Chapter Ten; A Drunken Altercation
Never before in her life had she felt quite so rejected...not to mention foolish.
Her previous gaffe with Loki that occurred all those years ago, paled in comparison compared to this latest, monumental mistake.
What had she been thinking?! Well, clearly she hadn't thought much at all, the amount of alcohol she'd glugged had severely impaired her judgement and prevented any coherent thought.
Amongst the terrible, jumbled mess of emotions, fear was also present. It was the fear that Heimdall may very well have seen those terrible events unfold and be sending a guard for her at any time... she waited, unable to shake off the dreaded feeling.
To her relief, no guard came...yet.
After hiding out in her chambers for what seemed like an eternity; witnessing the sun rise and set from her window, the irritation began to well up inside her.
A mixture of shame, frustration and annoyance - with herself!
As she gazed into her mirror, she barely recognized the woman that she now saw. Her complexion was sallow; dark circles hampered her eyes, but most shocking of all was the protruding cheek bones.
Also she could not ignore the nagging thought at the back of her mind, that she was a coward.
Shaken slightly, she slipped out of the night robe she'd been in for the past 24 hours and began to dress.
She chose her leather bodice and warrior skirt; deciding that some exercise and combat training would take her mind off things.
So what if darkness would soon be falling...the crisp, night air would do her good. However, the harsh reality of just how much weight she had inadvertently shed recently became blatantly clear.
The skirt hung down lower than it should on her hips and the bodice looked almost ridiculously loose around her considering it was supposed to be fitted leather.
Just then a loud knocking on her door startled her from her daze. She swallowed nervously, half expecting a guard, or worse - perhaps even Heimdall himself to call out to her at any moment.
The hammering came again, louder, fiercer; she could have sworn that she saw the panels of the wooden door bending inwards under the weight of the pounding.
Then a deep voice called out; she recognised it instantly and suddenly the strength of the knocking became clear...it was Thor.
She breathed a sigh of relief and hurriedly opened the door before it was removed from its hinges or splintered - he wasn't angry, it was just typically Thor; he didn't know his own strength.
She absent-mindedly recalled Loki once commenting that it was easy to hide from his big brother as Thor usually announced his presence by 'taking down a door'
Sif opened the door and instinctively turned her back on him and headed back across her room. She was painfully aware of how thin she now looked and was hoping to hide it from him.
"Thor, it is good to see you, I am just..."
Her mind raced, searching for some excuse,
"I was...just about to...change."
She managed at last, opening her closet, and pretending to be deeply focused on its contents.
"That is one of the reasons I am here..."
Thor announced,
"Because you do seem to have...changed."
Forgetting herself, she spun round to face him, a frown forming across her brow,
"I meant my clothes, Thor."
He stared at her now with a worried expression,
"Yes I know what YOU meant Sif, but you have changed...your behaviour, your habits- "
"My habits?!"
"Yes, you rarely seem to be present when we dine...some days you aren't even seen at all...It is clear to us all that something is troubling you."
Sif forced a tight smile,
"Really Thor? I am surprised you have noticed...you have barely spoken to me since-"
She hesitated, almost reluctant to speak the mischievous one's name aloud.
Whether this was because she did not wish to anger Thor, or because speaking of Loki these days always seemed to make her blush, she wasn't sure.
Thankfully, she didn't have to, Thor knew what she intended to say.
He stared down at the floor, looking almost shame-faced.
"I know and that is the other reason that brings me here...I come to apologise for my behaviour towards you.."
Sif crossed the room, and placed her hand upon his broad shoulder,
"Thank you..it is appreciated, but please think no more of it now...I never intended to anger you, I am sorry also."
He looked up at her, his broad smile now present,
"Thank you Sif...and I was wrong to be angry with you...It was foolish of me to allow my grievances with my brother to come between us."
He placed a large hand on her shoulder, mirroring her gesture; but then his smile faded,
"Sif, you are little more than skin and bone! "
His fingers prodded at her protruding shoulder blades, making her flinch slightly in pain.
"You're wasting away woman! "
She pulled back, now rubbing her tender shoulder,
"Nonsense...so I've lost a little weight, that is all. No need to fuss over me."
