Loki's dreamer: I love hearing people's thoughts on who dun it.
Sorceress of the trees: yeah that's a common thing for a lot of woman and heartbreaking.
Poodle warriors: I must admit when I came up with the idea I danced awkwardly on it a bit before deciding to use it. I never expected to have such a hard time writing the chapters about and after the incident. To try and get inside the mind of what it would be like even after is hard and I cried writing a part.
Sidney loves fiction: oh yes plot plot plot. Lol vengeance Loki style, I like it!
Doctor Loki love: I am sorry to hear about all your losses. I recently also lost my grandfather and my boyfriend lost his father. Yeah Seraphina is a kick ass sister :p my sister in law had two miscarriages before she carried her first child to full term. I'm trying to ease off on the sad so bare with me. I didn't want to just months or years. I figured this story being about the art of life it best to cover all angles the best I could. I am glad you're still enjoying it even after the sad ugly tears.
Chapter 72: The hardest part
Cephera was sitting down near the gardens large fountain. Kat was sitting with her one arm wrapped around her shoulders. Cephera had been out of the infirmary for a little over a week now. For her first few days she refused visits from anyone but her immediate family and even then she was quite.
Her mind had been elsewhere. The toll the loss took on her mental state had been worse then that it had taken on her body. Today Seraphina had not joined them. Both her sister and Kat had gotten into a few arguments since Seraphina decided to stay the month and today Cephera wanted to spend some time alone with Kat. Seraphina instead joined Loki and Thor, who had taken the children on a trip to the forests to learn about herbs and things used in potion making.
Everyone had been trying hard to move passed what they could not change. "You need to stay strong." Kat was saying tightening her grip around Cephera.
"It's so hard." Cephera whispered. She didn't have emotional chats like this with her sister. Kat was good for this. "I have nightmares. I dream about losing everyone. But in my dreams it's him who's doing it."
"Him who?" Kat asked. Cephera had forgotten how little she spoke of her past life. She had never told Kat her prior struggles.
"There was a man, a long time ago, who tried to hurt my family to get to me. But he's dead now. It couldn't be him." Cephera frowned.
"Are you sure he's dead?" Cephera nodded.
"I was the one who killed him." She heard the small shocked gasp come from her friend.
"You? No way." Her disbelieving tone was strong.
"I didn't mean to. It was an accident. But he's the only person who would have want to hurt me. So in my dreams it's him." Kat pulled her closer.
"The dreams will stop. It's so fresh in your mind right now that even in your subconscious you think of it. Losing a child is hard." Cephera pulled back from her friend to look her in the face.
"It's not that. I mean I feel sad and I feel remorse for the loss but what plagues me is the why, the who. The when or if it will happen again. For me those are the hardest parts to deal with. The not knowing." Cephera felt her face was wet. She knew she would cry. A day hadn't gone by the past week that she hadn't.
She sometimes woke Loki with her crying after waking from a dream. "One day we will find out the who. And if you want you can ask them all those things, maybe they will answer." Cephera looked off into the distance.
"Having the answers won't change anything." She said.
"No but it might ease the stress those questions are causing you." Kat was playing with Cephera hair in a comforting manner.
"I was suppose to go to earth this week to find out if they were a boy or a girl. Now I'll never know. The healer had been too preoccupied with me. No one thought to ask at the time."
"Then pick a neutral name. If you name them you'll feel less guilty then if you don't." Loki had decided a small memorial would be set up in Asgards cemetery. As their was nothing natural about the loss he felt they needed one. They deserved one. Cephera only nodded. The idea was a good one.
"Mother!" The twins cried at the same time as they entered the palace. They both ran to her. Each had a hand full of random flowers.
"We found these in the forest." Diana said excitedly.
"We picked them for you." Devian added. Cephera took both handfuls with a smile. Loki watched her. It was hard for her to smile lately. He missed her bright smile. But he had to give her time.
"Their beautiful." Cephera told both children and they beamed with pride. Loki guided everyone inside. Lately there had been less group meals but today Odin insisted they could not be avoided forever and that everyone would dine together.
"We can eat alone if you'd like." He said to his wife just loud enough for her to hear. She shook her head.
"I'm not afraid." She said. "I never was but you insisted it was better to eat separately from everyone else." She reminded him. It was true. He thought she might have an awkward hesitation after her ordeal and that group meals would make her nervous or bring back thoughts she would rather not dwell on.
