Note: Trying to get back on a monthly schedule, so here you go!
Follow Me
A Pokémon Heart Gold/Soul Silver Story
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Bad Dreams
"What if we just forgot about my confession altogether?"
Soul's words echoed in the void. Silver turned round and round in the enveloping blackness, desperately searching for a source.
"I still want us to be friends, but I don't have any more intimate feelings for you."
"Soul!" Silver cried out. "Soul, please, don't!"
"This is what I want."
"But it's not what I want!" Silver shouted in another direction. "Soul, please, you have to listen to me!"
"...You're the one who made me leave in the first place," her voice said from his shoulder.
Silver whirled around. Soul stood behind him, her eyes shadowed by the brim of her hat.
"You didn't want me around," she said.
"That's not true!" Silver disagreed, desperately shaking his head. "I was just being an idiot."
"You said you'd never love me."
"I know that," Silver said, clenching his fist as he eyed the ground. "I know I said that, but Soul, please." He grabbed hold of her shoulders. "Please, Soul, I didn't mean it!"
The shadowy-eyed Soul tilted her head further downward. "...You're lying."
"No, I'm not!" Silver exclaimed. "Soul, I love you!"
"You're lying!" Soul cried, slapping his hands away. "You never loved me, and you never will!"
"That's not true!" Silver pleaded. "I'm in love with you, and I have been all this time! I just never realized it!"
"Stop it!" Soul screamed, clutching her head. "You're a demon and a liar, and I hate you!"
The vision of Soul evaporated into a cloud of smoke. Silver whirled around to find her, hands trembling.
"Soul!" he yelled. "Soul, please, come back! Don't leave me alone! Don't leave me alone!"
Silver's eyes shot open. He panted, strangely out of breath. Hand ruffled through red bangs, clasping his forehead, which was sweaty and cool. Crimson eyes darted around, trying to make sense of everything.
He was in the guest bedroom in Soul's house, he remembered. The room was very small, only furnished by a full-size bed in the center of the back wall and a chest of drawers with a vanity mirror on top opposite it. When unoccupied, the room was used for storage, he figured, based on the various colored plastic tubs stacked in the far right corner. Faint sunlight crept in through the window on the far left side of the wall opposite the bed. Silver rolled toward the door on his left and rummaged under his pillow for his PokéGear to check the time. It was early, but obviously dawn, judging by the light from the window.
He sighed and sat up in the bed, staring across the cramped room at his reflection in the vanity. More nightmares, just as he had expected. Just the night prior—a mere few hours ago—he thought he would finally put an end to it. Only hours before, he thought he would end his greatest birthday ever with a confession to the girl of his dreams—literally—and then retire for a well-missed peaceful night's sleep. Instead, he had returned to his bed empty and heartbroken, left to toss and turn in the turmoil of his unyielding cycle of bad dreams and insomnia.
He wasn't surprised; his sleep patterns had been anything but regular since Soul left four weeks prior. It had started subtly—the first few nights, he had only missed maybe an hour of sleep at most from the rare strange dream—but all-too-quickly, his descent into unrest began.
Silver put his face through his hands and then looked back at his reflection. He stared at himself for a long time, feeling nothing but pain and sadness. And to think, he had honestly thought back then he could sink no lower.
Silver awoke with a start. The clock on his bedside table in the Pokémon Center read 1 AM. He groaned and rolled over. Just a bad dream...One bad dream meant nothing. Sleep...he needed sleep…
He exploded into consciousness more violently than before. He turned; the clock read 2:30 AM. No. Sleep. He wasn't going to let his brain get the best of him.
3:05 AM.
3:40 AM.
4:50 AM.
6:25 AM.
Dark circles accented his lower eyelids as he lied on his back, staring wide-eyed and restless at the ceiling. Dawn creeped through the curtains, the start of another grey November morning. Another day without Soul.
He sighed and put his feet on the floor. Maybe a hot shower would settle his nerves. It was early enough that he could probably have the shower room all to himself.
Metal knobs creaked, the shower head groaned, and then water erupted in a cascade, instantly creating steam against the frigid tile. Silver joined the stream, allowing the water to pour over his face, soothing his weary eyes. Two nights in a row, he recounted with a grimace. Two nights he'd lied down for rest, only to be denied by his psyche. Two nights his brain had betrayed him with thoughts of her.
