Chapter 18: Special

May, Fifth Year

If it hadn't been for what had prompted it and all my feelings that made it so complicated, this week would have been perfect. Santana had been by my side constantly. Every lesson and every meal, even when Artie's there (I know she still doesn't like him). But also every night, in the Room of Requirement. I haven't slept in my own bed once this week. No one in my dorm even asks about it, because they all just think I'm staying in the Slytherin dorm. I hated that losing Charity was what caused all this, but Puck was gone, and even though we couldn't kiss or do anything like that when other people were about, it was almost like me and Santana were actually together, like a real couple. I knew that technically I was still with Artie, and he was just as nice as normal, but… there's always Santana. Always, she's always there. Enough that sometimes I could forget about everything she'd said and just pretend.

"Brittany, are you listening?"

My eyes jerked away from Santana and back to Artie, his words jolting me out of my own head.

"What?"

He shook his head - he probably just thought it was me acting weird again, like when I'm distracted and I say whatever comes into my head without filtering it.

"Are you okay? You've been acting weird ever since… you know."

Charity. Why did he have to remind me? Santana never talked about it unless I brought up the subject first.

"I'm fine." Liar. But I couldn't exactly tell him I was in love with her. She hadn't even let me tell her. I had to tell her I was confused so we could go back to how we were before because I couldn't stand her not being there, even though I had Artie. "Are you excited for the party tonight?" I asked, trying to distract him. I pasted a smile on my face - the same smile that kept fooling Santana. She was supposed to know me better than anyone, couldn't she tell how much it hurt? Or did she just not want to notice?

He nodded, but he still looked worried. So he could see through my smile, but Santana couldn't. She could still make me smile more than anyone else though.

"Yeah, it should be good. Are you sure no one will mind me coming?"

That time he did make me smile for real. It was cute how he was so worried about what everyone else would think. He'd never been to a big party like tonight's before, and I was kind of excited about it.

"Artie, there'll be so many people there no one will even notice you. And anyway, I'll be with you and no one will dare say anything bad to me w-with Santana there." I wondered if he'd noticed my slip-up. He looked at me strangely, then went back to his bacon. "You'll come to the Slytherin corridor at ten? Finn and Matt will be waiting there too."

"Okay, sure. And I don't need to bring anything?"

"No, I told you. Just your lovely self," I reassured him with a kiss on the cheek. "I can't wait, it's going to be such a great party."

And Santana to come back to afterwards…

"Three… two… one!"

The liquid burned my throat as I gulped it down, and I slammed the shot glass back down onto Santana's bedside table.

"Ugh, how can you drink that?" Quinn exclaimed, her face twisting up as her hand chased down a cup of slightly less foul-tasting alcohol and took a deep swallow. Santana smirked and I laughed in response as she stoppered the bottle of dragon vodka and tossed it onto her bed, dropping down next to the bottle immediately after. I took two quick steps then bounced up next to her, curling around her and giggling as Quinn kept making funny faces. It wasn't that bad.

I heard a sigh and I looked around quickly, my head swivelling until I found Rachel on the opposite side of the room, glaring at us through the gap in her curtains. I jumped off the bed, ignoring Santana's protest, and skipped across the stone floor to divebomb through the gap and straight onto Rachel's bed.

"Ahh! Brittany, what are you doing?" she shouted, clutching a book to her chest.

I grinned, crawling up the bed to sit next to her and wrapping both arms around her.

"You should come out with us," I whispered. Except I didn't think I whispered very well, because across the room I heard Santana snort.

"I really don't think that's a good idea, Brittany."

"But why? You should! Finn's coming, you like Finn." She blushed, and I knew I was right. Ha! "And Artie's coming, and Santana says he's only a few notches above you in popularity. You'll have so much fun! You never come to our parties except for that one time after quidditch. Come on, Finn will love it if you're there," I continued, trying to persuade her.

"I… I don't know, Brittany…"

"Please? Just drink with us now and decide later? I'll help you with Finn if you don't know what to do."

"I guess…"

"Yes!" I shouted, grabbing her wrist and yanking her up and away from her bed.

"Wait Brittany, wait, my book!" she called from behind me as I heard a thud, but that didn't matter, she was coming!

