If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I."

–Michel de Montaigne

"I am in no mood to speak, Thor. Leave me be!" Freyja called through the door in reply to the knocking.

She was not in the best state of mind at the moment. Her anger was skyrocketing at Tony's actions. She had finally managed to calm herself after she found him searching through her memories, and now he had thrown one of her secrets out for everyone to see. As it was, her aura was manifesting around her in response to her anger, the smoke-like energy filling the room with lazy coils. She was going to blow something up if she wasn't careful. And the last thing she needed was Thor fanning the flames by accident, as was his specialty.

"It's not Thor," a voice behind the door said. "It's Steve."

"Here to patronize me for my choice, are you?" she snapped irritably. "I can tell you, I am not in the mood to silently accept your criticism."

"Actually, I just want to see if you're okay," he replied quietly. "Can I come in?"

It was surprising. She had expected all of the Avengers to chastise her on her relationship with Loki, as Tony had. But, then again, Steve had been the one who easily accepted that she was friends with Loki and even understood her reasoning. If anyone she had met on Earth was easy to talk to, it was Steve.

She unlocked the door, peering at him cautiously, "I warn you now, I'm not in the best of moods."

"I don't blame you," he said, walking in and standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"You may sit down if you wish," she said, gesturing to the bed.

He nodded in thanks as he stepped towards the bed and sat down. There was a silence that hung between them, not one of discomfort, but of an uncertainty as to what each of them should say to the other. She leaned against the wall, waiting for what he had to say.

"Are you alright?" he managed at last.

"Why would I not be?"

He looked at her squarely, his pale blue eyes meeting hers, "You're kind of…smoking."

"It's not smoke," she said, making her aura dissipate with a quick incantation.

He blinked in confusion as he watched it disappear, "What is it?"

"It's the physical manifestation of my aura," she clarified. "The field of energy that surrounds each being."

Another silence stretched between them as neither knew what to say next. After what seemed like an eternity, Steve spoke up once more.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why did I do what?"

"Hide your relationship from everyone."

She crossed her arms, "You saw how everyone reacted. Loki is no more than a monster in their eyes, and I no more than a traitor for loving him. Besides, my private affairs are mine alone and, should I have no inclination to speak of them, it should be my right to do so."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to tell everyone?"

Her eyes flashed angrily, "And lose the small amount of trust I had here? After what Loki did to everyone here, anyone who feels anything towards him besides anger and disgust is an enemy."

"Nobody thinks that about Thor," Steve pointed out.

"Thor is different. Loki was his brother, they were family. What Loki did here was wrong, that I will not deny, but I cannot find it in myself to scorn him for his decisions."

"Why is that?"

"Loki is somewhat impulsive – it's a fairly common trait in Asgard. On top of that he is, to put it bluntly, not the most emotionally stable. His childhood was spent in the shadow of Odin's preference for Thor. Aside from his family, I was the only one to see him as equal to the majority of Asgard. Even Odin did not treat him as though he was the same. In consequence, he has the unappeasable need to prove himself.

"He does not like to show it, but it eats him alive that he will never meet his father's standards, nor anyone else's. His drive to prove himself to the world only clouds his judgment further. He has changed so much, grief and anger twisting his every thought and motive to the point that it dictates his life. All of these combined, and he is a chemical mixture that can explode at any moment.

"I know what drives him to such madness, I know what keeps him on the fault line between redemption and demise. There is a mental bond between us, allowing us to know each other better than we know ourselves, and it is why I cannot hate him for his actions. Put yourself in his standing and tell me, without bringing yourself to lie, that you would not have lost a part of yourself and your sanity."

He shook his head, "I can't do that."

"And why not?"

He smiled, seeing her point, "Because it wouldn't be the truth."

"At least you understand this. The rest refuse to look at all of the facts, only looking at what they have experienced firsthand, and so they judge me for my association with him. They do not do so with Thor because they know him. I do not have that luxury."

She came to lay down across the bed, looking up at the ceiling while her fingers played restlessly with her emerald ring. Steve watched her and marveled at how human her gestures and sentiments were. He had always expected her ideals to be entirely foreign to him and work as a constant reminder that she was not from Earth, and they did in some cases, but there was also something so familiar about her troubles and doubts that seemed so close to home.

