Chapter 27

November 1976

Ennis and Jack were out on a hunting trip, but things weren't as light as they used to be. It was a few days in and things didn't seem as good as usual. Normally, they would stick close together and pretend it was just due to the cold, but this time...everything was off.

The previous trip had ended fairly well, considering the circumstances. Ennis knew that he'd hurt Jack, and he'd done his best to make it up to him. He wasn't entirely sure what to say that he hadn't already tried. He'd considered telling Jack that he loved him, but even if he could pluck up the guts he wasn't sure what good it might do. For all he knew, it could make things worse because they just couldn't be together.

At the moment, they were eating breakfast before going hunting. They were sat fairly close together, but to Ennis it felt like there was a wide chasm between them. During this trip and the last, Jack had been a lot quieter than usual. Clearly, something else had happened that Jack wasn't letting on about.

"You okay?" he asked, looking over at Jack. The other man nodded silently.

"Yeah," he replied in a soft voice, looking into the flames. "Fine..."

"Jack...I'm sorry about what happened," Ennis tried, moving closer. "You gotta know I am."

"I know that," Jack said, looking at him and trying to smile, but it didn't meet his eyes. Ennis wasn't sure how to reach out to him.

"But...you've been real quiet. An'...things ain't so good with us. You sure you even wanna be here?" It broke his heart to think that Jack didn't want to see him, and that he'd rather be in Texas. Jack bit his lip.

"I do wanna be here, Ennis. You know I like bein' out here with you. Just...got a lot on my mind." He moved closer to Ennis and kissed his cheek, trying to cheer himself up and not think about the guilt eating away at him. He felt like he'd cheated on Ennis, even though they weren't really together. He was so in love with this man and yet he'd succumbed to weakness after the rejection. He would never forgive himself for what he'd done.

Ennis nodded, not entirely sure if he believed Jack's words. "Okay. You wanna go huntin' today or you just wanna stay here? I don't mind..." He enjoyed hunting, but he didn't mind staying here if Jack wanted to.

"Yeah...don't think I'm up to huntin' right now," Jack agreed, and he rested his head on Ennis's shoulder. If his time in Mexico had taught him anything, it was that nothing could touch his feelings for Ennis. He would always love this man no matter what else he got up to when they were apart. "Ennis?"

"Yeah, darlin'?" Ennis replied, thinking that right now he would do anything to make Jack happy. He owed him that much.

"Can we go lie down in the tent? Just...stay there a while?" He needed to lie down with Ennis, even if they didn't have sex. He just wanted Ennis to hold him and make him feel better about everything, for just a few moments.

Ennis nodded. "Sure, bud." They finished their breakfast and then headed back into the tent, getting under the sheet and moving close together. Ennis wasn't entirely sure what Jack wanted right now, but he would give him anything if it meant that things could be normal between them. "You gonna be okay?"

"Think so," Jack replied, finding Ennis's hand and holding it in his own. "I know you feel bad about turnin' me away, an' I know why you did it. Just ain't easy to deal with."

Ennis moved in close and cupped Jack's cheek. "I'm so sorry, bud," he murmured, trying to put a smile back on that beloved face. "You gotta know how sorry I am for doin' that. I just got scared an' I didn't handle it well..." He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Please, darlin'...I don't like it when we're like this..."

Jack sighed and closed his eyes, covering Ennis's hand with his own. "I don't, either..." He wanted to tell Ennis the truth, to get it off his chest if nothing else, but he was terrified of Ennis's reaction. What if he didn't want to meet up anymore because he couldn't forgive him? "Ennis...we can try to move past it. Won't be easy...but..."

"I know, darlin'. Come here..." He tentatively kissed Jack, feeling the warm, soft lips against his and was relieved when Jack didn't pull away. Jack meant so much to him and if he could go back to that day, he wouldn't have turned Jack away. He would have asked him to wait so they could talk. But the damage was done and there was no way back now. All they could do was try to move forward.

After a few emotional kisses, they broke apart and Ennis could see how vulnerable Jack was feeling. How he could he have hurt this wonderful man whose only crime was to want to live with him? He knew deep down that Jack loved him, and this was how he treated Jack. He was mentally kicking himself for the look on Jack's face; the one that he'd put there because he was a coward. "Jack..."

"I'm okay," Jack whispered, shaking his head. "Just...I'm the one with a lot on my mind right now." Ennis sighed and moved even closer, putting an arm around Jack.

"We don't gotta do nothin', bud. We can just do this...you can go back to sleep if you want." He didn't think he could handle it if Jack got upset; the sight would tear into his heart and he would hate himself for causing such pain. "Come on...I'm here..."

Jack closed his eyes and held onto Ennis, thankful to have this man holding him. He wanted to stay here forever, with the other half of his soul.