Calm

She didn't sleep that night. How could she, with so much confusion spinning through her mind? She hated the way Aro kept changing his personality. One minute he seemed friendly and kind. Then he would become someone to fear. She couldn't understand it.

Part of the night was spent flicking through the ways she could die in her head: -

Aro could kill her.

Caius could kill her.

Jane could kill her.

Any of the assorted stony-faced guard could kill her.

A vampire from another coven could kill her.

God forbid, she could end up killing herself.

In her head, they all seemed possible. The only person she could trust was Renata. But she would still keep her guard up. Renata could turn nasty like Aro, and she would hate herself for falling into another trap.

And there was somebody else - Alaya, the chef. Alaya was the only human in the castle, and the only one closest to her age, when she thought about it.

Then she realised she was hungry. She hoped someone (hopefully Renata) would come and take her to kitchen.

She walked to the door and tried the doorknob. No good, it was locked. That was to be expected. Her belly rumbled and she began to think of the spaghetti she had when she first arrived. She sighed happily. "Where are you Renata?" She said quietly to herself, twirling a strand of her hair.

The door opened 10 minutes later, and Felix came in.

"I assume you're hungry?" He said with a smirk, referring to the whale sounds coming from her stomach.

Bambi blushed. "Sorry."

He laughed. "No matter. Come on."

She slid herself off the bed, and walked out of the door with Felix grasping her arm. The smell of pancakes hit her nostrils a few minutes later. It occurred to her that she hadn't eaten for quite a while.

As they entered the kitchen, she saw Alaya hard at work. Alaya stopped for a minute to acknowledge their entrance, then continued, cooking more pancakes for the already large pile.

"Alaya," Bambi began, "Are these all for me?"

She nodded. "You are hungry, no?"

"Yes, but you've made enough for the entire castle." She said jokingly. Then thanked her, and began to eat.

Alaya finally stopped cooking, and sat at the table for a rest.

Bambi looked at her quizzingly. "Aren't you going to have some?"

She shook her head. "They are for you." She smiled.

"Come on, you must be hungry as well. You have my permission." She joked again. She walked to counter and put two on a plate. "What do you want on them?"

Alaya open her mouth to protest, then felt her own stomach make sounds much like Bambi's. "Lemon, please." She replied.

They ate in silence for a while. After they'd finished, they talked.

"So, how do you cope with it?" Bambi asked.

Alaya's eyebrows creased. "Cope with what?"

"The whole vampire situation?"

She smiled. "I cope fine. As long as I am allowed to live, I do not mind what happens… how are you coping, Bambi?"

She looked down at the scar on her wrist, encircling it with her fingers a few times. Then she looked up. "Honestly, I've been better."

"It will be ok." She put a hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "I am sure of it. Aro, he has good in him. He won't kill you if you are good, I know."

She sighed. "I hope you're right." Then another thought came into her mind. "Have they hurt you?" She didn't mean to be so blunt, but she was worried about Alaya. The only reason Alaya was around was because of her, because she needed human food. Alaya didn't have any powers or anything that Aro might find significant to the Volturi. She was worried about what might happen to her.

Alaya hesitated before answering. "Sometimes… Caius…" She stopped. She didn't need to say anymore.

"I understand."

They talked long into the afternoon, deciding to venture towards more positive topics.

Felix arrived to take Bambi back to her room. At her door, Felix informed Bambi that Aro would visit her later.

To this, Bambi replied with a quiet "ok", then closed the door. Oh God. 'Keep calm. Remember to breathe. Remember what Alaya said. Just don't get angry again!'

She would be calm and she would act happily. She would not freak out, and she would not release her feelings in the way she did yesterday. And she would not cry. She would NOT cry.

So, what to do for the next few hours. Instead of heading for the bookshelf like she normally did, she opened her satchel and pulled out her scrapbook. She normally took it with her everywhere. It was an idea proposed by one of her counsellors, though how it was supposed to help her mentally she had no idea. Still, she enjoyed looking back over her happy memories.

And if she ever made it out of this alive, she decided it would be a good idea to document this time of her life. She sat down on the bed. She pulled out her marker pen, and began to write.

August. Day unknown. I have a feeling I won't forget this time of my life easily. The time I went on a tour in Tuscany, which led me into a castle full of vampires. Not exactly a passing blip of my life.

So far, the only two people I can count as my friends are Renata, a kind vampire who is different to the others somehow, and Alaya, the only other human I know. I feel so close to her at the moment. I hope the closeness lasts. Aro seemed nice at first, but little did I know how harsh his methods of punishment are. It was my fault, really. I shouldn't have shouted at him like that.

Then there's Caius. He really doesn't like me. I'm scared of him. But he hasn't hurt me. Yet. The rest of the guard don't seem to like me either, especially not Jane. But Felix seems okay. He hasn't glared at me or anything yet. He's sort of emotionless, really. I'm glad. It's better than hate.

