This chapter is a bit different. I hope it works. I'm afraid there's no Cal or Ethan as the whole chapter is based in the staff room and they're not there.
beckyboogle, this is going to sound completely weird, but I'm really happy you thought Cal was dead! Not that I want to upset you, but I really wanted to create that effect and I wasn't sure if I'd done it. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to do - and for writing a review to tell me.
Tato Potato, thank you for your review. I couldn't let Honey go running off back to Manchester when Ethan was going to need someone to support him! I'm sure anyone would have supported him, but everyone else is quite busy! Thank you for your review.
20BlueRoses, I hope you weren't too scared! Thank you for telling me that as it really is amazing when I try to write something difficult and it actually works. One reason why I was in two minds about killing Cal was because killing Cal would kill Ethan too. Thank you for your review!
ETWentHome, you were scared too? Brilliant! I mean I'm really sorry. But I really am so happy that the scene works - thank you for telling me. Lily will be breaking the news in the next chapter - you're right that it's not easy! Thank you for your review.
Tanith Panic, I had to have Lily praising Lofty because it's about time someone noticed how amazing he is. The rollercoaster doesn't travel very far in this chapter, but I hope it's a bumpy ride. Thank you for your review!
Lily had faced many challenges in her life. A large number of them had come in the last few hours. Some had caused to feel more afraid than she had ever felt; some made her question her abilities as a doctor.
But there had been nothing like this.
She looked around at her assembled colleagues. Cal and Ethan were still in the main part of the hospital and were likely to remain there; Lily planned to inform them later. Zoe was still with Max and had refused to leave him.
She stood on one side of the room with only Louise at her side. The others were sitting facing her. Watching. Waiting.
A ripple of fear circled the room. Lily knew that fear couldn't really be tangible, yet she felt something.
"I have an announcement to make," said Lily quietly.
Everyone had been sitting around, talking quietly as they waited for her to begin. Her words shouldn't have come as a surprise: they all knew they'd been called to the staff room so Lily could make an announcement. But at her words, Lily's colleagues became silent and still.
"I have some sad news from St James' from Staff Nurse Masters," said Lily.
There were no signs of shock; only despair. Lily watched as eyes filled with tears; bodies sagged; hands reached out for those of their neighbours with little care for who they were.
She'd never worried about upsetting her colleagues before. She was there to do her job and she didn't intend to let anyone get in her way.
But she cared about these people now and she knew she was going to upset them very much.
Dylan felt he ought to say something. He should be the one making the announcement, not Lily. He was an experienced consultant. Lily had only recently become a registrar.
But after his behaviour lately, he couldn't blame Lily. She'd virtually taken on the role of clinical lead while Connie had been first trapped and second taken to St James', and she'd acquitted herself so much better than Dylan had in his short time in the position. Perhaps she was the right person to be standing there, but this only made Dylan even more aware of his own inadequacy. Lily had taken control because he hadn't been able to leave Resus. He could tell from the strain on Lily's face that she hadn't found it easy.
But at least she'd found it possible.
But now, standing up at the front of the room, she looked young and vulnerable and Dylan wanted to help her; to take some of the burden from her. (Also to prove to himself and others that he wasn't incapable, but that hardly mattered. Not now.)
At last, after a long while, Dylan spoke, trying to gain some perspective. "Of course, Charlie wasn't a young man and we all knew he was gravely ill."
"Dylan!" said Robyn in shock, and even Lofty gave the doctor a slightly reproving look. Dylan looked at Lily to see if she felt the same. There was no look of gratitude on her face, but he hadn't expected it. Not from Lily. But she didn't look angry.
"I am sorry," said Lily faintly. "I did not make it clear. It's not Charlie."
Dylan could almost feel the relief in the room. Almost immediately, it was superseded by horror as the whole room wondered who Lily meant.
Lily spoke again. "It is too early to speak of recovery, but Nurse Fairhead is awake and speaking and, according to Staff Nurse Masters, appears his usual self."
Robyn didn't want to be here. She'd wanted to stay with Max. She'd been about to tell him what had happened; what Zoe had done, only for Lily and Louise to interrupt. She'd try to say no to Lily, but then Louise had stepped forward, a serious look on her tearstained face. "It's bad news, Robyn, and trust me: you're going to want to hear it when you're with your friends."
