Yukari was floating in the night sky above us, pointing her parasol at us like a weapon. After glaring at me, she turned her attention to Maribel, and made a gesture with her free hand; a gap started to appear between my friend and myself.
"Wait !", I yelled, desperate. This is my only chance. I've let her down so many times, but I can't afford to this time. I didn't have any youkai powers or special visions, and here, I even my little trick of being able to tell where I am from the sky didn't work here. Talking was my only weapon. And I'm not even good at doing that.
Yukari frowned, annoyed at my interruption. Nevertheless, the gap seemed to stop opening. "Have you not already said everything you have to say, human ?" I was shaking; I could feel that somehow, the being above me had power beyond her comprehension, and defying her took more willpower than I thought I had. But I must.
"Please, tell me," I pleaded, despite trying to make it sound like an order. "Tell me why Maribel needs to go. You're here, you're alive, and Gensokyo is sealed away, so why do you need to take her from me ?" I saw her glare soften for an instant as I finished my sentence; the intensity of her glare quickly redoubled, though, as I seemed to have angered her.
"What is it to you ? Whatever the reason, she has to go. My presence before you is proof that she will change. You cannot change that."
What is it to you ? Those words stung horribly. She's everything to me. The fact that she was supposedly Maribel, or was Maribel, only made the pain worse. Has she really forgotten me ?
"Maribel is my... my... friend," I managed to say. That isn't what I wanted to say, though. "She means a lot to me. More... more than you can imagine !", I finished on a determined tone. It didn't impress her.
"That may be so. But your friendship is a human one : short-lived and ephemeral. Do you know how long I've watched over this land ?", she asked with a mysterious smile that made me shudder; I could feel that it had been longer than I could imagine. "The truth is," she perused, "in the long run, you won't matter. You won't have done anything that had any notable effect on her life, and so you'll die alone and forgotten. So it doesn't really matter what you think, does it ?"
Her words had a crushing effect on me; despite looking a lot more mature, despite her deeper, more menacing voice, there was definitely something of Maribel underneath all that, and hearing her tell me this was devastating. I realised what I found so terrifying in her : it was like I was looking at Maribel, except that she was devoid of the warmth and compassion I was used to : I was being glared at like a total stranger, like an annoyance, at that. This is what will happen if I lose her. It was then that Maribel, who had been lying face down on the floor ever since we had travelled here, finally stirred. I knelt down next to her, asking if she was ok. She nodded absent-mindedly, before looking up at Yukari. "Show her..." she said faintly. "Show her what you've shown me, and maybe she can understand."
Yukari seemed to ponder over her request for a second, before nodding slowly. "I suppose I can do that. If it will finally allow us to move on. You, human," she said, pointing the parasol back at me. "Pay close attention, for I will tell you why this must be done." She made a motion with her arm, and a gap tore open in the sky next to her; instead of the usual void, what I saw was... Maribel.
...
"Tell me, how do you think a youkai is born ?"
...
The gap widened until it seemed to fill the sky; I seemed to lose myself in it, because I no longer noticed my surroundings or even my own body : all I could see was what she was showing me, like I was completely submersed into the vision. Are these... her memories ?
The Maribel I was being shown was alone, sitting on her bed, her hands covering her face; now that I could see more clearly, I could tell she was crying.
"You know your friend well enough, I assume, to know that she isn't your average human." The room around Maribel slowly started shifting : the walls fell away, revealing a forest, the roof tearing apart into a night sky. "She had a gift. She could manipulate boundaries. To her, though, this gift was more like a nightmare. She didn't know how to use it at all." Out of the forest, a shadowy creature lurched out towards Maribel. She screamed, and tried to run, but quickly slammed into something : her room reappeared around her, including the wall she had crashed into. She remained on the floor where she had landed, covering her face again, sobbing uncontrollably as the vision faded to dark. The real Maribel, watching next to me, seemed mortified.
...
"Let's rewind a bit, though. Her visions started off as simple dreams. She thought nothing of it at first; it started getting strange when she was able to bring back various items from her dreams, though." The scene changed, revealing Maribel talking excitedly to... me. Yukari smiled. "Luckily, she had a friend. She could talk to her about her dreams, no matter how strange they may have sounded. She was content." The vision brutally changed again : the walls became a neutral white, and Maribel was now lying in a bed. It was a hospital.
