Okay, I lied again. This isn't the end as I couldn't fit the whole of the ending into one chapter. I'm sorry. You'll never trust a word I say ever again!
Tato Potato, thank you for your review. Even though Cal has changed as a result of his injury, I wanted him to be the same person in other ways and I felt at least some of his instincts - for example, to protect Ethan - would be the same. I'm really glad you liked that.
CBloom2, I'm so happy you like the way I write Cal and Ethan. They've both been changed by Cal's injury, but I hope in some ways they're still Cal and Ethan. A full recovery for Cal is definitely possible or I never could have written this! Thank you for your review. I really appreciate it.
ETWentHome, thank you for your review - it's really nice to know you think I've written it well. It has been difficult to write in some ways, but I'm really going to miss it when it ends! Tragedies can really bring people together - I almost feel guilty for how much I've enjoyed writing about it!
consulting and insulting, I love Connie and Lily's relationship too. I'm hoping that they'll gradually get closer in the series. I was in two minds about making Honey horrible in this story, but to be honest, she was getting in the way of Cal and Ethan's relationship! Thank you for your review.
20BlueRoses, thank you for your review. It is difficult squeezing every character into one chapter, but I have just about managed to do it! I agree that Cal will definitely want to get back to being a doctor. Honey is an idiot, but Ethan can do better! And you were right not to believe this is the last part!
Tanith Panic, thank you for your reviews and here's the 'more' you requested! I think Robyn has realised Zoe is more fool than bitch (sorry, Dervla). I thought Dylan would need support and only one person could offer it. I really wanted to show that Cal can still support Ethan so I'm glad you liked that.
Connie mostly remembered the positives now.
Occasionally, a bad memory would shoot across the edge of her consciousness: Rita putting Grace in danger. Rita framing Connie for murder.
But then the good would come to the surface. Rita the excellent nurse: caring, sympathetic, empathic and probably as good as Connie at knowing when someone was hiding something. A very dangerous enemy, as Connie knew only too well, but perhaps there wasn't a better friend.
It was unfortunate Rita had hardly ever been Connie's friend, but that didn't change the good she'd done for the department.
That was why Connie wanted to be at Rita's funeral, but the question remained: what would Rita want?
Charlie didn't know why he was thinking of him now. He should be thinking of Rita: his colleague. His friend.
Rita was gone and that was tragic. It was a day to think of Rita and to support the many who were affected by her death. Not a day to remember someone who didn't want to be part of Charlie's life.
It was foolish to wish Louis could be there beside him. Even if their relationship was mended, Charlie couldn't have let him go to the funeral. Not after what had happened at the wedding.
But it was still Louis Charlie was thinking of as he got ready; Louis who came into his mind a hundred times a day.
Louis, who, for all Charlie knew, could also be dead.
At first, Zoe hadn't worried about the funeral. She'd known it would be difficult, but she'd thought she would get through it.
Then she'd found out Max was going.
Zoe didn't know if she was grateful to Robyn for telling her or not. Perhaps, without all this time to worry, she might have found it easier. She was used to dealing with sudden shocks. Almost every patient was unexpected. Many diagnoses came as a horrible surprise. Zoe knew how to act on instinct and do the right thing, at least when she wasn't on her hen night.
Dealing with impending disaster was a very difficult thing.
But there was one good thing about knowing Max would be there. At least Zoe had the option of staying away.
She couldn't help wondering if that was why Robyn had told her.
Dylan wasn't sure whether to smile at Lofty or not. It was the friendly thing to do and he always tried to be friendly towards Lofty because Lofty had done so much for him.
But it seemed wrong to smile today.
Dylan and Rita hadn't always seen eye to eye. She'd offered her support and seemed to understand. Then she'd betrayed him to Zoe and forced him to work in Bay 4. But she'd been a good nurse and Dylan had appreciated her quick intelligence and good sense. So many nurses were on the slow side.
And no, he did not mean Lofty. Not now.
"Are you r…. I mean, shall we go now?" said Lofty.
Dylan did smile then. Lofty had understood, before even finishing his sentence, that he wasn't ready and would never be ready for this.
Dylan hadn't told Lofty that he was afraid of going alone; of leaving his temporary home for the first time since he'd agreed to take some time off work. But Lofty had known.
"Let's go," said Dylan.
Lofty smiled too.
Ethan knocked on Cal's door. "Can I come in?"
There was no answer. Ethan opened the door to find Cal almost in tears.
"What's wrong?" said Ethan anxiously. He sat beside Cal and hugged him.
"I can't tie my tie, Ethan!" said Cal miserably. "Why can't I tie my tie?"
Ethan stroked his shoulder. He was grateful to have a problem he could deal with without being the least bit economical with the truth. "You've always struggled a bit with ties, Cal. Would you like me to do it for you?"
Cal nodded his head and looked gratefully at Ethan. "Yes, please, Ethan."
Ethan smiled and set to work. It broke his heart to see Cal's lack of confidence; how little it took to reduce him to tears; how he struggled to do what had once been easy. But there was also much to make him smile: Cal's newfound, open-hearted affection for Ethan; the hours he'd spent patiently comforting Ethan about Honey; Cal's appreciation of everything Ethan did for him.
He wanted Cal to recover because he knew his brother wanted that more than anything, but Ethan loved Cal now just as much as he'd loved Cal then.
Jacob pushed the wheelchair into Charlie's room. "Here's your vehicle, sir. I'm your chauffeur for today." He came closer, immediately aware of the bleak look on Charlie's face and somehow sensing it was unrelated to Rita. "What have you got there? A photo?"
