Christmas Special

Part 3

Filling the hospital of decors wasn't officially among the tasks of the chairman of Downton Cottage Hospital, however for Isobel it was becoming now as a sort of mission. Since her first Christmas in Downton, and especially during the years of the war, she had always tried to bring the holidays atmosphere at the working place, but this year everything seemed amplified: everything was too big, too colorful and too much.

Basically, she was trying to fill the outside with life because she was feeling dead inside.

That terrible ache of emptiness that she had felt after losing her only son was coming back, and honestly she didn't know if this time she was going to be fine – or actually, if she wanted to in the first place. Alone: that's how she was, and lonely how she felt. Mary had remarried, Tom had finally found a new place in life and the children were growing up: everyone around her seemed to move on but her. But yet, she couldn't ignore the tiny voice in her head telling her that it was too early for her to live only in memories.

"Mrs Crawley!"

Another unexpected voice, coming from the outside this time, had the power to call her abruptly back to reality. She was taken so much by surprise that a red ribbon fell from her hands; however, she had at least the readiness not to lose her balance on the chair she was standing upon.

"Doctor Clarkson" she greeted back then, trying to sound as cheerful as she could.

She was nervous, surely more nervous than she had ever been around her dear friend, and that was clear to see. They didn't have the chance to talk after the coversation she had had with Dickie and so, she still didn't know if he knew what had happened or, more precisely, why he had seemed unusually fleeting in those three last days. A part of her was expecting him to subtly tease her about it or just about the decorations like he had always done the previous Christmases, but a glance at him was enough to understand that he wasn't in the mood for joking, nor actually talking at all.

Instead, he slowly bent down to collect the ribbon from the floor and then silently extended one hand to her, offering his help to climb down. Even if there was still some work for her to do, she accepted it without protest and, once she was with both feet on the ground, he surprisingly held her hand a bit longer. As she looked up, a long look was exchanged between the two, a look that could mean a lot of things but which ended before it could be deciphered.

"Who is he?" he asked, abruptly, with the slight irritation evident in his voice.

Isobel frowned in confusion and that confusion was the main reason why she suddenly retracted her hand, ending the pleasant contact. "Excuse me?"

"This new man you are in love with" he replied, bluntly and quickly. "I overheard the conversation you had with Lord Merton some days ago, so who is the man you claim to love? Another noble or this time maybe the King himself?"

As she had predicted, the teasing part had come, but yet now she was finding out that she couldn't bear his cutting irony nor his piercing stare. She blinked at first and then, realizing that probably she was flushing, she forced herself to look away. It was unusual for her to have such a reaction, as it was unusual for him to speak his mind so easily; for a moment she asked herself if he was drunk, but actually he wasn't showing any possible sign of that.

"Why exactly should he be a nobleman?"

He merely shrugged at that question. "Well, considering your last engagement, it would be-"

"Considering my last marriage, it would be more natural for my choice to be a common doctor, don't you think?"

Maybe she was the one to be drunk, after all. The words had escaped her lips with a total unexpected easiness and now she just couldn't take them back. Richard was staring at her with widened eyes, suddenly returning the discreet man he was, and it was hard for her to held his gaze. But she had to and so she did, swallowing hard while getting ready to speak further.

"You see, Richard…" she started, rarely calling him by the name despite the many years of friendship. "I wouldn't have been happy with Dickie, because that is not the kind of life I want and he is not the man I want by my side for the rest of my life. We –you and I –, we often disagree but we also work so good together and maybe this is what I want. I would gladly accept your offer of companionship and affection, if it is still valid of course…"

A mix of feelings hit him at the same instant: love, incredulity, happiness. He had never expected her to bring up what happened years before in Thirsk again, and certainly not in that way. Had Isobel really just implied that she loved him? Had she really said that she was finally willing to marry him? He wanted to express his happiness and renew his proposal, but the only thing that he did after recovering from the shock was to let out a somewhat bitter chuckle. Because there was something in that brief speech of hers that he didn't like at all, something that he felt the urge to rectify.

"My offer, as you called it, was not just about companionship or affection… It was about love" he clarified in fact, letting the apparent amusement fade into a serious expression. "I love you Isobel and I have loved you since… Ever, probably. How can you possibly not know that?"

If Richard's chuckle was unexpected before, Isobel's reaction now sounded even more unbelievable. In fact, hearing those passionate words, she covered her mouth with one hand as a sudden sob escaped her lips. Her breath became frantic and she looked close to tears; oddly as it seemed, she felt like crying more now than in her previous desperation. The doctor, confused and worried about that behavior, gave her some seconds of space, but when they passed, he moved closer to her and his hands went authomatically on her upper arms.

"Isobel, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, of course not, you lovely man" she reassured him immediately, looking up again. Then she paused and blinked a few times, trying to regain control of herself. "It's just that all this time I have been so blind and fool, when I had what I wanted right in front of me… Richard, I love you too, I do"

"Does this mean that you are accepting my offer?" he asked, hinting a small smirk, even though his nervousness was betrayed by his hopeful voice.

She hesitated only a moment before nodding twice with convinction and throwing her arms at him. No one was passing in the hallway in that moment, but they wouldn't have cared anyway: as he held her closer, she just closed her eyes and enjoyed the perfect warmth of that embrace. Fo the first time in a long time, she was feeling safe, peaceful and no more empty; his arms were the place she wanted and needed to be, the place where she belonged.

I hope this didn't sound too rushed. I actually could see something like that happening and I had to mention Thirsk because that needed to be solved. I allowed Richard and Isobel to have finally their moment of happiness, even if my "ideal episode" still doesn't end here, as there are other situations (the celebration of the new year, the weddings...) to see and I'm not forgetting about Violet's illness!