I opened my eyes as those words still lingered in my ears. So that was her plan. I could see why she didn't tell it to me straight away : I might have protested, saying something like I never want her to be taken away. Well, what has to be done must be done. And right now I can't be worrying about that. I need to find her.
It wasn't hard to guess where I was meant to go : I was a few paces away from a Japanese style mansion, similar to the one I had seen off in the distance in the Netherworld, although much smaller, more house-sized. All around it was a forest that I could barely see into : not because it was dense, but because it seemed to... not quite be there. I felt like if I tried to walk into the forest, I'd arrive at the edge of something, maybe of reality itself. Or maybe I'd loop right back to where I had started. Knowing what Yukari was capable of, nothing would really have surprised me at this point.
I approached to mansion with a feeling of purpose. It's all or nothing. I can't let it be nothing.
...
I had appeared to the side of the building, and so, I circled it to find the entrance. As the sliding door at the front on the house came into view from around the corner, I noticed someone standing in front of it. Wait, isn't she...?
I recognised her as the kitsune from the tofu stand I had seen earlier today. Seeing me, she gave me the same strange smile as before, beckoning me to come closer.
"I assume you're here to visit the mistress. Am I correct ?", she asked as I got closer to her. Her hands had gone back to holding each other inside her sleeves, giving her the air of a statue guarding the entrance. I nodded. She grinned.
"Then you may enter. I cannot guarantee that the mistress will be pleased to see you, however." She took a step back into the house, before turning her back to me and walking slowly down the corridor within. Hesitantly, I followed her, only really able to see her nine huge golden tails that almost filled the whole corridor. As I penetrated into the corridor, a feeling of unease fell over me. This is the same feeling as when I was talking to Yukari. She's must be nearby.
The corridor felt like it went on forever, but I assumed that it was my nerves that were the cause of that. The Kitsune said nothing the whole way, until we arrived in front of another sliding door; I could hear voices coming from inside. Merry ? No... Yukari ? It's getting harder to tell them apart...
"I will now let you say whatever it is you need to say to my mistress. Whatever happens from here on is up to the two of you," she said, after stopping abruptly and turning towards me.
"Good luck," she whispered with a little grin, reaching to slide open the door.
...
The next few moments felt like they happened in slow motion. As soon as she opens the door, that's it. It's my turn to act. It's now or never. If I don't tell her everything now, I'll never get another chance. Her hand gripped the edge of the door, and started to pull it open. I can't afford to fail. I can't let my doubts prevent me from acting. This isn't just for me, it's for her sake, too. My heart was beating at an incredible pace, and I was feeling faint, but I forced myself to remain strong. Be your usual weak self anytime you want, Renko. But not now. For once, have faith in yourself.
The door slid fully open. In the room in front of me sat Yukari and Maribel on opposite sides of the table, drinking tea.
All or nothing, Renko.
...
I heard a polite little cough from behind me. "Excuse me, mistress Yukari, a guest is here to speak with you. I took the liberty of letting her in, but, if you wish for me to remove her, then by all means..."
Yukari was the first to look up at the sound of her servant's voice; seeing me, an angry frown furrowed her brow. By the time the kitsune had finished talking, Maribel had looked up slowly, as if she was either very tired or very sad; either way, as if she didn't seem to care who the new arrival may have been. Her expression transformed into one of surprise when she saw that it was me. Yukari stood up, full of menace.
"We have already gone over this," Yukari started, barely concealing her rage. "We have nothing more to talk about. So if you would please remove her-"
"Wait !" Pleaded Maribel. "Wait, please, let her talk. Don't take her away." The servant remained at the door, making no effort to remove me. I had to act now if I wanted to get my chance.
"Yukari is right, I have nothing more to say to her." I turned my attention to Maribel, beautiful Maribel, still glowing despite the red, puffy rings around her eyes and the sadness all about her. It was to Maribel, my Maribel, that I said, "It's to you that I need to talk."
...
My whole chest was in pain from how fast my heart was beating. The pressure from Yukari's stare was so intense that I felt like I would melt into a jellied mess at any moment, or that I'd crumble into dust and get blown away by any minor gust of wind. I knew I had arrived at the moment of truth, the crucial moment that everything was laying on. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to tell her. I still feared rejection. But more was at stake than my own feelings. For just a second, I have to push away my fears, and let her know.
...
"Merry, I... I..." I gulped. Do it, you weak, useless idiot ! This is the only time you might actually be able to help her. So do it !
...
"Merry, I love you."
...
I felt like I just lost all weight in my body. I was light, lighter than helium; my words had taken with them all the fears and apprehensions I had been carrying almost since the first time I had met Maribel. It had finally been said. What happened next was no longer up to me. I had done my part. For a second, a single, short second, you were strong. And now, I just had to wait for her answer.
...
