So, this really is the end. I planned this would last for a few chapters, just filling the gap between two episodes, with the idea the characters' lives would continue from here as they did in the series. Instead, I killed Rita, gave Cal a possibly-permanent brain injury, gave Louise a personality transplant... and really enjoyed writing it! Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement. Without it, the story would probably have been much shorter and less dramatic.
Georgy-Girl, thank you for your review. It isn't always easy to see every update so don't worry. It's so kind of you to say this story is your favourite. I hope you enjoyed catching up and that you like the ending.
Tanith Panic, I'm so happy you like Cal. I didn't want his story to be entirely sad. I think it's probably natural for Charlie to want his family with him now, though I'm sure he'll put a brave face on for the others! Thank you for your review.
CBloom2, thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter - I'm glad you like Cal and Ethan's altered relationship. It was sad to write sometimes, but it gave Cal and Ethan a great excuse to show lots of brotherly love!
beckyboogle, thank you for your review. I hope you enjoy the last chapter.
Gillian Kearney Fan, thank you for your review. There will be more thoughts from everyone in this chapter.
20BlueRoses, I'm afraid I wasn't clever enough to write an 11-way conversation, but I hope you like the ending! Thank you for your review - I'm so happy you like Ethan's reaction to Cal's condition. He does really care about Cal, so it seemed right.
ETWentHome, thank you for your review - it's really lovely to know the story feels real. Getting into the characters' minds wasn't always easy, but I can think of worse places to be than Cal's mind! Or even Honey's mind!
Jacob lifted Charlie from the car to the wheelchair and tried not to notice how thin and frail he seemed. Charlie seemed almost immortal at times. He was as much a part of the ED as any wall, ceiling and floor (and had probably been here longer than some of those) and he'd cheated death so many times, you might be forgiven for thinking Charlie's death was an impossibility.
But it was not.
As Jacob carefully wheeled Charlie into the church, he was aware that one day they'd be sitting in this church, mourning Charlie.
That moment probably wasn't as far away as everyone wanted to believe.
Dylan felt himself tense as they walked closer to the church. His mouth felt dryg. He missed his footing slightly, but before he could fall, Lofty gripped his arm and steadied him.
"Okay?" Lofty said softly.
"Yes. Thank you," said Dylan. He stopped walking again. "No. I'm not okay."
Lofty touched Dylan's arm again. "You can do this, Dylan."
Dylan shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "I can't."
Lofty turned Dylan to face him. He spoke, his voice forceful but gentle. "Dylan, if you can walk into Bay 4 and save a patient's life, you can walk into this church and remember Rita."
Dylan looked into Lofty's blue eyes and saw strength intermingled with supportiveness and understanding. He blinked his tears away and nodded. "All right. I can do this."
Lofty stayed close to him as they walked into the church.
"You did it," said Lofty, smiling.
"No. We did it," said Dylan.
Zoe tried not to cry as Iain and Robyn brought Max into the church. He was in a wheelchair, his face pale and his head lowered. His posture looked awkward and Zoe longed to rush over to him and made him more comfortable, but she had no right anymore.
Louise moved closer to Zoe and gave her a hug. "It will get easier. And you never know what might happen. It's a weird time for everyone."
Zoe wiped her eyes and hugged Louise back.
One thing that definitely had got better was Holby ED's newest nurse.
Connie had always been good at walking with confidence. That was what she did as she entered the church. She nodded at those who caught her eye; offered small smiles and quiet greetings.
Jacob's smile of approval warmed her more than she liked to admit. Lofty looked at her with respect in his eyes. Lily looked more relieved than anything as Connie sat beside her.
"I'm glad you could make it," Connie whispered to Lily.
"I'm glad you could make it too, Mrs Beauchamp," said Lily. It seemed like more than politeness.
Connie hesitated. She had seen the change in Lily more than anyone. The dropping shoulders; the hesitant steps. Lily hadn't been close to Rita, but her world had been overturned too. Connie reached for Lily's hand. "It's 'Connie' for today, Lily. Okay?"
Lily's smile was much more than just relieved now. "Okay, Connie," she said.
Cal was trembling as Ethan helped him out of the car. They were a little bit late, but Ethan knew he couldn't hurry Cal.
"It's okay, Cal. It's going to be fine. We'll sit right at the back and if you need to leave, all you've got to do is tell me. Okay?"
Cal nodded shakily and slipped his hand into Ethan's.
Ethan squeezed it. He didn't let go as they walked into the church. Cal tripped slightly as Ethan helped him into the pew and heads turned.
"Cal!" Lofty got up from his place beside Dylan. "It's good to see you, mate." He gave Cal a hug. "We'll talk more later, okay?"
"Okay, Lofty," said Cal shyly.
Zoe, Louise and Robyn all said hi and Cal waved. Max kept his back to Cal, but apologised for not turning round and said he was looking forward to seeing Cal later.
"You see?" said Ethan, relieved that his prediction had been correct. He squeezed Cal's shoulder. "They're all glad you're here. And so am I."
Robyn's feelings were mixed when she saw Zoe. Relief that she hadn't stopped Zoe from attending a colleague's funeral; anxiety that her presence might upset Max.
But when the service began, Robyn forgot Zoe. She forgot everyone but Rita and Max.
Robyn had always wished she was more like Rita. Rita always understood everything, often even before you said it. If you were upset, Rita just accepted it as how things were and made any necessary adjustments. Rita always explained everything clearly and calmly.