Charlie hesitated, then handed it to him.
It took Jacob a moment or two to recognise the young man in the picture. Jacob wasn't used to seeing Louis smile. "Handsome young man. Just like his dad."
Charlie's laugh almost convinced Jacob. "I wouldn't say that in front of him if I were you." He sighed. "If you ever get the chance."
Jacob handed the photo back and spoke with a quiet confidence he wasn't sure he felt. "You'll get him back, Charlie."
"But not like that," said Charlie, nodding towards the happy boy in the picture.
"You never know what's just around the corner," said Jacob. "It's been a terrible time for all of us. But that doesn't mean the good times will never come back."
Lily checked her phone and her email before she left, but there was nothing from him. She hadn't expected it and didn't think she wanted it, yet she felt the same sinking sense of disappointment every time.
She wondered if that was what he felt when he thought of her.
Lily didn't know what he'd think about her going to Rita's funeral. He might have thought she was showing respect for a colleague, but she wasn't convinced. It was far more likely he'd consider it a waste of her time.
She could hear his voice in her mind. Phrases she'd heard so many times, she'd even started using them herself. You're not there to make friends, Lily.
In the doorway, Lily paused. She looked back at the table where her textbooks lay.
He would want her to study. Attending a funeral would not help her to become a consultant.
But it's not what he wants that matters, Lily told herself. I'm free of him now. I need to do what I want.
Robyn carefully wheeled Max into the lift. She felt emotionally exhausted already and they hadn't even left the hospital.
She would have to care for Max throughout. Give him painkillers if necessary. Help him to move if he was uncomfortable. He'd suggested letting Lofty do it as he would be less emotional than Robyn. But Robyn knew Lofty would be busy with Dylan and besides, she wanted to do this herself.
He was her brother and he needed her.
There was just one problem. Something she hadn't told him; something she was afraid to tell him.
Robyn hadn't told Max she and Zoe were almost friends.
Lofty watched Dylan from the corner of his eye. He was sitting beside Lofty in the back of the taxi, staring at the back of the driver's head.
"Okay?" whispered Lofty.
"No. I am not okay," said Dylan, his voice quiet but panicky. "I don't think I can do this. They're all still working. They must despise me for being weak enough to need time off."
Lofty put his hand lightly on Dylan's arm. "You're not the only person who had time off, Dylan. Zoe had time off. Cal and Ethan haven't been back. Neither have Charlie and Max."
"Zoe, Cal and Max were injured," said Dylan. "Charlie is seriously ill. Ethan is caring for his brother. I have no excuse."
"Yeah, you do," said Lofty. "You were trapped in the ED."
"Trapped by my own stupid fears," said Dylan.
"It doesn't matter how or why," said Lofty. "You were trapped. You couldn't leave. Anyone would be frightened."
Louise looked at her phone; at all the texts she'd received today.
It was a new feeling. She'd got on fairly well with some of her colleagues before. She'd had a good working relationship with Noel when she'd been a receptionist and they were still friends now. She'd also got on with Honey, though she'd been shocked to hear she'd broken up with Ethan and would soon be leaving Holby. She and Jacob, of course, went way back.
But she hadn't think anyone else liked her. Not really.
But today, Robyn had texted to check Louise had been able to make alternative arrangements for getting to the church. They'd originally planned to go together, but their plans had changed after it was decided Max would be able to travel to the funeral in the ambulance.
Jacob had texted to offer Louise a lift but warned her that he was also taking Charlie and an early departure might be necessary in the interests of Charlie's health. Louise had declined only because she was worried her presence might make Charlie uncomfortable.
Lofty had invited her to share a taxi with him and Dylan, but Louise knew how much Dylan was struggling at the moment. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable on what was already a difficult day for him.
Then there were texts from Lily, firstly asking if Louise was going to the funeral and secondly saying she'd see her there.
Finally, there was a text from Noel, offering her a lift. This time, she had accepted.
It was a sad day, but the texts - no, the friendships - made Louise smile.
"Okay?" said Ethan when he was finally ready.
Cal hung his head. "I don't want to go, Ethan. I'm scared."
Cal knew he'd changed, but he thought Ethan had as well. Instead of getting annoyed with Cal, Ethan sat beside him and put his arm around him. "You don't have to go if you don't want to, Cal. But it'll be okay. I'll be there and I know everyone would like to see you."
"But I'm different," said Cal as a tear ran down his cheek. "I can't do things now."
Ethan wiped it away. "You're still Cal and you always will be. We're all a little bit changed by what's happened, but we're still ourselves. You'll be okay. I'll be with you the whole time. If it does get too much, we can leave early. Don't worry. I'm going to look after you."
"I'm going to look after you too," said Cal. "Especially if... you know... if she's there."
Ethan hugged him tightly. "I know you will," he said.
Max tried not to cry out in pain as he was wheeled up the ramp into the ambulance by Dixie and Iain. Both paramedics were subdued. Both had been close to Rita, but perhaps it was slightly worse for Iain. Max had known for a while that Iain liked Rita, but he'd delayed making his move and now it was too late.
Dixie and Iain secured Max's trolley in the ambulance and Robyn took his hand.
"How's it going with Zoe?" asked Iain, once they were on their way.
"It's not," said Max shortly.
Robyn spoke quickly. "Max, maybe we shouldn't think about that now."
"I'm sorry," said Iain. "I know it's difficult for you, Max. I can't imagine how you must be feeling now. But I know what it feels when you wake up one day and find you've left it too late."