Author's Note:
I am almost done with this week. I am so excited. (And so proud of myself for upholding my promise!) Also, I'm scared for NaNo. Wah, hap. (Also, if you NaNo, you should add me and we'll be writing buddies! I'm fraulein renoh.)
And once again, I thank my reviewers from the bottom of my heart: Boyudo, Guest, and Bullet2tm!
Kaleidoscope
a Bleach (© Kubo Tite) fanfiction
Theme #79
denial
Opening Song: "Dearest Forsaken" - Iron and Wine
"You love him," Unohana-taichou says one day when they're sitting outside the 4th Division compound. Rangiku had gone to visit Hinamori again, and the dark-haired shinigami was still getting ready, so while she was waiting outside Unohana-taichou approached her. They sat in silence until the captain spoke, and Rangiku is so startled by the frankness of the words that she is literally rendered speechless. Unohana-taichou smiles knowingly, in the way that all mothers smile at their children. "I'm sure there's a storm of conflict within you, but it makes sense, doesn't it? That storm wouldn't exist if it weren't true."
No one has outright approached her about it. They all know better, Rangiku likes to think. (She knows that it's actually because they're just afraid.) She tries not to think about it (him) because when she does, she can feel herself breaking down. Rangiku has to keep herself together, and thinking about Gin and what he's done to her and to them will just tear her apart.
She shakes her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Again, Unohana-taichou smiles. It isn't mocking or scolding or condescending, but full of sympathy and pain, like she herself is hurting from seeing Rangiku struggle. It's so genuine and heartfelt that Rangiku quickly averts her eyes. "It's important to confront the things that are hurting us. If we ignore them, they creep up on us and slowly consume us. It's not just important for him; it's important for you, as well."
Inwardly, Rangiku denies all that she's saying. Rangiku repeats it to herself over and over again: I don't love him, he's a traitor, I could never love someone who hurt me so badly, he hurt everyone, he hurt me, he doesn't care, he never cared, I don't love him. The more the repeats it, though, the more she quivers and the more she can feel her facade slipping. Rangiku doesn't notice that her hands are shaking until Unohana-taichou reaches out and takes one into her own.
"The denial will hurt you much more than the acceptance," Unohana-taichou says softly. "It will still hurt, surely it will, but acceptance will heal, whereas denial will wound and fester. You must remember that it's natural to feel this way, and that the only reason why you're feeling this way is because of the intensity of your love. He doesn't deserve it, Matsumoto-fukutaichou, but he has it and he's luckier than he'll ever know."
A strangled sob catches in the back of Rangiku's throat as she suddenly clasps Unohana-taichou's hands, holding on to them in desperation. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't have to. Unohana-taichou wraps a comforting arm around her shaking shoulders when she finally gives way to her feelings and emotions.
She's wrong, Rangiku thinks as she tries to stifle her sobs. It hurts so much more finally accepting the truth, because she can't do anything about it now.
Closing Song: "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
It's homecoming weekend, which means FESTIVITIES ABOUND. So I was really excited to get this out so that I can go to games and mess around and not feel bad about it later, ha ha. I hope you're all having wonderful weekends!
so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu!
der kapitan