Phoenix stood before the office entrance, staring at the little sign facing him with the words 'Come in, we're open – Monday to Friday 9-5' intimidating him, the other side facing out, turning clients away. There was no way he'd be able to continue working and try to process his grief. The days following passed slowly, a blur of one hour to the next while he walked around void of all emotion, only being able to weakly cry when he'd made arrangements to have Apollo cremated and returned to him. By now, the news of Apollo's death had spread and condolences poured in. Many had sent cards and flowers and a few had stopped in. Phoenix was lost, he found himself in Apollo's room constantly hoping that he'd find him sleeping peacefully and it had all been some disturbing nightmare. It remained untouched, the bed in disarray, dirty clothing piled on the floor and on top of Apollo's dresser, his most prized possession. Hard tears Phoenix had come use to using as a wall of emotion formed in his eyes when he picked up the piece and hugged it close. He left Apollo's room and closed the door behind him, unable to look any longer at the empty bed.
Phoenix sunk into the couch, clutching the small frame, closing his eyes, concentrating on breathing. He finally pulled it back. Apollo and Clay's happy, smiling faces looked up at him. Phoenix ran his fingers over the picture of Apollo as his tears splattered on the glass. 'At least you're with Clay now. Hopefully you're not suffering anymore.' Greif overtook Phoenix as he leaned forward and hugged the photo tight in his lap, finally letting himself begin to grieve. He longed to hear Apollo's voice, wishing he could hold him again, but he could never have him back. Phoenix now wished that he had just openly told Apollo how much he loved him, how much he'd meant to him.
Phoenix rose, walking aimlessly around the office. He found himself regarding Apollo's vacant desk. Files were still strewn across it, just as he normally would leave it so he could return to working on them the next day. That day would never come. Phoenix drew a deep breath as he wiped the tears from his face and turned away, not sure where to go. He moved back up the stairs, pausing before Trucy's door. He listened carefully. Trucy was snoring lightly. He'd needed to hear her, making sure he hadn't lost her too. He moved in to sit beside her. She stirred lightly as he laid down next to her, she moved in to him as he wrapped his arms around her.
Athena chose to continue working, but spent most of her time at the Agency clearing backlogged paperwork. Trucy pulled out of school, Apollo's death had hit her hard. Phoenix drew her closer to him, keeping a watchful eye on her every move, telling her over and over just how much he loved her. Something he'd wished he'd said a loud to Apollo, no matter how awkward it might have been. Maybe it would have protected him, Phoenix thought. Maybe hearing those words would have saved his fractured soul. Phoenix thought back to how Apollo looked up to him, sought his touch, accepted him, how he'd looked to Phoenix in his darkest hours and found the one thing he'd searched for. Phoenix swallowed the lump in his throat, wishing he'd held Apollo closer, wishing he'd done more for him. He'd grown to love him, taking in another orphan who had nowhere else to go, raising and loving him like one of his own.
The weeks following Apollo's death existed in difficulty. Phoenix couldn't bring himself to look up. He smothered Trucy, protecting her, barely letter her out of his sight, afraid he might lose another child. Trucy stuck close, lost herself. She'd loved Apollo openly, now that he was gone, Phoenix's heart broke as he watched Trucy wander around the small apartment, seeming to look for him. She'd stand at the windows, almost waiting to see him walking down the street, coming home for the night. She'd pace, stopping at Apollos door, staring out blankly. Phoenix had steered her away several times, holding her as he'd done many times, letting her know that she meant the world to him.
Phoenix could barely bring himself to answer the phone when the funeral home called to let them know Apollo's ashes were ready to be picked up. Phoenix couldn't go alone. Maya had finally been able to slip away from the Kurain village and visit Phoenix. She had never been particularly close with Apollo, but knew Phoenix had taken him in and cared for him. Miles had called him every night since Apollo's death and insisted on being there to help them with the difficult task.
'Are you sure you can do this?' Miles asked Phoenix as they approached the door to the funeral home. 'No, but I said I would never abandon him, I need to bring him home.' Tears rolled down when he'd been brought an ornate cardboard box. Inside, a small urn, nestled in soft looking, pale red silk. Phoenix drew a deep breath and pulled it close to his chest. He couldn't let him go, he loved Apollo and nothing could ever change that fact, even though he never had the chance to say it aloud to him. Phoenix smiled weakly at the fond memories as Trucy reached up to touch Apollo. Phoenix hesitated before reluctantly handing him to her.
Phoenix wasn't sure he was comfortable handing over Apollo, but he knew Trucy wouldn't let anything happen. Trucy pulled the box close to her chest, crying silently as she sunk to the floor. 'Polly.' She whispered through tears, holding him close. Phoenix placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up, he face a mess. 'Come on, honey.' He whispered, helping her to her feet. Trucy clutched the box wordlessly the entire trip home.
Back at the agency, a few had gathered and sat around the small table in the living room in an unarranged memorial. Trucy had finally let go of Apollo, setting him on the table before curling up beside her father. 'It's so empty here without him.' Athena sobbed. Phoenix smirked, laughing half-heartedly as he wiped yet another tear from his face, remembering just how Apollo could be, wishing to see him and hear his voice again before he'd leaned forward, clutching his stomach and placing his forehead on the table. Miles moved closer towards him, doing his best to console Phoenix. Simon drew a deep breath and reached out to Athena, he hesitated and picked up the urn, holding it in his hands between them. Tears rolled down Athena's face. Neither of them could seem to find any words to say. Athena took Apollo from Simon and held the box in her lap. After a few minutes, staring at it, lost in thought she reached out to set it back down.