So here Robyn was, watching and waiting, and all the time, the dread was building in her stomach. Metaphorically, Charlie had the biggest, strongest heart of anyone in the ED, but physically, it was a very different matter. This was, Robyn believed, his fourth heart attack. He would need a miracle.
But it wasn't Charlie. It was someone else, and the relief Robyn felt didn't last. She thought first of Cal but remembered he wasn't at St James'. But who else had gone there? Who else who mattered?
"Oh, do you mean it's that girlfriend of Cal's?" burst out Robyn suddenly. Taylor wasn't important enough to warrant an announcement like this, but perhaps Lily was making the announcement so they'd know Cal needed their support. Robyn seized on the possibility with relief; gratitude; desperation. "Oh my God: you really scared me for a minute, Lily." Robyn checked herself: she sounded too happy. "Obviously, it's still very sad. She's very young. Of course Cal will be upset, but we'll all support him." She looked around at the others. "Won't we?"
"It's not Cal's girlfriend," said Lily. "I have not been given an update on Cal's girlfriend and would not tell you in this manner if I had."
It's one of us, thought Robyn, as the whole world seemed to darken. She couldn't pretend anymore. One of us is really gone.
"Who is it, then?" The pressure was getting even to Lofty. He was trembling, gripping onto the edge of his chair for support. He didn't want to know but he also did want to. He had to. His head was spinning and he couldn't even remember who'd gone to St James' now, but it must be someone who wasn't in the room. His head moved from left to right. Connie, Zoe, Cal, Ethan, Rita, Charlie, Jacob, Max. Charlie was okay. Jacob had made the phone call.
Why hadn't Connie made the phone call?
Lofty thought she'd only injured her ankle, but she'd fallen down the stairs. Perhaps there was a head or back injury which she either hadn't recognised – or had denied because she was Connie and she never showed any weakness if she could help it. "Is it Mrs Beauchamp?"
"No, it is not Mrs Beauchamp," said Lily, looking unusually flustered.
Lofty didn't even know he'd moved his hands until he felt them pulling at his hair. "Just tell us, Lily. Please. Don't just make us stand around and guess. Don't make us suffer the loss of every single person in this ED before telling us it's not true. Even you should be able to tell how cruel that is. Even you."
Louise thought she probably knew better than anyone how much Lily had suffered. She had seen Lily in the staff room after hearing the news, almost breaking down yet trying so hard not to. She had to agree that Lily wasn't helping by drawing it out, but she could see how hard it was for her to find the words. Louise saw it in the slump of her shoulders. She saw it as Lily flinched at Lofty's words and turned a helpless face to Louise.
I can't do this, Lily's eyes seemed to say.
Louise quickly stepped forward. "Lofty, I know it's hard on you, but that doesn't mean it's easy on Lily. We've all experienced in breaking bad news to patients, but have you ever had to break bad news to a friend? If any of you would find that easy, then I'm glad it's Lily standing up here and not you."
Lofty looked ashamed. "You're right, Louise. Sorry, Lily. It's a horrible thing to have to do and we should be supporting you."
"Yes, that's right," agreed Robyn. "And we're all here for you, Lily."
Louise caught Lily's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.
"Thank you," whispered Lily.
Lily faced the room again. She felt frightened and wretched, but Lofty was right. She needed to say it. She never baulked at delivering bad news to patients and relatives and there was no reason for this to change now. She took a deep breath and glanced at Louise.
Louise gave her the tiniest nod.
"You are correct, Lofty," said Lily. "It is kinder to tell the truth and I will. I'm sure you know that Rita was also taken to St James' with a head injury. The doctors did all they could, but the head injury was more serious than anyone realised and I'm afraid she did not survive. I am very sorry to be giving you this news. She never regained consciousness and it's likely she felt no pain."
There was silence. It stretched and lengthened and Lily dared not break it, but then it ended in a swirl of emotion. Some of the nurses started crying. Lofty lowered his head. Dylan gave him a concerned look, but said nothing. Big Mac looked deeply upset as he put his arm around the weeping Robyn.
Noel alone addressed Lily. "Does Honey know? She likes... liked Rita."
"She doesn't know yet," answered Lily. "As I'm sure you know, she is with Cal and Ethan in the main part of the hospital. My plan is to go over there now. Whether I inform them immediately depends on Cal's condition." She paused, suddenly realising that she was afraid to go alone. "You may accompany me if you wish."