He shook his head briskly, slinging water from his dampened hair. No point in dwelling on someone who was gone. He was better without her, anyway. His sleep problems were probably a direct result of the stress she caused him in the past month. He shoved any thoughts of her into the back of his mind, ignoring them.
Toweling his hair back in his room, he sat on the bed and glanced at the clock. 7 AM. The nurses typically swept through the rooms at 8 AM, so he still had a little time. He flopped back on the bed, lying across it incorrectly, his feet still on the floor. Sleep...His eyes were so heavy, and they throbbed dully. The damp towel on his head kept his soggy hair from completely freezing him. With what little strength he hadn't lost to laziness, he pulled the blanket backward over as much of his body as he could manage before his arm fell limply on his chest. The cold room around him melted into blackness…
He awoke sharply after what felt like only a few seconds to a knock at the door. Groaning, he sat up in the bed and looked at the clock. It was ten past eight; the nurses were making their rounds to boot Trainers from their rented rooms. Sighing, Silver arose from the bed.
Violet City was cold and harsh, he regarded as he stepped out of the Center doors. His long hair was still a bit damp, and the freezing air took no time reminding him. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his usual jacket, a jacket much-too-thin for the wintery weather. December was coming very soon, the month of his birthday. Thinking about that only made him more bitter.
He ambled aimlessly toward the outskirts of town, not particularly caring where he was headed. The past several days had been like that. He woke up, he ate, he walked until his feet gave way, and he slept where they failed him. Luck gave him a warm place to sleep the night before when he finally ended up in Violet City, but usually, he slept outdoors, huddled deep inside his thick sleeping bag, shivering against the cold. He felt nothing inside. After spending so much time in a hurricane of emotions, he welcomed the nothing, the numbness, the void. All that was left from his emotional purge was hatred: hatred of himself.
Silver was used to self-loathing. If anything, it was comforting, familiar. He had spent his whole life scrutinizing every action he had ever made, doubting himself at every turn. He was tremendously hyper critical. All of his failures only served to amplify his contempt. Silver figured his recent dream problem was no doubt just another exercise in a long history of self-deprecation. The only thing that puzzled him was the nature of the dreams.
They were always about her.
Dreaming about Soul wasn't the issue. He spent every waking hour avoiding thoughts of her, shoving her into the deepest recesses of his mind, so it was only natural, he relented, that she would crop up in his subconscious. No, it was the content of the dreams that bothered him.
Silver swore as he huddled into his shoulders against the wind, trudging on toward Route 31, mind empty. HIs sneakers crunched on the frost on the ground beneath them. He kept his focus on his feet, not really caring about his destination. Nothing mattered any more. He was alone again, just like he wanted...right?
Time passed slowly as he marched onward, zombie-like and hollow. He guessed, judging by the position of the sun and the growling of his stomach, that it was about noon when he stopped for a break. He nibbled on a granola bar in silence as he sat on a large rock, looking at his surroundings but not truly perceiving anything. However, something on the horizon caught his eye, and, suddenly gripped by curiosity, he arose to investigate.
He stood before the black doorway carved into the rock face, stunned. It was Dark Cave. They had agreed Dark Cave was the next checkpoint on the list. Perhaps he would find her if he took a look…?
He shook his head vigorously. Stupid. He was being stupid. The idea was stupid, the cave was stupid, she was stupid. He turned around with intent to leave, but some form of magnetism kept him glued in place. Still...Even if it was stupid, he was already nearby...It wouldn't hurt to look...for a little while.
Dark Cave was aptly named, he mused as he tromped through the stone cavern, guided only by his flashlight. Wild Zubat flitted by overhead, disturbed by the sounds of his feet that echoed off the cave walls. It was, at the very least, considerably warmer inside. Perhaps, in some deep, dank corner, he would find Giovanni, huddled over a small fire.
Silver smothered a yawn with his spare hand and then immediately rubbed his eyes in follow-up. Maybe it was the darkness that suddenly reminded him how sleepy he was. He yawned again and felt his eyes droop. His steps began to stagger, and the flashlight in his hand lowered as his head bobbed, on the cusp of dozing. He allowed himself the pleasure of closing his eyes just for a moment…
"Silver…!"