"Here, here, you have to catch up!" I told her, dropping to my knees to find a cup and fishing out a few of the bottles stored under Santana's bed so I could make an amazing mixed drink for her. But wait, wasn't I supposed to put something else in this? Maybe. Never mind. "Here!" I scrambled to my feet and presented the cup of dark liquid to her proudly. "Drink it, come on!" Behind her, Santana was raising an eyebrow and Quinn was trying not to laugh. She obviously wasn't trying very hard though, because when Rachel took a sip of the drink then spat it back out, Quinn burst into laughter. "Don't you like it?" I asked in dismay.

"It's… uh… it's a little strong," Rachel muttered, her face twisted up even worse than Quinn's had been. Santana stepped forward to pluck the cup from her hand with a roll of her eyes, but as soon as she took a sip her face turned the same.

"Britt, did you put any mixer in this at all?" she gasped. So that's what else was meant to go in it! I knew there was something.

"I forgot…" I told her with a shrug. Then I smiled, because she couldn't be mad if I smiled. She rolled her eyes and began dividing the liquid between three more cups, then adding pumpkin juice to it as well. She handed one to me first and I smiled as I drank it, almost spilling a bit down my chin but catching it just in time with my finger and wiping it away.

"This tastes awesome," I said, my eyes focused solely on Santana's face as she sipped from her own cup. "You want to know what else tastes awesome?" I whispered, smirking as I took a step forward. Her eyes widened and darted to the side, and I looked to find what she was looking at. Oh, Quinn. I forgot she was there. And Rachel too. "Uh…" I gulped as I thought quickly. "Apples! Apples taste awesome. Rachel, do you have apples we can eat with these drinks?" I asked, turning to her. She looked confused.

"No… should I?"

"No, it's okay. Apples would have been good, that's all," I reassured her, meeting Santana's eyes once more. She was smirking again, and I smirked back. She knew what I really meant. It was like another code, just for us. I liked our codes. In fact, I wanted to use another. "Santana, do you have pepper-up potions for tonight? Lots of them?" I asked. Realising my cup was empty - weird, I'd just got it a minute ago, I guess it really did taste awesome - I stepped forward to lift her cup to my mouth, my fingers over hers. As I drank I kept my eyes on her face, and I could see her gulp when I licked my lips after.

"Yeah, plenty," she replied breathily.

"Awesome," I repeated. I wanted to make some sort of sign to carry on our code-talk, but I couldn't think of anything, so I just walked back over to Rachel instead. Rachel would be a good distraction tonight, I thought, until me and Santana could get back to the Room of Requirement. I peered into her cup to find it was still half-full.

"Drink up!"

I stumbled across the grass with a yelp and Santana's arms reached around me to hold me close.

"Shh, Britt, we've got to be quiet remember?" she whispered. I nodded as seriously as possible, but then I laughed aloud when I realised she wasn't going to let me go. Her arms were still around me, in front of all our friends. Her hand reached up to press against my lips and I stuck my tongue out, trying to draw letters in her hand as she muffled my giggles, but it was a lot harder than I thought. I twisted in her arms to see Artie behind us talking with Finn and waved to him until Santana spun me around again.

"Don't worry about him, we need to get you into the tunnel before you wake the professors," she hissed. I nodded, because that made sense, but also because it meant I got to be with her more. I rested my head on her shoulder and sighed happily, and she took her hand away from my mouth. I tripped again when one of my heels got stuck in the mud, but she caught me and kept me up. She always does, she's amazing like that.

"You're amazing," I told her. I loved her so much when she was like this, when she was just taking care of me and not caring what anyone else thought. But I loved everything about her, except when she got mad. I lifted my head from her shoulder to look ahead, then stopped. The whomping willow. I didn't want to go near the whomping willow. It hurt Charity. "Santana, no," I whispered, pulling on her arm so she had to stop as well. "I don't wanna…"

"C'mon Britt, you know this is the way."

"But… but Santana…" I needed a reason, a good reason. I didn't want to go there.

"It'll be fine, Brittany, I promise. I'll be with you, and Matt's already stopped the tree," she said, gesturing in front to the frozen branches. I shook my head frantically. I didn't want to! Why were we going this way? Where were we going? "It's the way to the party." I must have spoken aloud without realising. "Close your eyes, okay?" I looked across at her and she nodded encouragingly, so I did what she said. She tugged on me gently and I let myself walk slowly forward. Her arms were still around me so I leaned into her again and let her lead me forward, pretending I didn't know where we were going. My foot hit something sticking out of the ground but she was holding me so tight that I didn't fall. I could hear Quinn behind, talking to Rachel, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I figured that meant they couldn't hear me either.