I've been reading a lot. It's my main form of entertainment. And I've been thinking a lot. Too much really… I need to learn how to stay out of my head.

Bambi.

She signed her signature as she always did at the end of an entry. Then she looked back over her memories. The good ones.

When she got an A* in English Literature. And another. And another.

When her older brother had a baby. He had moved to Australia 2 years before the incident. He couldn't visit Bambi to comfort her after it had happened because he was too busy looking after his sick, pregnant wife.

When she went to the fair with her mum. One of the days she was fully dressed, sober and out of the house.

She looked back over the small handful of happy memories in her scrapbook. And she clung on to them, and savoured them. And wished she was that happy now.

She flicked back to the current page, proof-reading her entry.

"You have the makings of an author, bambina."

She jumped at the sound of his voice. 'Don't you dare cower,' She thought to herself. She inhaled steadily. "Really?"

He walked around the bed to stand beside her, looking over her shoulder. "Yes. You could write fictional stories." He smiled kindly.

She couldn't believe his smiles anymore. "Thank you. I enjoy writing." She paused. "Is there anything important I need to know?"

"No," he replied coolly. "I decided to see how you were, cara mia, that is all." She kept her eyes on the page, as if waiting for permission to look up. "You do not have to freeze your limbs around me, Bambi. I will not hurt you without cause."

She hadn't noticed that she'd tensed her body up quite noticeably. She forced herself to relax, and looked up at him. "Sorry."

"There is no need to apologise. It is quite understandable."

She closed the scrapbook and put it and the pen back in her satchel. She stood and put the satchel back next to the bookcase. She turned to see Aro with his hand outstretched. "May I?"

Without hesitation, she placed her hand in his. She didn't want to cause any friction.

"I see you have been talking with Alaya." He pronounced her name with an Italian accent, which Bambi found beautiful. She nodded. "I am glad you have found a sense of… companionship in her."

He let go of her hand, and she wondered if he really was glad about this. She doubted it.

He walked a few steps away from her. "I have something to discuss with you."

She looked up. "Yes?"

"I would like to discuss with you when you would like to be changed."

"Oh. W-when you say changed, y-you mean… into a vampire?"

"Yes, my dear."

She gulped. "D-do I get to choose when?"

"Within a margin, yes."

She thought for a while. "Well, when were you thinking?"

"I was thinking within the month, as your scent is making my guard, somewhat, uncomfortable."

That was a bit of a bombshell. "W-within the month? Really?" She sat down. "I didn't think it would be that soon."

He sat down beside her. "I understand your sadness, but I promise you, you will find your new life to be much better than this one."

"I hope so." She muttered. "It's just… it's going to be so different."

"Yes, it will be different. But in time, you will learn to accept it."

She sat there in shock. "I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, becoming a vampire. I-I-I…" she stopped herself, unable to form another word. A tear escaped her eye. "Ugh. Here I am, crying again." She put her head in her lap.

A few brief moments passed while she sobbed gently. "Why don't you sing?"

She looked up at him, rubbing her eyes. "Sing?"

"It makes you feel better, does it not?"

She nodded. "I guess it does. I'll give it a try." She thought for a moment, and then began to sing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. She was about to sing 'skies are blue' when she noticed Aro's eyes, and the way he shifted uncomfortably. "I-I forgot. My powers…"

"Do not worry, cara mia, you are not in any danger."

"Still, I think I should stop, just in case." She stood and turned to face him. "I'm feeling happier now, really."

Aro was disappointed. He wanted to see the further effects of her powers. But he would not cause a fuss. She hadn't done anything wrong.

"Very well. So, do you agree with my timing, bambina?"

After a hesitation, she replied cautiously. "Yes. I-I would be okay with being changed in less than a month. But there's so many things I'm going to miss. Breathing. Eating. Having a heart beat…" She sniffled and composed herself. "I'll be okay. I'll get over it. To be honest, my human life hasn't been that impressive anyway." She smiled jokingly. "B-but, w-would I have to, you know, drink human blood? I mean, all those people on that tour were b-basically your d-dinner, weren't they?"

She couldn't figure out why she was stuttering so much, and bit down on her fist to shut herself up.

"Well, yes. That would be a requirement, but we will go through all of the formalities later, cara mia. But I am assured with the fact that you will be a stunning addition to the guard." He smiled in a funny way that Bambi didn't like. He stroked his fingers against her cheek, wiping away a few tears, and left the room, locking it behind him.

She stood bemused for a while, and then went into the bathroom to wipe away the last of her tears. She hopped into the shower and turned on the water. She dived into her head, once again a colossal mass of confusion and terror. So she was to become a vampire, in 31 days or less. GOD why hadn't she planned a specific day? Now it was to surprise her. She would wake up one day soon and discover that today would be the day.

She sighed and started applying shower gel. When she got to her chest area she felt something funny. Some kind of bump 'Hang on. That's new.'

'Oh no…'