Red eyes flew open, and he whirled around, casting the flashlight beam wildly about. He had only closed his eyes for a few seconds, but he swore he had heard a female voice. When he was certain no one was around, he sighed and wiped his forehead. He had imagined it. His mind was overtired and playing tricks on him. He needed rest…
A bright white flash pierced the darkness, and Silver's Feraligatr emerged, large and menacing. "Stand guard for me, would you?" Silver asked the creature as he unpacked his sleeping bag. "I've gotta get some sleep, and I don't want any low level Zubats swarming all over me."
His Feraligatr growled an affirmative but stared at his master in the darkness, obviously concerned.
Silver noticed the Pokémon's intent and shook his head. "I'm fine, just tired," he insisted. He crawled into his sleeping bag. The ground was lumpy and uncomfortable, but he would make due. Not long after lying down, the sounds of the cave faded away into silence.
"Silver!"
The redhead groaned and burrowed into his sleeping bag.
"Oh, come on, now, you lazy bones, breakfast is getting cold," she said, shaking him.
Silver's head emerged to find Soul's face beaming back at him. He rubbed his eyes and grinned slightly. "Morning," he mumbled, still sleepy.
She smiled, cheeks rosy. "Good morning!"
Silver sat up and stretched, yawning. Warm sunlight peaked in through the cave mouth, and he glanced over at Soul, who had returned to tending breakfast, instructing her Torchic, Chocobo, to stoke the fire with his flames. He grinned. Another typical morning with Soul.
He couldn't be happier.
"Here you go," Soul said, handing Silver a bowl of oatmeal as he joined her by the fire.
The two ate in cheery silence, enjoying the meal and each other's company. Silver felt completely at ease. He mused to himself that he could probably start every day in this way for the rest of his life and be content.
"Silver?"
He glanced up at the mention of his name, and the entire scenery changed. Rain pelted his body and thunder roared in the distance. He and Soul sat on a bench across from a Pokémon Center, two umbrellas propped on either side of them and a parasol attached to the bench above them. Silver looked around, startled, but Soul didn't seem to recognize the change at all. The sadness on her face was familiar.
She hunched forward, deflated, and cried into her hands. "The truth is...I really like you, Silver."
Words echoed around them—his own words, in his voice. "...If you had to get an answer from me right now...as to whether or not I feel that way about you too…" The final words escaped his own mouth without his control. "...the answer would be no."
Visible cracks broke across Soul's face, as if she were made of porcelain and had suffered a huge internal blow. A cold wind whipped over them, turning the rain to frost, and the scenery melted again, this time into tall grass and crumbling, ancient buildings. Rage that wasn't his bubbled in his stomach, as if he were ill, and words erupted from his mouth, like verbal vomit. "I will never feel about you the way you feel about me, because there is no force in this universe that would ever make me see you as anything more than an annoying, busy-bodied pain in the ass."
With each insult, the cracks in Soul's face and hands splintered and spread. Silver watched the display, mortified, covering his mouth to prevent any further damage. His insides writhed, as if he were going to be sick again, and he strained to withhold it, but the words tumbled out between his fingers, full of poison and malice. "I don't like you, I've never liked you, and I never will like you! So leave me the hell alone!"
Soul's doppelganger shattered like glass as everything around him grew dark. Silver sank to his knees, trembling. He stared at the spot where Soul had been, eyes watering. "No…" he whispered, voice quaking. "Don't...Don't leave me alone…"
A vision of a figure lying beneath a white sheet in a hospital bed flashed before his eyes.
"Don't leave me alone…!"
The sheet blew back, revealing Soul beneath, eyes wide and glassy, no longer alive.
"Don't leave me alone!"
Silver awoke violently, his voice echoing off the cavern walls; he had obviously spoken the last part aloud. He sat up in his sleeping bag, gasping, his whole body drenched in sweat. His Feraligatr hovered over him, visually concerned, a feat for the normally grisly-looking monster. Swallowing, Silver's shaky hand reached out and patted the muzzle of the Pokémon.
Sleep was overrated, right? He told himself that over the next several days. He tried to focus on searching Dark Cave, and when that proved as pointless as he anticipated, he tried to focus on ignoring how exhausted he was.