"Did you like my code-talk earlier?" I asked, smiling into her neck. Her breath blew a strand of hair out of my face as she laughed.

"Loved it," she whispered back. There was a pause, then her lips pressed briefly against my forehead. "Just remember when there're other people around, yeah?" she reminded me. Don't mention it around other people. That was the first rule we'd ever had.

"But Quinn already knows," I pondered aloud, "and you always say you don't care about Rachel, so surely they-"

"Brittany." She didn't sound happy now. She sounded worried, and kind of angry. I knew I shouldn't talk about that anymore.

"Sorry," I whispered. I wished we could talk properly. I wished I didn't have to pretend. I opened my eyes and surged forward through the gap in the tree trunk into the passage below before I could get scared again. "I'll wait for Artie," I muttered when Santana followed me a moment later, looking confused.

"I just-"

"It's fine. I should wait for Artie." I really should. He was my boyfriend, he was the one I should want to spend time with. I shook my head to tell her I couldn't go with her, and also to try and help me think straight. "Artie," I repeated.

"Fine."

She was gone so quickly. Did she really not care? Of course she cared, she'd been taking care of me ever since we took that last shot and I almost fell down the stairs leaving the dorm. Then why wouldn't she talk? Why did I have to pretend? Why why-

"Brittany!"

I turned, blinking quickly to see Artie smiling at me. I hadn't spoken to him much at all. That was wrong, I needed to speak to him more because I'd persuaded him to come, even though I just wanted to chase after Santana.

"We're gonna have fun," I assured him, taking his hand and starting down the tunnel. Ahead I could see Santana walking alone. She didn't look back.

It didn't take long before we could hear the thumping of the music. I nodded my head along with it as I walked hand in hand with Artie, tapping my foot whenever I could although that was hard to do while walking. But as we got closer, Artie kept walking even slower. I just wanted to get inside now, and do shots and dance and do matchmaking with Rachel and Finn, because they obviously liked each other even though neither of them would admit it.

"Artie, come on!" I encouraged him, tugging his arm to try and make him go faster. "There's nothing to be scared of, it's just a party! Hurry, we're missing it!"

He let me pull him along and I grinned, victorious, the music now beating in my ears and all through me as we stepped through the door and into the chaotic din of the party. Lights flashed from the ceiling and someone knocked me back against Artie. He shouted something but I didn't pay attention and just pulled him further into the party towards the room that always held the drinks, waving hi to everyone I knew - which was basically everyone. I didn't even make it to the drinks table when I felt a cup being pushed into my hand from one of the seventh year Gryffindors with a wink. I took a deep gulp, then felt something tapping my arm and turned to find Artie.

"Should you be drinking that?" he shouted into my ear above the music. "What if he put something in it?"

I laughed loudly. "Don't be silly! That's just-" I turned in the direction he'd gone to remind myself which of the Gryffindors it had been. There were three of them who always gave me drinks and made out with me sometimes. "That was Michael. He wouldn't do that, he's nice. Not as nice as you, though," I added with a grin, leaning down to kiss him. It felt weird leaning down. It wasn't that far, but normally the only person I had to lean down to kiss was Santana, and Artie definitely didn't kiss me like Santana.

I pulled back after giving him one last peck on the lips then turned to carry on to the drinks table, because Artie still didn't have anything. I pushed our way through the crowded room and into the doorway of what had once been a kitchen, but then I stopped. Artie bumped into me, and I could hear him speaking, but I couldn't look away from Santana backed up against the wall by some Ravenclaw guy I didn't even know the name of. I was burning up, my whole body wanted to run over and tear them apart, but I couldn't do anything. If I did, she'd get mad and Artie would be confused and it would just ruin everything. I had to let her do this.

"You can have my drink," I said, pushing the cup into his hand and then past him into the other room so I didn't have to watch. Why did she have to do that? Wasn't I enough for her? I quickly spotted Rachel standing awkwardly at the side of the room and hurried over to her. I could do this. Santana could do her thing and I could do mine, and tonight we'd just go back to the Room of Requirement together and everything would be okay. "Why aren't you talking to Finn?" I asked her straight away, accidentally bumping into her.

She shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. "He's off talking to his quidditch friends."

"What? But why? He's supposed to be talking to you! Let me get him."

"What? No, Brittany, wait-"

I didn't hear anything else she said because I was marching over to him. I knew he liked her, why wasn't he talking to her? That's what you're supposed to do when you like someone. I talked to Santana non-stop.

"Finn!"