"Things happened. Things changed. Things went wrong. I imagine you can guess where this is ?" I nodded. With how rare illnesses were nowadays, this could only be Maribel's quarantine after the chimera attack. She's only recently gotten out. She had barely just been allowed to return to university with me, before... all this happened.
"Maybe it was by pure coincidence, or maybe it was linked; what's for certain is that, following the events of her confinement, her visions became stronger." She smiled at me; I couldn't tell if it was mischievous or sad. "Does this come as a surprise to you ? I would expect so. She never told you."
I looked over at Maribel, the real one. She looked away guiltily. "Is this true, Merry ?"
"I... it's such a recent development, I didn't want to worry you for nothing... I'd have told you about it soon if it had carried on, though !" At that, Yukari laughed.
"You say that now, so convinced that you're telling the truth. But you never did. It's this lack of trust between you two that makes you worthless in the end, human : you could never help her. Not then, not now." Maribel lowered her head, looking defeated. I wanted to protest, but at the back of my mind, a nagging voice was saying it's true. You haven't managed to help her a single time. Yukari continued, changing her vision back to the very first scene of Maribel in her room, crying.
...
"She kept that development to herself, unable to admit that she had lost the ability to tell the difference between dreams and reality. It got the best of her : she soon quit university, cutting contact with everyone she knew. She retreated into her room, knowing it was the only place she couldn't bring herself to too much harm. After all, what if she saw a busy road as a dirt path ? A river as a simple grassy lane ? She knew she was losing herself in her visions. Confinement was her only choice."
Time seemed to speed up during the vision : days and nights passed as Maribel sat on her bed, occasionally standing up and walking around blindly, other times acting terrified, and, most of all, crying. It pained me to see her like this. How could I have let this happen ? I would never just leave her to suffer alone like this, would I...? Maribel was right : when presented with these visions, Yukari's words that I would have refused to believe were suddenly a lot more credible.
"She had stopped eating. Stopped drinking. She couldn't tell if she even slept any more. She was completely alone, repeating her dreams of Gensokyo over and over again, trapped between the boundary of dreams and déjà-vu. After weeks of this, could you even say that she was alive anymore ?" She paused, dropping her smile.
...
"I repeat my earlier question : do you know how youkai are born ?"
...
The scene violently changed again : we were now in a forest clearing, near a large tree. Wait, I recognise this tree... it's where we spent the first night !
Out of the hole in the tree crawled Maribel... yet it was no longer her. Her eyes were glowing purple, her hair had grown, and overall, she had gained an air of maturity about her. An air of maturity muddied by the total confusion in her eyes.
"The truth is, there are many ways for it to happen. Items can gain sentience, animals can gain unprecedented power... and I lost myself in my own power."
Maribel, who I suppose was now Yukari, was looking around herself frantically, touching the tree, herself, the ground, as if to check if it was real. The real Maribel was still standing next to me, wordlessly, just staring blankly and what was apparently her future. This can't be what lies in store for her... she deserves so much better ! Now, more than ever, I wanted to protect her, to make her happy, but there was something about the situation, and Yukari's presence, that had me mute and rooted to the spot.
"One day, it just happened. I lost my humanity. The borders overtook me; I had become my power. I was a youkai." There was no denying the sadness in Yukari's eyes as she talked about this. "It was a... difficult period. I was alone in an unknown place, with powers I didn't understand. My past seemed like a dream, as if I had only just woken up for the very first time. It took me a long time to become what I am now."
The vision in front of us had become similar to a montage, showing snippets of her new life; the surprise on her face as she opened her first border, the curiosity with which she experimented using her new powers. She had quickly acquired the dress she was currently wearing.
"My past life vanishing from my mind, I adopted a new name, the one you now know me under. I had grown stronger, fully understanding my powers. The help of a friend I had met along the way was a boon, I'll admit." A mean smiled crossed her lips. "No, nothing to do with you. Anyway, I had come to accept my new life. Alone the way, I had formed a border around my new home, isolating it into the present Gensokyo. I had become the closest thing this place has to a leader, despite constantly remaining in the shadows. In short, I had gotten the most out of my situation, and had come to accept it. Accepting what is inevitable is a valuable skill, I would say," she said, flashing another of her cruel smiles. I took this as a challenge, but still I remained silent. She has to have been going somewhere with this. I still don't know what we have to do with all this... As if she had read my mind, Yukari continued.
