They finally hit the roadblock. The one string that was holding Payson back since she had to rebuild herself. Sasha knew that one day they would have to overcome the painful memories of Nationals once and for all; he was just waiting for the moment. If done at the wrong moment, they would be having the conversation many times, but Sasha knew he had just found the perfect one. She was at her breaking point, and she needed to let go before trying to compete at the Olympic level. "Payson?" Sasha prodded. He knew she was ready to spill. She just needed to find the words to do it.
"If you make a mistake in gymnastics, everyone can see it. There might be a team medal, but at the end of the day, it is about yourself. If you screw up, it is all on you. I believe the only way you will succeed is if you are honest. Honest about how far you can push your body and honest about what is going in your body. Kelly Parker was not honest. She told the public that she was doing Nationals drug free. It was no secret that I have been using cortisone to control my herniated disc, but Kelly is getting cortisone injections as well. She got one right before my accident."
"How do you know Kelly got a shot?" Sasha interrupted.
"Because I had bought cortisone under the table from Nicky, and I was going to use it if my disc flared up. It did, and that is why I asked to go to the bathroom in the middle of the competition. Only, I didn't use it because I caught Kelly getting a shot of her own after telling the media she was drug free. I ended up throwing the cortisone away which wasted the cortisone, but I didn't care. I was not going to be a liar like Kelly. The media knew it had been awhile since my last shot, so I was going to keep it that way. I entered the floor with a new found confidence, but that only goes so far. Confidence does not control pain. I realized that too late. My body could not hold up to the pressure, and I let go. I let go, but I knew that I didn't lie. At that moment, being honest was good enough. I may have lost my chance at a medal, but I didn't lose my pride."
"Does your mother know that you?"
"No because I was not actually planning on telling my family after the competition. The plan changed when I woke up in a hospital bed. The honesty and pride was flushed away when I found out that my only love in life meant risking my ability to walk or even live. I didn't think the fall had fractured my back, and that is when regret set in. Honesty meant nothing compared to the dream I had been working towards since I was three, the plans I had to become an Olympic medalist. I wished I had used the shot, but there is no changing the past. You can only direct yourself towards the future. I saw no future, so I shut down. I tried to fit into a life that would never fit me until this miracle came along. The surgery brought my dream back to life, but it also meant I would never be the same again. My dreams would not be achieved in the way they were suppose to be. When I was given the okay to train, I didn't tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared that I could not adapt as a gymnast without high difficulty power moves."
"Payson, I know you are stubborn. I knew that changing your style would be a challenge since I found out that you were offered a second chance. I was determined to stick it out with you though. I came to ballet with you, and I stuck with you through thick and thin. From the kiss to the nights were you could not get it right, I was there for you, and I will always be there for you. I may have left the team after you made the Worlds Try Outs, but I needed time to deal with my past. I didn't forget about you though. I just was coping with my own problems, and I had faith you could work without me while I came to terms with what I was going through." Sasha reminded. Payson knew he was right. Sasha had been by her side since she started to rebuild. He was even there when she struggled at the training center.
"I feel better now." Payson told Sasha. The emotions were still surging through her body, but a sense of calm began to flood her. She had released everything she had been bottling up since the week before Nationals. "Good." Sasha said. "That means you are ready to train." he added. Payson's eyes lit up, and she started towards the door. "Stop! Not until tomorrow at the earliest. You are still sick. I'll drive you home during lunch and check on you this evening. Your body needs rest, and you need time to cool off. I imagine the adrenaline rush from letting go is still raging through you."
Payson Keeler wanted to object to waiting until tomorrow, but she knew that Sasha was right. She needed to recover. Payson walked back to the observation window and stared down at the girls training below. "We're going to win." she declared. Payson and her team would lead the US to victory.
[Author's Note: This chapter is full of emotion. I do not know where I am going to go next, but this might be my favorite chapter.]