He turned with a big smile.

"Hi Britt!"

There was a chorus of other hellos from the rest of our quidditch team, but it was Finn I wanted to talk to.

"Why aren't you talking to Rachel? She came here because of you," I told him. Next to him Derek snickered, and I glared. Why was he laughing? I was trying to have a serious conversation. But Finn was shifting on his feet and glancing over at Derek.

"Britt, I'm talking to these guys-"

I didn't let him finish. He was being mean, not talking to Rachel when she came here for him. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him so he had to follow, with all of our teammates laughing now. Finn's cheeks were red but I didn't care that they were laughing. I had to stop on the way back to Rachel though, because someone stepped in front of me.

"Miss me?" a familiar voice asked.

I looked up and gaped when I realised who it was - Gabe! Puck's older brother! I hadn't seen him since he left Hogwarts, and he'd changed so much-

"You hair!" I gasped, as I took in the short brown curls where dreadlocks used to be.

He laughed and rubbed a hand over his head with a nod.

"Had to get rid of it when I got my job. I'm working with Welsh Greens, can't have them setting my head alight," he pointed out with a grin, dropping an arm over my shoulders and summoning a drink from across the room to hand to me. I drank a little, and was surprised at how good it was. It was funny, I couldn't remember Gabe ever being so nice to me before. "Maybe you could come along some time, I could show you around? And your friend, the girl Puck was dating - is she looking as gorgeous as you? She could come too," he suggested, and suddenly I felt unsure, remembering all I had heard about him while he had been at school. Santana had always told me to stay away from him at parties.

"It's amazing what two years can do," he murmured in my ear, slipping behind me and pressing against my back as he began to move us with the music. "Of course you were always pretty, I saw that. But now look at you…" His breath was hot in my ear and his hands were too tight around me so I couldn't make any space between us. His lips grazed the back of my neck as his fingers slipped under the hem of my top and I felt cold all over. My nails dug sharply into his wrist just enough for his arms to loosen so I could slip away just as Finn spoke up. I'd forgotten he was there.

"Hey Gabe, um… I'm not sure you should be-"

"You her boyfriend?" Gabe asked with a raised eyebrow, stepping forward. Finn quickly shook his head. "Then stay out of it."

"But I do have a boyfriend," I said immediately after, searching for Artie. My breathing was coming faster than it usually did. Where was he? Finally I saw him struggling to get through the crowd towards us, but something was wrong with one of his legs and he was having trouble walking. "There he is." I pointed, but Gabe didn't look interested any more. He was looking in the opposite direction. "Artie. His name's Artie."

Finally he looked over, then back at me with a shake of his head. "You could do better, Brittany. Way better. If you ever want that private tour around the dragon enclosure just send me an owl and I'll work it in," he told me, with that same smile I'd thought was friendly at first but now made me nervous. I took another step away, but I didn't need to because he was winking and turning away to move through the throng of people, just as Artie arrived, panting.

"What was that guy doing?" he demanded immediately. He looked so angry, I didn't want him getting hurt if he went after Gabe.

"It was… just… nothing. He was telling me about his new job," I said. He still looked angry, so I quickly thought of something else to say. "Your leg! What happened to it?"

"Some idiot spilled their drink down me, and I can't let the mechanics in them get wet or it goes stiff. Just got to wait for it to dry," he explained, still frowning. I opened my mouth to suggest that we should dance, then realised that was a bad thing to say right now. Instead I turned back to Finn as I remembered my original plan before Gabe had interrupted it.

"I'll be back," I told Artie. "Come on Finn." I tugged at his arm again and was glad to see that Rachel was still in the same place I'd left her, staring down at the floor. I was feeling much better now Gabe was off chasing after someone else. "Rachel, I found him!" I called to her. She looked up and smiled when she saw me approaching with Finn dragged behind me. "Ask her about her singing," I hissed to Finn just before we reached her. I shifted so that he was closer to her and released his arm. He took a stumbling step forward.

"Um… hi."

"Hi."

They were terrible at this. I knew they liked each other. Finn was always staring when he thought no one was looking, and one time I'd heard Rachel say his name in her sleep when I was staying with Santana. I leaned on the wall a few metres away, pretending not to listen, but then Finn looked over at me. I opened my mouth and mimed singing to remind him. He really didn't have a very good memory.

"So, uh… I hear you're good at singing?"