...
"Now, despite being satisfied with my current situation, there was... something I regretted." She looked off into the distance, pensive... before snapping out of it, her steely glare from earlier returning. "I had wasted too much time wading through uncertainty and fear when I first became a youkai. I realised that I could have put it to better use, created the boundary a lot sooner. And then I realised, what's stopping me ?" She went back to brandishing her parasol at us. "That's where you come in. Since boundary manipulation is my speciality, why not twist the boundary between past and present ? I had come up with a plan." In the middle of a forest clearing, she was now showing us the appearance of a very familiar bus. I guessed where this was going.
"Seem familiar ? This is now the tale of your last few days. I brought Maribel here for an... educational trip. To show her my world, both the good and the ugly side of it. To slowly get her used to what lies in wait for her. She would visit Gensokyo, get to realise the importance of this place and the delicate balance of power she was responsible for... and, after having explained everything to her, I would restart."
The vision, which was been showing our misadventures in Gensokyo at an incredibly sped-up pace, suddenly returned to the clearing with the tree.
"I want to restart. This time, without the confusion, the fear, and the suffering. Using my mistakes, I would build a better Gensokyo, and a better Yukari." She snapped her fingers, and all of a sudden, the vision vanished, returning to the night sky with the full moon. Maribel was silent, paler than I had ever seen her before. I felt like I had regained control of my body (without having fully realised that I had lost it in the first place), so I approached her.
...
"Don't." Yukari and Maribel spoke in unison. I halted, surprised at the violence with which she spoke. In a softer tone, Maribel pursued. "Please, Renko, don't. You've seen everything now. You know what's in store for me. Anything you do will only make this more painful for the both of us." I hesitated on the spot, still wanting to approach her. Yukari took over from there, in her most menacing tone.
"She's right and you know it. Preventing this will not help her. Her powers will grow, and she will lose herself in them. By stepping in now, you're denying her a chance at guidance. You'll be forcing her to go through the pain and confusion I did. Is that really what you want for your friend ?"
I was lost as to what to do. I can't abandon her. I promised I'd protect her from Yukari, that we'd get out of this together. And yet, what if she's right ? What if I would just be causing her more suffering ? I could feel my resolve weakening : I had made up my mind to help her, but now that I realised that I may actually be hurting her...
"That's right," Yukari said, sticking the nail in the coffin, "You understand now, don't you ? It's like your friend has been telling you all this time : there's nothing you can do to prevent this. She will inevitably become a youkai. All you can do is let her go, to reduce her pain as much as possible."
Maribel and Yukari then spoke in perfect unison, creating an unearthly harmony in their voices.
"So, please, Renko. Let me go. Don't hurt me any more. Forget about me and move on."
A gap had opened behind Maribel, who had stood up and turned towards it. As if I was in a nightmare, I wanted to call out, to run, but I was paralysed. This is it, isn't it ? This is where I lose her. And I can't do anything about it. The gap had opened, cracking open the air in front of her like the smile that had appeared on Yukari's face.
"Don't leave...", was all I managed to murmur.
Powerless. Pathetic. I couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry, Renko," was the last thing she told me before entering the gap.
I've failed.
After one last sad look from Maribel, the gap closed, separating me from her forever. I fell to my knees and started sobbing quietly.
I couldn't do anything. I couldn't help her. A mix between a sob and a laugh escaped my lips. In fact, I was most useful when I decided to give up ! What a friend I am, making it worse for her this whole time !
And of course, I never told her I loved her.
Maybe that's a good thing. It would only have made things harder for both of us, wouldn't it ?
I had given up. All I could do now was continue to cry my eyes out, alone under the full moon. It was over.
...
A brief flash of pain passed through my stomach; I opened my eyes and, to my great surprise, I saw that a katana had pierced through my body. I was too shocked to react; as the world grew dark, I fell backwards, and saw who my assassin was.
"I'm very sorry for the inconvenience !" Apologised the girl in the green skirt who had given me the letter.
...
I then lost all feeling in my body as the world around me became black.