Life became rather meaningless very quickly. He stopped staying in Pokémon Centers—he feared his night terrors would draw unwanted attention—and he spent every waking moment trying to ignore that Soul ever existed, much less traveled with him. This backfired, however, the second he closed his eyes. Thoughts of Soul filled his subconscious as soon as he dozed, usually of past encounters and mistakes. He dreamed about shoving her and calling her weak, he dreamed about yelling at her and making her cry, and...very rarely, to his confusion, he...he dreamed about kissing her.
The first time it happened, he tried his best to shrug it off as a meaningless dream. He wasn't in his right mind, after all, despite his best efforts to find purpose in his to day to day mundanity. He was exhausted and stressed and full of more bitterness than ever before. Perhaps his brain was just screwing with him. But as the kissing dreams increased in frequency, he started to wonder, secretly, in a part of his heart he refused to recognize on the surface, if there was something to all of it.
He awoke from such a dream on the outskirts of Goldenrod, his heart pounding. He had camped in a small cluster of trees the night before, he groggily recalled. One thing he had to admit, disgruntled as he was to do so: the kissing dreams gave a more pleasant awakening.
Silver sat up and rubbed his eyes, which were accented by dark circles so distinct, he looked bruised. His eyes hurt badly, and his whole body felt stiff and heavy. Another typical morning, he mused.
A granola bar dangled from his mouth as he dug in his backpack, scrounging for more food. To his dismay, he found none, and he swore under his breath. He'd have to go into the city for supplies. He hated shopping. That had always been her duty. He swore again; he'd voluntarily thought of her. Sighing, he resigned himself to his fate.
Goldenrod City was as busy and crowded as ever. Lots of people clustered together always made Silver grumpy, but today, they only reminded him of his own loneliness. He shoved his frozen hands into his jacket as he made his way down an alley toward a grocery store of which he knew. Coincidentally, this route took him past an open-air ramen stand, and he hesitated outside it. Memories from not so long ago flooded into his mind. Six weeks prior, he had sat on the very stool he stood beside. He had sat there, having a meal with Soul. Their entire journey began in that very spot. A journey, he remembered as he crashed back into reality, that was now over. Jaw clenching, he turned and continued onward.
Several purchases later, Silver made his way into the heart of the city, shouldering his bag, which was much heavier now that it was was full of food. He'd caught the date while in the grocery store—he didn't bother keeping up with the day or the time any more. It was December already, and two weeks to the day since Soul had left. Two weeks that felt like two hundred. Silver shuffled through the crowded Goldenrod, people chattering and laughing all around him. He hated people. In that moment, he especially hated happy people. The frosty chill in the air only served to further support the numbness in his body, and he slumped his way through the throng, hands in his jacket pockets and a glazed look in his eyes. In his periphery, he spotted the Goldenrod Department Store, and, feeling parched and wanting to get away from the bustle of the city, he decided a drink on the rooftop was a great idea.
"You wouldn't go see her?"
"No."
"Not even if she wanted to see you?"
"She doesn't want to see me."
"And you know that for a fact?"
Silver sat across from Leaf at the table, more agitated than ever. She had tricked him into finding out where Soul was, and now she was haranguing him about going to see her. Finally, he had enough, and his temper flared.
"Look," Silver said, rising briskly from the table, "I didn't ask you to tell me where she was, and it's none of your damn business whether I go see her or not. So just stay the hell out of it!" And with that he stormed off toward the elevator. Mashing the button on the wall, he waited impatiently, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. As it arrived with a ping, he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and disappeared within.
He stood at the back of the elevator, staring at his ghastly reflection in the glass. Of course. Soul being in New Bark Town was obvious. Her mother was still there. She had a family, a home she could return to. He had momentarily forgotten people did that. Of course she would go there. But it didn't matter. He wasn't going to see her. He didn't need to see her.
The elevator shook as it came to a halt on the third floor, where two girls boarded, laden with shopping bags.
"I'm just saying, that place is strange," one girl said to the other, obviously continuing a prior conversation.
"But it's all in good fun, and you can take such cute pictures with your Pokémon," the other girl insisted. "Who doesn't like to put on a costume every now and again?"
"Yeah, but I mean, after everything that happened here last year, don't you think it's in bad taste?" The elevator reached the ground floor, and she adjusted the bags in one hand. "Who in their right mind would want to dress up like someone from Team Rocket?"