The way Rachel perked up it was like someone had switched on a lightbulb inside of her, and suddenly she was chattering away. I smiled to myself, because there was no one else around who would appreciate what I had just done. My smile faded when I noticed something over Rachel's shoulder - Gabe again, and all curled up around him was Santana. She had her flirting face on - all smiles and winks and pursed lips - and he was loving it. His hands were all over her as they danced, and I wondered if my stomach had actually just fallen out of my body because that was what it felt like.

"Brittany!"

I blinked quickly and jerked my head towards the sound of my name. It was Artie, and he didn't look happy. Oh no, had I just left him on the other side of the room again?

"I'm going home," he said shortly.

"What?" I asked in dismay. "But you haven't been here any time at all! You can't go now!"

"Well my leg aches and you seem to be too distracted by everyone else at this party to pay me any attention, so I'm just going to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

He started to hobble away. "Wait, Artie-" But then I glanced back to where Santana had just been, and they weren't there anymore. Where had they gone? I looked back to Artie. He was still close enough that I could catch him up easily, but… Santana. Where was she? What if Gabe tried something?

Shit.

I couldn't chase after Artie and say sorry for ignoring him when there was a chance that Santana might get hurt. I started walking in the opposite direction to him towards where Santana and Gabe had just been dancing, searching for either of them. I grabbed someone's arm and asked them, and they gestured in the direction of the corridor. Looking around there was even harder, it was packed with people. I wormed my way through to take a few steps up the stairs so I could see better, but I still couldn't find them anywhere. I was starting to get scared. If Gabe was going to hurt Santana, where would he go? It wouldn't be where lots of people were about. It would be… upstairs.

I spun around and ran up the stairs two steps at a time, my heart pounding with fear. There weren't as many few people about on this floor but still a few, so I went up the next flight of stairs to where it was even quieter apart from a few muffled moans. I tiptoed to the closest door and put my ear next to it, then pulled away quickly when I recognised Mike's voice. I didn't want to hear that. He was still ignoring me, he wouldn't like it if he knew I was listening in. The next room along was empty, but the door after that had been left slightly ajar. I approached it slowly, feeling my heartbeat pulse all over my body as I crept near enough to see.

Santana. Santana was there, with Gabe. There was a mattress on the floor, but neither of them were on it. He had her trapped up against the wall, his trousers around his ankles and her dress all bunched up at her waist as he pounded into her again and again and again. I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't let him do this to her! I reached out to shove the door open but just as I did she spoke, and I was frozen again.

"Yes, Gabe, yeah… just… ugh, more," she called out quietly to him, a strain in her voice.

I couldn't move. Those words were so familiar.

Yes, Brittany, just there… again, more…

I was just sex. She'd said it before. She'd said it so many times. I'd been pretending this whole week that we were something and that she just wouldn't say it aloud, but I was wrong, I was nothing to her, even now. She'd said the same to me last night as she was now to Puck's brother, when she hadn't seen him for two years and she knew that I loved her. She knew! It should be different with us, it should be special!

"Fuck… Gabe..."

Fuck, Brittany! Again!

I clapped both hands against my mouth as I felt the tears start to form and the coming sobs claw up my throat. I couldn't let her hear me. I took a shaky step back and a floorboard creaked. She couldn't know I was there! I turned and sprinted away. She mustn't find out I'd been watching her!

"Brittany?"

I pushed past a confused Mike and the girl he was with to leap down the stairs as fast as I could without falling over. Why? Why couldn't it mean anything? I fought my way down the last flight of stairs with more difficulty and struggled to get through the crowd, pushing people out of my way when they wouldn't move. Why wouldn't they move? I just wanted to get away!

"Move!" I shouted when one person refused to budge, blinking away my tears to glare at them.

"Brittany, what's the matter? What happened?" a voice I recognised as Quinn's asked in concern. I tried to wipe away my tears but every time I did more came. I opened my mouth to speak but my throat was dry, and I realised I was shaking when I felt Quinn's hands on my shoulders. We were moving, but I didn't know where because I couldn't see through my tears. I could taste the salt as they dripped down my cheeks to the corners of my mouth, and again I tried to wipe them all away. People were asking if I was okay from both sides. I just walked wherever Quinn was directing me and clung onto her because I had nothing else to keep me up.

Suddenly it got quieter, and a few steps further we stopped walking. Quinn moved away from my side and I reached out desperately for her, but then she was hugging me and I could just collapse into her, burying my face into her hair and letting it itch my face as I cried.

