A/N: Once more, only Emily/Scully in this chapter, a bit angsty at poins though.
When Dana awoke the next morning, it was to find herself with the back pressed against Emily's front, a warm arm wrapped protectively around her. For a second she closed her eyes and smiled, enjoying the intimacy and warmth of it. It did not take long though, for her brain to catch up with what was going on, what had happened.
Slowly, mindful of not waking the other woman, Dana removed herself from the safe arm around her and got up. Looking back to the bed, she couldn't help but noticing how beautiful Emily looked, how peaceful she looked in her sleep. It broke her heart. With a soft sigh, Dana went downstairs to make coffee for both of them to when Emily would wake up.
It was hard for her though, her thoughts all over the place. They had not had sex or anything like that yet, no, but she had still kissed another woman and enjoyed it more than she had ever enjoyed kissing anyone before. It confronted her with questions about her sexuality that she had never before dared face nor had proper reason to. Did it mean that she was gay now? Lesbian? She did not have anything against gay people or homosexuality in general; she was a medical doctor and knew that it was a natural thing, maybe a deviation from the norm, but certainly not a choice. She knew that studies even suggested it being a genetic thing more than anything else. Maybe she had just not discovered it before. Many people figure out their sexuality later in life, maybe she was one of them. One of them… She did not want to be 'one of them', she wanted to her herself. She wanted a normal happy life with a white wedding, a nice husband and maybe even children and a family life. She had no desire to stand out or be any part of a minority, especially a minority that was hated by many and left out a fair amount of times by both the justice system, and by the heteronormative society. Maybe she had just been imagining things; maybe it had just been so long that she had been intimate with another person, that she merely reacted stronger. Maybe it did not have anything to do with gender, attraction or Emily.
Before she could think much longer, two strong and soft arms folded around her waist and held her tightly, a lazy head falling on her shoulder, breathing a soft sigh of content. Dana could not deny the wonderful flutter in her stomach, nor the content it gave her to stand so intimate with Emily, and no other person than Emily. Damn it.
"Good morning, beautiful." A raspy voice said. "Hmm, it smells lovely." Dana chuckled at Emily's comment, her hand automatically going up to stroke the other woman's head lovingly.
"It's just coffee." She answered, her eyebrows raised and a lazy smile on her face.
"Hmm." Emily said, nuzzling her nose against Dana's neck. "I know, but it's your coffee." With that she kissed her neck once, then twice. Then suddenly all her previous thoughts overwhelmed her and Emily's touch seemed to burn rather than sooth. Before she realized what she was doing, she stepped away and leaned against the counter, looking down in silence. Emily felt the rejection like a knife. "Is everything alright?" she asked, not sure if she had crossed too many lines and should be concerned.
"No. As a matter of fact it's not." Scully said, her tone turning harsh. Emily licked her lips before clenching her jaw and stepping away. Scully hit her fist against the counter in frustration. After a moment of silence she let out a sigh in order to regain control, before she turned around to face Prentiss, a hand to her forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."
"Its fine, no worries. Do you want to talk about it?" Emily asked in a quiet tone, trying to be understanding. She could see tears welling up in the redhead's confused gaze planted on the floor.
"It's just too much. You know your sexuality, you're used to this, I'm not. I've never even kissed a girl before. It's just too much, it's too demanding." Emily could not help but to curse herself just a tiny bit. This was exactly what was not supposed to happen.
"I'm sorry." Emily said in a quiet tone. "I never meant to cause any damage in any way. Look, I know what you're going through right now, I've been there myself. Everything is going to be alright, I promise." Emily stepped closer, her hands stroking Dana's forearms in comfort, trying to look her in the eyes. Next thing Dana was leaning forward, her head buried in the crook of Emily's neck, a small sob escaping her lips. "I'm not demanding anything from you, you know that, right?"
Emily could feel Dana nod against her. "Can we just not talk? Will you just hold me?" Dana asked, more fragile than Emily had ever seen her before. It broke her heart to know that it was over her.
"Of course." She answered, closing her eyes and strengthening the grip around the other woman. She let out a heavy sigh and leaned her head against Dana's. They stood still like that for some time, before Emily suddenly felt Dana's head turn, wet lips landing on her neck, throat, chin, cheek, traveling in a fast and desperate movement, possessive of the skin beneath them. Before she had time to react, the lips had captured her own, pushing hard against her, demanding a respond. Damn her, why did it feel so good? She inhaled sharply at the wonderful sensation, her hands going to Dana's shoulder, forcing her herself to push the other woman away. This was not the way to resolve anything. "Dana, don't, not like this." she said in a pleading tone, looking Scully in the eyes. They looked almost wild, but then they were gone along with Dana in a haste movement to get away from the kitchen, away from Emily.
Emily cursed herself, before going to take a sip from the coffee left behind, still hot. She took her time, before she slowly went upstairs to find the other agent. A little time could never hurt, especially now that they were forced to stay together.
"Dana?" she asked, knocking on the locked bathroom door.
"I don't time for this!" Dana yelled back, obviously frustrated with herself and the situation. "I don't have time to go on some great soul-search! We came here to catch a killer, not for me to have my world turned upside down! This is not right! It is a waste of time! I cannot do this." She yelled. Emily let out a sigh of frustration.
"Look, I'm not trying to demand some sort of soul-search. Why don't you come out so we can have a proper talk about this instead? You won't solve anything by yelling at yourself, trust me." Emily said in an understanding and quiet tone, not wanting to upset the other woman any further. A moment of silence passed, before Emily heard the unlocking of the door. Slowly Emily opened the door, standing face-to-face Scully. "Tell me it didn't mean anything." Emily demanded. "Tell me you don't have any kind of attraction to me. Tell me you didn't enjoy those kisses as much as I did and I swear to God that I will walk away right now."
Dana let out a sob, a frown forming on her face and tears in her eyes. She looked down, her hands gripping the fabric around Emily's waist for support. "It's not fair, you know I can't do that…" she whispered softly. Then Emily gently took Dana's hand and kissed it once, before leading her to the bed so they could sit down and face each other.
"Then don't worry about anything else. Don't worry about your sexuality; don't worry about what everybody else will think. We're already engaged, remember?" Emily with a smile, making Scully let out a chuckled breath. "We're in the safest place right now. We're in a town where 90% of all people are gay, not straight. We have to pass as a couple anyway, why not take advantage of that? Why not just enjoy ourselves while we can? We're so lucky right now, do you realize that? We can do whatever we want to each other, and still be nothing more than two FBI agents undercover. Why destroy that?" Emily could see Dana begin to smile, easing more and more up. "I like you, I like kissing you, I like holding you, I like being with you. Does it really need to be more complicated than that? No commitment, no demands, no labels. What happens under-covers stays under-covers." Emily said, playing on the word. It made Dana chuckle.
"You're right…" she said after a pause. "So, no commitments?" she asked. Emily nodded. "No boundaries?" Emily nodded once more. "So, you really like me, huh?" she asked, a playful tone replacing the seriousness.
"Yes, I really like you." Emily said with a grin, moving closer. For a second Dana played with her, pushing her arms away in a playful manner, grinning, before she took Emily's face in her hands and kissed her deeply.
No commitments, no boundaries. She could live with that.
A/N: Don't know if Scully became a bit OOC, being a tough woman and all, but I feel like her reaction would be understandable, especially given her explanation on her sexuality in the previous chapter. What do you think? Too much?