He stood back, surveying her shrunken frame disapprovingly;
"A little weight!"
He exclaimed,
"I'll wager the chickens we're having for supper have more meat on them than you!"
Sif stifled a giggle,
"Thank you very much!"
She tried to sound indignant but failed.
"Well I insist you join me for supper tonight...our friends will be happy to see you and you are in urgent need of sustenance!"
He joked, heading for the door and holding out his hand for her to take.
She hesitated and glanced down again at her ill-fitting attire,
"I think perhaps I should change my clothing, I will meet you in the dining hall."
Nodding in apparent agreement, the Thunder God then left, his red cape swirling behind him.
Some 30 minutes later, Sif found herself seated next to Thor at the large table in the dining hall. The warriors Three were present, along with Balder and Freyja.
Sif ate bread and cheese and was soon rather full.
She could not face the roast chicken that the men were happily consuming.
The laughter was raucous and the mead and ale flowed.
Everyone was in good spirits and indeed seemed delighted by Sif's presence.
Much to her relief, no one commented on her weight-loss, though Thor was keeping a close eye on what she ate.
After supper, Freyja retired; kissing Balder sweetly, then bidding them goodnight.
Thor suggested sharing drinks in the communal hall, but both Fandral and Hogun declined; stating they had an early start the following morning.
Sif; who hadn't touched a drop of wine, or ale since she'd over-indulged (the very thought of it was enough to turn her stomach) decided to join the remaining party, as she was enjoying their company. Especially Thor's; she had sorely missed hearing his conversation and laughter.
Linking arms with him, the pair made their way along the hallway, followed by Balder and Volstagg.
Their laughter rung out, echoing along the walls, but it ceased abruptly upon entering the hall...
A familiar tall, lean figure was stood, leaning idly against the fireplace.
Immediately Sif felt panic and embarrassment taking hold of her.
Slowly Loki turned his head towards the four of them, a momentary look of surprise in his expression.
But he did not look his usual self;
His eyes looked bleary, his hair rather dishevelled and most unbelievably of all - he appeared unshaven - the glow from the fire clearly highlighted the slight shadow across his chin.
Also his black shirt was unbuttoned...
Sif's eyes instinctively darted around the room, scanning for Sigyn...but she was not there.
"It's rude to linger in doorways..."
Loki suddenly muttered, eyeing Thor pointedly, before smirking and returning his gaze towards the fire,
"One might have to question your upbringing."
Balder and Thor exchanged looks, but Volstagg spoke up;
"Come along then, let's take the weight off our feet!"
Unable to help himself, at hearing the reference to weight Thor nudged Sif, and a smile crept across his face,
"Unlike the Lady Sif here, you'll be in urgent need to do so Volstagg."
Sif giggled and responded by gently slapping his hand.
His silliness was a welcome distraction and she felt slightly more at ease.
But then she looked up to see Loki watching them...a dark expression on his face.
Quickly she averted her eyes and followed Volstagg across the room.
He had already made himself comfortable and was talking animatedly to Balder, who had begun busying himself by pouring out flasks of ale.
"Will you join us for a drink Loki?"
Thor suddenly asked, to everyone's surprise.
In response, without turning around Loki merely lifted a goblet that he was clutching in his right hand, indicating that he already had one.
It was then Sif noticed the two flagons on the fireplace, clearly he had been drinking for some time.
That explained the bleariness in his eyes, but she had to admit she was impressed - not one, but two flagons of wine and yet he was still upright; the man could clearly hold his liquor!
And he continued to drink.
She may have been across the room, sat between Balder and Thor, chatting away merrily, but as subtly as she could she kept Loki in her sight from the corner of one eye.
He never spoke or left his spot by the fire, he just kept throwing them occasional glances over his shoulder...and drinking.
~ The hour was late when Sif began to yawn.
Volstagg had already fallen asleep in his seat and was snoring loudly. Thor, who had drunk his fill, stretched and rose to his feet.
"You are tired Sif.."
He exclaimed
and held out his hand for her to take,
"Come, I shall escort you to bed."