"Shh… shhh, it's okay. Brittany, it's going to be alright," she murmured to me as she stroked my hair. I hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go. Why had I ever been crazy enough to think that Santana could change? That she could actually want me in the same way I wanted her?

"'M sorry," I mumbled when I could finally talk again, lifting my face from her shoulder and wiping my face clean as best as I could. My mouth felt really dry and my throat was scratchy. I felt so bad for taking Quinn away from the party, but without her I wasn't sure I'd have managed to get out and into this tunnel.

"It's fine, I don't mind," she reassured me. Quinn was nice like that. "What's got you so upset, hm?" she asked, carefully pushing my hair out of my face. Some of it was damp from me crying and it had stuck to my skin.

"It's…" Santana wouldn't want me to say. She'd want me to lie, or refuse to answer. But I wanted her to do what I wanted, and she never did! "It's Santana," I admitted quietly. I didn't know how to tell Quinn without giving too much away.

But Quinn sighed, like she already understood just from that.

"She's still leading you on?"

I stared at her, in shock.

"W-what?"

"Come on Brittany, it's obvious what's going on between you two."

"Obvious?" I repeated with alarm. Santana was going to be so pissed when she found out!

"Obvious to me," Quinn amended. "That time in the bathroom kind of gave it away, and I thought I'd seen you kissing even before that. And I know Santana says it's just when you're drunk and it doesn't mean anything, but… is it? Is it nothing to you?" she asked quietly. She always knew just the right questions to ask. Slowly I shook my head. It was the opposite of nothing, to me. "I thought so. You can't let her do this to you, Britt. It's not fair on you - and it's not fair on Artie, either. Do you like him?" I nodded. She was making this so easy, just letting me nod and shake my head. "Then you need to decide whether you like him enough to stop whatever's going on with Santana. He'd be hurt if he found out what was happening. Okay?"

I sniffed and nodded again. Could I really stop sleeping with Santana? She said it was only sex, so it wouldn't matter to her. And Quinn was right, it wasn't fair to Artie. I did like him. I wanted Santana to be my girlfriend, but she never would be. So I needed to get over her properly, and I couldn't do that when I was spending every night with her in the Room of Requirement.

"Th-thanks, Quinn," I whispered. "I think I'm going to go find Artie now," I decided aloud. If I told Quinn that's what I was doing, I couldn't chicken out. And I needed to apologise. I should have looked out for him more.

She smiled at me and gave me one last hug.

"Let me know if you need anything, yeah? And don't let Santana bully you."

"She won't," I promised. Santana would never bully me, that was silly. I turned away from Quinn and began to walk down the tunnel, my legs feeling a bit wobbly. I started into a jog with some difficulty because of my heels. At least they weren't very big, and hopefully Artie was still in the grounds because of his leg messing up, and I could catch up with him.

When I reached the end of the tunnel, I had to pause when I realised I had to go near the whomping willow again. Technically I'd been under it all this time, and I wasn't really drunk any more like I had been when we'd passed under it the first time, but it still made me nervous. I cautiously reached outside of the tunnel entrance to touch the knot that made the entire tree freeze, then scrambled out as quickly as I could and hurried away from it. As I looked up towards the castle I saw a familiar figure limping towards the side door conveniently left unlocked. I broke out into an awkward run, pausing once to take off my heels, and soon enough I had caught up.

"Artie!" I hissed as loudly as possible without being loud enough to wake anyone up. He was struggling with the door. When he turned, he saw me straight away and sighed.

"Brittany, I'm not-"

"Artie I'm sorry. I'm a terrible girlfriend. I said I'd look out for you and I just ignored you and I didn't mean to, I was just drunk, and distracted, but I'm sorry. And I'm sorry about your leg getting ruined as well. I'm just sorry, okay?" I said, reaching out for his hand and holding it tightly. He looked reluctant, and for a moment I was scared I'd lost him as well. Without him, I'd have no one to help me get over Santana. Tears began to brim in my eyes again without warning as the image of her with Gabe darted to the forefront of my mind. But then, to my surprise, he smiled, and brought our linked hands up to his mouth to kiss mine.

"It's okay. Don't cry, Britt," he said quietly, drawing me in to hug me. "I'm just not a party person, and it's not your fault someone spilt their drink on me."