'I'm going to miss him.' Miles whispered so quietly, Phoenix was sure only he'd heard him. He'd been holding back tears himself. Phoenix looked at Miles, somewhat surprised, he'd almost forgotten Miles was beside him. The two never really got along, but they tolerated one another. Miles' confession brought a small simile to Phoenix's damp face. Miles never was one for emotion, or letting people close to him, but it was clear he'd actually cared about Apollo in his own way. Phoenix wondered to himself if Miles' had seen a lot of his own past in Apollo's struggle.
The night drug on painfully. Miles and Maya had decided late in the evening to leave, they both had things to attend to in the morning. Miles left quietly, wishing everyone a good night. Maya wrapped her arms around Phoenix. 'Goodnight. Call me if you need anything. Ok?' She sweetly smiled, kissing him softly on the nose before letting him go and hugging Trucy on her way out. Athena and Simon decided to stay, sleeping where they could, curling up on the pullout couch. Trucy hadn't wanted to sleep alone and crawled in with Phoenix. He didn't mind and held her close the entire night, both working through the pain together.
After a nearly sleepless night, Athena and Simon left early. Phoenix moved Apollo's ashes, placing them atop his dresser along with the picture of Apollo and Clay and the memory box Phoenix had ordered when he made the cremation arrangements. In a way, it was a little monument, a memory of Apollo that he could hold onto as he made up his mind. Apollo would stay. He couldn't let him go. He didn't want to bury him or release his ashes. It would be as though he was throwing him away, something that he'd promised he'd never do, Phoenix believed that doing so would only be turning his back on Apollo. Like he was abandoning him. When he'd finally given in for the day, he smiled weakly, Trucy had once again, left her personal touch, the small bear Apollo had clung to in his more private moments now leaned almost sadly against Apollo's urn, a silent show of Trucy's endeavor at processing her grief and her way of saying 'I miss you'.
Days continued to pass. Phoenix finally decided he could open the office. Trucy was heading back to school that Monday and Athena and Simon had practically moved in. They spent every waking hour with Phoenix and Trucy, supporting each other and Miles was always guaranteed to call on the nights he couldn't stop in.
'Are you sure you can do this?' Athena asked Phoenix as they stood in front of Apollo's desk. 'No.' Phoenix sighed. 'But I need to do this.' He returned, picking up a file and looking at it. The contents didn't matter, but it was hard to look at Apollo's neat writing without onus. Phoenix placed the file in the box and picked up another. Phoenix struggled with his decision, in a way, to him, this was burying Apollo's memory. A nagging voice in his head castigated him, but Athena was right, these things were not Apollo. They didn't take away the memory. Phoenix still had plenty of memories. Photos, little notes from Apollo, Apollo's attorney's badge; which Trucy wore constantly, her way of keeping Apollo close. The funeral home had put together a small monument at his request. It was simple yet elegant, containing a small piece of ornate card stock with Apollo's tiny hand print, his favourite picture of Apollo, smiling carefree and a lock of his hair. A small, decorative inscription on the glass read 'Apollo Justice.' Underneath, his birth and death dates. Apollo would have been twenty five years old.
As Phoenix put the last of Apollo's files in the box, he straightened and closed the lid. He picked it up and walked over to the closed door he had stood outside many times. Every time he'd opened it, he expected to see Apollo, tucked in, sleeping. It never happened. Phoenix had left the room as Apollo had. Bed unmade, clothes on the floor, a glass of water on his bedside table, just as if he'd got up that morning. Phoenix placed the box on the floor and walked out, unable to stay in the room. He knew he'd have to clean the space out sooner or later, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. That was a little too personal to disturb.
Phoenix sank into the couch when Athena sat beside him. She looked around. Trucy had gone missing. Phoenix had noticed to. He got up and walked towards her room. She wasn't there, he almost went into panic; then he caught sounds of soft snoring. He peered into his room, what met him brought sad joy and painful tears to his face. There, in his bed, lay Trucy. She was fast asleep, clutching Apollo's remains tight to her chest, blankets pulled close around them. Athena came up beside Phoenix to see why he hadn't moved from the doorway, spotting Trucy. Athena smiled weakly as tears formed and a lump pressed in her throat. It broke their hearts to see Trucy, who was so close to Apollo, who openly loved him and now would never see her big brother figure and best friend again. She was having an almost harder time than Phoenix coping with the loss.
Phoenix watched Trucy, he inhaled weakly, this was harder than cleaning Apollo's desk, harder than looking at his ashes and the small memorial he'd put together or standing in his vacant room. Phoenix's heart clenched, Trucy was having a rough time dealing with Apollo's death. Every time Trucy walked by, she carried herself low, he'd found her crying several times, he'd hugged her close when she'd wandered around lost; but this was heartbreaking. Phoenix took in the scene as he wiped the tears from his face before drawing a deep breath and leaving Trucy be. This was her way of trying to manage, her way of accepting the hard truth.