I feel a little out of sorts afterwards, I need to clear my head from the champagne and what has just happened. I decide I want to go home; I can't concentrate with Ana lying naked next to me so I indicate to Elliot that I am going and if he wants a lift then he needs to start getting dressed now. He looks a little confused but complies.
"Is everything ok Christian?" Ana asks looking worried.
"Fine, I have an early meeting tomorrow and if I stay I am not going to get any sleep, am I?" I force a smile.
"Oh that's a shame" she looks disappointed
"Call me" I say after kissing her cheek. We leave and I can tell Elliot is pissed off with me but he doesn't say anything until we near his apartment.
"What's up bro?" he asks.
"Not now Elliot, please?" I plead.
"Soon, ok?" he replies and I nod my head. The door slams with an angry thud and Taylor drives me home.
Standing under the shower a short while later, still lost in thought, I finally realise what is bothering me. Firstly I have put myself at huge risk of being exposed by Kate Kavanagh although I hope her friendship with Ana would stop that happening as that would risk exposing Ana and Kate too, I am annoyed that I allowed my dick to give the orders but ultimately I want Ana and all to myself, I don't want anyone to have her, see her naked or touch her in any way. I want her to be my plaything and I want to be hers but sadly I am not sure that is what she is looking for at this point in time.
I guess I tossed and turned a lot in my sleep as my bed is a shambles, a pillow is on the floor and I look dishevelled, unshaven and have massive dark circles under my eyes. I think another shower and shave is in order before heading off to the office.
Twenty minutes after I arrive, Andrea buzzes the intercom to inform me that Miss Steele is at her desk wanting, in fact demanding to talk to me. I wasn't banking on her showing up here but I suppose I can't refuse to see her.
The door opens and my blond haired beauty walks in to my life again.
"Good morning Ana" I kiss her cheek and offer her a chair.
"Good morning Christian, could you please tell me what is going on? I got the distinct impression that something was up last night and I want to know what is wrong"
Oh straight for the throat, ok here I go…
"Ana, I enjoyed last night but I came to the realisation that I don't want to share you with anyone else ever again. It feels like a betrayal for me to be with another girl even while you are with another guy…"
"But I don't…" She starts to interrupt but I hold my hand up "Please let me finish Ana" and she quietens down.
"I have done a lot of BDSM scenes and really they have never meant much to me but when I saw you for the first time you enchanted me, bewitched me with your body and mind, I am totally lost in you Ana and the thought of you with someone else just tears me up inside. I am a possessive person and what's mine is mine"
I try to gauge the look on her face but it is quite blank if not a little confused looking so I carry on…
"I guess what I am trying to say Ana, is that I am falling in love with you, I am under your spell and I want you forever" I sit back a little and wait for her response nervously "Say something Ana"
ANA'S POV
Oh my goodness, I really wasn't expecting this today but I guess I know why he left abruptly last night and what do I say to his declaration? I'm not ready for a serious 'relationship' right now not with my career taking off and I feel I am personally in a good place.
"Err, well this has taken me rather by surprise Christian, I'm not sure what to say" think Ana think! "I love the time we have spent together, it's always been exciting, you are a very sexy man, you know what you want out of life, you are a successful business man and I like that but I am not sure I am ready to settle down to a monogamous relationship right now or any permanent relationship for that matter. My career is dangerous; I have lost some good friends already so you understand that I need to live each day to the full, take opportunities if they arise"
"So are you saying you don't want to see me anymore?" he looks totally crestfallen.
"No I am not saying that but I don't think I can commit to a relationship in the true form right now Christian"
"So that's it then? Unless I am willing to share you with who-ever…"
"I didn't say that, I would love to continue to see you, we have such fun together and I wouldn't want to lose your friendship" I add.
"We just continue to be fuck buddies then?" He sneers.
Damn, I have really hurt him but I am not going to commit to anything I am not sure or not ready for.
"Not the term I would use but yes, I want to see you as often as possible, race days, practice times…"
"At your convenience, when you can fit me in, is that it?" He starts to raise his voice.
"We both have our work commitments to contend with and for me that is travelling all over the country during the racing season so I suppose at times, it is by circumstance, that you have to follow me to see me but there is nothing I can do about that I am afraid, I am sure if it was the other way around and you were away for weeks on business trips you would like me to follow you"
"Yes I suppose I would" he admits reluctantly but there is sadness in his voice.