"I just… I wish there was some way I could make it up to you, for everything," I murmured. Then I realised. Artie and I had kissed and stuff before, but never really any more than that. And if Santana and I weren't going to be using the Room of Requirement tonight - well, it might as well be put to good use. Being there with her had never been anything special to her. I still wanted it to be special with someone, though. And showing Artie this secret – that I had discovered first – would make it special with him. "Come with me," I whispered, a smile growing on my face as I helped him up the step and closed the door behind us, and began to make my way up to the seventh floor.

I walked across the castle grounds alone, the pleasant buzz of alcohol accompanied by a feeling of accomplishment. I'd told Puck I could get any guy I wanted. And when Gabe had appeared from nowhere and started flirting with me when Puck was only a few metres away, it had been too good an opportunity to miss. What better way to get back at Puck than to sleep with his detested brother? To be honest I wasn't sure whether Gabe had hit on me because I was hot or because I was his brother's ex-girlfriend, but it didn't really matter. We'd both benefited, sex with him was surprisingly good, and with the night's mission accomplished I was free to head back to Hogwarts early for some time with Brittany. Matt had said she'd already left so I figured there was no point hanging around any longer.

I didn't bother with the Slytherin dorm, just went straight up to the seventh floor with growing anticipation. This week had been great so far. Things were back to normal with Britt - even better than normal, in fact, with us spending every night together. I didn't understand how with her it could feel so much better than with Gabe, who by all accounts had far more experience than her, but it just was, so I accepted that.

I sped up as I walked down the corridor and grinned at the sight of the door already there. Just like I'd hoped, she was waiting for me. I glanced up and down the corridor, just in case there were teachers about, then reached for the door handle and pushed it open.

Artie. Brittany, on top of Artie. In our room. Our room. Staring down at him, she didn't even know I was there. I closed the door quickly and stumbled back until I hit the tapestry and slumped against it. No. No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. She was in our room, with him. The room that had been our secret since first year, it had grown with us, it was where we'd slept together for the first time… and she'd taken a boy in there. That wasn't right. That room was special! It was just for us, no one else!

I wanted to run in there and drag him out, but I couldn't face the thought of seeing Brittany touch him like she touched me. My skin crawled and I forced myself to my feet so I could hurry blindly down the corridor, not caring the direction so long as it was away from them. I wondered if Tony's pictures were still there without me. I hadn't thought to look. I couldn't have looked at anything except Brittany moving on top of Artie even if I'd thought to at the time.

"Fuck!" I half-hissed, half-shouted as that image hit me again, but it was too loud because a moment later my name was being called out authoritatively. I closed my eyes, stumbling to a halt. I could really do without this right now. Slowly I turned, and opened my eyes to see Professor Sylvester approaching with a scowl. Of course, it would be her. I tuned in to what she was barking.

"-quidditch final in two weeks and you're staggering drunkenly around the castle at two in the morning! It's unacceptable, you'll be doing an extra hour's quidditch practice every day for the rest of the week! Now get to bed!"

It was amazing she wasn't waking anyone else up. I turned away without even coming up with a snarky reply to find my way back to the Slytherin dorms. Obviously I wasn't welcome in the Room of Requirement tonight.

I didn't go to breakfast the next day. I didn't even really have a hangover, but I didn't want to see them sitting together. I laid on my bed, staring up at the dark green canopy, and ignored Berry's chirpy singing as she got dressed. My eyes were burning from tiredness; I'd barely slept at all. I'd finally changed into pyjamas at about six this morning but even that hadn't helped. Every time I closed my eyes I saw them and it made me feel sick - a couple of times it had been more than a feeling and I'd had to rush to the bathroom.

"Santana, are you okay?" Berry asked from across the room. "I heard you in the bathroom earlier, you didn't sound well."

I stared up into the greenness and willed her to go away. Eventually I heard the padding of feet and the creak of the door as she left. I moved my foot to pull aside one of the curtains around my bed to take a look at the clock on the opposite wall. Midday. Everyone else was gone. Sarah, the only one who hadn't gone to the party last night, had left ridiculously early at seven, and the rest had started filtering out after ten. It was kind of surprising really that Rachel was the last one, but she'd come back last. I guess Brittany's plans for her and Finn had worked - she'd be happy. Of course she'd be happy, she got laid last night. She didn't have to lie awake with visions of her best friend being with someone else.

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach, letting the curtain fall back into place, and buried my head into my pillow. I didn't know why I felt so bad about this, all I did know was that whenever I pictured them from last night it felt like all my insides were twisting in on themselves; burning up; eating me from the inside. I tried to tell myself it was just because she'd taken someone else to our room, but I knew it wasn't just that. And now I was feeling sick again.