At that Balder burst into laughter,
"Would you care to rephrase your words Thor?"
Loki's head snapped round so quickly Sif thought he might have broken his neck.
Thor was now sniggering at his choice of words also,
"You know what I mean..I'm offering to escort the Lady to her chambers!"
He clarified.
Balder now got to his feet and clapped Thor on the back,
"No need to explain yourself to me, she is after all, your intended..so it's your business."
He began laughing once more, though this time Thor looked slightly uncomfortable.
Sif felt so too.
The prospect of marrying one of her best friends was something that she had tried hard to forget, so hearing it mentioned, even in jest, was unsettling.
"Pay no attention to him Sif.."
Thor forced a smile, taking her hand whilst she rose from the seat.
"I'm not..."
She replied,
"He's had too much to drink."
"Huh!"
Balder scoffed,
"If anyone's had too much to drink...its him!"
He pointed over towards Loki, who was still glaring at the three of them.
"I'll wager his hangover will be far worse than mine!"
He continued, oblivious to Loki impaling him with his stare.
Sif took hold of Balder's arm,
"Come Balder, it is perhaps time you retired also."
The trio headed for the doorway, Sif could feel Loki's eyes burning into her back. She quickened her pace slightly, eager to be away.
But Balder, clearly more coherent than she'd thought, now noticed the slightness of her frame.
"Thor, your future bride is looking...almost skeletal!"
He had her thin wrist grasped in his fingers,
"You had better start fattening her up, otherwise you may be at risk of breaking her bones!"
He erupted with laughter once more.
Suddenly something hard hit the wall just above Balder's head, startling them all.
It clattered and fell to the ground, narrowly avoiding its target as it did so..
The three turned around to see Loki - now minus the goblet he'd been nursing all evening, approaching them,
"And you are at risk.."
He hissed venomously at Balder,
"Of having your bones broken, by me!"
Thor held out a hand to halt Loki in his tracks,
"Now brother, there is no need for such aggression...Balder is merely jesting."
Loki's fierce expression did not falter
and his lips curled in a way that made his face look hard and cold.
Sif had seen this before, though she could not recall having been quite as startled by it as she was now.
There was a visible cruelness in the lines around his mouth, the tightness of his jaw and the narrowing of those beautiful green eyes.
"Well I, am not jesting..."
He replied, before adding coldly,
"...And I'm NOT your bother!"
Sif made to approach him, but Balder halted her with a heavy hand on her shoulder,
"Do not go near him Sif...you don't know what this mad, half-breed is capable of!"
Loki took a step closer and his head tilted slightly; resembling a cobra eyeing its prey before it strikes,
"Touch her again... and you'll see what I'm capable of!"
Balder began to draw his sword from its sheath and advanced upon Loki, shouting angrily.
Thor attempted to pull Balder back, but it was too late.
In the blink of an eye Balder's head jerked back violently, as it met with the butt of Loki's dagger.
Blood and several teeth flew from his mouth and he collapsed onto the floor, still yelling but this time in pain.
Instinctively Sif knelt beside the injured Balder, cradling his head in her hands.
Thor now had Loki by the neck, bawling at him angrily,
"What have you done? Have you completely lost your mind?..You have attacked a fellow Aesir in the House of Odin!"
Loki grappled with Thor, trying to loosen the Thunderer's grip on his throat,
"I am no Son of Odin..you heard what he called me..I have Jotun's blood in my veins, have I not?"
Loki rasped, as the pressure on his windpipe increased.
"Thor, let him go!"
Sif screamed,
"What are you doing?..He's your brother!"
As if coming to his senses, Thor released Loki from his choke-hold, just as he was starting to turn a rather startling shade of blue.
"But he is not my brother Sif!"
Thor responded, sounding shaken,
"You heard him..he constantly reminds me of that fact!"
Loki, who was spluttering and gasping for air, staggered passed them and disappeared through the doors.
The sound of him coughing could still be heard as he made his way along the corridors, gradually fading away into the distance.
Sif's heart ached, she longed to follow him and hold him in her arms, the way she was holding Balder now.
She noticed her trembling hands; she was still in shock after the violent scene she had just witnessed.