"Christian, this is not goodbye, I want to see you but I can't give you any guarantees for the future" I am being honest with him and myself.
"I need to think Ana"
I take that as my indication to leave so I stand up, kiss his cheek, inhale his aftershave deeply, I want to remember his smell because I think I have lost his friendship today.
"See you soon Christian" and I leave his office with a heavier heart. I must focus though, the next race is looming and I have to start making my preparations, getting focussed and continue my fitness regime.
CHRISTIAN'S POV
I slump back in my chair, running my hand furiously through my hair. Shit, I have lost her. Shit shit and shit again, why did I have to push for more? I need to talk to Flynn. I dial his number and fortunately he has a cancellation for 3pm but I need a distraction before then. I grab my jacket, briefcase and walk out of the office, Andrea is surprised when I tell her I will not be back in the office today. Taylor drives me to the exclusive gym I am a member of but rarely use to work off some tension, sexual and otherwise. I circuit train, row, cycle and jog for 2 hours in total and I am physically spent by the time I hit the shower. I grab a bite to eat and a drink in the private lounge before going to see Dr Flynn. I arrive early but am happy to read some trashy magazines while I gather my thoughts for our chat.
"Christian, do come in" Dr Flynn startles me.
"Hello John" I shake his outstretched hand. He offers a seat,
"So what brings you to me today Christian?"
"Shit Doc, I'm in a total mess, there is this girl, she has, in a very short space of time, absolutely and completely screwed with my head" I start.
"How did you meet her?" he asks.
"She came to my Mother's charity ball; I 'won' her for the evening in the bachelorette auction"
"What made you 'bid' for her?" Flynn probes.
"She is beautiful doc, simple beauty but as I was to find out she is strong willed, knows her mind, and knows what she wants in life"
"I sense that's a problem for you Christian"
"Well she is into the 'scene', I guess you could say she is bisexual from what I have seen but I made a huge mistake by joining her, her room-mate and my brother in a tryst a few evening's ago. I am fuming with myself for potential exposure and you know how careful I am about this sort of thing and also disgusted at myself for…but I should have realised beforehand that I was falling for her and I don't want to share her with anyone"
"What does she say about that?" he asks
"She doesn't want a monogamous relationship or any relationship at the moment as she is in a good place professionally and personally"
"And I am assuming you can't or don't want to keep things casual with her?"
"I'm falling for her doc and I want her exclusively" I admit.
"You can't force her to commit to you so how are you going to proceed with this Christian?"
"I don't know, I really don't know" I slump down.
"Why don't you, and this really is only my opinion, run with the friendship as it is? Don't put pressure on her or yourself to forward it to a relationship at the moment. Enjoy each-others company and sex. Tell me what does she do for a living?"
"She is a NASCAR driver"
"I can see why you feel out of your comfort zone Christian as her career is totally out of your control too" Flynn understands me so well.
"Yes it is, she made it quite clear when I expressed a dislike at her choice of career that she wouldn't give it up for anyone"
"You have certainly landed yourself with a challenge Christian but I think it is a good challenge for you. You are going to have to work hard to keep this friendship and develop it into something more if you want it too but more importantly you will have to accept that she is an obviously independent woman who knows what she wants and this is not going to change"
"I am struggling with this doc"
"Do you still have a sub?" Flynn asks.
"Yes but I have not seen her since I met Ana"
"Hmm, I obviously can't tell you what to do Christian but I get the feeling that you don't want to give up on her just yet but you will have to accept that she is as strong and determined as you are so it's not going to be easy"
"You can say that again doc"
"Go with the flow, don't rush, enjoy and stay cool" he tells me.
"I will try, thanks for your time John" I stand and we shake hands before I head home.
I sit in my office all evening, I check e-mails, reply to some text messages before finally pulling out a bottle of scotch and glass from my desk draw, pouring a hefty glass I take a large fiery gulp and rest back in the chair, put my feet on the desk and think about what has happened in my life in the last twenty four hours. My emotions run between feeling disgusted and disappointed to lust, wanting, yearning and how I feel about Ana, the situation and the way she has turned me upside down.