I heard the door to our dorm creak open again. I would order the house elves to fix it, but it was kind of useful knowing when people were coming in and out without looking.

"Santana?"

Shit. It was her. I didn't want to see her right now, I didn't want to talk to her. I turned my face away from the door.

"Rachel said you weren't feeling well." I heard several metallic clicks as she pulled my curtain open. "Santana?" she repeated.

"Take a hint," I hissed. My fists were clenched, and I still didn't turn. I didn't want to see if he'd left any marks on her. Footsteps, then the other curtain was quickly drawn open and she was right in front of me, frowning down. I scowled, quickly sitting up so I could glare at her properly. "What do you want?"

"Me? What's with you? I'm trying to be nice."

"Well maybe I don't want you to be nice. Maybe I want to be left alone like I was last night," I snapped.

She didn't take it like I thought she would, though. She rolled her eyes and stepped closer to the bed.

"Alone? You weren't alone, you were with Gabe Puckerman!"

I blinked. How did she know that? I guess I hadn't been particularly subtle about it; I had been showing off for Puck. I recovered as quickly as I could and bit back.

"Don't start acting all holier than thou, it's not like you didn't get any either."

Now it was her turn to be surprised. Good.

"Artie's my boyfriend-"

"Then don'tcha think you could've found somewhere a bit better than our room?" I demanded, my temper snapping. I shot to my feet and jumped off the bed, pushing her backwards enough that she stumbled. "Our room, that's been ours since first year that no one knows about, and you took your boyfriend there for a quickie!" I shouted, pushing her again. Her hands shot out and shoved me back in return.

"Don't start lecturing me, Santana! Gabe had you up against a wall where anyone could walk in and see and you didn't seem to be complaining!" she shouted, her voice cracking.

What the fuck? How did she know that? And what did she mean, anyone could walk in and see?

"Would you rather I bring him back to Hogwarts and sneak into the prefects' bathroom?" I challenged, determined not to lose this. "Gabe didn't mean a thing, where else was I supposed to-"

"Exactly, exactly, he didn't mean a thing! It never means a thing to you, does it? It never does and it never will because you just use people for sex and then drop them!" she accused, her voice several pitches higher than normal.

"That's not the same as you taking Artie to our room that's supposed to be special-"

"Special?" Her voice was ragged. "Don't say anything about special! You've been telling me it's nothing for years, and now you're saying it's special?"

It was impossible for me to ignore the hurt on her face anymore. The hurt that I was causing. Frustration at myself battled with the anger already raging inside me, then just added to it.

"It's not the same Brittany!" I shouted, my own voice hoarse. "Everything in that room was special because it was just ours and no one else's, and now you've gone and fucked it all up by taking Artie there!" It was tainted. Every time I went in there all I'd be able to think about was him.

"It's you who fucked up! I told you, I told you, how I felt, and you just ignored it and played along so I could pretend we were something-"

"You said you were just confused!"

"I lied so you would speak to me again! You'd barely even look at me, Santana!" she shrieked, tears dropping from her eyes. "I lied and you let me pretend-"

"I didn't 'let you pretend' anything! You're making this all up in your head!" I protested, shaking my head then trying to return to the original source of my anger. "At the end of the day, you took a boy to our place and you're not even sorry!"

"No, no, at the end of the day, you'll be off with someone new, and you never even care who it is! Everyone already says you're a slut, and maybe they're right! You never care if you're hurting anyone else!" she shouted back, crying as she turned and ran to the door, slamming it shut behind her. Her footsteps echoed, intermingling with her sobs, then both noises faded.

The silence took a moment to overwhelm me, then my hand reached out to grab anything close and I threw it with all the power I could across the room.

"Fuck!"

The glass shattered as it hit the opposite wall and I crumpled to my knees, my own tears coming now as I gasped to breathe. A slut? Was that really what she thought of me? After a few seconds I realised exactly what it was I'd thrown and I crawled across the room. The glass littered over the stone floor cut into my hands but I soon found what I was looking for - the photo, miraculously still attached to the wooden back of the frame. I knocked the remaining glass off it and stared into the moving picture of me and Brittany. We were both laughing, but I couldn't even remember what had been so funny. Shakily I climbed to my feet and made my way back to my own bed. Rachel would be mad later about all the glass, but I didn't care. Pulling the curtains closed behind me again, I slipped under the covers and pulled them over my head as I curled up, the photo still clutched to my chest and tears sliding slowly down my face.