"Why did you fall for him?"

"Why did I fall for Loki?"

He nodded, "What do you see in him?"

She gave an almost long-suffering laugh, "It is impossible to pinpoint specific traits one loves about another. Loki and I were good friends to begin with, simply because we each had what the other wanted. I had never been allowed to freely experience emotion and I felt as though I was missing something I could not name. Loki had always felt himself to be an outsider due to his differences from Asgard's traditional view of men. We both felt distinctly different from our people and, together, we felt as though we made up for each other's flaws.

"Before Loki, my life was a dark room that could only be opened through a locked door, lit only by the dim glow of a candle. He was the one who unlocked the door so I may see sunlight for the first time. Sometimes, I feel as if I have been blinded by that light ever since.

"I suppose, if I had to say what I saw in him, I would say that he was everything I was not. He was sensitive, passionate, vivacious, comical, rebellious, and unrestrained. I was subjugated, detached, obedient, monotonous, lackluster – I was a prisoner of my father. What Loki saw in me is the true question."

"So you still love him?" he said, unable to help himself. "Even after all he's done?"

"Of course," Freyja answered without hesitation. "There is a bond between Loki and I which cannot be entirely defined by the words of your language. To hate him would be tantamount to hating myself. And, no, I do not condone what he did to your people. I was raised to believe that all life was sacred, and the idea that Loki would cause such destruction sickens me. But I was also raised to believe that people have the ability to constantly be in a state of change. Though we inherently remain the same person, we are always shifting our beliefs, needs, and wants."

"Like fire."

A small smile played across her lips as she looked at him, "Not a bad analogy."

"So you think Loki can change? That he hasn't reached a point of no return?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Where that point lies is a mystery to me because, in some ways, I have crossed that line myself, if indirectly. I have never felt so conflicted in my life. My love for Loki even after all he has done compels me to ignominy, and yet that makes me feel worse.

"On top of this, I have Thanos to worry about. No matter what path I take, the results are always the same: either the worlds are lost or I spend the rest of eternity on the run to keep the Nine Realms safe. I don't know what to do anymore and I find myself second-guessing all of my decisions –"

And then she broke off into another language that Steve couldn't understand. It had been hard enough to keep up with what she was saying in English since she had been speaking faster by the minute, but this was impossible. The language she now spoke was lilting and rhythmic, as if it was more along the lines of music than speech, and something about it seemed innately powerful. The air around them seemed to crackle as if the words held a certain power within them. He almost didn't want to stop her, if only out of curiosity as to what might happen if he let her keep going.

"Freyja," he said slowly. "I can't understand what you're saying now."

She stopped short, looking embarrassed, "I apologize. The all-tongue spell ceases to work if I speak too quickly."

"Don't worry about it. What were you saying?"

"I was simply wondering out loud if my father was right…"

"Your father?"

She nodded, "We...I disowned him a few months before Vanaheim was destroyed."

"You disowned your own father?"

She shrugged unhappily, "After what he did…I would rather not speak of it, Steve, and I would appreciate it if we could leave it at that."

He raised his eyebrows, wondering what her father might have done that was so terrible, "He must have been horrible."

She smiled, "You would not have liked him, no. He was the type of person you respected, but did not enjoy spending time with. He likely wouldn't have approved of my stay here or my conversations with you. Then again, he didn't approve of much of anything in my life."

"So, he didn't approve of Loki, either?"

A small laugh escaped her lips, "Not in the least. He claimed that Loki was a bad influence on me, that he would corrupt me. I think what led to that conclusion was that he never forgave Loki for stealing his scepter."

"Scepter? What scepter?"

"It is not the scepter Loki wielded whilst here," she said. "It was a scepter forged by the dwarves of Niflheim as a gift to my father. My necklace also came from the dwarves, although it was originally intended to be a gift to my mother.