Maribel's cup dropped from her hands, clattering to the floor. She stared at me with an expression I had never seen before, as her eyes welled up with tears. "Renko... I... why now ? Why wait so long, why wait until it's already too late ? If only you..." She was sobbing now; Yukari, on the other hand, had a very different reaction. As I confessed my love, her anger was replaced by shock : she looked like she had just been struck by something, as she stared at me, wide-eyed. She had placed her hands on her temples, as if burdened by a terrible headache, shaking her head slowly.
...
And then, in one swift movement, she stretched out her arm and flung a small object right at me. I didn't even have time to see what it was until it embedded itself into my chest. Oh, it looks like a kunai. I thought you weren't supposed to throw these...
My last sight was of Yukari, her arm still outstretched from her throw, staring at me with a look of horror on her face.
Damn, all I've done these last few days is black out...
...
The room grew dark. Or, in reality, there was no more room, or floor, or ceiling : only darkness. My old friend.
"Now now, aren't you going a little far ?" A familiar, ethereal whisper sounded like it came from behind me : I turned around, and saw Yukari, down on her knees, still clutching her head in her arms, but rocking it violently back and forth now.
"Stop trying to flee your past, my dear friend. It never wanted to flee from you. Let it return to you, Yukari."
At that, the darkness split apart as Yukari let out a wail : borders were opening everywhere around us. I remembered each and every event in them.
Maribel's first encounter with me.
The 53-minute train journey on the Hiroshige.
The discussion at the café where we talked about space travel and the moon.
All the times we had walked together, talked until late at night.
The times we had held hands. The times we had hugged each other.
The times I had cheered her up when she was feeling down. Even the rare few times that she had comforted me when I was crying.
This retrospective mural was all around us, showcasing the ins and outs of our relationship. It wasn't the same was I remembered it, though; here, the spotlight was on me. It was like she had never taken her eyes off me, like she had savoured every moment we spent together. It's like my memories, yet flipped around, as if I was the beautiful, radiant one. Did she really feel the same way I did all this time ?
Cracks were starting to appear between the borders; Yukari had let her hands fall to the floor, staring at the ground, defeated. In a sudden crash, everything around us came tumbling down, the darkness giving way to the daylight of the room we had just been in.
...
Maribel saw me straight away, and came rushing over to me with a dreadfully worried look on her face. I had, apparently, fallen to the ground, because she scooped me up into her arms.
"Oh, Renko ! You're alive ! I was so worried when you..." I put my hand to my chest, where the kunai had buried itself into my skin. It had gone. Being on the Princess of the Netherworld's good side has its perks, I guess. I managed a weak smile, to which Maribel responded by burying her face against me.
"Renko, I love you too. Of course I do. I've loved you for so long, Renko !"
...
I had told her. She hadn't rejected me. I lay there in her arms, content; had I just been killed ? Was there an angry youkai in the room a few paces away, ready to tear me apart ? I didn't care. For I was in Maribel's arms. And she had just told me she loved me too. I closed my eyes. I've done my part.
...
I felt Maribel lift her head, turning it towards where Yukari must have been.
"I'm sorry, Yukari, but now I realise that I can't... I can't give up on my human life just yet. I... I have too much I still need to live for." I felt her hand stroking my head. This is nice. "I don't even care if you refuse to bring us back to our time, or even our world. I won't give up the rest of my life to become a youkai. I want to spend it with her."
I heard Yukari rising to her feet, and walk closer to us : her footsteps were slow and uneven, so I opened my eyes to see her. She looked completely drained, and there was no trace of her usual imposing aura.
"Maribel, you know you can't. If you refuse, the Gensokyo will... I will... we'll both vanish. Don't you see ? You can't escape this." She had tried to regain some power to her voice, but it felt more like a feeble last attempt.
Wait, I'm not finished here. There's still something I need to do.
Smiling at Maribel, I got up out of her arms and walked over to Yukari. It felt strange being in front of her yet not feeling like I was being crushed by her presence. In a low whisper, I told her Yuyuko's plan, that Maribel and I would live together until her last breath, and then, but only then, would Yuyuko return her to Yukari.
...
Yukari started laughing.
...
At first, it was a quiet little sound, under her breath, still muffled under the weight of the emotions she had gone through these last few minutes. Then it grew into an audible laugh, growing and growing in volume until she was roaring with laughter, little tears forming at the corners of her eyes. I stood there, confused; a glance towards Maribel confirmed that she was just as clueless as I was.
...
After a while, it died down. She looked straight at me, her cheeks stained with tears and a wide grin on her face.
"I've been terribly stupid, haven't I ?" I wanted to nod, but didn't quite dare.
"Now that everything has returned to me, I remember telling her. Telling her about you. I don't really know what crossed my mind when I decided to burden her with the memories I wanted gone. But it looks like she kept them for herself, all this time..." She walked over to the table, sitting back down in front of her cup of tea as if nothing had happened. Seeing that I was still standing there, she motioned towards Maribel and me to come join her at the table. I was a little apprehensive to do so, but when I saw that Maribel has taken a seat, I went to sit next to her.