Silver's ears prickled at the name, and he turned as the elevator doors opened. Seeing his lead escaping, he found boldness in himself he didn't know he possessed. "Excuse me! Where's this place you're talking about?"
The two girls turned to him and immediately sneered, apparently repulsed by his gaunt-looking face and general dishevelment. Silver suddenly became aware of how long it had been since he last showered.
Raising an eyebrow at him, the first girl sighed. "It's in this little place down in the Underground," she said. "They act like it's legit, but they seem pretty sketchy, if you ask me." Figuring this was enough, she and her companion left him in the elevator.
Silver leaned against the handrail in the back of the box. It was a longshot, but...if the photo place had Rocket uniforms, it was possible they were connected to the organization, and maybe, just maybe, they had some connection that could lead him to his father. His thoughts flitted briefly to Soul, and he shook his head. Regardless of if he even wanted to see her, Soul would have to wait.
Silver flopped face first onto the bed in his rented room in the Goldenrod Pokémon Center, and he groaned into his pillow. A whole week, wasted. He had spent the last few days skulking through alleys and seedy establishments, following every lead he could find on Team Rocket, and he had nothing to show for it. Well, nothing was only partially accurate; he had learned that Team Rocket officially disbanded after the Radio Tower Incident, and a year later, there were no signs of a revival. The few ex-members he had spoken to in the city didn't even know the whereabouts of the admins behind the latest branch of the team, let alone the man who had started the whole organization, his father. So, in essence, he had learned nothing useful.
He turned his head as he lied on his stomach, feeling miserable again. His Team Rocket leads had kept him going the past few days, and they had even distracted him enough that the dreams had stopped—instead, he had experienced dreams such as Rocket grunts pointing him to some remote cave deep in the woods, wherein he found Giovanni hibernating with some wild Ursaring. The dreams, while simultaneously amusing, were comforting when compared to his usual nightmares. But, with all his leads exhausted and nothing else to go on, he imagined his demons would come out in full force the moment he fell asleep.
As he lied there, completely energyless and muddled, he allowed his thoughts to drift to Soul. She was the only connection he had left. The one piece that had started the whole puzzle in the first place. But he couldn't go see her. What good would it do? He was more than sure she didn't want to see him again. His heart sank at the idea. Why did it bother him? Why could he not stop thinking about her? He had tried to work it out, but he just could not understand it. After all, hadn't she left because he told her to do so? Was it not his decision? So why the nightmares and the bizarre dreams where he was romantically involved with her?
He sighed; his brain hurt. To be honest, his everything hurt. He was sore and tired and depressed about his wasted effort. Against his better judgment, he climbed beneath the comforter, hoping his psyche would take pity on him and let him dream about absolutely nothing.
"Silver!"
The call came from down the hall. Silver sat up, momentarily unaware of his surroundings. As his vision focused he glanced around the room.
He recognized it immediately as his childhood bedroom. Toy figures of various Pokémon adorned the top of the dresser across from his bed on the far wall, and sunlight seeped through the curtains over the window on the back wall. A sky blue toy box sat in the corner opposite from the door, the outsides of the wooden box decorated with several differing Pokéball designs. A round red area rug accented the center of the room, and along the walls hung a variety of posters, some for the Pokémon League, others of assorted monsters in the Kanto region. His room was typical of any Pokémon Trainer, but he felt safe in its familiarity.
He put his feet on the floor and yawned. Stretching, he arose and made his way out of his bedroom, down the hall past his parents room, through the foyer, past the door to his father's study, and into the kitchen. There he found a woman with mid-back length strikingly crimson hair that ended in pointed spikes in all directions. She flitted around the room, humming to herself in her usual sweet soprano. Her light pink floral dress flattered her figure, the string of her white apron tied in a neat bow in the middle of her back. Silver stood in the doorway, admiring her with a warm smile. Always the early riser, meticulous about everything, cheerful to a fault, and a fabulous cook. These were the things he loved most about his mother.
The woman turned, and her maroon eyes lit up. "Ah, there you are, lazy bones!" she said, crossing the room to hug his neck. "You just missed your father; he had to get to the Gym early this morning." She held his cheeks and smiled at him. "Now then, come have breakfast with me."
Silver nodded and smothered a yawn as he crossed the spacious kitchen to a small, circular table, where his mother had laid out pancakes, juice, milk, and various other breakfast goods. He slid a chair out and sat down, debating on what to eat first.