"The scepter was called Ariolo, the staff of Kings, as it was forged with the very bones of the first Kings of the Realms. It was perhaps seven feet of the purest graeslin, the strongest catalyst and conductor of auric energy available to us, and topped with a sapphire the size of your fist. It had the ability to maximize the wielder's strength tenfold and offer protection under the most dire of circumstances. I fear it was lost in the destruction of Vanaheim…"

"If you don't mind my asking," he said hesitantly, watching as her brilliant blue eyes focused on the ceiling high above them. "How was Vanaheim destroyed?"

"I wish I knew. If I had to wager, I would say that the amount of auric energy used during the battle encumbered our technologies and caused the systems to overload. Paired with the potentially dangerous nature of magic and the exponential increase in those moments, I suppose it was inevitable."

He raised his eyebrows and was silent for a minute, thinking about all she had said. Her past was not so different from his. Losing her home, left feeling out of place, those sentiments he could empathize with. He wondered suddenly how different his life would be if he had been cognizant of the time passing beneath the ice the way Freyja was left to wander the Realms. But that was not something he wanted to linger on.

"What was it you think your father was right about?" he asked, trying to shake free from the thoughts of his past.

"He told me once that love is destructive and useless. That one does not need love to live, and those who live with it ruin their lives fretting over it."

"Why would he think that?"

"He spoke from personal experience, but that story is far too complicated for now."

He looked down at her, "Do you agree with him?"

She exhaled slowly, her strange electric blue eyes turning to look at him, "I'm not sure. I see his logic, I suppose, as my life has not exactly gone well thus far. But I would not blame my problems on love, my predicaments stem from the Tesseract."

"I don't understand why the Tesseract would be your responsibility alone," he mused aloud, the words spoken low under his breath.

"The reason is this," she said as she pulled a thick silver ring off her finger and offered it to him.

Steve picked up the ring, examining it as if it might give him a hint as to what she meant. It was strangely heavy, more along the lines of a ring one would believe to be a man's, but was rather small in size. Spiraling glyphs of gold were inscribed into the otherwise smooth surface.

"What does it say?" he asked.

"It says, 'Custodi vires et sapientiam abscondita volunt'."

"And that means?"

"It is difficult to translate my language to yours, hence why the all-tongue spell failed once again," she explained. "But I suppose it would be 'May you have the strength and wisdom to guard our secrets'."

"But it's just a ring…"

"No," she told him, slipping it back on her right middle finger. "It is a vow I took when I reached my twelfth name-day."

"Name-day?"

"The day I was born. Do you not celebrate those here?"

He nodded, "We call it a birthday. So what's so special about some vow?"

"Ours is the language of truth, making it impossible for a Vanir to lie, thus our vows cannot be broken. It was decided by the Council that I was the more suitable heir to learn our secrets. I was taught everything we keep hidden from the rest of the worlds, and made to swear that I would only share them when absolutely necessary."

"And your father allowed this?"

"Of course," she said simply. "His sister was the last secret-bearer before she disappeared. It was by luck alone that she kept records of them in her chambers…"

"What?"

"It's complicated," she told him, shaking her head.

He turned to face her completely, but she was still staring off into space, "So, let me get this straight. Your father let you, a twelve-year-old at the time, take the responsibility of guarding all the secrets of the worlds? Even when he knew how much danger that would put you in?"

"I suppose the question you are trying to ask is why he did this. The answer you seek is simple: he did not care. He could not put my brother, crown prince and the only true heir to the throne in his eyes, in such danger. It was more convenient to leave such matters to his illegitimate daughter," she said venomously, a mixture of sadness and anger in her eyes. "It is another thing I share with Loki, come to think of it. Both of our families are broken and dysfunctional."

"What's wrong with Loki's family? Aside from what you said about Odin, Thor's made his family out to be ideal."

"You must remember that Thor was not always this way. In the days when Odin showed preference towards Thor, he did nothing to make Loki's life happier. He emphasized the difference. Thor was arrogant, stubborn, and vain once, and it was Loki who watched out for him. Only Frigga loved them both equally, often indulging in Loki's whims as much as Thor's."

Silence filled the room once again, as neither had anything left to say. Freyja had told him much more than he ever expected her to say. Whether she had done so because she trusted him for some unknown reason, or because she simply didn't feel like hiding anything anymore, he would never know. Steve shifted awkwardly where he sat before she startled him.