Now, Robyn decided she would stop wishing she was like Rita and do her best to become like her friend. To keep Rita's practices and ideals alive.
It would be a tall order. Listening to the eulogies made that even clearer, but Robyn was determined to try her best.
Lily had never seen Rita's parents before. When Rita's father got up to say a few words, Lily's eyes flooded with tears. There was so much pride in his voice. Rita had been a nursing manager, not a consultant, but Lily had the impression he would have been proud of her even if she'd been a staff nurse all her life.
He was proud of Rita for becoming a nursing manager, but he was mainly proud of her because she was Rita.
Connie touched Lily's arm lightly and pushed a tissue into her hand. Lily wiped her eyes and looked at Rita's father again. He looked sad, of course, but he also looked proud.
Lily sniffed and pushed thoughts of her own father to one side. Today was Rita's day.
Lofty did try not to cry at first. When the tears did come to his eyes, he tried his hardest to blink them away. When they escaped against his will, he turned his head to the side and wiped them as discreetly as he could.
"Ben, you silly boy." Dylan's voice was no more than a whisper, but Lofty heard it. "You're allowed to cry at a funeral. You're allowed to cry anytime you need to."
"Sorry," whispered Lofty as he wiped away more tears.
He felt Dylan move closer to him. A moment later, his arm was around Lofty's shoulder.
Lofty gave him a grateful smile and returned his attention to Rita.
He let himself cry.
Charlie looked up as a hand landed on his shoulder.
"Ready?" asked Jacob.
Charlie nodded and let Jacob help him from his seat into the wheelchair. He said nothing as they went outside to watch Rita's coffin being lowered into the ground.
"It's difficult losing someone," said Charlie.
"Yes, it is," agreed Jacob.
"But sometimes you need to think about the people who are here," said Charlie. "I include Rita in that, of course. I'm sure she's here, keeping an eye on us all. I could spend the rest of my life worrying about Louis and forget about all the many friends I can still help. But I won't."
He could tell Jacob was smiling. "I can't imagine you forgetting about anyone, Charlie. It's natural that you wanted Louis here today. It's a difficult day for you and he's your family. But you're right. You've got another family right here and we know you've got watching our backs. Just don't forget we've got yours too."
Everyone stood for a moment in silence around Rita's grave. To Louise, they seemed almost like statues. It felt wrong to move, but they couldn't stay here forever. Louise turned to Zoe, who was beside her, and put her arm around her. Zoe jumped slightly, but then she smiled at Louise and hugged her back.
Without letting go of Zoe, Louise held her hand out to Lily. Lily jumped when Louise's hand brushed hers, but then she seized it. Lily couldn't summon a smile, but for a moment, their eyes met.
Then Louise saw Robyn, her eyes red from weeping, walking towards her. She gently released Zoe and Lily, holding out her arms.
"I want to make Rita proud," said Robyn.
"You always do," said Louise. "But if there's anything I can do to help, I'm here, okay?"
This was something she'd said before, on numerous occasions. But this time she meant it.
Cal could tell Ethan was barely keeping it together. There were lots of things Cal just didn't know anymore, but he still knew his brother.
In some ways, he actually knew him better now. It turned out Ethan was even more amazing than Cal had (very secretly) thought.
Ethan hadn't only lost Rita. He'd also lost his girlfriend and kind of his brother. But he was so strong; so kind; so patient.
Cal put his arms around him as he finally gave in to his tears. "It's okay, Ethan. I'm here. I don't mind if you're sad. Everyone cried a little bit. Even I did and you know everything I do is cool."
"It really is," said Ethan through his tears.
"It's going to get better," said Cal. "Soon it won't hurt as much about Rita and you'll forget all about Honey and then maybe I'll get better too and I won't be such a nuisance." He hoped he would get better. He didn't know what he'd do if he didn't. But everyone had been nice to him so maybe they still liked him.
Ethan's sobs began to subside. "You're not a nuisance, Cal. I'm glad you're here."
"Really?" said Cal, a bit surprised.
"Of course I am!" said Ethan.
Max saw Zoe's face change as Robyn wheeled him towards her. First she stared at Max in a panic, then she looked everywhere except Max.
Robyn parked the wheelchair in front of Zoe. "I'll leave you to talk."
Connie, who was standing next to Zoe, murmured something tactful about checking on Lily.
Then they were alone.
When Zoe looked at him like that, he could barely think.
"Zoe," said Max. "I'm not making any promises. You hurt me a lot and I don't know if I still want to be married to you. Which is a slight upgrade on how I felt at first and maybe more upgrades might happen in the future, but there's one thing I do know."
Zoe's mouth formed the word yes? but no sound came out.
"I've lost too many people already," said Max. "I don't know how much I want you in my life, but I know I don't want you out of it. So… maybe we could hang out as mates with some other people and see what happens?"
He'd forgotten what a beautiful smile Zoe had. "Yes!" she said.
Honey stopped outside the church and looked over the wall. Ethan was standing next to Cal, who looked very nervous and awkward as he talked to Lofty. He obviously wasn't back to normal then. Honey had obviously made the right decision.
She turned to her new business partner, a lovely girl she'd met quite by chance who said she could get Honey some sponsorship, whatever that was. "Okay. I've seen enough," said Honey. "I'm going now."
"Do you think he remembers me at all?" said Taylor. She sounded upset.
Honey shrugged. "How should I know? I'm done with that family. Let's go."
As she walked back to the car, she was aware of Taylor giving Cal a backward glance.