"Ohhh, Silver, I wish you'd let me take you for a haircut; it's gotten so long," his mother said, regarding his hair with a frown.
"I like it long," Silver protested as he reached for a piece of toast from a nearby stack.
His mother sighed and then kissed the crown of his head. "If you say so, dear. So long as you're happy." She placed herself across from him at the table. "So, are you finally going to introduce me to her today?"
"To who?" Silver asked as he spread a healthy portion of jam onto his toast.
His mother smiled coyly at him as she rested her chin on her laced fingers, her elbows on the table. "Oh, come on now, you know who. The girl you met on your Pokémon journey! The one you've been traveling with but won't tell me anything about."
"There's nothing to tell," Silver shrugged, biting into his toast.
"Oh really?" she said, tones of distrust in her voice. She leaned in with an impish grin. "So you mean she's not my future daughter-in-law?"
Silver choked on the toast he had been chewing and reached for a nearby glass of juice. "Mom!" he gasped, exasperated, annoyed by her sudden fit of giggles.
"I'm just trying to gauge how special this girl is, that's all," she said, shrugging. "After all, you've been traveling with her for two years now. You can't tell me that you don't at least feel something for her."
Silver blushed behind his juice glass. "Jeez, Mom, why are you so nosy all of a sudden?"
"Inquiring minds want to know," she said with a sweet smile. "Now, tell me, what was her name, again?"
Silver replaced his glass on the table and sighed. "Soul. Her name is Soul. And we're just friends."
"...Oh, come on, now, we're more than just that, aren't we?"
The voice that responded was familiar, but it wasn't his mother's. Perplexed, he glanced up and froze.
In the chair where his mother had been only seconds before, staring expressionless at him, sat Soul.
Silver gaped at her, unsure of what was happening. His eyes quivered, confused and frightened. "Wh...What the…?"
"What's wrong, Silver?" Soul asked, her voice accompanied simultaneously by a second voice—the voice of his mother. She stood, and a ghostly visage of the red-headed woman overlapped her, as if they were the same body. "Tell me the truth about us," they said together.
Silver stood to run, but everything around him was suddenly blackness; there was nowhere to go. He turned to face the strange hybrid that was Soul and his mother, his body trembling.
"Tell me…" they repeated. "Tell me the truth…"
"Stop it!" Silver shouted, covering his ears and shutting his eyes tightly. "What's going on?!"
"I'm afraid there was nothing we could do," a different voice—a man's voice—said.
Silver looked up to find a man in a white labcoat with his back turned to him, apparently talking to someone opposite him whom Silver could not see. Silver couldn't make out everything he was saying; he only caught bits and pieces.
"—always had poor health, but this time was too much."
"—don't understand what happened. She just failed."
"—normally shouldn't have died—"
"—did everything we could to help her—"
"—rry for your loss."
Beyond the man in the white coat, Silver noticed a doorway. Desperate, he made a dash for it. "Mom, where are you? Mom?"
He reached the doorway, panting slightly, and stood at the threshold. The room was small but filled with medical equipment, all of which surrounded a hospital bed. Upon the bed lied a person, possibly sleeping, but for some odd reason, someone had pulled a white sheet over their face. Hesitantly, Silver approached, arm outstretched. Who was sleeping under the bed sheet, and why was he magnetically drawn to them? Where was his mother?
His hand hovered inches from the fabric, and just as his fingers brushed it, a large hand grabbed his and pulled it back. Silver turned, and the cold, intense leer of Giovanni met him. His father shook his head, looked over at the person in the bed, then walked away. Silver turned back to where the room had been, but instead found the shade of his mother facing him. She stood, translucent, wearing a white, floaty gown.
"Mom?"
She smiled sadly at him and then, tears in her eyes, turned and walked away.
"Mom, no!" Silver begged, reaching out.
The shade of his mother continued walking, ignorant to his pleas.
"Mom, wait!" he called, chasing her, his arm outstretched. "Mom, come back!" Despite running as fast as he was able, he couldn't catch her; on the contrary, the faster he ran, the further away she appeared to be. "Don't leave me alone!" He tripped and fell on all fours, sobbing. "Don't leave me alone!"
He sat there in the darkness, crying like a small child. His insides twisted in knots, and he felt as if he would vomit. In the end, he was always alone.