She was furious with Loki - yet still she had had to fight her natural instincts not to jump on Thor when he had been hurting him.
Just then two guards came bustling into the hall; they had heard the commotion and seen the disgraced Prince, red-faced and watery-eyed, staggering away, so had come to investigate the situation.
"Take him to the healing room immediately!"
Thor commanded, as they lifted Balder between them.
Thor turned to look at Sif, he could see she was shaken.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded slowly, reluctant to meet his eyes in case he noticed her tears forming,
"Yes...You should go with him, I am fine."
She managed, voice wavering.
Thor nodded and followed the guards and Balder out into the hallway.
Just then, with a loud snort, Volstagg; whom Sif had completely forgotten about - sat up, rubbing his eyes,
"Where did everybody go?"
He asked, gruffly.
Unbelievably, somehow he'd managed to sleep through the entire incident.
Cursing herself under her breath, Sif found herself heading for Loki's chambers.
She really had tried to fight it, she had set off in the direction of her own...but the pull she felt was too strong and she had to turn around.
She tried to reason with herself; she was just concerned, nothing more. Loki was after all a Prince of the Realm - was it not her duty to ensure he was alright?
She almost scoffed out-loud to herself - she had to admit, that was a feeble excuse!
As she rounded the next corner, she froze.
Loki was slumped against the wall in the hallway. Instant panic kicked in and nausea overwhelmed her at the sensation of her stomach dropping.
She raced towards him, throwing herself onto her knees; not even feeling the hardness of the stone floor.
"Loki, are you alright?.."
She gasped, taking his limp upper body into her arms.
She brushed the stray strands of hair from his face and to her great relief, saw that he was at least breathing.
Tears threatened to spill as she held him to her, his head resting against her chest. She had to resist the urge to kiss the top of his head, but instead found herself burying her face into his ruffled hair; taking in his sweet-musky scent. She closed her eyes
"What have you done my darling?.."
She muttered quietly, her lips against his cool forehead.
With that, he suddenly stirred, opening his eyes slowly.
He blinked, staring at her wide-eyed, as if he could not quite believe what he was seeing.
"My darling?"
He repeated quizzically.
His eyebrows raised almost high enough to vanish beneath his hair.
Sif's face reddened, had he been purposefully faking it and seeking a reaction from her?
She cleared her throat and was about to respond when suddenly his arms were around her too, pulling her face downwards towards his.
She barely had time to register what had happened, too startled to react as his lips locked with hers; kissing her hard and frantically.
How could this be happening?
She thought perhaps it was a dream..or a tantalising nightmare; but the sensation of the stubble on his face, prickling slightly against her skin made it much more real.
Her mind raced, filling with confusion..hadn't it only been the other night when she had kissed him but he had pulled away?!
She could both smell and taste the alcohol on his breath, but for some reason it was not off-putting...he tasted sweet - quite delectable.
So much so that when he finally ceased, panting breathlessly, she was hungry for more..
"You came for me..."
He gasped, stroking her face tenderly with his cool fingertips.
She frowned at him, a slight apprehension beginning to creep over her; did that mean he had tested her? To see if she would follow him?...Or was she becoming paranoid.
The realisation that paranoia where Loki was concerned, was probably essential, saddened her...you never could tell what was...real.
This was a sobering thought indeed.
"I was worried that you may be in pain..."
She explained honestly.
Loki smiled; a sickening level of self-satisfaction apparent in his expression,
"So, it's not the mighty Thor that you want..or Balder the brave..you really do want, the wicked Loki!"
He made to kiss her again, but this time she turned her face away, avoiding his sweet-poisonous lips.
His confusion and irritation was immediate,
"What?!...What is wrong?!..Do you NOT want me now?!"
His voice was filled with indignation.
"No..I mean yes, but no... I-"
Unsteadily, he clambered to his feet, stretching up to his full height; dwarfing her as she was still knelt down on the floor.
"Well, which is it Sif?..Yes or no?!"
"Do not take that tone with me Loki, you were the one who-"
She hesitated, wondering how to put into words what she so much wanted to say..