"What would you do?"

"What?"

"What would you do," she repeated, "if you were in my position?"

"I don't have an answer to that…"

"Of course not. I apologize for asking," she said immediately. "I will have to leave shortly."

"What do you mean?"

"I will have to leave Midgard within the next few days, lest I bring destruction upon you. It's why I am telling you so much. Do not look so surprised – your thoughts are clear in your aura."

Steve's jaw snapped audibly shut, a smile tugging at his lips at the kind tone in her words, "And you have to keep running?"

"There is no other choice. It is the life my father chose for me."

He stood up slowly and walked to the door, knowing there was nothing left to say, "I'm sorry that there's no alternative for you."

She smiled, a bittersweet gesture that didn't quite reach her eyes, "You are one of the strangest and most bewildering men I have ever met. Thank you, for your compassion. I will remember it always."

He smiled back, "You're welcome."

He left without another word, closing the door softly behind him and walking back to main room of the penthouse. The voices beyond grew louder as he approached. Thor was still reprimanding Tony, but it seemed the billionaire wasn't paying attention.

"What were you doing for so long, Capsicle," he jeered. "Giving her a therapy session?"

Anger boiled up in Steve at the jab, as he knew it was mocking both himself and Freyja. And no, Loki wasn't on Steve's best friends list, but Freyja didn't deserve Tony's taunts. Especially after all she was dealing with.

"You're a bigoted ass, you know that?" he said, walking towards the bar.

Tony raised an eyebrow, "What's gotten your spandex in a knot?"

"How could you do that to her?"

"Uh, easy. You can't say she didn't deserve it."

"She didn't, actually," Steve snapped. "And you would know this if you'd listen to her once in a while."

His eyebrows shot up higher, "And you have? Has she given you a straight answer?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, she has."

"So you know why she's so deluded by the creep-"

Thor slammed his fist down on the bar, denting the metal and startling both men, "Do not speak of Freyja or my brother in such a manner!"

Giving Thor one last glance, Tony turned his attention back to Steve, "Why'd she tell you anything? She doesn't trust the rest of us, so why you?"

Steve fell silent, trying to think of a reason that entirely made sense. She had said that it was because she was leaving but, all things considered, it felt more like she had only given him half of the truth. Why did she trust him enough to tell him more? Why was he the only one to know what she had lived through?

"Maybe she's gotten over Rock of Ages and has a thing for you," Tony mused, grinning widely.

Steve flushed, "That's ridiculous."

"Whatever her reason, I don't trust her," Natasha muttered.

"What reasons have you to doubt her?" Thor demanded.

"She obviously still has feelings for Loki," Natasha pointed out. "Who's to say she won't help him if he asks? We don't even know her, not with all of the secrets she keeps."

"Spoken like a true hypocrite," Tony laughed as he took a sip of his drink.

"Hey!" Clint snapped, standing up from her seat on the couch. "You wanna say that again, Tony?"

"I'm just saying that Freyja's not the only one who keeps secrets, or the only one who's cryptic."

"And you're just Mr. Perfect, aren't you?"

"I never said that," he said before continuing quietly. "But I'm pretty damn close."

"You know what-"

"ENOUGH!"

The room descended into silence, all eyes turning to Thor as the last echoes of his shout faded away. He looked around at them each, his stormy blue eyes meeting each of theirs, and gave a sigh.

"This is not how we behave towards each other," he pointed out.

"Thor's right," Natasha agreed. "Tensions are just a little high. We should call it a night. Come on, Clint."

Though Clint looked a bit peeved about it, he said nothing as he followed Natasha out. Bruce was the next to get to his feet, mumbling something about going to bed early, before making his way to the elevator. Steve watched them go as he thought about getting back to his apartment. It was when he turned to announce this that he noticed Thor. The thunder god was staring at him strangely, as though looking at him might give him the answer to a difficult question.

Steve raised his eyebrows at Thor, expecting some sort of explanation, but he simply looked away. Deciding it wasn't worth pursuing, he headed towards the elevator. It was getting late, after all, and Freyja had given him a lot to think about. He didn't notice Thor staring at him as he left.