"Just a precaution." He assured her. Cephera gave him a half smile. Before sitting down Diana paused.
"May I sit next to Sif today." She asked. Loki looked at her curiously but didn't question it.
"Go ahead." Cephera told her and with a delighted smile she ran round the table to sit next to the warrior woman. Devian chose a spot between Next to Seraphina, who sat next to Cephera and Loki of course sat next to his wife.
"How are you feeling?" Loki asked her as the other voices around them drowned their conversation out from the others. Seraphina sat forward a little to listen to Loki and Cephera. He didn't mind. Seraphina was growing on him.
However strange and cold she might have seemed once he realized it was more cautious and strong then cold. She had been forced to become the grown up when their mother had mentally clocked out throughout their childhood. Seraphina never really got the chance to be a child.
"It was..." She struggled to find a suitable word. "Eventful." She settled on. "I've decided that I'd like to name the child for the memorial." This didn't surprise Loki. They had been thinking of names when she first told him about the pregnancy. "Something neutral Kat suggested."
Loki nodded. He knew the reason. A regret he would always feel. "Have you two conjured a name of interest?" He said raising an eyebrow and looking across from where they sat to Kat who had not been listening.
"Alexis?" Cephera said after an intake of air.
"Alexis it is." He agreed. He had no qualms about the name. Cephera smiled a true smile at him and he kissed the back of her hand.
"Was that your's or Kat's idea?" Her sister asked.
"Mine." Cephera assured her.
"Good." Seraphina went back to her food. Loki saw Cephera roll her eyes but she said nothing more.
Loki woke to Cephera's soft lips across his face and neck. It surprised him, since their loss he had not attempted to have sex with her. He felt she might not be ready or she might fear pregnancy so soon. There were ways to prevent such things but he also knew she wouldn't want that either.
She had not seemed bothered by their lack of intimacies. The fact she was attempting it now seemed odd. Why not before sleep. Loki rolled to look at her. He didn't want to stop her but he was concerned.
"Songbird, I do not want you to do anything you're not ready to do." He told her softly. Her face was wet. He could see it shining in the light cast in from the moons.
"I need you. I feel like we've lost more then just our child. I feel like we are treating our union as wrong. But it's not wrong. I don't want to stop everything because it seems to touchy. I've waited over a week to feel your touch. I didn't want to hear you deny me."
Loki stared at her stunned. There were something's about Cephera he decided he would never understand. Her way of viewing hard situations was one of them. "Over a week? Damn woman had I known..." He said half teasing her to ease the strangeness.
He kissed her softly at first, testing her resolve. When she only tugged him closer he deepened it. He did remember someone once saying everyone had different ways of coping. He just never thought this would be one of hers but he was not going to say no either.
As he allowed himself to run his hands over her body he hesitated to caress her near her abdomen. "Don't treat my body like its a death trap or a bad memory. We have to remember the good too. This body has already given you two healthy children. And when the time is right, when the fates allow, it will give you more." She spoke while small tears slipped passed her eyes to her cheeks.
Loki kissed away her tears. He knew what it was she was trying to convey but it was hard not to think of what once was. Still he would not deny her. Crying or not she wanted this and he did too.
He rolled atop her slightly his hand having passed her stomach now and dipped between her legs, was caressing her sensitive sex to prepare her. He felt no need to drag it out tonight. He had plenty of other nights to enact other pleasures.
She had her legs spread easily around his hips giving him free reign to do as he liked. Her eyes closed still silently crying random tears while she gave small breathy pants and sighs. Loki eased himself carefully into her. Cephera gripped her hands tightly in his hair and sighed in relief.
There was nothing hard or rough about their love making. Aside from her tight grip everything else was soft and gentle. His movements slow and precise. He hung his head down to touch his forehead to hers as he moved his hips in the same rhythm he began with.
He kissed the tip on her nose right before he felt the knot of pleasure build inside him. The breaking of his steady rhythm couldn't be helped as he slowly tipped over the edge of orgasm. Before that last moment he had contemplated pulling out but he was now happy he had not. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and was hugging him to her with her arms and her legs.
She kissed his cheek and his lips. "Don't ever leave me." She said her lips quivering slightly.
"Never." He promised.