"..well, it was you who..did not want ME!"
For a moment Loki looked blank, then recognition dawned upon his face,
"No...that it isn't true, I just didn't want you... like that."
Sif stood,and folded her arms firmly across her chest,
"Did not want me like WHAT?!"
She demanded, completely bewildered now.
"Intoxicated.."
Loki replied simply, his voice louder than what was necessary,
"..drunk..inhebriated - whatever you want to call it!.. I could not have taken advantage of you - how was I to know if you were truly willing, or rather wanting...me?"
Sif stared at him askance, she felt anger swirling in the pit of her stomach and heat rising in her face,
"You expect me to believe the reason you...spurned my affections-"
"Advances!"
He interjected smoothly - his choice of words merely stoking her growing fury.
"Well I do not believe you, regardless...you proclaimed then it was due to us being betrothed to others - so you are lying, sly one!"
Much to her annoyance, she could see he was actually trying to bite back a smile, his attempt failed.
He was clearly finding this amusing.
"I honestly suspected that your judgement was impaired, as a result of the drink...I did not..well, could not allow you to do something you may have regretted once sober."
Sif's eyes narrowed in suspicion. How could he even use the word 'honestly'...he was known throughout the Nine Worlds as being a liar and a cheat.
He had to be lying.
Fighting every urge to give in to his charming smile and silver-tongue, she squared her shoulders and fixed him with her hardest glare,
"How chivalrous of you Loki...to not have taken advantage of my affections, however, such a thing usually eludes you..so how can I trust your words now?"
Loki was frowning again now; the previous disarming smile vanishing without a trace,
"What do you mean by that?!"
"I mean your sudden gentlemanly behaviour isn't true to your character...only moments ago you attacked Balder, feigned injury and then attempt to seduce me!..It is all a game to you isn't it?"
Loki screwed his face up as if he'd caught the smell of something rancid and began gesturing wildly with his hands, his voice several octaves higher than before,
"I did not feign injury - I am growing immune to the Thunderer's assaults, I was on the floor because I've had slightly too much to drink! As for Balder..do not speak to me of that dull brute, he provoked me and as for seducing you-"
He paused for breath and ran his hands through his unruly black mane,
"..well, I opened my eyes and you're there - embracing me and calling me darling.."
His words trailed off, and he fixed his hazy eyes on her, narrowing them as though scrutinizing her expression,
"Why do those things?..Why even search for me if I'm so terrible?!"
Taking a step closer to him, Sif could no longer contain her anger,
"You know perfectly well why..because you have bewitched me, then you lied about having done so!...You see life as a game and treat those around you like pawns, but you aren't playing me like a game any longer Loki!"
Ignoring his bewildered expression, she spun around and began marching away down the corridor.
Loki was in pursuit of her, though somewhat unsteady on his long legs and drunken feet,
"By the Norn's woman, what in the name of Hela are you talking about?!"
"Enough trickster, I grow weary of these games...as I grow weary of you!"
Loki continued to follow her, along the hallways; their raised voices bouncing off the walls.
The disturbance attracted curious looks from several guards and servants along the way - one of which was bold enough to approach the arguing pair, causing Loki to utter a very un-gentleman-like expletive...
she would probably have found it highly amusing if she hadn't been so irate.
At last she reached her own chambers, Loki's pace had slowed considerably whilst her own had increased, so she assumed he must have given up.
Once inside, she slammed the door, and took a deep intake of breath.
Her heart was pounding and her head was aching.
She changed into her nightdress and sat combing her hair. Her reflection in the mirror glowered angrily back at her.
Well, at least Heimdall would be satisfied with her performance.
For a moment she halted, thinking she'd heard a noise out in the hallway. She sat still and held her breath for a moment, but heard nothing further.
Confused, she continued combing her long tresses before putting out the candles.
She went towards her bed, clutching her lamp - the one remaining candle that was lit - but curiosity got the better of her and she found herself heading for the door instead.
Cautiously she opened it slightly, just enough so she could see through the narrow gap.
She stifled a gasp.
Loki's now-sleeping form, lay slumped on the floor outside her door..
...She couldn't just leave him there, could she?