"...But you weren't alone."
The voice startled him, and he looked up to find Soul standing before him. He frowned and turned his head away. "Yes I was. My mother left, then my father—even you left me."
"Yes," Soul said gently as she knelt beside him, "I did leave. But that doesn't mean you're alone."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he scoffed.
Soul smiled. "Silver, did you love your mother?"
"Of course. What sort of idiot doesn't love his mother?"
"And even though she left you, do you still love her?"
He paused, weighing his thoughts. "...Yes."
"Then she's still with you, in the part of your heart that loves her," Soul explained, pointing to his chest.
"And what about you?" he asked, looking directly at her for the first time.
"What about me?" she replied, returning his gaze.
"You left me."
"Yes, I did," she said with a nod. She leaned closer, so their faces were only inches apart. "But tell me, Silver, do you feel alone?"
He stared into her eyes. They were full of warmth and gentleness. He felt he could melt into them. "No," he replied.
Her smile broadened. "And why do you suppose that is?"
Silver glanced at the ground, pondering. The revelation washed over him like a warm summer breeze. He turned to Soul, who smiled encouragingly at him. "...Because I love you."
Soul's eyes glossed, and she gently grasped his head and kissed his forehead. "So stop acting like you're all alone, you dummy."
He chuckled and met her gaze. His hand raised to cup the back of her head. Slowly, he leaned in…
A sharp knock on the door roused him from his dream. Disoriented, Silver glanced at the bedside clock. It was well past eight. He had actually slept through the night for once.
He sat up, replaying bits of the dream in his mind. His chest felt tight, his heart drumming against his ribs. He raised a hand to his face; his cheeks were warm. Normally he would have disregarded this post-dream euphoria, but...after everything he had just dreamt, after feeling sorry for himself for so long...he finally admitted what he had honestly known for weeks.
"...I'm in love with Soul."
Silver stared at the PokéGear in his lap, lost in his thoughts. In the end, he was too late. By the time he realized his own feelings, Soul had moved on. She didn't love him any more. The very thought made his chest ache. He supposed it was his karma catching up to him. After all the bad things he had done in his life, he had lost the girl who had reminded him what love was.
He took solace, at least, in the fact that she would be around him again, at least for a little while. They had agreed to go to Tohjo Falls together the following day, but after that, he supposed they would go their separate ways as friends. Perhaps they would meet upon occasion for a battle. He had a PokéGear finally, so perhaps he could call her every now and again. Maybe that would be enough to soothe his broken heart. He doubted it.
Sighing, he lied back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. He did so for a long while, thinking, regretting, feeling. Just as he was starting to feel a bit drowsy, he heard a knock on the bedroom door.
"Silver, are you awake?"
His heart seized at the sound of her voice. Sitting up, he took a deep, calming breath. "Nn, yeah, come in."
The door opened, and Soul entered, still dressed in the pajamas she had worn when she broke his heart. "Merry Christmas," she said with a smile.
"Nn, Merry Christmas," he replied, nodding at her.
"I'm making cinnamon rolls for breakfast if you'd like to come down in a bit," she explained. "They should be ready in about ten minutes or so."
"Sounds good," Silver said.
"Right," Soul said with a nod. She stood in the open doorway for an uncomfortable moment. Obviously realizing her clumsiness, she nodded again, flustering. "Right, I'll go now."
Silver felt a sharp pang in his chest, and in reaction, he called out. "Soul?"
She stopped and turned, hand still on the doorknob. "Hm? What's up?"
He stared at her for a few seconds, mind racing. He exhaled, losing his courage. "Never mind," he said, shaking his head.
She frowned for a second, eyebrows furrowed, and then relented and left, closing the door with a soft click.
Silver put his hands over his face and groaned. Was being around her going to be so awkward going forward? He wondered if how he felt was how Soul felt back when she still liked him and he was oblivious to the fact. He imagined it probably was, and he felt a surge of guilt. Sighing, he pushed the covers back and put his feet on the floor. Like it or not, that awkwardness was his life, and he would just have to deal with it. And who knew, if she fell in love with him once, perhaps he could make it happen again. With that bright thought in his heart, he got out of the bed and opened the door, closing it behind him.
Selected quote from the next chapter:
"I guess this is the end of our journey together, then."