He stroked her hand. "But I never thought you were heartless, Connie." He drew her gently into his arms and stroked her long, lustrous hair. It just as he'd imagined it might feel.
Connie leaned against him for a moment, her breath coming in little gasps that were almost sobs, but then she sat up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "I need to see her."
"In a minute," said Jacob.
"Now," said Connie.
Zoe almost didn't recognise him. She was used to seeing all the machines and tubes, but she wasn't prepared for this. She gave a tiny gasp and felt Lofty's hand on her shoulder.
There was so much she wanted to say, but her mind seemed frozen. Love and fear and regret swirled around inside her and might have knocked her over if she hadn't been seated in the wheelchair. "Max," was all she could say as she lightly touched one of the very small pieces of skin that didn't seem bruised. "Max…"
Lofty squeezed her shoulder. "Let me know if you want a moment alone with him, but you know I'm more than happy to stay."
Zoe lifted a shaky hand up to the hand on her shoulder. She wondered if Lofty would have been this kind if he'd known what she had done. Perhaps he would. Lofty wasn't quick to judge and he always wanted to comfort those who were suffering. "I'd like…" Her voice was choked with tears; she stopped and cleared her throat. "I'd like a moment alone with him if that's okay."
"Of course," said Lofty compassionately. "Would you mind if I went to check on Robyn and Dylan or would you like me to hang around?"
Panic filled Zoe at the thought of being alone with the man who no longer seemed like Max, but she couldn't forget the things she'd said to Dylan. "Tell Dylan I'm sorry. Tell Robyn she can see him soon."
"Of course I will," said Lofty.
Lofty had seen many things he'd never expected to see today; things he hoped he'd never see again. He'd reached the stage where he thought nothing would surprise him, but nevertheless, he was shocked when he saw Lily's worried expression relax into relief at the sight of him.
"Lofty, I'm so glad I've found you."
"What's happened?" asked Lofty gently.
"It's Dylan," said Lily. "He's outside."
Lofty felt dread in the pit of the stomach.
"He is distressed," said Lily. "Tremors; diaphoresis; dyspnea; signs of impending lacrimation. He asked for you."
"Thanks, Lily." Lofty hurried past her. He gave a small part of his mind to wondering why Lily couldn't say shaking, 'sweating, difficulty breathing and trying not to cry', as anyone else would. But mostly, he was worried about Dylan.
Dylan was sitting on a bench with a piece of paper on his lap. On it were scribbled two lists. Lofty recognised the word 'Zoe' but not much else.
Lofty sat beside him. "Lily said you wanted me, but I was looking for you anyway."
"What does Zoe think of me?" Dylan's eyes looked dry, but he was definitely shaking and his forehead was damp.
"She thinks you're a very good friend and she trusts you," said Lofty.
Dylan nodded. "She tried very hard to help me and she asked me to give her away."
"You see?" said Lofty.
"There wasn't anyone else who could give her away."
Lofty smiled. "There was me. But you should have seen Zoe's face when Robyn suggested it! She only wanted you, Dylan."
"Really?" said Dylan, as though the answer really mattered.
Lofty rested his hand briefly on Dylan's arm. "Really."
Dylan nodded and his breathing slowed. "She did a lot for me. She talked to Connie."
Lofty gave a gentle smile. "She talked to Connie? That was brave of her. She must really think a lot of you if she's prepared to risk her life like that!"
He stopped, appalled. He shouldn't be joking about risking lives. Not now.
"Dylan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"Don't be silly, Ben," said Dylan with a touch of exasperation. "I know exactly what you meant and no-one else heard so why all this guilt? You made a joke. Granted, it wasn't very funny, but it was harmless."
The words comforted Lofty more than Dylan could know.
"I don't think Zoe meant anything either," said Lofty. "She asked me to tell you she was sorry."
"Is she with Max?" said Dylan.
"Yes," said Lofty. "She's a bit shocked. I didn't really want to leave her, but she asked me to."
Dylan was silent, digesting his words. "She's going to need me, isn't she?" he said.
Lofty nodded. "She's going to need all her friends. But she's especially going to need you."