The Hopeful Lights of Winter
Disclaimer: I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.
AN: Castle and Beckett try to navigate the holiday season and a fake separation at the same time. A Winter Ficathon story, and a nightly thank you gift for those involved in the Possibility4Joy project.
AN2: So this one is a little bit late, but hopefully it's a bit longer to make up for it. Also, for those who have asked yes this will be a story where they spend it sneaking around. That's where we're coming back to you in February, and this is the story of season eight Christmas, inserted into the hiatus. Just so were all clear.
Kate was awake early on Sunday morning, a good day the day before helping with a lot of her recent exhaustion. So, before the rest of the house even thought about stirring, she was up digging through every conceivable ingredient for breakfast food she could find it in the kitchen. Might as well make her family Sunday brunch.
Once she had several things going she texted Martha to coax her into joining them. She really did owe something to all of them. Plus, a little family time sounded nice. And probably would qualify as at least a start on repairing the dynamics she knew she had strained over these last several months.
"Wow," Castle's voice startled her when he appeared in the kitchen just after she got the text from Martha confirming her impending arrival. She had been reading a follow up a note from her mother in law about stopping by the hotel that she didn't really have time to fully process before being interrupted.
"Someone is in a particularly productive mood this morning."
She shrugged and came forward to meet him in an embrace. "I guess I just figured this was something I could at least accomplish."
He pulled back to look at her. "Hey now, you do a lot."
She sighed, and leaned into him for a moment. "I know, I guess sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough right now."
He pressed a kiss to her hair and smiled. "It will."
She had to tend to a pan on the stove, but took his hand and pulled him along with her. He set work helping without being asked and minutes later, she turned and smiled. "You know, your mom is really taking this under cover thing with dedication."
He laughed. "That's mother for you - always the actress in search of a role. It's pretty smart actually, as you already know, giving her something small to do generally keeps her out of asking deeper more complicated questions, at least for a while. And, with my mother that's almost never a bad idea."
"Hush, she's helping."
As if on cue, her key turned in the lock, and Martha was sweeping through the door and greeting them both with her usual enthusiasm.
"Katherine darling, you'll need to switch key cards with me, I had to get new ones because Alexis still had the spare you know. But I think it worked out for the best anyway - see and be seen."
As the older woman went into further and somewhat dramatic detail, Kate met Castle's eye and he winked back at her conspiratorially.
Alexis joins them a few moments later, drawn by the commotion her grandmother had brought with her.
"Well, that's everyone," Martha said brightly. "And this looks fabulous. Let's eat."
#
The rest of the somewhat impromptu family day passes in a patchwork movie marathon, ending with the live version of The Wiz that was still waiting unseen on the DVR. Kate found her attention pleasantly divided between the performance, and the varying commentaries among the others. Martha, in full stage diva mode, alternately praised or panned performances, while Castle and Alexis debated some of the creepier staging and costume choices.
It has been wonderful overall, the whole weekend. Like a bubble of normalcy in the middle of all of the craziness that their lives have become. And, as Martha and Alexis began to move away from the little nest they had all created in the living room to go about their own evening plans, Kate realized that was probably the problem, wonderful as it was.
Castle nudged her from the side and leaned in a little bit as he wrapped his arm around her. "Hey, you OK?"
She took a minute, trying to breathe through it before she answered. "I – I just don't want to go."
"Kate -"
"I have to though. I know that. I have to, because this is important for your safety, for mine, my God, Castle, even for their's. It's important to me, this is important to me." She gestured around the loft to indicate all of it, their family. "And I wish it was as simple as just saying, you know what forget it I'm not doing this, because believe me I've thought about it but –"
Castle stopped the flow of words with his fingers to her lips. "If you could just walk away, you wouldn't be the woman I love so much. I get that Kate, we all do."
A tear trickled down her cheek. "i'm not doing this for fun," she said quietly.
"I know that -" he sighed. "Okay, yes, I can see where you might have gotten that out of what I said to you a couple of weeks ago. But, that's not - Kate, I was upset and hurt and little scared, and when I'm like that I get stupid, I revert - and actually, that was my point."
She sniffled, waiting him out.
"We both do that, Kate. When we're worried or scared or stressed. We fall back on what we're used to, because it's easier. It's comforting, in a terrible way, because we know what to do. And with me, it's usually to be reckless or lash out with the first sharp words that come to mind. You...go solo."
She lowered her head at that. He was right. "I just, I can't lose you, Castle. I need," she looked up, glancing around "I need this to be okay." Their home, their family.
"We'll be fine Kate. We're your family, and it may not always be easy, but we're going to back you up. That's the part you're missing about how this works."
She reached out and kissed him, hoping that might be enough to make up for the words she didn't have.
"Now, there's still a few office ready things in our closet. So, why don't you stay tonight, let me make you dinner. Go in the morning by the same secret spy methods you used when you got here."
Oh she wanted to. She wasn't sure she should, but she definitely wanted to. Still, she worried about whether or not they were being watched.
She hadn't realized that she had said that allowed until Castle said quietly and not without a trace of humor, "Honey, if the guys with the multiple death squads and machine guns are watching your every move 24 hours a day, whether they see you come or go from here is probably not going to be our biggest problem."
She groaned and dropped her head into your hands. "Not helping the stress level here, Castle."
He pulled her close. "Hey I already told you, this family will do whatever we need to do - all of us - in order to help you get this done. Finish it. Even if some of it just makes you feel better. That's reason enough. Okay?"
She nodded, a little weekly.
"Good then, come let me pay you back for brunch this morning with something fabulous for dinner, and then maybe you can help me finish with the decorations. Or distract me from finishing with the decorations, your choice."
God she loved him.