...
Yukari stared at the two of us for a long time, her gaze passing from me to Maribel, and back again. Finally, she sighed deeply.
"My my, I did let myself get carried far off track from my plan, didn't I ? I didn't really want any of this. There was such a simple resolution to all these problems, and yet I didn't see it. I'm lucky I can count on a friend like her to keep me on track, even if it was through very elaborate means... You helped too, though," she said, looking right at me.
My first instinct was to feel a little offended, but then I thought about it. What have I really done ? I told my best friend that I loved her. I passed on someone else's message. Oh, and I may or may not have died a few times along the way. In truth, I haven't actually done much, have I ? I wasn't thinking in my usual, self-deprecating way, though. It may not have been much, but damn it, it sure felt like it was. And in the end, it was enough, wasn't it ? It may have been Yuyuko who had been orchestrating a counter-plan to Yukari's schemes for a few centuries, and she might have had to save me from death and my own doubts more than once, but in the end, I pulled through. I'm no hero, but I'm still going to feel proud about all this.
...
"If I may ask, Renko, how come, after putting it off for so long, did you manage to confess your love for Maribel ? I've seen a few timelines, and never do you actually pluck up the courage to tell her anything..."
I felt a little embarrassed to tell her the truth. It does sound quite silly, now that I think about it... "Yuyuko has a gardener, who, in turn, has a sword. It's a special sword, you see," I mumbled, paraphrasing Yuyuko. "It has the power to, um, cut away the confusion in people's hearts. Or give them courage, or both maybe ?" Yukari burst out into another fit of laughter.
"My my, Yuyuko, you've really outdone yourself this time. I know the sword you speak of. It has the power to dispel confusion. In phantoms. It sends them to Nirvana." She chuckled again, as I felt myself blushing profusely. "Then again, letting yourself get cut in half by a sword is a show of courage in itself, so I don't think you really needed it in the first place !"
I felt a little stupid. I had finally found something to give me the courage to tell Merry that I loved her, and it turned out to be a placebo.
Then again, that means that I managed all by myself, doesn't it ? I looked over at Maribel, she gave me a tired but happy smile, before taking my hand in hers.
...
Yukari, taking a more serious tone, but without the usual menace in it, eventually spoke again.
"You've thoroughly ruined all my plans. You've broken a seal I had created centuries ago. I hope you're happy with yourself, Renko Usami." I felt nervous, but she quickly smiled. "I know I am. You've shown me that, even after all this time, even after all my schemes, I'm still capable of overlooking the most basic of solutions. And that, worst of all, I'm also capable of tricking myself into believing something for multiple centuries, up to the point where I concoct a whole plan founded on those lies. Really, how can I hope to understand the whole of Gensokyo when I can't even understand myself ?" She nodded to herself, smiling. "So thank you, Renko. I won't be making the same mistake twice."
She stood up, walking over to a wall that was empty of all furniture or ornament; passing her hand down it, a gap opened. Through it, I could see... home.
...
"There's no reason for you two to still be here. You can return to your home, and even to your time." She made a halting motion with her free hand. "There is a condition, though." Suddenly I felt worried. A condition even after all this can't possibly be good.
"The condition is that you forget all about me. About everything you've done over these last few days."
I felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been poured over me. No. No way ! After everything we've been through, after everything we've learned... After I finally managed to tell Merry I love her ? I can't forget that !
"Why ? Why impose such a condition on us ? It's not like it'll make a difference in the long run, we'll-"
"It will make a difference. I want Maribel to be able to live her life with you to the fullest. If either of you know what lies in store for her, your futures will be tarnished. You won't be able to fully live the way you should." I opened my mouth to protest, but Maribel squeezed my hands in hers, turning me to look into her eyes.
"It's ok, Renko. She's right. If we're to live normally, we can't remember all this. I've sent people to their deaths. I've seen a future in which I lose my humanity. How could I possibly go back to a normal life after that ?" I felt desperate, like I something was being taken away from me, which I was barely clinging on to.
"But, Merry, we finally know how we feel about each other ! It took so much, to finally be able to tell you, and without such a perilous situation as this, I'm not sure that I-" Again, I was cut off.
"Renko," she said, with the warmest smile I had ever seen. "Do you really think we'll be able to forget this ? Besides, if you have to confess your love again, that just means that I'll be able to tell you how I feel about you once again."
She leaned forwards, pulling me into a kiss. I melted against her lips, my mind going blank. I felt her soft hands stroking my face as she kissed me, pulling me into her warmth, sharing the sweet taste of her lips. When she broke the kiss, she moved her lips against my ear, whispering to me.
...
"And every single time, I'll tell you the same thing."
"I love you, Renko."